BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING FOR OUR FAVORITE BOYS FROM RHODE ISLAND. Last week on The Pauly D Project, we saw Pauly get the phone call of a lifetime: 50 Cent wanted to meet up with the DJ so he could be signed to G-Unit Records.
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WORLDS COLLIDED WHEN ANDY COHEN STOPPED BY CHARLIE ROSE'S TALK SHOW to promote his new book, Most Talkative, No. 5 on the New York Times best sellers list. The creator of the voyeuristic Real Housewives reality TV soaps seemed surprised and delighted to be chewing the fat with Rose who normally hosts the high-minded.
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WHEN HE STOPPED BY Watch What Happens Live Monday night, Jerry Seinfeld refused to plead the fifth in Andy Cohen's doubledare game of truthtelling.
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PREVIOUSLY, TERRY CALLED ALEXIS A PHONY, SLADE EMBARRASSED HEATHER by trying to buy Gretchen a fake diamond ring, Tamra pursued her own business and Briana readVicki with two snaps, and mother did not like it one bit.
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I'M FEELING SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL WHO obviously didn't know who he was dealing with when granting Mick Jagger perpetual youthfulness. Oh sure, his cheeks are sunken, but the Rolling Stones frontman popped by Saturday Night Live and proved that he's still got the moves.
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BOOBS WERE ALL AROUND ON SUNDAY'S Real Housewives of New Jersey. Whether is was the girls talking about them or Joe Gorga acting like one, everyone seems a bit touchy this week. But first...
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WE OPEN ON A LATE-NIGHT PHONE CALL TO LANE'S HOUSE. He's got some pretty serious tax trouble and needs to come up with $8,000 right away. The next day, Lane meets with Walt to see about extending the agency's credit by $50,000. Walt is skeptical -- especially since none of SCDP's clients are paying their bills on time. After explaining this to Walt over some J&B, though, it's done.
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BROKEN GLASS, SLOPPY DRUNK CHICKS, 50 CENT AND A GHOST: Pauly D may not even know what day it is anymore; it's definitely been a crazy week for the boys.
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ROLLING STONES frontman Mick Jagger hosts SNL this weekend and promos for the show capitalize on his rock 'n roll reputation for enjoying sex and drugs.
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WHERE WERE WE? OH, RIGHT:
BRIANA'S MARRIED (!!!), LEAVING HER MOTHER ROYALLY PISSED. Alexis wasted money on a hosting coach, Gretchen confessed she doesn't want to get married, Tamra downsized her boobs, and while Vicki's love tank is full, everyone else thinks her boyfriend Brooks is full of shit.
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HE STOLE HEARTS AND IMAGINATIONS with his smooth baritone and his impeccable manners. We first met Ted Williams when a Columbus Dispatch reporter videotaped him doing a voiceover for a handout on an Ohio street corner.
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CAROLINE AND ALBERT AND KATHY AND RICH ARE ON THEIR WAY TO SOME MYSTERIOUS PLACE. Inside their respective cars, the topic du jour is Teresa, specifically how to cut her from their lives.
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TONIGHT'S SHOW IS DUBBED DARK SHADOWS, a sly reference to the world's most awesome sci-fi soap opera. Featuring parallel universes, heads in boxes and vampires long before Twilight, Dark Shadows was the show that every pudgy middle schooler wearing purple (i.e., me) could not miss.
But the 70s vampire only shares "bite" in common with tonight's episode as Don cranks up his competitve drive, Roger hunts for a clientele, and Sally discovers a dark secret.
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THOSE WHO SAY The Pauly D Project ISN'T THRILLING CLEARLY MISSED THURSDAY'S episode. After a nice little trip home to Rhode Island, the boys head back to Vegas, and spirit is among them. But their first mission: go zip-lining!
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IT'S OFFICIAL: Britney Spears has signed on as judge of The X Factor for a cool $15 million a year.
The contract makes her the second-highest paid primetime performer on TV, according to StarPulse, but still far behind syndicated jurist Judge Judy who brings in a whopping $45 million annually.
Simon Cowell has been shopping for a high-profile judge to compete with The Voice's Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green and American Idol's Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler.
"They finally came to terms,'' a source told Us in mid April. "It was a long negotiation . . . Britney was a natural fit." The popster joins L.A. Reid and Cowell as talent judges.
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WHAT WOULD DON DRAPER DO IF HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE MEGAN ASS BLASTED GAS inside Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce?
That's a trick question, because the women of Mad Men don't fart.
Oh sure, Roger could get away with it, and Pete would brag about it. And Don? Don's emissions would be memorialized in an eponymous tumblr account. He's just that fucking cool. But the women of Mad Men don't fart.
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GRETCHEN'S LAS VEGAS PERFORMANCE WAS SO AMAZINGLY BAD THAT IT WAS ON THE SOUP! Ha. What was it host Joel McHale said? "Instead of Fever someone should have given her pitch, rhythm or any small semblance of shame." I love Joel McHale.
Speaking of shameless housewives, Vicki's lingerie shopping with Tamra. We're here for a bra fitting for Tamra's new little titties. What the hell, Vicki decides to have one too. Tamra appreciates having some girl time with Vicki because, she tells us, any free time she has is spent with Brooks. When the saleswoman tells her she's a 32 D and Vicki's told she's an FF, Tamra wonders if she's using the metric table. She insists her new tiny tits can't be big ole Ds. But the bra fits. And she likes it. When Vicki comes out of the dressing room she admires her tits as well. Nothing like a good bra fitting.
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REMEMBER NOT TOO LONG AGO WHEN WE ALL LOVED THE GIUDICES?
On Sunday's Real Housewives of New Jersey, the big catfight we heard in the season three reunion is about to begin, and there's more to it than just a "joke" about Caroline being one-sixteenth Italian.
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TONIGHT'S TITLE "LADY LAZARUS" IS AN ODE TO Sylvia Plath's monologue about an angry, revenge-seeking woman who does not conform to ladylike standards. It is an apt description of Peggy, Megan and a bevy of other wives of this tumultous time.
As we begin, Pete's on the train, chatting with Howard, an insurance salesman. Howard small talks insurance before revealing he has a "spectacular new side dish in the city," a "strawberry blonde with huge tits" before he abruptly leaves to chat up someone else about the same.
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AFTER WEEKS OF FIST-PUMPING AND FLIRTING WITH GROUPIES, THE BOYS RELAX ON THE PAULY D PROJECT.
Pauly D. et. al have some time off, so they head home and surprise their families in Rhode Island. Biggie's especially happy, because he's got plans to pop the question to MJ. If only she would get off his back about it.
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DESPITE DECEPTIVE HEADLINES, Camille Grammer won't really be back on Housewives, after all.
She will be seen, probably at one fabulous party after another, but according to HuffPost, she's no longer an "official" Housewife and she's not on the Bravo payroll (like she needs their coins).
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OH GRETCHEN, TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT! I love ya, babe, but although Alexis prayed with you backstage, you don't stand a prayer once you get on stage.
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POOR MEOW, TIPPING THE SCALE AT 37 pounds and being forced to succumb to the white heat of fame, all for our entertainment pleasure.
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THE NAGGING MYSTERY REALLY MAKES ME MISS Rupert Murdock's wiretapping yellow journalists.
Here's Beyonce in this week's People deflating rumors that she used a surrogate to incubate her four-month-old daughter Blue Ivy:
"That was crazy. It wasn't hurtful, it was just crazy. [I thought] 'Where did they come up with this?' "
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IT'S STILL CALM BEFORE THE STORM, AND IT looks like a big one is headed for the Real Housewives of New Jersey. But before the nimbostratus clouds roll in, Ashley is freaking out about moving to Vegas with relatives. Eventually she makes it out of the house with Albie’s help. Now if only getting on the plane would be that easy for the reincarnated "Ashlee." Cute, Ash. But like your new lips, no one’s buying it.
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WE OPEN AT A BOYS' SCHOOL, AND IT'S REVEALED THAT GLEN AND SALLY STILL TALK. Often. And as creepy as Glen can be, this still manages to make me smile.
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WHO KNEW THE TROOPS LOVED HOUSE MUSIC? On Thursday's Pauly D Project, Pauly gets invited to put on a show at a military base camp, and in a rare moment in Jersey Shore-related history, I did not feel bad about my television watching choices.
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ROSIE O'DONNELL HAS A POINT.
The talk show personality pissed off Lindsay Lohan and her embarassing father when she declared that LiLo wasn't up to the task of playing Elizabeth Taylor in a biopic of the Hollywood legend.
'The last thing she did good she was 16,'' O'Donnell said on the Today show Tuesday. "I don't think she's right for the role and I don't think she's capable at this point of doing what's needed.''
The troubled actress rebuffed her remarks by saying:
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AS "CAMPAIGN THEATRICS" GO, THIS WAS SPECTACULAR:
"Preezy" Barack Obama joined NBC's Jimmy Fallon onstage Wednesday to ostensibly "slow jam the news." But what he was really jamming were Congressional Republicans on negotiations to extend low interest rates on federal student loans.
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WE'RE IN LOVELY DANA POINT, CALIF., where Alexis's housecleaning is interrupted by a visit from Gretchen. After entering, they hug and Gretchen tells Alexis she's just come from a business meeting. Alexis has invited her over to critique her Fox 5 gig. Gretchen then nonchalantly mentions that she was asked to do the Fox 5 job before Alexis. You can feel the air in the room change and get thick. Alexis's face freezes and she's speechless. She asks us, "Who says that?" And… she has a point.
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THEY'RE BAAAACK! After what feels like years, season four of Real Housewives of New Jersey debuted Sunday night. Last season we saw Teresa Giudice go from fan favorite to villain in the making, and America ate it up.
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WE KICK OFF THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THE Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion with Cynthia and Kim screaming at each other about dating married men. The word "whore" and "gold digger" get spit out a lot, while Phaedra just sits there and looks cute.
Then Marlo calls out Kandi for the man she's dating, Bravo employee Todd Tucker, and how much money he makes.
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TONIGHT, WE'RE TREATED TO "FAR AWAY PLACES," AND BOY DO WE TRAVEL TO PARALLEL UNIVERSES. The episode arcs around Roger, Don and Peggy, and the far-away places they visit -- physically or mentally.
Let's start with the plucky Ms. Olsen.
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ON THURSDAY, BLACK BABYGATE WAS FINALLY PUT TO REST, THE HUSBANDS GET THEIR CHANCE TO TALK, AND Marlo and Kim argue about the holes between their legs.
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THURSDAY'S Pauly D Project may not be for the faint of heart, unless you enjoy watching grown men get the hair yanked out of their faces in testosterone-dosed remake of the make-over scene in The Princess Diaries. Allow me to explain:
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REAL HOUSEWIFE KIM ZOLCIAK TODAY DENIED REPORTS THAT SHE'S BEEN CANNED FROM Real Housewives Of Atlanta.
"I will be returning to RHOA sooo don't believe the BS!!" Kim tweeted to her 384,000 Twitter followers.
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TONIGHT, WE GO GLAMPING!
But first, we visit a recovering Tamra's modest little house with Vicki. She doesn't bring a gift because she says she was at work and just decided to drop by to tell her how small her boobs are now. Vicki tells us she just doesn't understand why anyone in Orange County would want itty bitty titties while Tamra lets us know that she thinks Vicki's just jealous.
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FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO I HEARD DICK CLARK HAS DIED, and so now has a little piece of me.
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THE INTERNETS WERE AWASH TODAY WITH THE ABOVE GRAPHIC NEATLY DEPICTING HOW BEING THE DAUGHTER OF A FAMOUS PERSON is richly rewarding.
The promotional poster renames HBO's new demographically-promising Girls as Nepotism and then makes its slam-dunk case:
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ONE HOT CLASS ACTION SUIT IS COMING UP, AND IT'S NOT A JILTED BACHELORETTE FILING IT!
Two African American males claim they sought to auditioned for the popular reality series The Bachelor at the Nashville Hotel but were quickly sidelined in the process.
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APOLOGIES TO JULIAN ASSANGE FOR HIGHLIGHTING HIS NEW TALK SHOW immediately following a post on speculative celebrity sex in a porta potty, but this is America after all. Audiences here wanted to be entertained first.
The "world's chief whistleblower" debuted his new talk show today on RT and critics are already dissing him a "useful idiot" and the broadcast as a "letdown."
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IF YOU THOUGHT THINGS BETWEEN THE Atlanta Housewives were tense during the regular season, my you're naive. On Sunday's part one of Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, the gloves come off and the ladies kick-off the night with NeNe and Kandi yelling at each other about dildos.
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IN SEARCHING FOR THE MEANING OF THE title of tonight's episode -- “Signal 30” -- I learn it's the code for a trauma case or a fatal car accident. And I wonder if tonight's death and despair will be literal or figurative.
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OUR FAVORITE SINGLE GUIDO MAY BE READY TO WIFE UP. Could Pauly really be tiring of his own groupies?
It's the morning after Ryan's drunken tirade, and he's not willing to talk about the scene he made. Jerry and Biggie are trying to tell Ryan about the severity of his actions, but he doesn't seem to get it, and says that it's not worth talking about.
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BRITNEY SPEARS IS A SIGNATURE AWAY FROM BECOMING THE newest judge on Simon Cowell's X-Factor.
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WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, THE ONLY 60S CLOTHING I WORE WAS THE mod Carnaby Street look, complete with Twiggy dresses, Mary quant makeup and mini skirts with stockings.
We never had pantyhose and wore a half girdle or a garter belt to hold up our stockings. I never lived in Mad Men costume designer Jane Bryant's world full of suits, gloves and column gowns, but I did have a friend slightly older who did. Every single day Janet went to work in a full girdle clinging to curves under her dress.
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AT HEATHER'S OCEANFRONT MANSION, SHE'S CUTTING UP FRUIT AND CHOOSING WINE WHEN Tamra knocks on her massive front door for a visit.
Tamra praises Heather's mud run skills while Heather tells us the two have a lot in common. With a subtext that Tamra's more common.
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MEDIATAKEOUT GOT ITS HANDS ON THE SALARY FIGURES FOR THOSE SASSY GALS FROM The Real Housewives Of Atlanta and the numbers will make you wonder why Sheree Whitfield is always broke. To wit:
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SUNDAY'S Real Housewives of Atlanta finale may be too hot for some people to handle. Namely, NeNe Leakes. But before she can abruptly leave the hands of an oiled-up male model (who is probably really a stripper), it's time for the ladies to take care of business first.
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THIS WEEK'S "MYSTERY DATE" EXPLORES WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN -- and not just a Mad Man. As Don and Megan traipse their way to the office, hacking up a lung in the elevator. They bump into Andrea, a freelancer from the old Sterling Cooper agency, who is clearly not happy to be introduced to his wife. Megan asks how many times this is going to happen. Megan is annoyed but assures Don she's fine. However, you all know what "fine" means – it means NOTHING IS FINE. Which makes things all the more tense later on when Andrea shows up at Don and Megan's place.
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GIRLFRIEND JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT IS SEXY AND SHE KNOWS IT, SO SHE FIGURES SHE'S LOOKING GOOD ENOUGH for Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine.
