POLITICS
Pelosi Et. Al -- Wipe The Smiles Off Your Faces
HAT THE HELL DID THEY FIND SO FUNNY?
Here they were, Congressional Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barney Frank and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson sharing a laugh while announcing to the media that they reached an accord on the repulsive $700 billion bailout of Wall Street’s Masters of the Universe at the expense of ordinary Americans.
But the self-congratulations were premature and the pictures taken Monday showed grimmer expressions on the dealmakers’ faces.
While partisans threw pot-shots at each other – the Dems blamed the Republicans for the failure of the bailout plan and vice versa -- the reality is both political parties’ got us into this quicksand. And Congressional leaders who face November elections weren’t willing to absorb the voters’ anticipated zings and arrows.
When the votes were tallied, there were 228 nays versus 205 yeas against the biggest market intervention since the Great Depression. Of Dems, 95 opposed the bill while 140 voted in favor; 133 Republicans nixed the plan while 65 supported it.
Meanwhile, back at the race, the Obama and McCain camps pointed fingers at each other.
During a presidential campaign with lots of talk about chickens coming home to roost, this story was the foulest. We are all complicit in this mess; the media for spoonfeeding us stories about Jesus’ face in cat fur stories while ignoring real crises. Or for dismissing what they surely thought shrill complaints from Ralph Nader about lax governmental regulation and corporate welfare for the likes of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Today’s reporters seems to do little more than yap like little dogs at bigger dogs; but as usual their bark is bigger than their bite. The sleaze-fest that Congress has become can be directly traced back to the money from wealthy individuals and corporations who want to a piece of America’s pie when legislation is written, and candidates’ open palms.
Count me among the millions who are glad that they issue hasn’t been resolved quite so quickly to Congress’ satisfaction. Yes, yes, I’m aware that something must be done to avert another Depression. Americans rely on ol’ Uncle Sam to play both mommy and daddy.
But there’s lots more work to do to ensure that all of those who contributed to this fiasco are forced to sweat before the final tally is deducted from the next generation’s future.
Here’s where they can begin: Bush, Pelosi, Reid, Paulsen, et.al – stop laughing at our expense.
Permalink
Posted September 30, 2008
TELEVISION
'Mad Men' Minutes & A Cautionary Tale For On-The-Job Boozers
LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE WAS THE TOMATO IN MY BLOODY MARY. Yes, even the amazing Miz J sometimes needs a little hair of the dog, especially the day after her birthday extravaganza, during which she is introduced to the magical deliciousness of Skyy Cherry Infusions.
Anyway, with all this boozy talk flowing like so much…er, booze, watch Freddy Rummy-er, Rumsen show us the consequences of drinking on the job and ruining a nice pair of slacks.
And right before the big Samsonite meeting too. Which, of course, Peggy steps into in order to save face. Personally, folks, Miss Olsen is my hero. I like her more with every passing, drunken Sunday evening.
A side story that gets in the way is Marilyn Monroe's untimely death. Most of the women in the office are upset by the news except scrappy Peggy, who contends that it’s a good thing Maidenform didn’t run that Jackie/Marilyn campaign the agency offered them a while back. Heh, is it fucked up that I totally thought the same thing?
Joan, however, takes it a little more personally, telling Roger that someday he’ll lose someone close and find out that it’s actually quite painful. Talk about foreshadowing. Or maybe it’s like TWOshadowing, because I didn’t see tonight’s ending coming AT ALL. It’s like when you’re fucking with your iPod and you walk into a tree or something. Not that I would know anything about that.
Don’s still not allowed at home, which leads him to pile on work just to pass the time, like organizing the agency blood drive. It’s funny how much free time he has now that he’s keeping his pants on. Oddly enough, Betty’s been doing the same thing, and becoming a recluse. Carla tries to get her out, and she does go riding once. While there, she invites Arthur and Sarah Beth out for a lunch, then ditches out. It’s SAD.
Meanwhile, Rumsen wakes from his drunken, piss-soaked stupor, shoes wet and squishy as he quietly leaves the office. I look at my drink, pause, wonder if perhaps my liver’s suffered enough abuse this weekend, and then take another biiiiiiig delicious gulp. I figure I’ll quit when I piss myself.
Since Don’s still living the hotel life, Jane is proving to be a wise and discreet secretary, something that you should note for later. She buys him some extra shirts, since he’s probably been rocking the same three for a while now, and probably not washing them, either. Sterling calls him into his office, where Campbell and Duck are waiting to tell him what went down with Rummy. The consensus is to fire him under the guise of a “six month leave,” even though Roger and Don really don’t want to. Drinking problem or no, Rummy’s actually got a storied history with the agency and clearly has talent. But Duck and Campbell persist, saying that this kind of episode could be repeated in front of clients and they have to nip it in the bud. In the end, Roger agrees, and he and Don take Rummy out to dinner to break the news to him…where they proceed to get completely fucking loaded.
The boozy trio ends up at an underground casino, where they run into Jimmy Barrett, who gets socked in the face by Don. Needless to say, the guys are promptly escorted out, and Roger and Don continue to drink the night away after sending Rummy off. Roger has been trying to figure out the entire time what’s going on with Don, and he plans to get the answer even if he has to blow off a desperate chick at the bar. Wow. What’s that all about? You’ll see.
Roger keeps talking to Don: “You want to be happy or you want to stay married?” Don says, “Well, you have to live your life,” words that get twisted in the next scene, where Don is confronted by Roger’s wife Mona. “He’s leaving me. For a secretary. And you told him he had to live his life. Twenty-five years of marriage.” She walks out of Don’s office, where Jane is sitting, crying, and Roger approaches to try to talk to her. Don puts two and two together, and that’s basically where it ends this time. No two-minute long montage with some indie artist’s “interpretation” of a blues song, no character contemplation, none of that artsy crap. It just ends, Soprano-style. Which makes me thirsty for some good wine. Excuse me.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.Permalink
Posted September 29, 2008
POLITICS
The Kids Aren't All Right: Cracks In The Facade Of The Palin Family
Iam slightly addicted to Celebrity Baby Blog. I first visited there to find out what Elizabeth Hasselbeck was naming her baby. If it weren’t for that odd inquiry, my ear would never have been tuned in to the name Sarah Palin. The pregnancy and birth of the VP contender's fifth child, Trig, were both reported there, and since then my original impressions about Mrs. Palin have completely changed.
At first I thought, “Wow, what an inspiring woman! To conceive another child with so many other responsibilities, and then return to them so completely, even with her son’s disability.” I didn’t know anything about Sarah Palin except what I read at the CBB and her general appearance. Her decisions then seemed to be those of a modern, working mom making good choices for her family.
Then John McCain nominated her for VP, and I noticed she was a Republican. Almost immediately afterwards, there was speculation that her baby was really her daughter’s. That’s a lot of Mama drama! Next, was the news that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Up until this point, she had the benefit of my doubt. Being a mother is challenging, and you can’t be with your children all the time.
Another confession: I also frequent Perez Hilton, where I drank up alleged pictures of Bristol Palin posing with a bottle of "Captain Morgan" and a scantily clad friend. (Although the girl doesn't look a thing like Bristol to my eyes.)
Then there were rampant rumors all over the internet about Track Palin vandalizing a school bus. My faith in Palin as a mother was lost. Sarah Palin’s views on sexual education, evolution, and religion as a whole didn’t improve her standing as a mother.
How do the church-going kids of an American governor have the space to drink, vandalize buses and and get pregnant? Where was Sarah Palin when all of this was happening?