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ON THE PREVIOUSLIES, Tamra's going for smaller boobs, Gretchen didn’t have Alexis' back at the ‘80s party, my baby Brianna got her thyroid removed and is worried she has cancer, Alexis got a new nose and Vicki wants her own helicopter.
This week, Heather's turning her man into a style icon. She's tired of his doctor/scrub look. They shop at a store that is so luxurious I wouldn't dare visit, I’d be afraid I'd knock something over. The couch they park themselves on looks like it costs $20,000. This is no Jos. S. Bank, buy 1 get 2 free.
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GOODNIGHT, PROVIDENCE, HELLO VEGAS!
The Pauly D Project gang is preparing to settle into their new Las Vegas digs. But not without celebrating one last drunken mess of a night in Providence.
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IS IT ME OR DO THESE WOMEN APPEAR SMALLER EVERY WEEK AS THEY CONTINUE TO BICKER OVER whether Kim would or would not be willing to hold African black babies?
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WE OPEN ON LADIES GETTING EVEN.
And after a two-hour premiere with no Betty, we're treated to the Ice Queen right away -- being stuffed into a truly heinous purple, beaded paisley number by her kids. Instead of going with Henry to his Junior Leauge meeting, Betty decides to stay home, in her fuzzy robe, with some Poppycock...all of which spills over into the next day, when Pauline, Henry's mother, comes by to give her a talking-to.
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OUR LITTLE PAUY D IS ALL GROWN UP AND READY TO GET A REAL JOB! Well, about as real as much of a "real job" that a Jersey Shore cast member can get.
On the series premiere of The Pauly D Project, Pauly makes the leap to Las Vegas as resident DJ at Palms Hotel and Casino, and he brings his boys along for the ride.
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ONCE THE BUTT OF A JOKE ON FOX'S HIT GLEE, Lindsay Lohan may now be slated to play herself on an episode.
Sue-happy Dina Lohan, who also jumped on Pitbull after he famously rapped that he "got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan," called out the show and the network after the Super Bowl episode earlier this year.
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IS ANOTHER MEDIA-CREATED KARDASHIAN MARRIAGE ABOUT TO HIT THE SKIDS -- or is Kris Jenner up to her usual tricks again?
The ink on the Kim Kardashian "flour bombing" news is barely dry and now rumors are circulating that Khloe, 27 and her husband, NBA player Lamar Odom 32, are contemplating divorcing for the good of the show.
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MOVE OVER, SURI CRUISE! There's new baby royalty in town, and his name is Ayden Parks.
Phaedra's one-year-old son Ayden was "dedicated" on Sunday's episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and the even is more parade than church ceremony.
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TONIGHT'S SEASON FIVE PREMIER IS EXTRA LONG, ALMOST AS LONG AS THE HIATUS ITSELF.
It's the Tuesday after Memorial Day, and it's sweltering. A large group braves the heat to march in a protest for civil rights. A couple Madison Avenue types -- not the crew at SCDP, but some OTHER white guys with hair parted on the side -- are watching from a few floors up, and start heckling, then throwing water. They hit someone, and the thrill of dropping a pitcher of water on people asking to be treated humanely just...makes them giddy. Turns out it's a handful of jerks at Y&R -- revealed as a group of protestors come up to the executive floor, with a reporter in tow to complain. One of the protestors scoffs, "And they call US savages."
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MAD MEN IS BACK! No one is more excited about this than I am. Except maybe Matt Weiner, who was against going on this comically long hiatus in the first place.
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Credit: Springwise DAME EDNA'S "MOTHER USED TO SAY THERE ARE NO STRANGERS, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia."
Tony award-winning Barry Humphries will retire along with "Dame Edna," the beloved drag queen with the purple hair and oversized rhinestone eyeglasse, after he completes his last show, Eat Pray, Laugh. Humphries will be her farewell tour in Canberra, Australia, on June 22 and then journey to Britain and New York to close Madam's 57-year-long career.
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TAMRA'S RUSHING TO HER PLASTIC SURGEON'S OFFICE. Tired of being just a boobalicious babe, she's decided to have her implants removed. She says she doesn't need them anymore to define who she is. Has she been watching Judge Judy, who would tell her in a minute it's not what's on your chest but in your head that counts.
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SO LADY GAGA TOLD TV's CHIEF TALKER THAT SHE'S GOING AWAY, AND THAT she won't do another personal interview for a long time.
Thank God.
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TIM BURTON AND JOHNNY DEPP team up once again for an offbeat spoof of the old 60's cult soap opera, Dark Shadows.
The daytime soap about an accursed vampire haunting his beloved mansion featured the late actress Joan Bennett and Falcon Crest's David Selby.
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THE DUST HAS SETTLED FROM CYNTHIA'S HOT MESS OF AN ANNIVERSARY PARTY, SO PHAEDRA DECIDES TO COOK UP HER OWN SWEATY GATHERING
The morning after sister Mal’s eye-roll-inducing hissy fit at Cynthia and Peter's anniversary party, the couple try to figure out just what was going on with her. Mid-life crisis? Maybe. Drunk? Hopefully.
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BRACE YOURSELVES, JERSEY SHORE FANS. It may be the end of an era, but Thursday's season five finale sees our favorite club dwellers moving towards a wonderful future: Vinny finally lands two lesbians, Sam and Ron haven't fought in ages, and Mike and Deena just may end up as in-laws pretty sure. Oh, and Snooki isn't knocked up yet.
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AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL contestant Louise Watts had a meltdown last night during the judging feedback portion. Sweet British judge Nigel told Watts she looked "strong," tough" and "mean."
"Mean?" Louise asked in disbelief. "Pshhh. I can't win."
"I think you need to put some gratitude in your attitude, girl," PR heavyweight Kelly Cutrone told the 25-year-old Essex, England native.
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THE LATEST KIM KARDASHIAN FEUD AMUSES ME. Never mind that she's left in her wake dozens of disillusioned sponsors and/or spouses-- she of questionable fame has tried to fan the flames of real actor Jon Hamm's heated words.
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THE LATEST POP PRINCESS THAT SIMON COWELL IS TRYING TO SNAG FOR HIS FLAILING X FACTOR: British songstress Adele.
EntertainmentWise reports that Simon is "desperate" to lure the Grammy winning singer to his ratings-challenged talent show.
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THERE'S NOTHING MORE FUN THAN HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF DRUNKS IN NEON HEADBANDS AND LEG WARMERS. Why is Tamra having this party, again? Oh right, as a stage for a showdown between Gretchen and Vicki.
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F OR 15 YEARS, HE'S BEEN THE INSCRUTABLE FACE OF A RELENTLESS MYSTERY: WHO killed 6-year-old beauty queen JonBenet?
John Ramsey's worn a perpetual expression of stone since he found his daughter's body in the basement of the family’s Boulder, Colo., home the day after Christmas in 1996. It was, in part, his lack of affect that helped turn public sentiment against him after Boulder, Colo. police fingered him and his now-deceased wife Patsy as suspects in the murder.
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BOBBI KRISTINA WANTS TO DROP THE "BROWN,'' IN AN EFFORT TO FURTHER CUT TIES WITH HER FATHER, singer Bobby Brown.
The late Whitney Houston's only child first attempted to change her name when Brown and Houston separated, but her mother stopped her cold from legally becoming "Kristina Houston."
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OPRAH WINFREY'S EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE FAMILY OF THE LATE WHITNEY HOUSTON was missing someone that we have not heard from at all in the media.
The hour-long episode Oprah's Next Chapter featured Winfrey discussing the life and death of the famed singer with Houston's brother Gary Houston, sister-in-law Patricia Houston, and her daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
However there was no mention of Whitney Houston's "secret son" 22-year-old Nicholas Gordon whom Houston raised for 10 years. Now there's reports that Gordon has an exceptionally close relationship with Bobby Brown's daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
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PHAEDRA CAN'T WAIT TO GET HER FABULOUS LITTLE HANDS ON SOME DEAD BODIES, AND CRAZY MARLO PLAYS THE LYING GAME.
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BRITNEY SPEAR'S FIANCE JASON TRAWICK IS NEGOTIATING A CONTRACT FOR THE POPSTER TO JOIN The X Factor.
According to a The Hollywood Reporter, the deal could be struck as soon as next week.
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LET'S PRETEND SNOOKI ISN'T PREGNANT AND ENGAGED AND WORRY ABOUT WHAT MIKE IS ABOUT TO JIONNI ON this week's Jersey Shore: that Sitch and Snooks hooked up. Oh, no!
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DO THESE REALITY TV STARS HAVE BREADCRUMBS FOR BRAINS?
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EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE HAS HAPPENED: Snooki confirms she's pregnant in the newest issue of Us Weekly.
The issue, which hit newsstands today, shows off Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's baby bump, with the headline, "OMG-- I'm pregnant!" OMG indeed.
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THE TINY MEATBALL IN UTERO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IT'S SPAWNED: Another made-for-TV marriage like Kim Kardashian's that's destined for disaster.
Ho-hum, it's official: Snookie's pregnant and engaged and spinning feverishly in the upcoming edition of Us Weekly:
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WELL, THAT WAS FAST.
Just five months after landing in Chicago with a splash, Rosie O'Donnell has dumped her Chicago mini mansion and is headed back to New York.
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY MORNING IN THE O.C. AND Gretchen and Slade are still where we left them last week, in the car.
She's again surprised when he tells her he's always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. He says the stresses of the world disappear when he's on stage. Gretchen thinks he needs to focus (read: get a real job) and leave her out of his wacky dreams and schemes.
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THE FORMER MANAGER OF A RESTAURANT OWNED BY Food Network's Paula Deen and her brother is suing the duo claiming Bubba Hiers treated her like a hot and spicy dish.
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THE LADIES HAVE BARELY SETTLED BACK HOME FROM THEIR African adventure when one of their sons finds himself in the slammer again. Feels good to be home! But first let's rewind to the show's opening.
The Housewives are preparing to leave Africa. Marlo waits until the morning of the flight to pack. And by pack, I mean force a poor resort employee to load her things for her while she lounges around and gives him specific instructions of how to use her Louboutins. What a gem, that one.
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OPRAH HAS LANDED AN UPCOMING INTERVIEW WITH Whitney Houston's only child, 19-year-old Bobbi Kristina.
Promoted as a tribute on Oprah's Next Chapter, the exclusive will air on the Oprah Winfrey Network March 11 and smells of sensationalism and opportunism. Bobbi Kristina is reported to be wrestling with her own addiction issues and sources told tabloids that she's emotionally traumatized by the death of her mother.
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JUST A DAY AFTER NEWS BROKE THAT KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S HUSBAND Dallas Mavericks forward Lamar Odom was being demoted to the Mavericks D-League, ESPN reports that Odom will instead help the Mavericks score against the Utah Jazz tonight.
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BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ENOUGH DRAMA IN SNOOKI'S LIFE, the crap is about to hit the fan! Last week we saw Snooks and Vinny getting chummy at a bar, but this time it's Mike's turn (once again) to try to jeopardize the now expecting couple's relationship. That is, if someone doesn't get thrown in the slammer first.
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IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT JUSTIN BIEBER HAS BEEN ON THE PLANET FOR JUST 18 SHORT YEARS. Today is the pop phenom's birthday and he's making the rounds, appearing both on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show and Ryan Seacrest's radio show to pump up his upcoming single, Boyfriend.
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IT'S CONFIRMED: AMERICA'S DEBAUCHED SWEETHEART IS WITH CHILD. So what does this mean for Snooki and the rest of the Jersey Shore franchise?
On Wednesday morning, the Internet exploded with reports at Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is pregnant with her boyfriend Jionni's baby. This isn't the first time we've heard that the meatball was expecting, and it seems she's been covering it up for "business" reasons since we first heard to baby rumors a few months ago.
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THERE'S A SILVER LINING IN OPRAH'S CHALLENGE TO FIND MATERIAL TO FILL HER EPONYMOUS NETWORK: Hilarious comedy skits about mock potential new shows.
Looking less polished than usual (no doubt part of her PR plan), TV's First Lady visited Jimmy Kimmel's After The Oscars to promote her sagging network. While there, she played along for a skit in which Kimmel pitched her new show concepts.
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HAVE YOU CLEANED UP FROM LAST WEEK'S PAINTING PARTY? I have. So now we can continue to watch Alexis seethe and display her pussface as Heather displays more of her authentically FABULOUS life as a former actress/singer married to a rich plastic surgeon. Whew!
Tamra visits Vicki for breakfast and immediately asks why she didn't say bye to her at the party.
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THE NEW YORK POST'S CAROLINE PERRY CLAIMS Rooney Mara from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was courted heavily by designers seeking to show off their creations on the Oscars' red carpet. Mara was the designer's prize this year because of her lithe frame and what one observer called her "air of mystery." So while I eagerly awaited Mara's red carpet debut, I watched a vast array of goddesses in one-shouldered gowns arrive at 84th Academy Awards red carpet.
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EVEN ANGELINA'S RIGHT LEG COULDN'T SEXY UP THE 84th ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS.
Sunday night's Oscars were in a word dull, and it wasn't all Billy Crystal's fault. The comic actor delivered his usual song-and-dance routine with charm but also with the lack of adrenalin that comes with repetition. This was Crystal's ninth time hosting the gig.
There were no embarrassing gaffes, no shocking quips, no award upsets to memorialize the night.
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THIS WEEK'S AWKWARD FAMILY PICTURE BELONGS TO California-based Dr. Michael Niccole, a licensed plastic surgeon who gave his daughter Brittani a nose job when she was 21. When she was 18, he gave her a boob job.
"I've done surgery on my sons, my wife, my cousins, my father, and I feel very comfortable," Niccole, of Newport Beach, tells ABC which featured him on 20/20 Friday night.
“I consider the day I got my breasts done one of the best days of my life so far,” Brittani told the Orange County Register last November.
Dad also admits to regularly injecting Botox in the armpits of his 23-year old daughter Charm to prevent excess sweating.
Doing this type of surgery on a family member is completely unacceptable to me but what's more alarming is that he calls his daughters "sexy" and invites their friends over for treatments. There is just something wrong with this picture.
This whole story gives a new meaning to the word ' bonding' and begs the question: who does the daughters' bikini waxes?
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KHLOE KARDASHIAN HAS FINALLY ADDRESSED THE CONSTANT SPECULATION ABOUT THE IDENTITY OF HER REAL DAD.
Coincidentally timed (hah!) just as her reality show Khloe & Lamar returns for its second season, Mrs. Odom admits in an interview with Hot 97 that she isn't sure who her real father really is.
Read the full post here.
PROVOCATEUR SACHA BARON COHEN PUSHED THE BOUNDARIES OF HIS LATEST STUNT TODAY by releasing a video exclaiming he was "outraged" over being banned from Sunday's Academy Awards.
"While I applaud the academy for taking away my right to free speech," Admiral General Aladeen declared, "I warn you that if you do not lift your sanctions and give me my tickets back by 12 p.m. on Sunday you will face unimaginable consequences!"