The lack of communication and understanding required for that much family drama is astounding. Devotion to your day job should never outweigh dedication to raising competent adults.
I feel bad that her children have been forced into the spotlight. I also remember from my own teen years that your parents cannot control you, or even know you completely. But I feel a mother who represents America has a responsibility to have done a better job.
You can preach abstinence and promise rings, but when your child is old enough to have sex, there needs to be something more than talk.
I don't doubt that Sarah Palin loves her children more than her own life. For the sake of her younger children, I hope that she has done and continues to do the best she can. For this mom, however, she hasn't done good enough.
MzEll is a stay-at-home mom who writes, reads, knits, and tries to maintain sanity on a regular basis. She blogs at Cookiemonks.Permalink
Posted September 27, 2008
TELEVISION
With A 'Wink' And A Nod, Unemployed Actor Plucked for 'Mad Men' Walk-on
EW YORKER JUSTIN ZELL CHANNELED JOAN HOLLOWAY as a saucy school marm with a glandular problem to win a bit part on AMC's Emmy-winning series Mad Men.
Zell, an unemployed actor, was "estatic" to win, said his father Victor Zell, of Binghamton, NY Wednesday night. "You could hear the excitement in his voice. And then I called him this afternoon, and he was even more estatic because he got a call from Access Hollywood. They want to do an interview with him."
The younger Zell was out of town and expected to spring the news on his mom, Virginia "Bourbon" Zell, at dinner in Las Vegas today. The bit part is the culmination of years of singing and acting in elementary and high school productions and improv, according to his father.
"He’s very talented,'' said Justin's proud papa. "He’s been in this for years."
"The whole thing was too good I thought,'' said Dad. "The part that struck me [was] when he got to the very end when he looked away and brought his eyes back. And I thought...that’s just phenomenal."
Allegedly, Zell was personally selected by Mad Men's very own creator (and Emmy winner) Matt Weiner and Co-Executive Producer Scott Hornbacher, no doubt because of the knawing hunger in his adorable belly and his tongue-in-cheek (wink-wink) adaptation of ambitious-at-any-cost office manager Joan Holloway. Zell submitted six taped performances to the contest, for which the public was invited to vote on the 18 finalists.
"Thank you so much. This is so awesome,'' Zell apparently commented to someone at AMC. He shared the credit with his friends who collaborated on the pieces. "We even had Mad Men watching dinner parties -- to which, however, I didn't wear a dress. Mostly." Zell wisely spared outing whomever selected the blue polyester day dress with geometric designs that he donned for his Holloway impersonation.
Zell's ironic snideness received only 603 votes -- or 1,500 fewer than fan favorite Jacob who turned in a convincing performance but clearly took himself and the contest too seriously. And, surely, a New York winner from the media capitol of the world would generate 25 times the buzz than a winner from anywhere else. At least, that is how the minds of marketing geniuses work. Permalink
Posted September 25, 2008
POP CULTURE
Wave Your Rainbow Flag! Lindsay, Clay Step Out Of The Closet
LINDSAY LOHAN AND CLAY AIKEN BOTH CONFIRMED LONGSTANDING GAY RUMORS THIS WEEK. Aiken reportedly stayed in the closet so long because he was playing dress up with his mother’s evening gowns.
LoMantha unceremoniously dropped the bomblet in a phone interview on “Loveline” Monday that she and DJ Samantha Ronson have been lezzing out for “a very long time.” With this infamous mystery solved, we can finally get back to looking for Osama Bin Laden.
In contrast, homegirl Aiken is double-somersaulting out of his closet in a pink leotard. He appears on the cover of People hugging his lab-spawned Parker (a la Brangelina) with the headline “Yes, I’m Gay.”
Aiken’s frosted tips and excellent Dolly Parton stage impressions led to lots of gay speculation during the peak of his American Idol fame. Now that the glitter has finally settled and most of the Claymates have hit puberty and turned goth, homegirl has finally given in for publicity. If he didn’t drop the ball with Merry Christmas with Love: Clay Aiken who knows how long that whole androgynous charade would have continued.
The lesbians are glad to officially have Lilo, but the gays are just happy to add one more to the "coming out" party. And they're waiting for Anderson Cooper to accept the invitation.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.Permalink
Posted September 24, 2008
TELEVISION
Cheers To The Cast And Crew of 'Mad Men.' Now Get Back To Work!
SIGH. NO NEW EPISODE OF MAD MEN THIS WEEK. To get my usual fix, I had to tune into the snooze-fest known as the Emmys where the series raked in six awards, one of which being Best Drama, a first for a basic-cable show - — especially a show that’s good, but isn’t quite drawing in a record number of viewers.
You’d think that would be exciting, but no. This ceremony, topping out at an ass-flattening three hours, was completely boring! So I must confess, dear readers, that I didn’t exactly watch the whole damn thing. For a while there, I took my tumbler of vodka and retreated to the office to play Solitaire where I would get to choose my own design for my deck of cards and then maybe win a game or two! And that’s infinitely more exciting than sitting through the Best Craft Service award on a TV Show No One Gives a Fuck About.
Series creator Matt Weiner accepted his award and then used up his 5 seconds saying this: "I want to thank all the people that went before us in television to make a show like this because we're just channeling it every day and we love going to work." Yes, well, I want to thank you for that awesome plot line about Peggy being pregnant, and also for the answers as to where that baby went, but YOU’RE AT THE EMMYS INSTEAD OF PROVIDING ME WITH A NEW FUCKING EPISODE. Now, take your hard-earned awards and get back to work!
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.Permalink
Posted September 23, 2008
TELEVISION
Hair Stylist Tabitha Coffey's Cutting Tool? Her Pouty Little Mouth
LTHOUGH BRAVO DISAPPOINTED ME WITH THE drivel that is Date My Ex, I am still a submissive to their dom. How can I stay away from the awesomeness that is Tabatha Coffey?
Tabatha was a contestant on the first season of Bravo’s Sheer Genius. Although she didn’t win the title, she did win “fan favorite” and a little Bravo bonus of 10 large.
In Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Tabby follows in the footsteps of fellow Brits Gordon Ramsey and Peter Ishkans. Ramsey (my personal favorite, yum) makes over restaurants on his BBC and Fox shows Kitchen Nightmares, and showcases his own restaurant on The F Word. Ishkhans remakes coffee shops, pet shops and, I guess, any business that needs his particular brand of rehab.
Tabatha sticks to hair salons.
Tabatha is one of those women who has developed her own style. She’s reminiscent of Anne Robinson of Weakest Link fame. She has a more pixiesh white-blond hairstyle but she has the same affection for dressing in all black (with touches of white). Bravo put her in a neon red top for her promo commercial and it just seemed wrong. Wrong, Bravo! Let Tabatha be Tabatha! I admire people who create their own style of dress. I hope to do it myself one day.
Since the words “warm and cuddly” are not in her vernacular, Tabby terrifies every owner and staff person she meets. And she’s not afraid of using her own “F” word when needed. One stylist calls her an “animal.” That’s a bit harsh.
Like Ramsey, she’s strict and stern but also educates and encourages. She certainly brings the drama but isn't that what we want in our reality stars? I think she’s great and most of the stylists end up thinking that as well. I can't wait for Season 2.
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.Permalink
Posted September 19, 2008
POLITICS
Ron Paul Is Right: The Only Chance For 'Change' Is To Vote For A Third-Party Candidate
Both Obama, McCain, Guarantee More of the Same
he crash of America's economic markets is a timely reminder of the importance of the upcoming presidential election.
The American Dream is deferred for millions teetering under higher gas, electric, housing, medical costs and overextended credit cards.
While thousands of Americans lose their homes to foreclosure, corporate welfare continues unabated, with the government's $85 billion bailout of insurance giant AIG.
As admirable as both presidential candidates are -- Barack Obama with his charm, intellect and swagger, John McCain for what Time calls his twin conflictions of ambition and honor -- neither man has the righteous indignation necessary to change the status quo. And to suddenly aspire to it would mean eschewing the political machines that have brought them to the top of the presidential heap.
Like every campaign before it, this presidential race is turning out to be the most expensive to date, with more than $1 billion raised so far, much from "bundlers" who have an economic interest in influencing legislators. The largest piece of that pie will be spent on television and internet advertising, estimated to exceed $3 billion, thus enriching broadcasters who are the primary source of news and information for Americans. So it should be no surprise that what passes for news coverage can at best be described as a "pig wearing lipstick."
Barack Obama, the people's messianic hopes aside, is unlikely to turn this corrupt tide. To date his campaign has raised $390 million-- more than any single presidential candidate in history. He's also now part of the Richard Daley Chicago machine, which runs the City of Clout like a family of sanctioned mobsters. The system is so broken here that elections don't matter so much as political appointments. Residents, distracted by the Cubs or their Wiis or their car payments or by television's somnambulistic influence, routinely re-elect incumbents, who then quit and hand their seat to a family member or political operative. Those who think Obama will deliver the promised land have ignored his lack of reform in Illinois and Congress.
McCain, who has to date raised $174 million for the campaign, has a longer history of falling on his sword on behalf of change. Caught in the Keating Five scandal, political pundits say that McCain's dutiful reaction to that embarassment was to become a bipartisan reformer, leading to his stewardship of the McCain-Feingold Act, which limited the impact of "soft money" and "issue ads" in presidential campaigns. As moderate as his record is compared to Republicans in the Senate, McCain is handicapped for being from the party that has enabled big oil and business to gorge themselves at the public's expense. And up until this week, McCain had little to say about re-regulating an out-of-control and collapsing marketplace.
All of which brings home former presidential candidate Ron Paul's point that made last week while calling on voters to support a third-party candidate.
"I've come to the conclusion, after having spent many years in politics, is that our presidential elections turn out to be more of a charade than anything else, and I think that is true today,'' Paul said. "It is a charade."
According to CNN, Paul said the "two major parties and media had 'colluded' to avoid discussing issues and falsely presenting the difference between McCain and Obama as real."
What -- other than the dismantling of civil rights, consumer protections and regulation -- has been accomplished by Bush and Congress during the last eight years? Do we really want to perpetuate financial practices that devalue our economic system? Play world cop by enforcing "pre-emptive" hegemony? Spend billions on an unwinnable war on drugs?
When hundreds of thousands turned out in Berlin to hear Obama speak, pundits chalked it yet again to his charismatic pull. But in a 2002 report comparing elections around the globe, Germany ranked 33rd for voter turnout while America ranked 120th. Germans are in general more politically engaged.
This year we saw several examples of populations turning out in force to pressure their governments for change. More than 40,000 South Koreans marched to protest their country's renewed imports of U.S. beef. And hundreds of thousands of Colombians marched to protest abductions by leftist guerrillas in the South American country. What America needs is a good, old-fashioned revolution.
Ron Paul is right; the two-party system is a fixed-game for those on the inside. And until Americans shake off their apathy and turn out enmasse at the polls, nothing's really going to change.
Permalink
Posted September 18, 2008
GOSSIP
Lindsay and Dina Lohan: A Real Life "Freaky Friday"
LINDSAY LOHAN HAS DUMPED LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCO TO GET SERIOUS with presumed girlfriend Samantha Ronson. And shamelessly taking her place on La La Land's skeevy stage is her attention-starved mom Dina.
Despite recently punching a paparazzi in the face (which is fair game if you ask me, or Kanye West, or a Baldwin brother), the former party monster has miraculously remained drama-free of late. In sharp contrast, last year's Lohan unraveled in the public eye with each coke-laced scenario more sordid than the last. In short, 2007's milestones included:
~ DUI.The heavily-bronzed “hip mom” Dina defended Lindsay's disasters by selling her story to Harper’s Bazaar and hitting LA's paparazzi-plagued restaurants, all the while feigning surprise in her best outfits, claiming innocence and making distressed faces.
~ Crotch shot.
~ DUI.
~ Coke-binge-bumper cars.
~ Writing love letters to a lesbian.
~ Another crotch shot.
Since Lindsay’s recent calm, Dina has resorted to the tasteless Living Lohan surreality show as a proclaimed “last resort” to tell her “poor me” story.
The new-school medium allows her to surpass the parents of Brooke Shields and McCauley Culkin to win the "ultimate desperate stage mom" prize while simultaneously becoming "bona fide shameless reality TV star.”
LoMantha began as another ploy for the camera, but almost 18 months later the fling has outlasted the famous “lesbian testing stage” and receives my rare and prestigious stamp of approval.
The rumors of engagement and a house together offer sober hope that the romance has helped LiLo overcome her polluted gene pool like a rising lesbian phoenix.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
Permalink
Posted September 17, 2008
POP CULTURE
Hot Or Not? Who Cares? He Does. Or Maybe Not.
A
ND YOU THOUGHT THE WEB WAS JUST FOR POINTLESS DISTRACTION AND VOYEURISM WHILE AT THE OFFICE? WRONG.
Seems some enterprising psychologists used stats collected over at Hot Or Not to confirm – big surprise! – that even men with ugly mugs think they have a chance with super models.
"Men might as well reach for the stars," said Harvard University psychologist William Pollack of the study reported recently in Psychological Science.
Using data from more than 16,000 people collected over 10 days in 2005, researchers
concluded that unattractive men were far more likely to hit on women out of their league than women were inclined to do the same.
“Men were less likely than women to think that their own lack of attractiveness — based both on a self assessment and the ratings of others — should stand in the way of a date with someone "hot," is how one MSNBC article summed up the study.
The study generated the usual reactive blather about women -- required to invest more time and energy into offspring -- have a biological imperative to be selective. "Women are the ones who are going to have the baby. They need to be a little more picky," said Pollack.
And the men? Picky? HA! That is to laugh.
The men in the study requested a whopping 240 percent more dates than the women.
So what did we really learn? Not that men aim high, but aim at anything. Which inevitably means they're going to shoot an awful lot of backfires and blanks.
But then, we already knew that too.
Permalink
Posted September 16, 2008
TELEVISION
You're Invited To A 'Pity' Party! It's 'Mad Men' Minutes
THIS WEEK STARTS WITH BETTY BOUNDING FORWARD ON HER TRUSTY STEED – it’s obvious that she’s been thinking about what Jimmy told her last week, and I’m DYING to see if she finally does something with what she’s feeling, other than just bottle it up again. And, finally, my prayers have been answered, folks: she does NOT disappoint.
Some clients and agency types will be dining at Casa De Draper, and Betty’s stressing out about it (in addition to, you know, that OTHER thing). This amounts to her smashing a wobbly chair to bits with her bare fucking hands at one point while the kids look on and sort of shrug: “Oh, that Mom, she’s craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.” Won’t someone please help poor, helpless Betty? No?
Well, looks like she’ll have to take care of herself.