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MEATBALLS OVERBOARD!
On Thursday's Jersey Shore, Snooki and Deena fear for their lives, Pauly's Stalker 2.0 gets even closer, and Vinny and Snooki head for round two. Or is it three? Four? Let's say round six. With season five coming two a close, it looks like the fun is only getting started!
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WHO WILL RULE THE ACADEMY'S RED CARPET? No, Angelina's not in the running: this time it's between the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and a faux African dictator named General Aladeen.
Read the full post here.
TAMRA AND EDDIE WALK STONEFACED ALONG THE STREETS OF CATALINA, still pissed with each other. Vicki wonders if the couples will eat together. She thought her antics with Eddie were funny and is really surprised it escalated into an argument so fast.
In a corner, Tamra still whines. Eddie seriously, once again, tells her he and Vicki are just friends but putting another guy's hand on your boob is pretty foul. He finally apologizes. Which is what Tamra wanted but doesn't deserve.
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ERIN MARTIN'S FUTURE HAS ARRIVED. Only a year ago, the 27-year-old indie folk performer told Chicago magazine that fame was "right around the corner."
Now she steps into the national spotlight as a contestant on NBC's The Voice, where Judge Cee Lo Green gushed: "You are a wonderful creature of a woman. You look beautiful and your voice is so unique and strange and bizarre and great and wonderful... Quite naturally, you belong to me, don't you agree?"
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LINDSAY LOHAN WILL HOST NBC'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIFE March 3 for the first time since 2006. Is this a sign that Lohan's exiting her years of Lindsanity or is she still "the eye" of her continuing storm?
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IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA to hightail it back to America, but not without one final blow-out between them. But instead of the expected tall vs. small fight we've grown accustomed to, It's Kandi against Sheree!
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MAYA RUDOLPH TAKES A COMEDIC TURN AS BEYONCE ON THIS WEEK'S Saturday Night Live which imagines an impromptu welcoming party for baby Blue Ivy.
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THE CAKE HITS THE FAN AS OUR FAVORITE MEATBALLS' plans to reconcile with their boss get chewed up before they even say they're sorry for partying on the job, and a bromance is taken to the next level.
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CHARLIE SHEEN CAN SHED GODDESSES IN A BLINK but Warner Bros. still seems to have some sort of hold on him.
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HI! MY NAME IS ROMEO AND WHEN MY PARENTS ARE AT WORK they leave Nickelodeon on all day long for me and my sister Bella, the French bulldog. They have encouraged us many times to read books, but honestly the sound of voices from inside the TV make us feel like there is someone around the house.
This morning we heard that there's going to be a new 24-channel station for us dogs out of San Diego called DOGTV. According to the spokesman, if we watch their channel we will be "confident, happy dogs who are less likely to develop stress, separation anxiety or other related problems."
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CLASSY AS EVER, Chris Brown unwisely took to Twitter early this week to try to stand up to his "haters."
Apparently, Brown is surprised that there are some people -- many, actually -- who think he didn't deserve the second chance he received at Grammy to redeem himself after beating the crap out of Rihanna.
Read the full post here.
TONIGHT, AT VICKI'S DINNER PARTY, Peggy will see Alexis for the first time in five months. Not since the reunion, where Alexis found out that Peggy had dated her husband Jim, and he shocked the room by calling Peggy a crazy stalker!! Will there be a confrontation? What else is a Housewife dinner party for?
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IF THERE WAS EVER A MOMENT OF SATISFACTION FOR THOSE DONE WRONG BY FORMER boyfriends or husbands, Katy Perry did us proud Sunday night.
Just four days after she signed off her divorce from from Russell Brand with a smiley face, Perry delivered Piece Of Me with heart and passion.
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SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE NOISE AND SPECTACLE OF SUNDAY'S 54TH ANNUAL GRAMMYS was a fast food chain commercial that is stealing hearts.
Chipotle's animated "Back To
The Start" depicts a farmer dispirited by the modern assembly-line production of meat which includes pumping animals full of steroids and crowding them in dank housing. Disheartened by the process, the farmer reverts back to natural farming where animals graze outdoors and aren't shot up with antibiotics.
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IN HONOR OF AN APPEARANCE TONIGHT BY THE ELUSIVE KIM RICHARDS, I plan to recap with a glass or two of box wine. Damn you Andy Cohen for dragging this reunion out for three freakin' weeks. And that's not the wine talking.
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AT 2 p.m. on E's Countdown to the Red Carpet, host Giuliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest were both dressed in somber black. I knew then that my instinct was right: White Houston's death would have impact on Grammy fashions: Amid a sea of black on the red carpet there were but a few buoys of color.
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HELL HAS FROZEN OVER: NeNe Leakes is now the voice of reason on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Let's just take a second to digest this information. NENE LEAKES is the one telling people to calm down. NeNe. Leakes. Wants everyone to calm down.
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CALL YOUR UNCLES! CALL YOUR DISTANT COUSINS AND YOUR LONG-LOST FRIENDS! There's been a death in the family.
A pall fell over Sunday's 54th Grammy Awards, held just 24 hours after Whitney Houston was found dead. And though the news had yet to sink in, that age-old adage the "party must go on" applied.
Consequently, music's biggest night was like a funeral wake for which distant relatives and far-flung friends gather, all laughs are twinged with knowing, and the elders assume their rank within the family.
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NICOLAS CAGE TRIED TO LAY TO REST RUMORS THAT HE'S A VAMPIRE who's walked the earth since the the 1860s, but would you believe him? After all, he's been accused of some pretty shady dealings in the past. And he did once own a medieval castle in Bavaria which some speculated he purchased to "embrace the vampire lifestyle."
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ALL IS FINALLY RIGHT FOR AMERICA'S MEATBALLS Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "J-Woww" Farley. Jerramiah Healy, the mayor of Jersey City, New Jersey, offers his city for them to wreak havoc in for their spin-off show, scheduled to begin production next month. Snooki is officially not pregnant. New Jersey governor Chris Christie looks like he’s already eaten his harsh words about the duo. Hoboken has to live with the harsh reality that the “Shore” spin-off rating will trump their hometown pride and joy, Cake Boss. And the world is finally at peace.
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"WE'RE FINDING OUT WHO THE REAL TROUBLEMAKER IS AND IT'S SNOOKI!"
Those are Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's famous last words…if Snooki has anything to do with it.
Mike, all jazzed-up because his veins are now 100 percent filled with ice water, gets the Unit on the phone, and tries to get him to come visit so he can help ruin Snooki's life.
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IT'S 7:27 A.M. AND I AM WATCHING A YOUTUBE video featuring female impersonator Sonique lip synching to Madonna's latest Give me All Your Luvin at Mickey's in West Hollywood this week.
There she is, in all her perfection, delivering a fun rendition of the song while I am sitting here in yoga pants and a black cardigan that has more stray hairs than are on my head.
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TLC'S TODDLERS & TIARAS MOM June Shannon feeds her six-year-old daughter a liquid concoction of Red Bull and Mountain Dew to keep her "focused" at the pageant.
Apparently unsatisfied with sugary treats like Pixy Stix that other stage moms use to hype up their kids, Shannon created "Go-Go-Juice" to give Alana an extra boost.
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EVERY TIME I THINK I'VE HEARD IT ALL FROM JERSEY SHORE'S SNOOKI, I get slapped in the face with yet one more juicy tidbit.
Snooki Polizzi announced yesterday on a press tour for the MTV series that she is bisexual. "I would consider myself bi,'' she tells HuffPo during a wide-ranging interview on sex, family, feminism and fame. "I've done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like... penis."
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WE'RE 42 MILES SOUTH AND AN HOUR AWAY FROM BEVERLY HILLS and the houses in Orange County, while opulent, are a lot smaller.
This season opens with clips of previous jealousies, new loves, old breakups and of course, the epic fights -- between Tamra and Gretchen, Tamra and Jeanna, Peggy and Alexis, Don and Vicki.
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TMZ TITILLATES WITH THE PROMISE THAT Kris Humphries is ready to pull the curtains back on the seedy side of reality TV during his divorce battle with Kim Kardashian.
Read the full post here.
ANDY KICKS OFF THIS SECOND PART OF THE REUNION WITH A REALLY GOOD QUESTION FOR BRANDI: Was it harder getting around Beverly Hills on crutches or getting along with these bitc… ladies? Let's find out.
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MADONNA GETS MY GOLDEN POMPOM AWARD FOR Sunday's smokin' Super Bowl XLVI Halftime show last night that drew 114 million viewers -- the largest television audience in American history.
Read the full post here.
VINNY'S BACK! Deena's over the moon excited to have her soul back, and Pauly's excited to have his boyfriend back. So precious.
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IS JERSEY SHORE MEATBALL SNOOKI PREGNANT OR DID SHE EAT A PICKLE?
Star magazine reports that the spitfire is expecting after she tweeted she felt sick and was having food cravings. "She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family," an alleged "insider" tells the mag.
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STILL BITTER OVER HIS BRUISING PRIMARY LOSS IN SOUTH CAROLINA, ONCE-REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE STEPHEN COLBERT LAUNCHED AN ATTACK ON THE PARTY'S frontrunners last night on Twitter.
On his television show last night, Colbert showed a clip of the Massachusetts Republican insisting that "a competitive primary does not divide us, it prepares us." Then, using Mitt Romney's own words to cover his duplicitious scheme, he launched a plot to advance the party's internecine bloodbath.
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JOAN RIVERS FESSES THAT SHE USED TO GET STONED WITH 90-YEAR-OLD ACTRESS BETTY WHITE back when she worked the comedy club circuit.
"She was some slut then," Joan tells HuffPo jokingly.
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THE SAME CABLE CHANNEL THAT GAVE DOG ABUSER AND FOOTBAL PLAYER MikeVick the Sportsman of the Year award has suddenly refused to air Nicki Minaj's latest video Stupid Hoe.
Read the full post here.
AS IF HER RAP SHEET WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, the latest wannabe Real Housewife of Atlanta just burned a bridge that no amount of sass can rebuild.
One of the most questionable figures on Bravo, Marlo Hampton committed the ultimate no-no on Sunday's episode.
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ANOTHER REUNION, ANOTHER SEASON DOWN. Andy, the giddy and goofy king, holds court in the middle of a Housewife semicircle. The queens, er…ladies, dressed to the nines, are arrayed on either side of him. They're in another garishly decorated hotel ball/conference room, waiting to rehash all the horrid things they've said behind each other's backs.
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IT'S THE TALLS VERSUS THE SMALLS ON SUNDAY'S Real Housewives of Atlanta. On part one of their big trip to Africa, the ladies put their phones to use and filmed each other on the 16-hour plane ride, which seemed doomed from the get-go when each brought enough luggage to last an entire month.
Their first several moments in the Motherland are spent hauling their bags through the Capetown airport.
As a little glimpse of what I'm sure will be a vacation full of screaming, Marlo gives the ladies a little etiquette lesson.
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HEARTBROKEN AFTER EUTHANIZING his beloved healthy 5-year-old pit bull, sometime-soap actor Nick Santino killed himself on his 47th birthday.
Santino was found dead Wednesday in his condominium at One One Lincoln Plaza after taking an overdose of pills, one week the day after he put his dog to sleep, according to reports. A suicide note was found with him.
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THERE'S STILL A CLOUD OF SADNESS LOOMING OVER THE JERSEY SHORE HOUSE, but with the help of some strippers and wheelchairs (yes, wheelchairs), things may be looking up for our favorite club rats.
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YESTERDAY WE LEARNED ABOUT DICK JOKES on Family Feud. Today it's time to hear about the boozy lunches that led to Pat Sajak and everybody's favorite letter-turner Vanna White hosting Wheel of Fortune while sauced.
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I WAS ALL LIKE STFU! AFTER TIM GUNN CONFESSED he's been fallow in the bedroom for 29 years. The Project Runway pacesetter epitomizes polish and charm. And he's a bonafide celebrity after serving nine years as mentor to fashion designers on the cable series hosted by Heidi Klum. He's even guest-starred as himself in episodes of Gossip Girl and How I Met Your Mother. On top of all that he's trim and handsome to boot. You just know sexual opportunity knocks.
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HERE'S A PILOT DICK JOKE FOR ALL YOUR AIRLINE FRIENDS, compliments of Family Feud.
Contestants on an episode that aired Monday were aghast at the sixth most popular response to the question: "What might an airplane pilot be holding on a long flight?"
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REALLY? A COLONOSCOPY AND A WEDDING? Is this really how you want to end the season?
At casa Vanderpump/Todd, things seem to be humming along but Lisa insists it's a chaotic mess of mass proportions. She's stripping flowers and venting frustration with Ken, who doesn't seem to be helping enough. She frightens him so he runs back to work. Her helping with the flowers must be part of her cost cutting move with wedding planner Kevin.
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THE LADIES ARE PREPARING FOR WHAT IS sure to be the wildest vacation in Housewives history, and Kim tries to feel sexy again by mummifying herself.
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TEAM MEATBALL FINDS ITSELF IN A TANGLED MESS, Pauly tries to use sex to fill the hole Vinny's left in his heart, Deena cries over the loss of her soulmate and Mike has trouble closing a door.
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STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! It's been a decade since American Idol debuted, and besides being the gold standard in reality singing competitions, what helps keep the show ahead of the pack is its never-ending supply of madness.
Really, what other show has late night hosts creating segments called "Steven Tyler's Creepy Leer of the Night"
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THE EXPANSION OF LISA AND KEN'S RESTAURANT SUR is complete. You know what that means. Get your fancy pants on, we're going to a launch party. Gosh, I'm barely recovered from the grueling vacation in Hawaii. Let the air-kissing begin.
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RICKY GERVAIS PULLED THE OL' SWITCH AND BAIT: He promised prime ribbing but instead served cheap cuts.
"Phew! Thank fuck that's over," Gervais wrote in his first post-Golden Globes blog post.
Peewww is more like it.
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PUT THE FIREHOUSE ON STANDBY: RICKY GERVAIS WILL BE INCENDIARY as host of the upcoming Golden Globes.
The cutthroat comic tells Matt Lauer that he's contractually permitted to be no holds barred for this year's awards ceremony, which airs Sunday, Jan. 15.
Read the full post here.
TV STANDARDS REALLY HAVE FALLEN TO A NEW LOW: Howard Stern is joining the judging panel of America's Got Talent.
The shock jock will join Simon Cowell's prime-time talent show next spring while continuing to do his SiriusXM Satellite radio program.
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THERE ARE WORDS SPOKEN PUBLICLY, AND THEN THERE'S THE BACK STORY. Scratch the surface of the former and you'll often find strategy, revenge, self-interest and/or the big sell. Which brings me to the curiously generous words made this week by Chuck Lorre and Jon Cryer about bad boy Charlie Sheen.
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DID YOU CATCH KRIS HUMPHRIES ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA YESTERDAY? That dude came off smooth as creamy peanut butter. Of course, peanut butter only gets that way after being pummeled into paste.
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KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN'S baby daddy must have been traumatized last week [as we were] after witnessing on Kourtney & Kim Take New York his crackpot girlfriend ooze anal discharge on the bed shared by Kim and her temporary tool, Kris Humphries.