Meanwhile, at Sterling Cooper, everyone’s stretched thin, including Harry, who seems to have bitten off more than he can chew as the new Head of the Television Department (which consists of himself). Roger refuses to staff a script-reader position to aid Harry, so Joan gets pulled in to do this job, which fits her quite well, actually. Almost as well as her form-fitting dresses. I say “almost” because NOTHING fits her like those dresses – I mean, damn, they looked PAINTED on. How does she SIT?
In Don’s office, he and Duck are discussing Heineken, and Don insists that the way to improve the client’s market share is to put up a few end caps in the grocery store, away from the other beers and near party supplies like toothpicks to make it seem like it’s the fancy beer you serve at a dinner party. Duck and Pete seem skeptical, but insist that Don should sell that idea to the client.
Elsewhere, Peg is getting henpecked by Father Gill, who’s calling her at work about getting her help with developing a poster for an upcoming church dance. I like how, when her desk phone rang, Peggy totally pretended to be her own secretary. That’s some shit I’d do, just because I need to feel important.
As always, Peggy delivers, and with a great headline: “A Night To Remember.” However, the church, in spite of throwing this dance in the first place, apparently doesn’t want its young girls remembering any kind of NIGHT. Because that is SINFUL. What isn’t sinful, though, are the outfits on these broads. In the first shot of them, I thought Peggy would sit on them, because the dresses they’re sporting seriously look like remnants of my Nana’s couch at her place in Florida. YIKES. So anyway, it’s back to the drawing board for Peggy, whose eyes are rolling backward deep into her brain tissue. I hear ya, sister: both as a copywriter and a Catholic. These pro-boner assignments can really tax you. And, no, that's not a typo.
Fast-forward to the night of the SC party at the Drapers’. LOOK! It’s a black person! Oh, never mind, it’s just Carla, the maid. Notice how it seems as if there are virtually NO black people in all of New York? Doesn’t matter where any of the characters go – and I mean, really, was the REAL New York of 1962 THAT segregated? Even on the trains?
Anyway, Betty and Carla have really outdone themselves. The party is an absolute hit. Mrs. Colson (the client’s wife) is soused, and that’s when I remember I need a refill myself. But it has to wait: Betty seats her guests for dinner, where she’s prepared a variety of dishes from around the globe. I’m impressed, and kind of wish I could pull off something like that without having to call my mother, the local fire department, and six different carry-out places just to save face.
After she’s finished telling the guests about the menu, she points them to her drink area, where she’s purchased, without any prodding or mention of the product from Don, Heineken beer, which was “imported from Holland.” Don’s philosophy is correct, and the ad men share a laugh, which Betty doesn’t understand. They explain Don’s philosophy to her, and you can see the embarrassment on her face. This is where Betty realizes that she needs to stand up for herself, and as soon as Carla helps her clear the last dish,she goes to it.
WHOA. I have a newfound respect not only for Jimmy Barrett, but now for Betty Draper as well. And this respect only grows throughout the episode, because she holds her ground, even though Don refuses to admit he’s been skanking around on her. Which…bish please. You have a REPUTATION. In NEW YORK CITY. EVERYONE KNOWS. Don needs to stop fooling himself. And to put it away, seriously.
Now that she’s truly a woman scorned, Betty spends the entire day in her party dress from the night before, tearing up the entire bedroom in order to find proof of Don’s cheating. Even Sally comes in to ask if she’s okay. Those poor fucking kids. Don comes home to find Betty disheveled and desperate, and she tells him, “I would never do this to you. How could you do this to me?” AND STILL HE DENIES. I hate this guy!
So now that Joan’s got this groovy gig reading scripts, she’s really getting into her job instead of just the gossip surrounding it. She’s really great at it too, offering suggestions based on her newfound love of soap operas (her husband, whom we FINALLY meet, encourages her, almost condescendingly, to just stay home and watch TV. Seems familiar *cough, cough* ROGER). The clients are pleased with the new, streamlined TV Department, Roger tells Harry. Harry mentions that Joan was a tremendous help, which Roger waves off with what amounts to, “Well, that’s good, now she can get back to the steno pool with the rest of my eye candy,” and tells Harry to go ahead and put a new guy in the position, since the extra help has made such a big difference. Sorry, Joan! Better luck next time, which will be around 1990 or so.
The following evening, Betty’s at home watching TV when Jimmy’s Utz commercial comes on. It’s at this point that she stands up, takes dinner out of the oven (fuck that green bean casserole anyway, drive-thrus are where it’s AT in 1962!) and phones Don at work to tell him not to come home. “I don’t care what you do, but don’t come home. I don’t want to see you.” It is a beautiful moment in Mad Men history. So beautiful, that when I see Don settling in for the night at work with a Heineken, I laugh and head into the kitchen for a refresher of my own.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.
Permalink
Posted September 15, 2008
ANIMAL TALES
Reunited And It Feels So Goood! Lost Kitty Finds Way Home After 9 Years On The Lam
HANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!
AND WE AT CRABBY GOLIGHTLY ARE SO RELIEVED THAT WE HAVE DECIDED TO AVOID DIVING INTO THE PARTISAN MUCK OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN, skip the scolding of Kanye West and TMZ for their airport shenanigans, and forego for the moment sending our good wishes to Lindsay Lohan and her gal pal-cum-fiance Samantha Ronson.
Because today we have more heartwarming news.
Today our leathered hearts are softened by a report that Dixie, a 15-year-old London area feline, has been returned to her home after disappearing 9 years ago. This is the type of story that makes Crabby go weak-kneed; the perfect happy yarn with which to end the week.
Seems Dixie went missing back in 1999 and her owners thought she had been killed by a car. But recently some caring soul, God bless'em, telephoned the local animal shelter to report a disheveled, skinny cat prowling the neighborhood.
Animal rescue officers responded, discovered the calico kitty and checked for a microchip. Lo and behold, Ginger was a mere mile from her original homestead, and was quickly and happily reunited with owners Alan and Gilly Delaney.
The couple were "overjoyed" to be reunited with the pussycat after so many years, an animal officer told Reuters. Said Gilley Delaney, "Dixie's personality, behavior and little mannerisms have not changed at all. We don't think she has stopped purring since she came back through the door."
We are so touched! This is far and away a better story than the one Crabby has about the one-time neighbor who let her cat out while cat-sitting. Poor Sweetie Pie was picked up by the animal control and immediately put down. Should have had her microchipped.
And by the way: has anyone seen a gray and white long-hair kitty, about 24 years old, who answers to Spooky Monster in Greensboro, N.C.?
Crabby wants him back.
Permalink
Posted September 12, 2008
GOSSIP
Reality TV Op! Hugh Hefner's Looking For New Dyed-Blonde Hangers-On
HUGH HEFNER'S THREE GIRLFRIENDS FROM The Girls Next Door are moving out of the
Playboy Mansion, an insider told Scandalist. The news suggests America’s oldest sugar daddy has either run out of charm or his Viagra prescription.
Holly Madison, Hef’s number one girlfriend (we presume she's in charge of colonics?) is moving out to date “Mindfreak” star Criss Angel. The magician (who’s a notch creepier than David Copperfield and three notches cheesier than Nickleback) has previously been linked to other “hot but stupid” celebrities like Pamela Anderson and Cameron Diaz. Madison’s obvious economic downgrade trades free living and all-day topless water sliding for more time spent shopping for hair products and Affliction skull T-shirts.
Both Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt are reportedly moving out to focus on their careers (read: be naked other places). If we’re lucky this means some VH1 reality game shows, a heavily-edited memoir (with lots of pictures), and maybe a line of clear heels exclusively for Steve and Barry’s.
The inside source says Hef is already looking for replacements to mend his broken heart (and provide more intellectual discourse). I’m hoping he takes the opportunity to do this “Donald Trump style” and cash in on a reality TV girlfriend search. Until then, America’s most eligible elder is back on the market and looking for some broke, 20-year-olds with low self esteem who don’t mind having sex for free room and board.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.Permalink
Posted September 11, 2008
BUSINESS
Seth Rogan's New Flick Spotlights The Ins And Outs of Amateur Porn
ETH ROGAN LOVES PORN.
The “Knocked Up” actor revealed recently that he watches "tons of porn. The Internet speeds have evolved directly with my sexual drive."
Of course he’s not alone.
The 26-year-old is the prime demographic of the industry: the age at which we (And I say 'we' cause I'm in the biz) describe male porn actors as “average.” As opposed to “mature,” which is over 40.
Rogan’s doing publicity for a new Kevin Smith movie titled Zack and Miri Make a Porno, described as a romantic comedy with a lot of skin. Rogan said he accepted the gig "almost...purely based on the title."
It won’t be as raunchy as most of the stuff I’ve seen at work but I guess it’ll be more skin than a HBO serial. Or maybe not. HBO shows a hell of a lot of skin. And a lot of the kinky stuff I knew before working at the porn palace I learned from HBO. But I digress.
The movie’s premise – a down on their luck couple decide to make a porno for extra cash. Simple as that. But is it really that simple to make a porn flick? Ya know, I think it is. While there is a lot of slickly produced porn starring professionals such as Belladonna, Rocco Siffreddi and newcomers like sisters Ava and Mia Rose, there is also a huge amateur market. And who makes those amateurs films? People just like you. Well, like you but a lot more into sex.
You’d be amazed at the folks who are willing to take their clothes off for the camera and say “Ohhh, baby.” And distribute it. Never knowing really where it’s gonna end up. As in nudist clubs, these “actors” are all shapes, sizes and races. I’m not saying they make a lot of money. Some probably just enough to make another film. So you have to be a certain kind of person to commit to a amateur porn project.
There's this one guy, let’s call him the Asian gangster. Cause that’s what he looks like, ill-fitting pinstripe suits and all. But then, he’s a producer. He’s in jail now, on something totally unrelated, but every two weeks he hand-delivered his product to us. He doesn’t live very far away from the office. I think he walked because I never saw him get into a car. The amount he makes, if this is his only income, wouldn’t support a car anyway. He specializes in college porn. Young dudes and dudettes, barely past 18 (FYI, Hustler has a trademark on the phase “barely legal”) in what look like small dorm rooms with just enough room for a bed. The films are a bit grainy and a smidge cloudy but clearly porn.
One woman has enticed all of her girlfriends to make movies. They all have breasts -- so big they can sit with them plopped on a table like large, twin dinner plates.
Another woman lives in D.C., attends porn shows all over the world and goes by one name. She’s a gorgeous blond cougar who doesn’t seem to have a day job. All of her correspondence to us is on hotel stationary. She has one movie up on our site. She must have a “financier,” and that's a euphemism.
We had a co-worker who crowed day and night that he was in a gay porn that was coming out soon. He was good looking, great body, a little crazy but we kinda believed him. Well, he got fired. And then his movie came into our office. And we watched it, about seven of us, all huddled around one computer screen. He was a bit “stiff” but then it was his first movie. How awkward is it to see your former co-worker naked and having sex with a bunch of guys? VERY.
But it wasn’t awkward at all when he came to visit us at the neighborhood lounge one Friday night. We welcomed him home, then he beat everyone at Ms. Pac-Man. He’s a guy of many talents and seems poised for success.
Homegrown Video crowned the granddaddy of amateur by Penthouse mag, has more than 700 movies in it’s amateur series. Real amateurs. People you probably won’t see again because they take their little bit of money and run. But there is always someone else to take their place, someone who can sidle up to you and say, 'Hey, I was in a porn movie.'
And don’t think I haven’t thought about doing it myself. We talk about it all the time at lunch. But then we look at each other and picture us naked and, nah, it just wouldn’t work.
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.Permalink
Posted September 10, 2008
POP CULTURE
Cat Fight! Oprah and Michelle Obama Vie To Be Barack's "First Lady"
HIS WEEK'S GLOBE REPORTS THAT WAR, OR THE KIND OF BATTLE FOUGHT BETWEEN TWO WOMEN USING SHARP NAILS AND SARCASTIC SNIPES, HAS BROKEN OUT BETWEEN BARACK'S NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO LADIES. The question: who is number one, and who is number two: Michelle Obama or Oprah?
The Globe reports that Michelle has decreed that Oprah be kept far from her mate, the proof being O's invisibility at the Democratic National Convention. (But that might have been a good thing: Really, who wants to see her cry her eyelashes off?)
But seriously, Michelle keeping Ms. O away is a prudent move to protect her family. After all, there is precedent for what happens when Oprah becomes the commanding third wheel in a relationship. Just ask Gayle King's ex-husband.
But in this case, it's Michelle who's got the prize that Oprah's crushing on: Barack. He's the one thing she can't buy -- yet. And proving she's a smartie, Michelle wants to keep it that way. Everyone knows the titan's got boundary issues: if you want in her world, your kids, family, vacations, birthdays, funerals -- everything including sleep takes a backseat to serving her.
The Globe calls Michelle "controlling," which is laughable when compared to Oprah's iron-hand. But there's an upside to it all: if he can keep peace between Michelle and Oprah, surely Obama can handle unsettled hot spots throughout the rest of the world.
Permalink
Posted September 9, 2008
TELEVISION
A Monday Twofer! Recaps of 'Mad Men,' VMA Awards
MTV's Show Provokes Flashbacks to The 90s
THE VMA'S BROUGHT IT TO YOU "OLD SCHOOL" 1997 style this year with Britney, Christina, Kid Rock, and leather bodysuits. England’s Russell Brand made his American TV debut with just enough PrObama cheers and Jonas Brothers virginity jokes to remind us it’s 2008.
I'll spare you the detailed recap (because MTV will put their five year “NEXT” marathon on hold for the next week to replay the VMAs ad nauseam) and instead present this abbreviated list of VMA "Shit Worth Referencing" to provide you with just enough blather to converse with any 16-year-old:
Britney Spears wins her first prestigious VMA after sixteen losses.
Britney actually won all three categories she was nominated in, which clearly means she’s made it after all. She didn’t really have the “Best Pop Video” or the “Video of the Year,” but MTV owed her one for not saying anything about last year’s poor performance during rehearsal. After years of hit records and number one singles, I’m glad the network finally came to their senses and awarded her most poignant work.
MTV News’ Kurt Loder hasn’t died yet.
The tragically hip VMA correspondent hasn’t gotten a real job after 20 years, and it’s only right that MTV was nice enough to cover his “Hair Club for Men” fees. If Anderson Cooper had an equally ambiguous older brother going through a late-life crisis, it would be Kurt Loder. While other VJ’s might come and go (and become D-List actors or host bad late night shows), Kurt Loder isn’t calling it quits ‘til he can no longer shimmy into skinny jeans for work.
Russell Brand is funny like a drunk uncle who embarrasses you in front of friends.
He has the hair of Amy Winehouse with the charm of Courtney Love. The offensive English comedian (who has been to rehab for sex addiction among other things) filled his American TV debut with repeated virginity jokes about the Jonas Brothers who were clearly unamused. Brand also got political, endorsing Obama, calling George Bush a “retarded cowboy fella,” and joking about the unfortunate luck of Bristol Palin’s boyfriend.