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KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN EARNED A FEW BUCKS ANNOUNCING HER PREGNANCY on the cover of Us Weekly and sister Kimmy's been milking the P.R. machine with tweets of joy and congratulations. Yet has anybody asked how Scott Disick feels?
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THE COOL KIDS AND THE BEAUTIFULS converged in Los Angeles last night to celebrate the 2011 American Music Awards. Kanye must have been apoplectic 'cause that sneaky coquette Taylor Swift won for Artist Of The Year, Best Country Female Artist and Best Country Album for Speak Now. The night's prizes brings to 10 the number of AMA awards collected by the 21-year-old performer.
The night's other top prize winner was Adele, who bagged awards for Best Adult Contemporary Artist, Best Pop/Rock Female, and Best Pop/Rock Album for 21. She was unable to attend because she's recovering from surgery on her vocal chords.
Nicki Minaj won for Best Rap/Hip-Hop Artist and Best Rap/Hip-Hop Album for Pink Friday. "There's so much love in this room," she cooed her thanks. And Katy Perry took him a Special Achievement award.
The full list of winners at the jump.
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IT'S KIM'S BABY SHOWER BRAVO STYLE! Which means the hour is pregnant with possibilities for misunderstandings, insults, slights and fights. And which brings us to Phaedra's husband Apollo and Cynthia's husband Peter almost coming to blows. At a baby shower. Thank God the convicted felon had the class to walk away.
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THE HAIRS ON THE NECKS OF COLLECTIVE HOLLYWOOD are quaking: Ricky Gervais is back!
The comic who cuts just below the stratum corneum returns to host his third consecutive Golden Globes Awards on Jan. 15, 2012.
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WELL HERE'S AN EVENT WE HAVEN'T SEEN since Kennedy's $60,000 4th birthday party. Lisa's having a tea party for the girls. Just because. Don't you have tea parties, just because? Y'all don't? Pity.
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It's time for a nice vacay from Haterville (NeNe's words, not mine)!
NeNe, Cynthia, and Kandi take a break from Atlanta and head to Miami. Kandi's hoping NeNe doesn't flip out this time around, since she and Kim got into it the last time they visited Magic City.
Read the full post here.
O ET'S TRAVEL DOWN THE Housewives' musical lane from Atlanta housewife Kim Zolciak to the latest warbler, Beverly Hills' Lisa Vanderpump.
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IT'S OFFICIAL: KIM KARDASHIAN'S EARLY ABORTED MARRIAGE is the stuff of overwrought Country love songs.
If Saturday Night Live's cutting spoof of the reality star's divorce wasn't proof enough that shame has darkened the house of Kardansia, then check out last night's skewering on the Country Music Awards by Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood and Modern Family star Eric Stonestreet.
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THERE'S NO DIGNIFIED WAY OUT OF THE SPECTACLE THAT'S BECOME NADYA SULEMAN'S LIFE. Now drowning in debt and overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting 14 children alone, the Octomom has become a freak show in the carnival that is American TV.
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AT GAME NIGHT, BRANDI'S CALLING A TIMEOUT.
When Kyle brings up her kid "whipping out his penis at a party and peeing on the grass," again, Brandi goes ballistic, throws some F-bombs and shouts "stop insulting my kid and my parenting skills!"
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BEING A REALITY TV HOUSEWIFE SEEMS LIKE THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING. And no, we're not talking STDs.
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WE OPEN WITH EMILY AT THE SHRINK telling the totally made-up story about how she survived the horrific car accident that killed her parents. She says she''s unable to move her relationship with Daniel forward.
Dr. Banks is either next on her shit list -- or a means to an end.
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WE FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE SPECTACLE OF AMERICA'S FAKE ROYAL COUPLE -- Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries -- getting married. Yes, she's only a reality star, but Kim Kardashian is as famous as Beyonce or Lady Gaga minus the whole talent thing. We've watched her last five years unfold before our eyes beginning with her "O" face on her famous sex tape, her mascara-laden "ugly" faces on her show, to all the times we watched her mother sell her. Now we get to see her marry the man of her reality dreams, NBA basketball player Kris Humphries. Sorry, Ray J.
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EMILY/AMANDA IS FLIPPING THROUGH HER revenge mementos when a SWAT team busts in led by Victoria. Because the SWAT team can't function without the supervision of a WASP.
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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN REALITY TV ASSHOLES BEGIN TO SMELL? They have to get a real job.
And so, Spencer Pratt, asshole extraordinaire and former villain on The Hills, is going back to school.
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A MERE 12 WEEKS BEFORE THAT FATAL NIGHT when Daniel ended up face down in the Hamptons sand, Ashley whisks Emily away from the match to a private linen-sheet fortress, er, I mean chic tent, for some champers and a frank discussion about how "dangerous" Daniel is.
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THE WIZARDS AT SESAME STREET HAVE reshaped Glee's self-absorbed high schoolers into the "G" club with all the same ticks and tempests as the TV characters.
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OOH, DEEP. WE'RE STARTING OFF WITH A CONFUCIUS QUOTE: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Confucius also say that a man who stands on the toilet is high on pot. But I digress.
Our narrator opens with:
When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind. Neat little morality slogans like, "Do unto others" and "Two wrongs don't make a right. But two wrongs can never make a right. Two wrongs can never equal each other."
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GETTING EVISCERATED BY CRUEL WITS HAS HAD A REVELATORY EFFECT ON CHARLIE SHEEN.
During last weekend's roast taped by Comedy Central, comic Hollywood launched its own own torpedo of truth at the notorious party boy with a penchant for porn and rough play with women. No topic was taboo.
"It's amazing," joked actress Kate Walsh from Grey's Anatomy. "Despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you've had removed is your kids."
Read the full post here.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
Funereal music plays as the Housewives sans Taylor gather at Adrienne Maloof's mansion. Lisa VanderCamp walks across the street from her mansion, holding hands with husband Ken.
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I JUST READ THE MOST AWESOME NEWS: THE BBC reports that three new specials of the 90s' addiction Absolutely Fabulous are filming right now!
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WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE VMAs that makes everyone bring out their inner weirdo?
Things are popping off this weird dude I've never seen before...and then I'm like, oh wait, it's Lady Gaga. I didn't recognize her with her dick out, that's all.
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EVER SINCE REAL HOUSEWIFE HUBBY RUSSELL ARMSTRONG WAS FOUND HANGED MONDAY IN AN APPARENT SUICIDE, there's been lots of squawking about the evils of reality TV, a claim that I'd never dispute.
Though Russell Armstrong reportedly told friends that appearing on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with wife Taylor Armstrong ruined his life, there's little doubt that he was battling demons long before appearing on that show.
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SO I'M AT THE LUNCH TABLE IN THE BREAK ROOM telling a friend how curious I am about the newly announced Real Housewives tour. He suddenly blurts out that one of the housewives husband's committed suicide. "Get the fuck outta here," I say in my best Philly accent.
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OMG, THERE'S A TOUR. Yup, a mixed bag of reality nuts from all the different Real Housewives' franchises will be joining each other and hitting different stops across the U.S. this fall.
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THE VOTES HAVE BEEN CAST AND THE WINNERS ARE IN: ALL THREE JUDGES FROM LAST YEAR'S AMERICAN IDOL WILL RETURN TO THE HITMAKING TV SHOW FOR ITS 11TH SEASON.
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HALF THE FUN OF WATCHING TV IS SEARCHING FOR THE UNSPOKEN METAPHOR OR MEANING.
For instance, who among us hasn't heard the theory that Scooby and Shaggy are potheads who keep their toking on the lowdown but can't disguise the inevitable hungering results?
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SEASON AFTER SEASON, city to city, Bravo has given humankind a reason to laugh at our conceits and deceits: The Real Housewives franchise.
Over the years, New Jersey, New York City, Orange County, and Atlanta have given us a look at the best players their cities have to offer. And while each series couldn't be more different from the other, there are two traits that bind the shows' together: all of the women seem insane, and at least one of them fancies herself a singer.
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MICHAELE AND TARIQ SALAHI GET OFF ON EJECULATIONS. The Beverly Hills Housewives promise you shall know their velocity. And will NeNe Leakes place nice-nice with Atlanta's new playa?
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MEET NEW BEVERY HILLS HOUSEWIVE Brandi Glanville. An excellent choice, I must say, as Brandi's life is much more drama filled than castmates Camille Grammer, Kyle and Kim Richards, Taylor Armstrong and Lisa Vanderpump.
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WHO IS PAUL ROGERS????
That's what I want to know after watching his reimagined opening credits for Mad Men embedded above.
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THE HIT DRAMEDY GLEE IS GETTING REAL.
When Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson and the other incoming seniors graduate next spring, the show won't follow them to college. And Mr. Shue will not follow them to a fictional place of higher learning.
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LET'S BE HONEST: IF ANY OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK had a good head on their shoulders, they would not be a "Real Housewife of New York."
When faced with trying times, these women solve their problems in more unconventional, train-wreck sort of ways. Like throwing a burlesque party in hopes of ridding yourself of looming bankruptcy.
Read the full post here.
ME AND MY HUBS ARE HOOKED ON ICE LOVES COCO. We love it -- at first just because they have the world's cutest pit bull, Spartacus. Apparently, every time Ice tries to kiss Coco, all forty or so pounds of Spartacus jumps up and tries to get in the middle of the action.
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WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW! ON THIS WEEK'S Real Housewives of New Jersey” Teresa and Co. head to Joe's family cabin for a nice relaxing weekend away from the stresses of everyday suburban life. Well, relaxing for a Guidice affair.
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A NEW YORK MAN IS BLAMING JERRY SEINFELD'S CRITICALLY SKEWERED SERIES The Married Ref for busting up his marriage.
Howie Kohlenberg, 47, claims after he and Christine Kohlenberg appeared as a bickering couple on the show's debut March 4, 2010 episode, his wife became obsessed with becoming a reality TV star.
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THE DEAL IS DONE: DEADLINE'S Nikki Finke says Jon Hamm has signed an "eight figure" contract for three more years of Mad Men, AMC's 60s ad agency drama.
Hamm will also direct season five's debut episode.
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D"Deep in the Lake Titicaca Valley, a school was formed by drag queens to help biological women unleash their inner diva and let the world have it. We here at Drag Queen U are in the business of putting drag queen heads on women's shoulders."
So does this give me license to stop doing the laundry because I'm just too much of a diva for that mess? I'm about to find out, because the professors are back. And with important lessons like, "thinking that you're fat and ugly is no way to go through life" and "straddle 'em," "I'm not sure if I want to be on the dean's list or in detention." Wait, no, I take that back. I definitely want to be on the dean's list. May as well give it my all.
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THE EXHAUSTING GUIDICE-GORGA FAMILY FEUD FINALLY COMES TO A HEAD… KIND OF. On this week’s Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa meets face-to-face with her brother Joe to discuss their troubled relationship, and then prepares for what the world only hopes is the last confrontation between these divided families.
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OH WOW, RAMONA'S PLANNING AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH HER HUSBAND MARIO AT A DOWNTOWN HOTEL. We watch as she lights candles, strews rose petals and sets the mood.
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TONIGHT'S REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEARTWARMING, with the Gorgas swallowing their pride to attend a Guidice-filled event. Instead, we witnessed the birth of the franchise's newest "pop star"!
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WE LAST LEFT RAMONA SOBBING ON A BED LIKE A 40s FILM STAR.
The only thing she didn't do was throw an arm across her forehead. We pick up with Jill angrily babbling to Kelly and the Countess about Ramona's terrible behavior upstairs, how horrible she's been and how Jill will never let it happen again. The Countess, good capo that she is, agrees and says that she'll see to it, all but kissing one of Jill's rings.
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NUANCE MAY NOT BE U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL ERIC HOLDER'S STRONG SUIT judging by his demand that David Simon make another season of his hit The Wire.
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WITH NO YELLING OR HAIR-PULLING ON THIS WEEK'S REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY, LOOKS LIKE THE Gorga-Guidice feud may have finally reached a turning point. If Joe Gorga can finally get over himself.
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THANK GOD THERE'S A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE.
Dr. Sean Nassari revealed last night that 16-year-old Lauren Alaina blew a vocal chord while "really pushing her voice to get the maximum sound out." But after taking "a lot of medicines," Alaina was ready to go on the first night of the two-part American Idol finale.
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VICKI AND DONN ARE BICKERING ABOUT LAUNDRY, OF ALL THINGS. You know you've reached the end when you bicker over the mundane things in life.
Vicki says that they don't touch anymore, that they're really strangers living in the same big lovely house. Son Michael tells us they don't spend enough time together but Vicki says that it really doesn't matter. When they're together there's nothing to say. Sad.
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WHEN THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY GET together for the latest Posche fashion show, everyone keeps their fingers crossed that there won't be any table flipping or hair pulling. Well, everyone except Kim G.
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WE OPEN THIS WEEK WITH THE MELLIFLUOUS SOUND OF LUANNA SPEAKING FRENCH.
I mean, it's better than hearing her sing. She's showing off at lunch with Sonja. She wants to chat about the tension between the ladies. Not that she's had a hand in it. They should call her Countess Instigator. So, instead of letting the ladies maintain a bit of distance, just for a short time, she thinks a trip to Morocco with will bring the peace. She's been there many times with Count Fuckedherover and calls it magical.
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AFTER A RECORD-SHATTERING 95 million votes were cast, the 10th American Idol finale will have its first country-on-country showdown.
Once we saw the three finalists visit their respective hometowns, it was time to bid adieu to 20-year-old raspy rocker Haley Reinhart, who nonetheless declared herself a winner.
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THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE BEGINS.
The three American Idol finalists visited their hometowns where they were greeted like national heroes, then each had the privilege of being coached by Her Royal Fierceness, Beyonce Knowles.
When the trio returned to Hollywood, they each performed three songs and made things spicy for the voters.
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AFTER THE EXPLOSIVE RETURN OF THE NEW JERSEY HOUSEWIVES, THESE O.C. ladies seem laid back and tedious. But let’s enjoy the sunshine while we can. There's a trip to San Antonio!
We're shoe shopping with Alexis and her assistant. She's preparing for a 2-day trip to San Antonio to chill with Gretchen. While buying some cowboy boots she asks the clerk if they have any about four inches higher. He jokes that sure he can find her some higher. She falls for this and then he says, uh no. Then, when he shows her a distressed pair. She says they look old. Her assistant all but says, "DUH, distressed." But he just says, 'Yea, distressed.' What kinda designer is she?
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WHAT IS THIS, THE SOPRANOS PART DEUX?
If we've learned anything so far from Real Housewives of New Jersey, it's that unless it's a heartwarming Manzo affair, never let the family get together. On Monday's season premiere, Teresa and family attend her nephew's christening, and the whole event plays out like a bad episode of the mobsters' series.
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OM God, will someone please tell Slade Smiley that he is "not the Housewife!"