Christina Aguilera is slutty again.
Aguilera performed “Genie in a Bottle” in all leather, realigning the stars and settling back into her image as the skeezy opposition to Britney. Her latest reinvention performance also previewed a new song about being a “superbitch” and asymmetrical bangs, putting her at a middle ground between her transvestite prostitute in the Lady Marmalade video and the ass-less chaps look of Dirrty.
Kid Rock is still creepy and overrated.
Bringing the night’s throwback theme together, Kid Rock performed in a track suit, drinking out of a plastic cup with a napkin wrapped around it. While Britney and Christina might have changed up their images in the last ten years, Kid Rock showed he’ll always be the go-to guy for shitty rap-rock and scraggly facial hair. The original K-Fed rides again.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.Permalink
Posted September 8, 2008
TELEVISION
Let's Take A Ride: Monday's 'Mad Men' Minutes
Ithought the car with major fin action that Don buys would be a bigger deal than it is. It’s a baby-blue Cadillac, and Don makes sure everyone wipes their hands and feet upon entering this small piece of heaven on wheels – despite the things he’s already been up to in his old car. I found that bit pretty funny.
I mean, there are so many jokes to make and so little time. Okay, here’s one: Betty, upon checking out the new Caddy, says they should take it to Jimmy Barrett’s party the following week. Don asks how she knew about it, and she says, “He called the house. I think he likes talking to me.” ZING. I love how she can be so unintentionally funny sometimes.
Meanwhile, some interesting developments are taking place inside of Sterling Cooper’s smoke-drenched, wood-paneled walls. First, there’s the matter of the Boomer Boys, as I call them (remember the two geeks that interviewed with Don in the first episode? Especially the one with the frigging cable knit sweater? Yes, it’s them I’m talking about). These two young guys, hired by Don to give the agency a more youthful edge with its clients, are presenting their point of view to the Martinson’s Coffee bigwigs and I really just can’t stand it. Because I’ve already seen so much damn Woodstock footage in my relatively short lifetime that I hate hearing about how Boomers are feeling at any given moment. However, even though I can’t dig it, man, the Martinson’s guys can, and Mr. Martinson – THE Mr. Martinson – asks Don to join the philanthropic group he’s organizing.
At the urging of Roger Sterling and Bertram Cooper – THE Sterling and THE Cooper – Don accepts this new position and begins to enjoy this turning point in his career.
In addition, the sometimes-odd and always shoe-less Bertram Cooper has bought himself a $10,000 eyesore of a painting and he’s been calling execs up one by one to get their “honest” opinions of the piece. Naturally, you’re imagining a lot of “Uh, I like the colors?” type of stuttering going on, and you’re right to do that. Because that’s what it is, along with lots of “What is he LOOKING for me to say?” follow-up conversations behind closed office doors.
To satisfy some of the staffers’ curiosity, Jane, the secretary I’ve been calling the new Joan, takes a few of the boys into Cooper’s office after hours. This starts a catty bitch war between her and Joan, who finds out about the visit and confronts Jane. Jane retaliates by being all, “Bitch, you listen here,” which totally gets her kicky scarf-wearin’ ass fired. But this gal’s got an ace up her sleeve; she tracks down Roger Sterling with her box o’ crap in hands to “say goodbye,” and, predictably, he saves her. He promises to talk to Joan, and Jane, either knowingly or unknowingly, promises to do something in return. From the way she talks to Joan though, I’d guess Jane’s nobody’s fool and knows just exactly what she’s doing.
While all this is happening, there’s something brewing between Sal and Ken – but I don’t think Ken really knows that, so SHHH! Ken asks Sal to read his latest work, The Golden Violin, and Sal, flattered (and a little giddy, I think), accepts, then asks him to stop by that weekend to pick up the manuscript and have dinner with him and his wife Kitty. I instantly feel sorry for Kitty, seeing as how Sal’s gay and all. I mean, I knew right away that was the score. He knows what gingham is. Even I had to look that one up, and I am the girliest of girls when it comes to clothes.
So of course, this makes things awkward, as Sal pretty much fawns all over Ken at dinner, ignoring Kitty, who in turn gets upset after Ken beats a hasty retreat. It looks like both hubby and wife know the score too: Big Gay Al, zero, Matrimonial Sex Life, negative 506. This is a SAD scene for anyone who was hoping that Sal would stop tormenting himself like he did in the first season, especially because he’s bringing down someone else with him this time around.
Instead of really taking stock of what’s going on, Ken busies himself with trying to woo Jane, not that he’s really getting anywhere. So hey, Sal, keep your hopes up – he may come around eventually! Jane knows that Joan is going to approach her, but with Roger’s reassurances in the back of her mind, she just battens down the hatches and waits for Hurricane Holloway to strike. Once Jane tells her about her conversation with Roger, though, Joan says, “Oh, I see. It’s VERY clear.” So she really IS the new Joan! Stick with me, kids, I know what’s happening.
So here’s the most delectable part of this episode: Jimmy’s obviously got a thing for Betty, as he asked her to be at the party in the first place, and then asks her to keep him company during. But it’s not what you think. They sit and watch as Don and Bobbie discuss “business,” as in hotel rooms, whips, chains, diapers…whatever. Freaks.
It’s during this powwow that Jimmy leans in and mentions that he’s glad Betty’s there, because ya know, their spouses get along so well. GET IT, Betty? Betty gets it, alright, and then gets pissed. She walks away, telling Don she’s not feeling well – hey, the truth can be hard to digest, especially if you’ve been drinking and denying – so they start to leave. Jimmy waits for them to come around to get their coats, and has a strong, awesome word with Don: “You step out, that’s fine – get a whore. You don’t sleep with another man’s wife. You’re garbage.” After finding out he was a slut last week, this pretty much fucks Don up, and I love it. So that officially makes Jimmy Barret my new hero. OFFICIALLY. Check it out here.
To end the night on a romantic note, we see Don and Betty driving home in tense, death-stare silence. Suddenly, Betty just barfs all over the pretty new car.
And that’s all, folks. I don’t think I can even handle another drink after that, but I’m willing to try anyway.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.Permalink
Posted September 8, 2008
TELEVISION
Wanted: Sleazy Ad Type For 'Mad Men' Walk-On
PSSSSST? WANNA WORK AT STERLING COOPER?
These folks do.
They’re the finalists who will compete for your votes to win a walk-on role on Mad Men -- and clearly, almost all of them want to be Joan Holloway.
People, people, PEOPLE: there can only be ONE Joan Holloway (much to Roger Sterling’s chagrin).
Although, I have to say, I am loving the modern-day interpretation of her as a Swimming With Sharks-type character, portrayed by Jacob Crumbine —and the inventive “How to be a Perfect Secretary” mini-film done by Sabina Maschi.
Jacob’s interpretation shows a deep understanding of Joan’s inner workings, while Sabina’s shows an excellent grasp of the era in which Mad Men operates: a repressed, yet seemingly happy time wherein everything had to be perfect.
There are also a few awesome portrayals of Pete the Slimeball, and one scene where Peggy gives birth. I kind of wish someone would have taken a stab at Kinsey (no, REALLY – someone stab that insufferable poseur fuck), though. Would have been interesting to see him in today’s era as a skinny jeans wearing, Parliament smoking hipster dude.
I CAN’T DECIDE WHICH ONE TO VOTE FOR. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!
So, dear readers, I’m leaving it up to you. Visit AMCTV , choose wisely, and make me proud.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.Permalink
Posted September 6, 2008
BEAUTY
Losing My 'Virginity' At 20
Ilost my waxing virginity at 20 last week and joined the ranks of 8-year-olds who wax their pubic hair. Yes, you read it right. Eight-year-olds.
Apparently, New York mothers have been bringing their prepubescent princesses in for a wax to save them any “playground embarrassment” (while instead subjecting them to the horror of a strange woman -- who's not their doctor -- ripping out barely perceived hairs). I'm baffled because I've always considered my vagina the Bermuda triangle of beauty products: Fly-bys always to be avoided with scissors, wax products and dye.
I only decided to go through with it because my friends have been encouraging me for years, and I was tired of having to shave.
So here I was, being traumatized by a stranger who nonchalantly ordered me to take my pants off and lay down. I only had enough time to get them down to my ankles before she burst back into the room asking if I was ready.
She seemed oblivious to my nakedness, asking me if I’d been keeping up with the Olympics before nonchalantly telling me to spread my legs. I learned that she was from Brazil, that she was disappointed with her country's athletic performance in the Games. She informed me of this all while ripping away at the hairs, at times warning that “this one is gonna sting.”
By the end of the grueling experience, I felt like a Chihuahua that had been set on fire. It burned like bloody hell and it pissed me off that I had subjected myself to this, and that woman seemed indifferent to my pain. And,no, I didn't feel any more beautiful.
So what was I supposed to do with my prized pubic area now? Have sex with someone to show it off? Prance through a girls' locker room? I didn’t even want to be touched and I could barely get my jeans back on.
So why the hell would 8-year-olds need a bare body? Who’s seeing them naked? I think Barbie has given us all false expectations of what our bodies should look like. Or maybe she waxed too.
These crazy mothers are setting their daughters up to be accessories first, people second,later in life. Some "men" like a woman with no hair, so better start early. I couldn’t even deal with the experience at 20; I can’t imagine what would be going through my mind at 8. And I thought 10-year-olds on Sunset Tan were abused. It's pure madness.
Danielle Cadet is a Danielle is a journalism student Northwestern University who likes to write about fashion and pop culture catastrophes.Permalink
Posted September 5, 2008
POLITICS
Sarah Palin Proves She's Expert Marksman, Takes Aim At Obama, Media Critics
O BULLDOG EVER LOOKED SO GOOD IN LIPSTICK, nor roused a crowd to such a clamor.
In a reversal of political winds, Republican VP nominee Alaska Governor Sarah Palin powered through her televised introduction to the nation Wednesday, wowing Republicans and Independents with the idea that Mrs. Smith was heading to Washington.
After a weekend of character assaults by the media and blogosphere, and flanked by her picture-perfect family, soccer-mom-turned-Governor proved she was up to the fight of the national presidential campaign, taking some of the best swipes yet at Barack Obama with the sincerest of smiles.
"I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities,'' said Palin in a sly dig at Obama.
"I might add that in small towns, we don't quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they are listening, and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren't listening.
"We tend to prefer candidates who don't talk about us one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco."
The Alaskan hunter had hit her target with a bullseye! In fact, all night long Mrs. Palin proved herself of steely aim.
"And though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they are always, quote, "fighting for you," let us face the matter squarely. There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you." Bang!
"I've noticed a pattern with our opponent,'' she said. "...We've all heard his dramatic speeches before devoted followers. And there is much to like and admire about our opponent.But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate." Pow!
Palin went on, "But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away,when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot, what exactly is our opponent's plan? What does he actually seek to accomplish, after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet?
"The answer is to make government bigger, take more of your money ... and to reduce the strength of America in a dangerous world."
Well, actually Sarah, no one has succeeded at that quite like Republican George Bush, which is the big problem for your ticket. But you did cleverly remind us of the messianic complex of Obama and his followers.
I had begun to lament the off-the-deep-end partisan punditry increasingly practiced by both sides of the political divide. I was peeved at the sexism used like a baton against Hillary and Sarah. I don't agree with Sarah Palin on a lot, but to my mind that doesn't mean I can cast vile insinuations about her daughter's baby's father. (Who turns out to be a hottie, hence a political plus for Sarah!)
Now do I worry? Not so much.
Ladies and gentlemen, have at her. The Governor will take your questions now. Permalink
Posted September 4, 2008
POLITICS
Sarah Palin As VP: One Step Forward, Three Steps Back
THE LATEST AND MOST REVEALING NEWS ABOUT SARAH PALIN might just prove she's the worst choice for America right now, but the best choice for McCain’s campaign.
Bristol Palin reportedly plans to marry her baby’s father and make family dinners super awkward for years to come. The McCain campaign announced Monday the seventeen year-old daughter of Republican vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is five months pregnant.
Sarah Palin is an old school politician in a girl’s body. Her cocky, unwavering close-mindedness is directly proportional to the number of skeletons in her closet. A look at her impressively ass-backwards political history shows she doesn’t have a place in her heart for sissy, forward-thinking “trends” like equality or ecology. McCain’s unlikely candidate:
~ Is pro-life, even in circumstances of rape and incest (and wayward daughters).With all this said, I am glad to see that Palin has embraced at least one popular trend in America. Nothing says “I’m so 2008” like a knocked-up, underaged daughter.
~ Supports “abstinence only education,” which means when students ask about STD’s, the health teacher shrugs and mutters something about marriage. (It’s literally the opposite of “education,” which leads to the opposite of “abstinence.”)
~ Opposed gay marriage or health care for gay couples (which I guess is OK, because gays aren’t technically people).
~ Opposes the legalization of marijuana (because Republicans are still having issues admitting they smoked their way through college).
~ Supported Bush’s fight against terrorism (which I think means she supports the war in Iraq).
~ Has stated she doesn’t believe people caused global warming. (Really?)
~ Supports oil drilling in Alaska. (That makes sense, nature’s gay anyway.)
My first thought upon hearing about Palin’s nomination was literally “Is McCain fucking drunk?” He’s capitalizing on the push for a minority in office despite her obvious lack of qualifications.
This transparent attempt to keep up with the Jones made me think, “Well, there’s the nail in his coffin. Hello Obama.” But with the campaign’s new pregnant daughter scandal, I’m feeling that voters might give him a shot.
America has a soft-spot for the Cinderella story. Only four years ago George Bush was reelected, a decision Americans seemed to base on some unlikely fairy tale ending. Obama is the big man in town now (hipsters, gangsters, and Oprah in tow) and McCain, regardless of how slimy, is the underdog.
Obama and Clinton spent almost 18 months breaking stereotypes while McCain was the odd man out as a rich, white male. Now with three months to go, McCain’s campaign smartly jumps on the minority bandwagon to capitalize on the Democrats’ recent political success. It’s a timely tactic, but picking Palin after a long campaign of Obama and Clinton is equivalent to watching the Dukes of Hazard Movie instead of the original TV show.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
Permalink
Posted September 3, 2008
POLITICS
Calculating 'Baby Bumps' and Other Inanities of the Blogosphere
F WE NEVER HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT ALASKA'S GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN, IF SHE FALLS OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH TODAY, HISTORY will record her as the only would-be VP accused of faking the birth of her daughter's Down Syndrome baby.
Surely this is the most ludicrous slander that any candidate has ever faced? This abysmal excuse for political engagement is even more ridiculous than news stories about Oprah crying her fake eyelashes off during Barack Obama's powerful speech at the Democratic National Convention.