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TWITTER'S LOSS WILL BE PRIME TIME'S GAIN AS PRETTY BOY ASHTON KUTCHER SIGNS ON TO REPLACE CHARLIE SHEEN.
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ZING! Blindsiding nearly every American Idol fan, voters tossed judge and crowd favorite James Durbin.
It was a shock that the 22-year-old rocker didn't make it to the final three. From the beginning the judges had dubbed him "in it to win it."
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FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, GETTING PISSED OFF AT THE JUDGES PAYS OFF PRETTILY FOR HALEY REINHART.
Twice now the Idol hopeful has turned judges' criticism into high-energy I-told-you-so performances. This week, when the theme is "inspiration,'' we have Lady Gaga to thank for giving Reinhart the extra push she needed. Mother Monster guest-coached the remaining four contestants, encouraging all of them to amp up the theatrics.
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TAMRA HAS DRINKS WITH LYNN, WHOSE LACK OF MONEY eliminated her from the show, as it did Jeanna. Cameos are allowed though. Good to see ya, Lynn. How's your sweet husband and two bratty teens?
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BRITNEY PALIN ONCE AGAIN PROVES TEEN PREGNANCY IS THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON DELIVERING -- AS LONG AS YOUR MOMMY'S A REPUBLICAN LEADER.
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JACOB LUSK WAS BUMPED FROM AMERICAN IDOL BUT WHAT A CLASSY EXIT HE TOOK.
Lusk was tossed as Idol's 10th season squeaks to a close.
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THE PRESSURE'S GETTING STEAMY HOT ON AMERICAN IDOL. The five remaining contestants -- James Durbin, Haley Reinhart, Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreery, and Jacob Lusk -- performed two songs each, a hit from the past and a current chart-topper.
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DARKNESS. DRAMATIC DARKNESS.
Then, a tasteful pop of red. Then a flash of classic pinstripes.
You are about to be entranced by RuPaul.
"You know the law. Thirteen glamazons enter. One drag superstar leaves. Let the Thunderdome begin!"
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NBC ANCHOR BRIAN WILLIAMS WAS DOING "what old people do -- catching up on the Tivo" after enjoying dinner out with his wife -- when he checked his Blackberry and found an email from a senior White House official.
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ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DINNER PARTY FROM HELL.
Is it me or is this franchise becoming one dinner party disaster after another. Tonight it's Peggy's turn to be the dismayed hostess. All the ladies are invited. Good times.
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CINDY AND SONJA MEET FOR SHOPPING at Vivienne Tam and lunch at Cipriani's. Unfortunately for Sonja, who's really hungry, Cindy has chipped her veneers. She's brought some Fixodent with her and the two proceed to try to fix it on the street. Germs be damned. I'm sure there's a really nice ladies' lounge at Vivienne Tam's. But Cindy doesn't want anyone to see her like that. I understand. But Sonja doesn't.
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AND THEN THERE WERE FIVE.
American Idol sadly said goodbye to Casey Abrams on Thursday night. Abrams was saved by the judges earlier in the season after the panel believed he was wrongfully landed at the bottom of the pack.
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AMERICAN IDOL PAID TRIBUTE TO YET another legend, and this time it was a lady. A true class act whose music has been celebrated for years: Miley Cyrus!
Just kidding. But she was one of the coaches this week for the top six's Carole King tribute.
The teen idol crashed Lauren Alaina's rehearsal with Jimmy Iovine, thrilling the young contestant. Cyrus gave Alaina some generic "be yourself" advice and told her that she listens to Alaina's music "all the time." She must've also dressed the contestant for her performance, because she came out singing Where You Lead looking like Cyrus' stand-in for Hannah Montana.
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OMGOMGOMG I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
It's the season finale, and we're down to Raja, Manila Luzon and Alexis Matteo.
Let's dive right in, since last week was a bullshit clip show. Yara's gone, and Alexis is still bummed to have lost his friend.
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I USED TO THINK THAT BEING THE RIGHT-HAND ASSISTANT to a person of means would be the most fabulous job in the world. Then I started watching these reality shows and now… not so much. I'll share my reasoning in a bit.
Although this seems to be Tamra's year to shine in Orange County, she takes a back seat and drifts in and out of this episode. Although I never see these housewives wearing anything I'd remotely buy, it's interesting that they seem to be at the height of Orange County fashion.
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LET ME GET ONE THING OFF MY CHEST BEFORE I START THIS RECAP: In the opening montage, Jill says she knows who she is and she owns it. Then why, pray tell, does she pipe up every episode about how much she's changed? For the better? Then Bravo shows us almost immediately that she hasn't. She makes my head hurt.
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I CALLED IT.
In one of the most predictable eliminations of the season, American Idol said goodbye to Stefano Langone Thursday night.
Not so predictable, however, was James Durbin's reaction to the elimination.
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THE SEVEN SURVIVING AMERICAN IDOL WANNABES OPENED THE NIGHT WITH A POPPY VERSION OF PINK'S So What and were joined in surprise appearances by ousted contestants Karen Rodriguez, Pia Toscano, Thia Megia, Ashthon Jones, Naima Adepapo and Paul McDonald.
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SO IT'S COME TO THIS: A CLIP SHOW.
The first few minutes bring the spotlight directly above Ru, who soaks it all up as she sings her new single, Superstar with very little movement. I thought there would be literal grand gestures; I've never seen anything so stiff. Although I'm sure she'd disagree.
"Tonight, it's a superstar edition of RuPaul's Drag Race," she tells us. "Get ready to gag as we flash back on this season's most unforgettable moments. Watch as this year's queens bare more than just their latex boobies in never-before-seen, up-close-and-personal moments. Join our extra-special guests, Jujubee, Raven and Queen Tyra as we count down the top 10 most sickening fits and fashion."
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WHERE AM I? NEW YORK -- UH, NO, IN ORANGE COUNTY WATCHING VICKI deliver a housewarming gift to Tamra at her new tiny house. Which is still bigger than mine.
Tamra tells Vicki how nice her single life (with kids) is. Then, she tells her that that damn Peggy ran into Simon and she let him know where Tamra was vacationing. That pisses me and her off. I know how it is to want someone to definitely not know where you are. Horrified, she says she started getting vicious text messages and Simon showed up at her house while she was gone and hung out with her mom and the kids. She didn't like that AT ALL. Him coming over there whenever he pleases. Their divorce is not going well.
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THE AUDIENCE COORDINATOR WHO TOLD ASHLEY KAUFFMAN she was too fat to sit in the front row at American Idol let slip a dirty secret: TV loves the thin and pretty.
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I WANT SONJAY'S house. Badly.
Anyway, Sonja's getting her makeup done in her fab bathroom in her beautiful townhouse. The girls are gathering there before heading out to the marriage equality march. Here comes LuAnn down the stairs. Kelly joins them shortly, bringing flowers and candles. She's so gifty. Sonja thinks so, too.
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NOT EVERYONE LIKES THAT Old Time Rock and Roll.
And so Nashville singer Paul McDonald gets bid adieu on this week's American Idol.
After 53 million votes were cast, McDonald landed at the bottom along with Stefano Langone (for the second consecutive week) and Haley Reinhart.
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LIGHTS! CAMERA! IDOL!
This week's American Idol contest has the eight remaining hopefuls singing iconic songs from the big screen.
The Pia Toscano-less episode opened with a montage featuring the recently eliminated contestant, reminding this game show's players that "every vote counts."
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TONIGHT'S FORAY INTO THE MONIED CLASS, "MAKE DAT MONEY,'' has an underlying theme whether or not it was intentional: There's a fine line between 'too much' and 'just enough.' At first, I thought this was a bitchy way for me to describe the way the queens applied foundation, but then I realized, wait, maybe underneath this judgy exterior lies a profound interior. Or just a shitload of truth serum, aka vodka.
Potato, potaaato.
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VICKI DECIDES TO LEAVE WORK BEHIND AND GO ON A BOAT RIDE WITH HER FAMILY....AND SOME WORK FOLKS.
That's not exactly leaving work behind, Vicki. She says she wants the biggest boat in the marina! Why? You know why. Because she works! Damn it. Then she almost immediately gets pissed because Don laughs when her son call her obnoxious for wanting a boat docked at the marina with her name "Victoria" on it. Now she's not having a good time anymore. That Don. He spoils everything! She actually pouts.
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HERE WE ARE, BACK IN THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS. Probably because it thinks it'll wake up with a knife in its back.
Since the ladies have vowed to let bygones be bygones and start fresh, we'll do the same. Let's see how long this lasts.
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
OK! has a short interview with new NY housewife Cindy Barshop. As you all probably knew, she's a 47 year old spa owner.
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AND THEN THERE WERE EIGHT.
American Idol said goodbye to sultry songstress Pia Toscano, creating uproar amongst the judges, audience, and even the saved contestants.
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IT'S DOE OR DIE FROM HERE ON OUT ON AMERICAN IDOl, and tonight's performances from the final nine contestants shows they're not going down without a fight.
This week’s Idol pays tribute to Rock and Roll Hall of Famers. So yeah, Steven Tyler pays tribute to himself -- I mean, Aerosmith -- in a lengthy introduction segment celebrating rock 'n roll and Steven Tyler.
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"IF THEY BRING SHANGELA BACK ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PACK UP MY [balls? Boobs for Drag Queens? It's anyone's guess] and leave forever," Raja tells us at the end of the last episode. Whatever he packs up or tucks in, I hope they catch it on camera this episode. Tonight, an eliminated queen gets a second chance – who will it be?!
Raja continues to gloat about how free he feels and how he could just let a bird settle on his finger and sing, and I'm waiting for Manila to come over and lecture him about that not-so-fresh feeling or some shit. Jeez. I get it. You're happy that they packed Shangela back into her box and shipped her back to "Bitch, please, USA."
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NOT THAT IT'S WORTH WASTING OUR BREATH OVER, OR THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO, BUT BARACK OBAMA'S RECORD ON GOVERNMENT OPENNESS IS LAUGHABLE.
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NEW HOUSEWIFE PEGGY, HER HUBBY MICAH AND HER PLASTIC SURGEON ARE YUKKING IT UP IN THE SURGEON'S OFFICE.
Peggy needs an adjustment since one of her implants now veers to the left. Goodness. Peggy loves all things natural except breasts. She admits to OC women that breast augmentation is like a trip to the supermarket. And, she says, don't give her shit cause she has fake boobs. O, I won't Peggy, it's enough for me that I don't live in Stepford.
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NOW THAT CASEY ABRAMS' SAVE IS SO LAST WEEK, it's time to say goodbye to two contestants on American Idol: Naima Adedapo and Thia Megia.
More than 55 million votes were cast -- more than double last week's episode, most likely due to the fact that the fans' favorites now had double the chance of elimination.
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CASEY ABRAMS'S GOT TO FEEL PRESSURE AFTER LAST WEEK'S BIG SAVE FROM THE JUDGES. And just in case you missed it, last night's American Idol relived the moment in a goosebump-inducing intro video.
The 11 hopefuls -- facing a double elimination this week -- paid tribute to the legendary Elton John last night, and Scotty McCreery managed to find John's only country song (Country Comfort) to kick-off the episode. Scotty may be a one-trick pony, but at least he nails it every time.
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AND SO SEASON ONE OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI ends with a lap-dance, floppy hats, a shirtless underage boy, and a self-proclaimed witch stirring up trouble in her cauldron of vibes.
Marysol shows her mother, Elsa, the pictures from her wedding. In a beautifully tender moment between the surgically-altered mother-daughter duo, Elsa tells Marysol that she loves Philippe, and thinks he's a wonderful person.
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FIVE GALS TO GO. Manila talks about how, this week in the workroom, there's a huge void that used to be taken up by Carmen. And I'm thinking, No, no, Carmen WAS the huge void.
And Raja thinks she's hot shit now, because she won the punk challenge. Granted, girlfriend's got a killer style, but uh, it's not necessary to talk about how you're not gonna be nice anymore. Every competitor, on every reality show since the fucking Real World has said that, and I am sick of hearing it. "I'm done being nice, I wanna win this thing" is my generation's "Where's the beef" for real.
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I HAVE A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE REAL HOUSEWIVES. I adore and loathe them in equal parts. So the recent buzz that there won't be another edition of Miami or DC made me wanna shout Haaaleeelooooo!
"After DC failed in the ratings and Miami just bombed, they realized they can't just start a show anywhere and it will succeed," a source tells RadarOnline.
Since all of these ladies know how to get their share of press, I expect I'll see them in the future. Just take DC's Michaele Salahi. She got on Celebrity Rehab while not being a "celebrity" and not having an addiction. But I won't protest that because she definitely does have an addiction, one she shares with hubby Tariq -- to fame! Those two are amazing, really. They have no money, no shame and will crash a Chuck E. Cheese if there are cameras.
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THANK GOODNESS FOR THE POWER OF THE JUDGES! Casey Abrams scored the lowest amount of fan votes after Wednesday's Motown-themed episode, landing him in the bottom of the pack.
But no one was sent packing Thursday night. Thia and Stefano were expected to land in the bottom three, but Casey joining them at the bottom was quite the shock. Randy, Jennifer, and Steven used their one save to keep Casey in the competition, where he's proven he belongs.
When the reprieve came, a grateful Casey dashed toward the judges saying, "Are you really? Why would you do this? I can't believe it."
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THIS WEEK'S IDOL WANNABES PERFORMED MOTOWN CLASSICS in one of the most captivating episodes of the past few seasons, and we learned there ain't no cover high enough to keep it from yooouuu!
Jacob Lutz finally toned himself down to sing Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell’s You're All I Need, and reminded the judges why he deserves to be there.
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MARYSOL'S GETTING READY FOR HER ASPEN WEDDING TO PHILIPPE, AND NOW IT'S HER fiancé's turn to feel pre-wedding jitters. Last week it was Marysol who needed to be calmed down about the spur of the moment ceremony.
The couple have their wedding pictures taken on the Silver Queen Gondola overlooking Aspen's magestic mountains while Marysol frets that the cable could break before the ceremony. But the two make it alive to the peak, and she and Philippe walked down the snowy mountain aisle. Marysol is overcome with emotion and bursts into tears as the priest reads aloud Philippe’s vows: "I have loved you more each day than the day before."
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ALEXIS COMES OVER TO VISIT WITH GRETCHEN, who's wearing a crown in reference to Alexis' 'princess' comment last week. Still. Not. Over. It.
Come on.
They chat about new housewife Peggy, who's been invited to go shopping with them. The three of them are soooooooooooooo California. Tall, leggy, thin blondes with big boobs. The ladies shop and sip champagne as Gretchen and Peggy size each other up. Peggy thinks Gretchen is real Texas glam while Gretchen thinks Peggy is too old to be trying on cute clothes and trying to be young. Alexis has her fingers crossed all will go well between the two.
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SO THERE ARE FIVE QUEENS LEFT IN THE CASTLE.
And Yara, still reeling from being given a second chance, asks the others why they think Ru was so generous. Carmen, the other recipient of this miraculous second chance, says it's because they're fierce, and the other girls should be worried. I'm shaking my head, and so is Shangela: "Can someone slap her and wake her up?" Seriously. Carmen is doing that Pretty Girl Rock right off a fucking cliff.