But what we've learned during this presidential campaign is that female candidates engender a particularly virulent strain of evil from some males who labor in the new and old media.
Most recent case in point: someone with the nom de plume "ArcXIX" wrote on the Daily Kos, the left-wing's looney response to Matt Drudge: "Sarah, I'm calling you a liar....Trig Paxson Van Palin is not your son. He is your grandson. The sooner you come forward with this revelation to the public, the better."
The rationale for the accusation that Palin was pretending her daughter's illegitimate child was her own? Palin only announced seven months into her pregnancy that she was expecting and those around her were shocked, shocked! because of her size. (Palin revealed over the weekend that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol is in fact five months pregnant, making it unlikely that mother delivered her love child last April.)
Speculating on the innards of wombs has become a favorite pastime among bloggers and low-brow media during the last two years. What looks an awful lot like bloating to the rest of America passes as "baby bump" when it shows up on the frames of Paris Hilton, Kate Moss, Jessica Biel, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson. And many might consider this a mindless, sinless distraction.
But I'm betting that the ideologues at the Kos might have done more damage than good with their bizarre conspiracy theory.
Any politically astute person can see that while Palin is a conservative Republican, she is the only populist on the presidential political scene, and that archetype holds great appeal in the public's imagination. She is smart, charming and from "salt-of-the-earth" ilk. In addition, she challenges Obama for the "charisma" vote.
I doubt that a McCain-Palin ticket derails Obama's ascension to president. But the ideologues at Kos have tread on dangerous ground. Many women rightly feel that Hillary Clinton was forced out of the race by sexism in the media. If some of these women, particularly those Reagan Democrats who reside in the western hills of Pennsylvania, decide that one of their kind has been dissed again, it's possible that there'll be hell to pay in November for Democrats' who made the same mistake twice.
Permalink
Posted September 2, 2008
TELEVISION
Maidenforms & Mad Men Minutes: Something Doesn't Fit
SO IF YOU COULDN'T GUESS BY THE TITLE ALONE, this week’s episode features BRAS. In spades.
You’ll actually find yourself tiring of funny boob puns, and possibly a little disgusted at the way men in a position of (perceived) power can act toward women that they feel pose a threat to that power.
I’m talking, of course, about Peggy, who seems to be getting bolder by the day, but let me back up a bit: Playtex wants to see some ads from Sterling Cooper that will rival the current Maidenform campaign. NOTE: for those of you too young to remember, Maidenform used to run a campaign that featured women in exotic locales and dream sequences conquering the world and stuff. The popular campaign was more fantasy than hard sell. So of course, the guys are more than happy to oblige, with Peggy resigning herself to the duty of copywriter. However, before she realizes what’s going on, the overzealous boys begin to shut her out of the whole process.
Meanwhile, Don’s still bored at home and banging Bobbie on the side. But this week there’s an interesting twist: we find out that she’s got kids. Teenage kids. That go to boarding school and otherwise avoid their parents. Can you even BEGIN to imagine how fucked up they must be? Ho-lee shit. This new info sends Don into a bit of a tailspin; he’s only competent when he’s totally in control, and not knowing about these kids, no matter how far away or grown up, means that Bobbie has the power to withhold info from him. So what would any Type-A control freak do when his mistress doesn’t spill her guts all over his bare chest after sex? Well, he goes off the kinky deep end, that’s what! There is a visible struggle between two dominant types here and it’s…um…
Oh! I forgot to tell you: We meet Duck’s sort-of estranged family. The ex-wife brings the kids and the dog to visit (and to tell Dear Old Dad the news that Mom’s getting remarried, and oh, can you take your damn dog back too?). The cold, hard facts hit Duck pretty hard and he considers returning to the bottle for a minute, but then decides to ditch his dog instead. I hate people who do this to animals. “Go, run free! Return to the wild!” How the fuck is a dog supposed to return to the wild in New York fucking City? And you call yourself sober…
Anyway, Pete’s working on Clearasil, and Peggy’s got a suggestion for a campaign: Two fresh-faced teens go to prom, with their former skin problems not even registering on their minds. Pete suggests “Thanks, Clearasil” as the tagline, and the “Are you serious with that line?” look on her face is priceless, as I’ve been down this bumpy road myself many a time. Naturally, Pete thinks it’s genius and plans to sell it in to his father-in-law at his Memorial Day barbeque. Of course. Because he’s Pete and everyone else is…well, everyone else.
Apparently, while all this drama is swirling around, Kinsey the poseur, er, I mean writer, is bursting at the seams with another brilliant Hemingway-esque idea that won’t make you gag on pretense: women have two sides, one Jackie Kennedy and one Marilyn Monroe. DING DING DING, Kinsey, COME ON DOWN, we have a winner in the GAME OF OBVIOUS. You win…Don Draper’s blessing? Meh.
Peggy is assigned to write the copy, and asks why she wasn’t around when everyone was coming up with this idea. The guys pretty much cop to hanging out at a bar and sorting out a gem from all the bullshit, and that she wouldn’t have wanted to be in the bar anyway. You know, because women and alcohol don’t really make for any kind of a good time. You can tell she’s pissed about being left out, and this kind of crap continues throughout the episode. But don’t worry, she gets the last word in the best possible way.
Draper and Duck have been ordered to bury the hatchet on the American Airlines kerfuffle (I’ve wanted to use that word all week!). But instead of going to lunch like Roger asked them to, they have a quick talk for a few minutes before Don ducks out (heh) to bang Bobbie all afternoon. This guy’s pecker is insatiable – you’d think he’d at least be able to feign interest in Betty once in a while. I think if she knew even half of what he was up to, her head would explode out of sheer jealousy.
Time to cast the bra models! No wonder the office is pretty much deserted except for the secretaries – oh, and Peggy, who’s been left out again. She’s steaming and so am I.
Pete’s even in on it, and I don’t remember Playtex being one of his accounts. Naturally, he schmoozes one of the girls on the way out and follows her home like a lost puppy in spite of his efforts to act all suave. So this is how it’s gonna be, eh, Pete? You’re basically going to knock up every chick EXCEPT your wife. Okay. Good plan.
Peggy talks to Joan about being left out of everything, and Joan tells her to “stop dressing like a little girl.” Which, yeah, I have to agree. Clothes say a lot, and hers say, “Let’s play dollies!”
It’s at this point that the Playtex guys decide to entertain the SC boys at a strip joint, and Peggy overhears the location (but again, isn’t invited). So she puts on her best slut gear and meets the boys. This pisses Pete off, because it’s a power play, even though it’s one that makes Peggy more uncomfortable than anyone else. I mean, really, who wants to hang out with their boss over some $5 wings and titty tassels? You can take THAT job and shove it (but let me get outta here first, because I don’t want to watch).
Remember how I said Don gets all kinky? He’s got this thing where he tells Bobbie not to talk, but she keeps talking anyway, and she says something about how she heard all about the full Don Draper treatment and then teases him about having “a reputation.” HA HA, Don’s a slut. I find this hysterical, but Chisel Cheeks doesn’t. In fact, he ties her up, gets dressed and says, “I told you to stop talking.” Dayum. That’s pretty harsh, but not harsh enough.
The next morning, as Don’s shaving, daughter Sally watches and says, “I won’t talk while you shave. I don’t want you to cut yourself.” The same words, this time from his sweet, innocent daughter. It’s enough to make him (and me) sick.
End credits. I need another fucking drink.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.Permalink
Posted September 1, 2008
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