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TELL US JIMMY, WHAT DOES A KISS FROM AN ADONIS WITH TIGER'S BLOOD TASTE LIKE?
The Charlie Sheen so-crazy-that-he'll-melt-your-face-off-just-by-looking-at-him-tour made a stop at Jimmy Kimmel's and planted a big, wet kiss on the talk-show host.
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LET'S TAKE THE WEEKLY TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH THE TOP 12 CONTESTANTS ON AMERICAN IDOL. This week's assignment: to perform a song released the year they were born. Get ready for Whitney Houston and power ballads!
The contestants also share baby pictures and interviews with their families. Can you say "precious"?
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IT'S ALEXIA'S TURN TO HOST THE WEEKLY COOKING PARTY, AND SHE OPTS FOR A CUBAN PIG ROAST.
To prepare, she takes a trip to a slaughterhouse. She's surprised by the smell of the place, and immediately slathers on the hand sanitizer. The experience tugs at her heartstrings a least a little bit, because she said she would have trouble eating the pig she picked out. She feels bad for the swine.
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IT'S HORRIFYING HOW IN LUUUUV SLADE AND GRETCH ARE IN. I'm so tired of hearing it. Oh, Gretchen just said she doesn't care if people are tired of hearing about their love. Shoot. So, we see some lovey dovey morning stuff with them, Slade shaves (ugh), then they try to convince us that Slade gets paid for his business "consulting" for Gretchen in pussy.
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DELTA IS GONE, AND I LOVE THE MEAN GIRLS REFERENCE: "Delta was so fetch."
Raja scolds Manila, "Heather, stop trying to make fetch happen." OMG, a Heathers reference, wrapped in a Mean Girls reference. I'm about to go into fag hag cardiac arrest.
Manila continues to pine over Delta's departure, and Alexis is giving her wicked side eye. She tells us that she thinks the Heathers are all fake, and then calls Manila out: "You sent her home!" Manila, who has apparently had an "awakening" on the stage during the lip sync challenge, retorts, “It was either me or her, girl.”
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LET'S EXAMINE THE MARRIAGES OF THE THE REAL HOUSEWIVES FROM ORANGE COUNTY .
Despite showing up to last week's party looking like a wedding cake topper, Gretchen still doesn't know if she's ready to marry Slade, her boyfriend of a year and a half. Funny, seeing as last week it seemed Gretchen had wedding bells ringing in her head the majority of the episode. She also calls Slade her bitch in an interview. Oh, to be in love.
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IT'S THE MORNING AFTER LEA'S CHARITY GALA, AND SHE'S GOT SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS. Specifically, collecting the $500 that Christy owes for crashing the event.
Adriana invites the ladies to a big lunch date, and then is an hour and forty-five minutes late. This gives Larsa permission to gossip about Adriana before she shows up.
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SIX DOLLS LEFT, AH-AH-AH.
Tonight's episode starts with fat girl on fat girl crime: Delta snipes about how Stacy "shouldn't have been here," and about how tough it's getting now that all the competition is so fierce. Well, then, DELTA, maybe Stacy saved your ass for a week, that's all I'm saying.
Everyone's doing penance for the shit they talked last week. Except instead of to a well-dressed, sparkly deity in the sky, it's to each other.
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MROWR! TONIGHT'S EPISODE IS EXTRA CATTY.
We start off with some dramatics from Raja about how "the more people leave, the happier I'll be. I can't handle all this yip-yap and chitter-chatter. I'm an old granny." No, Raja, you're an old QUEEN. Because GRANNIES call it "racket." But I'm splitting cheap wig hairs here.
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THE REAL HOUSEWIVES FRANCHISE FINALLY HIT MIAMI, opening with the typical charity gala every Real Housewife seems obligated to host. And, as with every Housewives series premiere, it's only a matter of minutes before the first catfight breaks out.
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"OK, I'M GONNA GO DO RUPAUL NOW," I TELL MY GUY. But this time, I don't get the signature raised eyebrow.
He's coming around.
Tonight, we hear about how disappointed Stacy is in herself. Again. And we hear about how she’s going to bring it. Again. But this time, she totally delivers!
Before I get to that, though, there's some hissing just outside the litter box. Turns out that Manila's winning "Asian correspondent" bit has Shangela in a snit.
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HOLY HELL, IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING EVER to make straight men watch this show. Especially if one of them is your lovesick brother, fresh off a bad break-up, and the other's your husband, fresh off a clumsily-executed Valentine's dinner where he nearly set the kitchen on fire and lightly toasted his eyebrows a nutty brown color. You might say I had a ball. If you were as witty as my girl RuPaul, that is.
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IT'S AS IF THE ENTIRE GRAMMY COMMUNITY CONSPIRED TO PROVE THERE'S more playas in today's music than a manic fame monster in meat dress.
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I WASN'T A TEENY BOPPER WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, BUT THIS KID MAKES ME, WELL, let's say it one more time...a "Belieber."
Fresh-faced, upbeat, positive, Justin Bieber is, like, a one-person salve for a corrupt world that steals kids' innocence even before they know what the word means.
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IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT EMINEM HAS MELLOWED, but the Detroit rapper who rose to fame giving voice to rape fantasies and maternal hatred has tempered his offstage rage. Yet his music is still fired by anger and emotional rawness even as he's become an elder statesman of rap who gives a standout performance every time he steps on stage.
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YOU KNOW YOU GOT A KEEPER WHEN WHITEY WANTS TO CO-OPT YOUR SONG, and that's exactly what happened with Cee Lo Green's Fuck You was covered by the lily white Gwynnie Paltrow.
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IT'S HARD TO DISPUTE JAY-Z's SELF-ANOINTMENT AS RAP GOD WHEN THE TITLE SINGLE FROM Empire State Of Mind has commanded 80.5 million YouTube hits.
Jay-Z's ballad about surviving New York City's badlands has become anthem for artists' Darwinian fight to the top.
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MY HEAD TOLD MY HEART: I gotta love earnest erudite English boys who perform rock folk with their own brand of fierceness.
The four lads who comprise Mumford & Sons are up for two Grammys this year -- for Best New Artist and for Best Rock Song for Little Lion Man.
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STARFUCKING HAS NEVER APPEALED TO ME, BUT I ADMIT: I'VE ALWAYS HAD A STRONG STREAK OF GROUPIE.
I'm a bad pretender, the idea of acting tantamount to aspiring to lie.
But play me honest music -- loudly -- expressing love or hate or fear or anger or hope or faith and I'll reach orgasmic levels of pleasure.
As the world counts down to the 53rd Grammy Awards, I'm gonna work myself up to a frenzy listening to some of music to be celebrated on CBS Sunday night. Won't you join me?
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LET'S GET PHYSICAL, BITCHES! Tonight, RuPaul asks the ladies to "get leotarded," and holy polyester, do they deliver.
The puns write themselves, so I don't have to. Which frees me up to thoroughly enjoy an assload of snark, punnery and blatant camp. Starting with the duct tape challenge.
Check out Trannies From Outer Space: A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap.
Read the full post here.
BRACE YOURSELVES
PYROMANIACAL MISANTHROPES BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD ARE HEADED BACK TO TV.
When I heard the news, I skipped over to YouTube for a refresher on the sneering losers. And the first comment I encountered was, "I can feel my IQ dropping while watching this, but I can't stop." Bingo!
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THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERILY HILLS REUNION BEGINS WITH A QUESTION Camille Grammer raises: Is Kyle Richards a bully?
Part one ended with the highly-anticipated Camille-Kyle showdown and left viewers waiting to see tonight's tear-filled conclusion.
Read the full post here.
OH. MY. SPARKLY. STARS!
Tonight the ethereal Miss Lily Tomlin graces us with her presence. But before I go there, I have to boldly go…
to the work room, where Ru makes the gals pair up with the diva they think they're most psychologically insync with.
Read the full post here.
THIS SEASON OF The Real Housewives of Atlanta was full of the usual catfights and musical endeavors, but Sunday's finale displayed the show's softer side as it captured the final moments before Cynthia's wedding.
Cynthia is planning her wedding at the Fernback Museum of Natural History with financial woes on her mind.
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GOLDEN-VOICED PANHANDLER TED WILLIAMS PROVOKED A LOT OF HANDWRINGING SINCE CHECKING OUT OF A DR. PHIL SPONSORED TRIP TO REHAB. BUT THE former radio announcer's slip from the TV shrink's exploitive grasp proves he's still got his wits about him.
Williams became a cause celebre after being discovered on the side of an Ohio highway doing voiceovers for money.
Read the full post here.
IT'S THE SEQUIN-STUDDED PREMIERE OF RuPaul's Drag Race and I am the HBIC, okaaaaay?
Let's start with role call: Manila, Carmen, Venus, Delta, Raja, India, Stacy, Mimi, Phoenix, Yara, Alexis and Mariah are some larger than life kinds of ladies. And I feel like, if I had been born a man (perish the THOUGHT), I'd be fully rocking my own spot on this show. I mean, pee standing up? Fuck that shit.
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AFTER ONE SHORT WEEK ON THE AIR, MTV's new drama series Skins is already causing drama off-screen. Fast food chain Subway joins General Motors, Taco Bell, H&R Block, Schick, and Wrigley as the fourth major sponsor to pull its advertising following child pornography allegations made by the Parents Television Council.
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FINALLY: GRADUATION.
Everyone's decked out in their douchiest LA Rehab Chic: flimsy scarves, blazers, sandals and aviator shades. Sometimes I wonder if people who live in California have any idea how they look to the rest of us.
After a scant 21 days, the patients are apparently ready to venture back out into the world. Shelly practically lets the door hit 'em in the ass on their way out, then heaves a giant sigh of relief. I'm with you there, girl.
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SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, SIMON COWELL'S SCOWLING.
Season 10 of American Idol kicked off Wednesday night with musicmakers Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler joining veteran judge Randy Jackson (Yo, dawg, what's up?) and the whole thing smacked of a party.
Lopez quickly filled the role left vacant by Paula Abdul as the loopy softie, while Tyler was the amusing antidote to the ascerbic Cowell.
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THERE WERE STARS BY THE DOZENS! Brangelina! Al Pacino! Matt Damon! Tom Hanks! Johnny Depp! Anne Hathaway! Scarlett Johansson! Sandra Bullock! Justin Bieber! Colin Firth! And yadda yadda yadda.
There were gorgeous gowns to ogle! But 36 hours after the 68th Annual Golden Globes, all anybody really wants to talk about is Ricky Gervais.
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HE SAID HE WARNED THEM, AND BY FOUR MINUTES IN TO THE 68TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS, those in charge of booking Ricky Gervais as emcee were no doubt second-guessing their decision. The British comic wasted no time slicing and dicing Hollywood's biggest stars with an incisor-edged wit that deflated the self-congratulatory air from the room -- but also likely riveted viewers.
Check out And The Winner Is...Ricky Gervais!"
Hollywood Hair-Raising: Ricky Gervais Is Back Hosting Golden Globes
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IT'S THE FAMEWHORING JUNKIES FROM from Pasadeeeeeennnaaaaa!
Sing along, people, cause next week is graduation! Although it looks like a lot of these cats are gonna drop the fuck out. Dr. Drew cautions us with a somber voiceover: "The days and weeks immediately following graduation are when patients are most likely to relapse." I'll see that, Drew, and raise you an "I''m pretty sure some of these A-holes already have, or are planning to before they leave here." Look at that, I've got a full house. Read 'em and weep, Doc.
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THERE'S NO SENSE TO MAKE OF SATURDAY'S SLAUGHTER OF SIX PEOPLE OUTSIDE AN ARIZONA SAFEWAY except to say that sometimes crazy wins.
Last night, Jon Stewart delivered the most honest and thoughtful commentary on Jared L. Loughner's bloody rampage. Yes, our political discourse is venal and vile, yes it's corroding our national spirit, but Loughner's madness is not a consequence of our insidious politics.
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EVERYONE'S AT THE BAR, WHICH IS HILARIOUS BECAUSE, UM, HI, WE'RE IN REHAB.
Bob explains that this is an exercise in resisting temptation, which this crew of D-listers fails almost immediately. Walking down Hollywood and Vine, Dr. Drew voiceovers about how "drugs can be found on literally every corner." Really, Drew? LITERALLY every corner?
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HERE'S THE THING: I WAS GETTING TRASHED with all my old friends last Wednesday. So I was too busy to listen to a bunch of nobodies talk shit about my buddy Jameson, okay?
This week, though, all the fruitcake has been eaten and what's left in front of me is the TV, so let me bring you up to speed.
Janice's breakdown was a non-issue. Just another symptom of the withdrawal. Meanwhile, Frankie came to terms with the fact that all her damn kids (and there are a lot of damn kids) are probably pissed at her for being on crack and/or giving them up to DCFS. So far, she's the only one who realizes that she's got more hard road ahead of her and is lacing up her shoes to walk it.
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THIS JUST IN: FOX NEWS WATCHERS ARE IGNORANT. Also, rain is wet.
A survey managed by the Program On International Policy Issues found that Fox News viewers were significantly more misinformed than consumers of other news sources, and that their level of ignorance increased as they watched more of the network.
Read the full post here.
IT'S AN OVERDOSE OF CELEBRITY REHAB! OH. WAIT. That's probably inappropriate.
What I mean is we were treated to back-to-back episodes tonight, which is good, since it took two hours for anything even slightly interesting to happen.
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SO I'M IN REHAB. Celebrity Rehab, that is.
What's that you say? I'm not a celebrity? Yeah, well, neither are any of these strung-out junkies. Lemme break it down for ya:
There's Leif Garrett, Janice Dickinson, Jeremy London, Jason Davis, Rachel Uchitel, Frankie Lons, Eric Roberts and that kid from Laguna Beach, Jason Wahler. So I'd argue that I'm probably the biggest star in that solar system, bitches.
I'll admit I'm tardy to the party, having missed the first episode. But here are the bullet points.
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EVEN WHEN THEY INSINUATE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE AND JOKE ABOUT locking you up in a cage, it's a compliment to be skewered by the Taiwanese news animators.
Conan O'Brien found that out when his team of -- count'em -- one animator tried to emulate the digital news summaries now ubiquitous on the web. And Team Coco's looked good so far as it went. But then the real Taiwanese animators kicked dirt in Conan's face for his apparent affront to their talents in a video response that hit smart and snarky in perfect pitch.
Take a look.
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COCO IS TALKING TOUGH ABOUT HIS UPCOMING RETURN TO TV.
The late night comic ousted from The Tonight Show is making noise about taking his creative properties with him to his new gig at TBS.
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OPRAH'S FRIENDSHIP WITH JOHN TRAVOLTA SEEMS TO BE PAYING OFF HANDSOMELY WITH THE talk show host bagging the first interview with Lisa Marie Presley about her marriage to dead pop idol Michael Jackson.
Travolta is a Scientologist and is credited with introducing Elvis Presley's widow Priscilla to the controversial "religion" that some call a cult. He is reportedly flying the plane that will take Oprah's audience from her 25th season opener to Australia, and Oprah has reportedly called him her "soulmate."
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GLEE'S BREAKOUT STARS ARE RIDING THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF CELEBRITY. Michele Lea, Dianna Agron and Cory Monteith -- better known as Rachel, Quinn and Finn -- strip down and open up for GQ 's November cover story. Naturally, Rachel's on top.
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IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FLAMBOYANTLY GAY, GOD-HATING CHARACTER AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN AS BABY KURT HUMMEL, the television series Glee would be a total joke.
Week after week, the stereotypically queer teen played by Chris Colfer portrays the most intellectually honest and complicated character among the increasingly cartoonish cast.
Check out Holy Toast! Glee's Grilled Cheesus Delivers
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THE NIGHT'S EPISODE EXPLORED THE MANY COMPLICATED MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS going on under the SCDP roof. And the only one that brings any joy to this jaded Mad Fan is the one between Peggy and Abe.
After Abe's verbal assaults on the women's movement and the advertising industry, Peggy has appropriately shamed him and intrigued him, and now there's a little something something going on.
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KANYE WEST SPILLED HIS DISTOPIAN VIEW ALL OVER THE Saturday Night Live STAGE LAST NIGHT, PERFORMING his hit Power from his upcoming fifth album set to hit the stores Nov. 23.
Kanye subbed out the song's original diss of SNL but the substituted lyrics are even darker than the original:
"When you prayin' for freedom 'cause your mind been in prison,The song was one of two that Ye performed, the second being his MTV VMAs debuted Runaway.
'Cause they tryin' to control every single big decision
You ain't effin' the system, then why the eff is you livin' "?
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THIS EPISODE IS JUST AN AMUSE BOUCHE until next week's White House State dinner, so let's enjoy.
We finally get to see Lynda at work. She's casting models for a fashion show of Burkina Faso couture clothing. Sounds weird, right, since Burkina Faso is one of the poorest countries in Africa. As we watch pretty people shashay back and forth in a tight little space, she chats with the designer and her entourage. In the middle of her critique of a model we flash over to Michaele, who tells us that Lynda's just a bully.
Read the full post here.
I NEED TO GET ME SOME ANESTHESIA BECAUSE watching Tuesday's Glee was like being the only sober person in a room full of acid trippers.
The diagnosis for episode two of season two of the much-ballyhooed series: disassociation disorder -- and I'm not blaming it all on the driftless Britney Spears hallucinations.
True, the episode did let Heather Morris deliver some deadpan lines and show off her fabulous abs, her wicked dance moves.
Read the full post here.
I'VE BEEN VISITING THE D.C. DIVAS ON A HIT-OR-MISS BASIS, But let's catch up before Thursday's season finale.
What had Mary crying at the Salahi winery is an accusation that her daughter, Lolly, was involved in the theft of a car, some clothing and equipment from Tareq's polo association. It's all over Facebook (and if I belonged I'd check it out).
Read the full post here.
WHOA. THE THEME FOR TONIGHT'S LITTLE DITTY IS CLEARLY DESPERATION, and the stink of it is wafting off of nearly every single character, whether they know it or not.
It's a few weeks after Joan and Roger were mugged and had their hot sexy moment in the alley around the corner from the crime scene. Joan quietly informs Roger that she's "late," and after some hokey jokes, Roger gets serious. "Are you sure?" Joan shoots him that look she's so good at and informs him that there's no one else, and Greg has been gone for seven weeks so it's clearly not his.
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THE REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER.
Now glam pop and hard rock rule.
American Idol fans got the word that glitzy homegirl Jennifer Lopez and raspy rocker Steven Tyler of Areosmith will join veteran Randy Jackson as judges. Yo, dawg! What'cha think of that?
The buzz is that Lopez, 41, will bag $12 million per season while Tyler, 62, will collect $18 million. (If that's true, can someone please explain the difference to me?) .
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JOAQUIN PHOENIX ADMITS THAT HE WAS "LOOKING FOR A BEATDOWN -- and I got one" -- when he sat on David Letterman's couch looking like a mainstreamed schizophrenic last year.
In his first visit to Dave since he appeared last year looking disheviled and doped up on thorazine, Phoenix apologized and admitted his visit was a "theatrical ruse."
The visit to Dave is a pivotal scene in Joaquin's recently released and oft-panned movie, I'm Still Here.
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WHILE THE WORLD CROWS ABOUT THE SNACKALICIOUS TASTINESS of last night's season debut of Glee, I myself am feeling… crabby.
Returning from its acclaimed first season, last night's show delivered a hefty dose of overwrought, and I kept thinking that a slushie tossed in the face would be just the thing to cool things down.
As we begin the new season, relentless ball buster Sue Sylvester isn't happy when she learns that the arrival of a new football coach necessitates a budget cut for the Cheerios.
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SOMETIMES A**HOLES CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES.
That's the gist of Kanye West's Runaway performance at MTV's VMAs Sunday night. And yes, I'm using runaway as a double entendre.
Read the full post here.
IDIDN'T MAKE IT TO MTV's PARTY LAST NIGHT, so I've been catching up on the web. And I've gotta say that the most striking thing about MTV's pulsating Video Music Awards -- other than Kanye's dope drubbing of his own cad tactics -- was Lady Gaga's...nose.
Even with all her over-the-top outfits -- the drape of flesh being hands and feet and stomach down the most outrageous -- what was most evident was Gah's newly refined proboscis. The Romanesque bump was conspicuously absent last night, the base was thinner.
Check out Guarantee To Sexually Stimulate: Lady Gaga At The VMAs.
In The Raw: Lady Gaga On Vogue Hommes Japan.
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AFTER HIS LOST WEEKEND, IT LOOKS LIKE DON'S trying to turn things around.
He's been writing "like a girl" in a diary, swimming regularly and seeing Bethany on a somewhat routine basis. And even though there are growing pains with Betty and Henry, things begin to work themselves out by the end of tonight's episode.
Since last week's brouhaha with Peggy, Don's been giving her more responsibility. And that's a good thing because the juvenile a**wipes in the creative department are really making her (and particularly Joan) very uncomfortable.
Read the full post here.
VILLAIN RUNNER-UP KIM GRANATELL ISN'T WASTING A MINUTE grabbin' for rank in NJ's Housewives now that Danielle Staub is out.
Coining the nickname "The Instigation," Ms. G's now throwing down the gauntlet to Jersey Shore playas Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.
Check out With Danielle Out At NJ Housewives, Kim G Emerges As Villain To Watch.
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MTV's VMAs are fast approaching and inquiring minds want to know: what taboo will Lady Gaga tackle this time? What line will she cross to sexually arouse her audience? The world's most compelling pop star has been nominated for a record-breaking 13 awards, the most ever for an artist in a single year.
There's no topic off limits, no subject too sacred for the Lady Gah to flaunt. It's the force propelling her skyward in her rocket ride to fame.
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WHILE THERE'S NO OFFICIAL WORD ON A third season for the New Jersey Housewives, there is official word that Danielle won't be there.
I know she's spoken of "incredible opportunities" out there waiting for her. And she’s also talked spinoff before, but I can't believe she could carry an entire show on her own. Or that any network, especially Bravo, would think it. Or that anyone would watch it.
Check out Must See TV: Kim G. & Snooki In A Pickle Bobbin' Contest.
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SO MUCH HAPPENED DURING LAST WEEK'S REUNION THAT I NEGLECTED TO MENTION that the Manzo/Guidice ladies are looking really good.
Danielle, well. I don't like her but she looks OK. Her copper skirt looks cheap though.
Andy starts off telling Danielle he thinks she went into the Brownstone looking for a fight. Damn right, she did. How very perceptive, Andy. The way she's really looking is like she constantly smells something bad.
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AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST: Kara DioGuardi's officially out.
After two years as a judge on Fox's hit American Idol, songwriter Kara DioGuardi has announced her departure from the show.
“I felt like I won the lottery when I joined American Idol two years ago, but I feel like now is the best time to leave," DioGuardi said in a statement.
Read the full post here.
IN OUR LATEST VISIT WITH THE D.C. MAVENS, WE GET TO MEET LYNDA up close and personal as she's making breakfast for boyfriend Ebong and her three teenaged children. She's moving the gang from a luxurious but cramped Georgetown apartment with concierge and maid service to a somewhere with a yard.
Stacie gets together with her sorors to chat and the subject turns to her adoption. She shocks the group with the news that her mom is Caucasian.
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I'VE ONLY GLANCED AT THE JERSEY HOUSEWIVES this season. I even blew off the Danielle-Caroline showdown last week. I thought it'd pretty much go like this:
Caroline: Stay away from my family! You're garbage... the kind of garbage that needs to be put into a garbage can and then hauled away in a dump truck and shipped to Manila.
Danielle: How DARE you judge me!
Then I saw the commercials for the reunion show with Teresa shoving Andy back into his chair and yelling into Danielle's face and well, who could resist? So, here goes:
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SERIOUSLY, IT MUST BE SAID: Christina Hendricks is clearly looking to score with those enormous knockers of hers. They're on display like a trophy, and I bet those Honda execs would agree with me.
And while they're no Clios, the cast and writers of Mad Men managed to nab a couple Emmys Sunday night:
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WITH ALL ITS BOOZING AND TIME TRAVEL, LAST NIGHT'S "Waldorf Stories" gave me vertigo.
Everything kicks off with Don and Peggy looking at Jane's cousin's portfolio, and man, it's a stinker. Every headline is "BRAND NAME, the cure for the common PRODUCT." The book features different products, but the same headline a hundred times.
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SUE SYLVESTER MIGHT HAVE HAD TO BULLY HER WAY INTO THE 2010 Emmy opening, but her alter ego Jane Lynch was one of the belles at the ball.
Chicago native Lynch won Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for her portrayal of the ruthless cheerleading coach on Glee whose modus operandi is win at any cost.
Even though this was her first Emmy win, Lynch confidently took the stage and exclaimed, "Thank you so much. This is outlaaaaandish!" with South Side snap.
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THE 2010 PRIMETIME EMMYS OPENED WITH A BANG but quickly fell into a drone of dull. Thank god for Ricky Gervais who snapped the audience to attention with his zinger at Mel Gibson's expense. Here's the bulk of his words with clip:
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FOR A LITTLE WHILE DURING THE BROADCAST OF THE 2010 PRIMETIME EMMYS, host Jimmy Fallon showed just who was boss.
The annual tribute to the small screen's best performances opened with a Glee inspired song-and-dance that capitalized on the night's biggest names and most nominated shows while allowing TV's pariah Kate Gosselin to poke fun at herself.
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IN HER PICTURE PERFECT HOUSE, CAT'S WORKING WITH HER BOOK EDITOR ON HER BIOGRAPHY.
She's dressed casually but wearing a necklace that looks like it weighs a ton and costs a fortune, all heavy and sparkly and pink. It's quite beautiful, as is Cat.
Stacie and husband Jason are visiting friends who own a winery. She's quite the name dropper/social climber, telling us that their friends' wine was served at a White House dinner. Everyone's in jeans until the Salahis arrive by limo all glammed out. They bring a bottle from their (his family's) winery and can't wait to taste the host's wine. Tareq's all wine knowledge blah blah blah, as Stacie and Jason stare and nod.
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LET ME START OFF BY SAYING THAT I LOVE MRS. BLANKENSHIP, Don's tough old broad of a secretary.
She sits around doing crosswords and fucking things up (only half by accident, I'd bet) and tells it like it is. And that last part is a real necessity in Don's case, because he's pretty much checked out of every part of his life except his job.
Most tellingly, while Don is schmoozing random women in suites and on the streets, his little girl lost, Sally, is crying for help. As the sitter chills with Bobby on the couch, Sally sneaks off to the bathroom and cuts off her hair, prompting Don to fire the sitter/piece of ass immediately. It's unfortunate because the sitter had to not only try to fix Sally's hair but explain/avoid her sex questions too: "Are you doing it with my daddy? I know what it is. The man pees in the woman; I heard all about it at school."
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FIRED! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
Life & Style reports that New Jersey Housewife and perpetual victim Danielle Staub will not be returning for the show's third season.
When asked about it, Staub said, "I don't know if there are talks right now about a third season of the show, but I'm more excited about talks of my spin-off than anything else.
Spin-off, my ass.
Read the full post here.
FUNKMASTER GEORGE CLINTON ONCE DESCRIBED Washington, D.C. as the Chocolate City with vanilla suburbs. So in bringing us its latest entry from the Real Housewives franchise, Bravo has managed to pluck one housewife from the city and all the others from 'burbs.
The horsey (What? She's married to a polo player. What did you think I meant?), party-busting Michaele Salahi managed to make it on the show. A former makeup artist, she's either raised her station in life or is living on borrowed time. She has the manic eagerness of a new puppy or a successful social climber.
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WE ARE OFFICIALLY INTO THE SWINGING 60s because tonight's episode, "The Rejection," begins with a warning about "brief nudity." And I'm all like, "Yes! Dreamy Don goes full frontal!"
Unfortunately, that's not exactly how it goes down, but more on that later. Right now, Lee Garner Jr. at Lucky Strike's on the phone because he's figured out that SCDP is billing him for work the agency does for its other accounts. The conference call goes on. And on. And on. Don goes for a bottle of Canadian Club but to his dismay it's empty. He gestures toward the put-upon Allison, "Why is this empty?" She snaps, "Because you drank it." HA!
To get off this insane conference call, Don goes, "Oh my God, there's a fire." Without skipping a beat, Roger picks it up: "Right by Radio City. We better go, sorry Lee." NICE.
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IT'S THE DAYS LEADING UP TO New Year's Eve 1964, and the first thing we hear this episode is the metallic thwack of cold, clinical stirrups.
Joan is at her OBGYN, trying to plan a pregnancy, since she's still giving it her all with Date Rapey Dr. Greg. The doctor, "Wally" as she calls him, confirms that all's well with her lady parts and to "go for it." It's then that Joan reveals that she's had two "procedures," by which we all know what she means. And while the doctor is aware of the "procedure" he performed, he was unaware of the first one, performed by a midwife. It's surprising to hear that answer-for-everything Joan has had two abortions.
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SQUARE THAT I AM, I'M TOTALLY GEEKED THAT THE HIT TV SHOW GLEE will feature Susan Boyle as a lunch lady in a Christmas-themed show.
No doubt, the mouse that roared will star as some dowdy cafeteria marm who dreams a dream that Santa delivers. (And that clip still gives me goosebumps.)
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YOU GUYS, I am dying to know what happens on Mad Men this Sunday on the debut of the fourth season.
Damn near a YEAR ago, when we left Dashing Don and crew, they’d split Sterling Cooper to start their own agency in a hotel room. And this is really efficient, since we all know that's where these lusty folks would spend most of their respective workdays anyway.
And if that weren't enough to make you sit on the edge of your seat for eleven interminable months, there's the fact that Betty finally found the ovaries to leave Don.
Read the full post here.
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IS IT TRUE? Is Larry King finally hanging up his suspenders and calling it a night?
Actually, I use the word "night" loosely here. With a guy his age, it's more like 4 p.m. But I digress.
Those are some mighty big shoulder pads to fill. Without him, who will ask the hard questions, like, "What's your favorite color?" Who will welcome the D-listers with such open arms as he has?
June 30, 2010
HOUSEWIVES PART DEUX IS A WHOLE LOTTA APOLOGIZING BY JILL, grudge-nursing by Bethenny and the Kellybot proving she's definitely in a world of her own.
Kelly was right about one thing: this season was crazy and embarrassing. The women continue to berate Jill for her behavior. Jill says she was clueless about how her actions would offend fans and create blowback for her. She gets teary as Bethenny recounts her trials of the year, knowing that she couldn't take the Jill stress.
But Jill says she builds her friends up, that she always tries to be supportive and has no reason to be jealous. Ramona then spills the beans: Jill had called her and asked her not to support Bethenny in her new show. Jill's appalled before copping to doing just that. Bethenny admits she didn't want to shoot with Kelly, that she pretty much hates her and wishes her dead. Well, not the last part -- not out loud anyway.
Picking At Old Wounds: Real Housewives Of New York Reunion
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SINCE THIS SEASON HAS BEEN SO ANTAGONISTIC AND HOSTILE, Bravo has decided to drag out the reunion into three-parts. Ay yiyi.
Host and creator Andy Cohen bravely faces the lionesses' den three times 'cause it's all money in the bank for him. He welcomes the Housewives, who are broken into teams: Alex, Ramona and Bethenny on one couch and Jill, Kelly and LuAnn on the other. Part one begins with snippets of everyone’s trials and tribulations during the show. I guess Sonja will join us later.
Cohen begins with Alex's delivering her screeched message to Jill that she's "a mean girl and in high school."
Read the full post here.
SO WHO'S THE MYSTERY MAN ON DANIELLE STAUB'S HOMEGROWN VIDEO?
Steve Zalewski, the ex beau of New Jersey's most reviled housewife, denies that he's the man on the homemade movie due out June 14th. Steve says the home porn he shot shows Danielle servicing him orally. He threatened to release the tape last year but Danielle got a temporary injunction from the court.
I reported last month seeing the tape depicting Danielle's pierced muff riding her mystery partner in a variety of positions. And though the voice surely sounded like Steve's to me, I'll admit that when somebody's throwing pussy at you and you're in the throes of lust, our growls and moans can sound alike.
Read the full post here.
TOM CRUISE PROBABLY RECRUITED A COUPLE HUNDRED NEW CONVERTS TO SCIENTOLOGY WITH HIS spankin' dance party with J.Lo at last night's MTV Movie Awards.
America has a complicated relationship with Tom, who dominated at the box office for two decades with hits like Top Gun, Risky Business, Rain Man and Jerry MacGuire. But that relationship soured after his carefully crafted public image began to crack.
He dissed Brooke Shields for using anti-depressants to treat postpartum depression, then dissed Matt Lauer as being "glib" when he questioned his comments. The country then delivered a counterpunch, morphing Tom's declaration of love for Katie Holmes on Oprah's couch into a favorite Internet meme.
On top of all this, Cruise's role as figurehead for the spooky Church of Scientology is a perpetual public relations mine field.
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FLIPPING AROUND THE CHANNELS ONE NIGHT I SEE I see Jersey Housewife Danielle Staub on the Sean Hannity show. WTF is she doing on there?
She’s on his "Great American Panel," sitting between Dan Henninger of the Wall Street Journal and Juan Williams of NPR???!!!. I'm not a regular viewer but it seems Sean invites the occasional oddball guest between two actual pundits. But Danielle Staub? Good gracious. When she wasn't sitting like a bump on a log she was bobbing her head back and forth as if at a tennis match while listening to the others' opine on Joe Sestak and Sarah Palin.
When prodded she gave fairly competent answers. But she looked like a cigar store Indian.
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MY SWEET, SEXY SONJA HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN IN THE HAMPTONS and got arrested for DWI; Bethenny's out of here; and LuAnn's been dissected. But that's all still in the future. Let's go back to Thursday night.
Three momentous occasions occur in this season finale -- Ramona's vow renewal, LuAnn's singing debut and the lunch meeting between Jill and Bethenny.
Ramona and her wedding planner scope out the venue, New York's delicious Pierre Hotel. She'll make a grand entrance down a crystal twin staircase and they'll be married in the rotunda below. It's glitz personified and she's beside herself with excitement.
Lunch at Le Cirque with Bethenny and Jill. Basically Jill’s all 'forgive me' and Bethenny is all 'no way, sister.' It's over for Bethenny and this is just that thing called closure.
Jill equates their relationship to a marriage and Bethenny points out that divorce gets ugly. Then, the ambush: 'my feelings, how bad I feel.' She begins to weep with the loss, saying Bethenny shouldn't cut her off like this. Oh no, she didn't just say that. So to try to seal the deal she offers homemade potato pancakes. Huh?
Bethenny begins to read her and she constantly interrupts the message. Bethenny pretty much says you've pissed off a lot of people. Are they all wrong and you're the only one right? Then Jill begins to rag about Alex, Bethenny's new BFF. She rolls her eyes and says she'll see her at the wedding, ignoring Jill's plea to lunch again.
The time has arrived. Since her book went nowhere, the Countess has decided that the stage will be her new home. She's gathered the girls for her debut at a small New York club. Her blond mohawked producer arrives in a Hummer with bouncy babes in tow. We'll also meet the new French boyfriend, Jacques. LuAnn gets all glowy and girly when talking about him. And there he is, young, cute, tanned with an accent. Ooooo lala. The girls all gush over him and in a moment of joy LuAnn grabs his face and plants one on him. OOOOOOOOOO, she likey.
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AFTER KELLY'S FREAKOUT SHE HAS THE GOOD GRACE to leave and breakfast is a peaceful affair.
Everyone feels terrible for Kelly but at the same time they're all glad to see her gone. They agree she's in her own little world and hope she gets help cause they ain't about it. So cheers to the rest of the last day! Let's get our swimming, yoga and mannie/peddies on!
Then, trouble lands. Jill shows up with Bobby. LuAnn told her not to come. But she came anyway and the house goes absolutely quiet when she yells Helloooooooo. "Ack, like a horn," Bethenny laments. Jill and Bobby explain that they detoured on their way to St. Bart's and thought everyone would be glad to see them. After all, she was one of the first people Ramona invited. Said it wouldn't be the same without her. Everyone's traumatized now and Jill grates.
Jill tries to make herself feel welcome but the ladies aren't having it. She says she saw Kelly at the airport. Ramona babbles, Sonja smiles cautiously, Bethenny frowns behind her sunglasses and Alex just malevolently stares at her. Poor Bobby. Jill tells us it was if someone had died. It truly is. You can feel the tension through the screen. She keeps repeating "I thought you'd be happy to see me." She marvels at the magnificence of the house. Alex says Jill's so fucking self-absorbed she doesn't see the elephant in the room. But she does.
Read On A Clear Day You Can See Through Crazy.
Read Ship Wrecked: A New York Housewives Recap.
Read Mean Girls: A New York Housewives Recap.
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WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES.
The buzz had Lee DeWyze winning this thing after his compelling performances of the last month. But the hippie mom got the best of the paint store clerk on the eve of American Idol's coronation.
Nerves rattled Lee, and the fire in Crystal's belly roared, making the final showdown less of a nailbiter than America expected. But that didn't stop the night from becoming "a bit of a lovefest,'' as Simon called it.
Each finalist sang three songs: one of their own choice, one chosen by the show's executive producer Simon Fuller, and the song that they'll release as a single if they win the title.
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WITH ONLY 24 HOURS TO GO BEFORE THE WINNER OF American Idol is crowned, fans of both finalists can find reason to crow.
Chicago's homeboy (well, Mount Prospect, Ill. is close enough) has already been declared the winner by a Psychology Today blogger, who ticks off a litany of reasons why Lee DeWyze's crowning is inevitable.
Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., a New York-based cognitive psychologist, says Lee has both the "the talent factor and the relatability factor" that make him appealing.
Combine these traits with his growing charisma and confidence on stage, his humility, and his genuine likeability and he becomes someone the public wants to rally around, contends Kaufman.
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IT BEGINS AT DINNER BUT LASTS UNTIL BREAKFAST AFTER Bethenny tells Kelly to "stop the fucking bullshit."
The ladies are yachting off to a gorgeous cliff-side mansion. Everyone seems to be getting along and there's enough space to avoid encroaching on personal boundaries. Maybe that'll cool the animus for a hot minute.
The place makes me gasp -- it's 11,000 square feet of stone and wood luxury -- arches, tile, flowers, with beautiful views and a private beach.
Bethenny drops off monogrammed beachy bags for all the ladies as a nice gesture. Kelly immediately takes offense! Because the bag is filled with Bethenny products! She's already losing it. She says she doesn't understand that girl and begins crying! Am I missing something here? She reaches out to -- of all people of course -- Jill.
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SEMEN WHISPERER PEREZ HILTON is getting desperate.
With his name being bandied about as a possible replacement for Simon Cowell, and with Simon himself blowing back props to him, the queen of mean says he'd replace the exiting judge for free.
"I've shamelessly been campaigning for the job," Perez tells MTV news. "And I am adamant and I believe I would do a great job. Plus -- I'm not even joking, I would work for free the first season. After that, then we can talk about a fair paycheck."
Perez won't need the jack if he sells his heavily trafficked internet real estate. He's been offered $20 million for Hollywood's most despised blog.
A collective gurgle went up over at MTV.com at the idea of Perez replacing Simon.
Read Who Will Replace Simon: Speculation Runs From Ridiculous To Ingenious
Read Lee & Crystal Worthy Opponents In Idol Final.
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WITH 47 MILLION VOTES CAST, America kicks Casey James off the stage.
Casey's flowing hair and chiseled looks couldn't pull him through to the finals. We say goodbye to the eye candy of the season. Now it's time for the real stars to shine.
Lee Dewyze and Crystal Bowersox will face off in the finale and I don't think anyone on planet earth is surprised. We got foreshadowing that these two would be the final runners when they performed Falling Slowly last week.
Now the only question remaining is "Who wins it?" I've been a big fan of Lee's from the beginning and I have to support him because he's a local Chicago boy.
Read also Who'll Replace Simon Cowell? Speculation Runs From Ridiculous To Ingenious.
Temperament Tips The Scale In Idol Race.
Falling Slowly Foreshadows Final Contest Between Lee & Crystal.
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SEEMS EVERY TIME A BLOGGER BURPS, A NEW NAME APPEARS ON THE ''POTENTIAL LIST'' OF REPLACEMENTS For American Idol's Simon Cowell.
A cursory search on the web turns up 18 possible suspects, including shock jock Howard Stern, music's Sir Elton John, bad boy blogger Perez Hilton and last year's favorite flav Adam Lambert. "Unfortunately, it's just a rumour,'' Glambert told MTV. "I would be honoured to be asked."
At least two of them -- Stern and Perez -- seem to be contenders due in part to their talent for take-downs.
And just today, items hit the web quoting Ryan Seacrest saying that teenybopper Justin Bieber would be a great replacement, proving that at least some LaLaLand reporters retain naivete. "Who would I want in that chair?" Seacrest said in response to a question. "I would want a much younger, thinner, more charming Simon. ... Bieber -- he's the guy!"
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AN ESSENTIAL TRUTH EMERGES AS THE FINAL THREE FINALISTS COMPETE TO BECOME AMERICA'S NEXT ROCK IDOL: Character counts in this contest too.
Tonight's battle between Lee Dewyze, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James turns into a showcase of more than raw talent; ambition, drive and temperament also flash as the three sing two songs, one of their own choice, the other the choice of a judge.
Opening is the formerly sexy Casey singing Eric Hutchinson's OK, It's Alright With Me.
"Some things are just meant to be. It never comes easily. And when it does I'm already gone," James sings, and it becomes apparent that he could care less if he wins this thing. He's like a pretty girl resting on the laurels of her looks. Ambition doesn't carry him; he's happy to just get by.
And so on the night it matters most, Casey's performance is limp, stale and lifeless, dissipating the sex appeal he once had.
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FINALLY, THE PAYOFF FOR ENDURING THIS NEVER-ENDING SEASON OF ACRIMONY IS SEEING Ramona Singer smashed out of her mind. On a boat.
We join the ladies as they land in St. John in the Virgin Islands. Ramona has gathered together her TV friends for a girls' trip before renewing her vows. Jill is not coming and Ramona tells Sonja that she and LuAnn are buzzkills anyway, so there.
Onboard -- Ramona, Bethenny, Alex, Sonja and Kelly. This cannot end well. One bird (Kelly) is missing her wings (Jill and LuAnn). Anyway, we heading to an enormous yacht, then Kelly tells us she's never been on a bachelorette trip before (HUH!!), so doesn’t know what to expect. Strippers? she says.
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WITH OVER 37 MILLION VOTES CAST, the highest of the season, there were no more saves for Big Mike.
Lynche jinxed himself on American Idol yesterday by saying he wanted to be in the final three. But with his poor performance of Michael Jackson's Will You Be There from Free Willly, American wouldn't let him stay and play.
Mike, a personal trainer whose wife gave birth during his chase in the competition, left with no hard feelings.
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IT'S DOWN TO FOUR SINGERS BATTLING IT OUT FOR THE OFFICIAL AMERICAN IDOL TITLE. Last night, Lee, Crystal, Mike and Casey were mentored by singer/actor Jamie Foxx, who was making his encore appearance on the talent show.
Foxx mentored last year's contestants and did such a good job that he was asked back to guide this year's finalists. But movie themes didn't bring out the best from the foursome, and the night's scene stealer was a duet between Lee and Crystal.
Opening the show, Lee Dewyze sang Seal's Kiss from a Rose from Batman Forever. Lee started off a little pitchy with the high notes but picked it up later in the song. Randy wasn't impressed, said he did nothing with the song and it was just OK. Ellen said he could have done more but he's still good. (By the way, are we all still in love with Ellen? I think not.) Kara points out that Lee picked a difficult song, got lost, went out of tune, but is still great. Is that even possible? And "we'll miss him when he's gone" Simon said he was on Randy's side, that Lee was verging on karaoke.
Big Mike Lynche sang Michael Jackson's Will You Be There from Free Willy. Mike's performance felt restrained and he could have pushed it a little more. Randy said it was passable but it didn't really soar. Ellen said his goal shouldn't be to be in the top three, but to win it. Kara was hoping to get goosebumps and accuses him fo playing it safe. Simon was more confused about who or what "Willy" was than Mike's performance. He felt that Mike could have chosen a different song but he said he gave it 100 percent.
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WHO AMONG THEM'S GONNA BUY BETHENNY A BABY PRESENT?
After three seasons together, these ladies thrown together as acquaintances are now sorting themselves out as friends. Crazy Ramona as the wild card.
LuAnn chats with Sonja as she does her makeup in the bathroom of my dreams. It's the night of the Cocktails and Couture party.
Alex is one of the first arrivals. LuAnn immediately tells her that their last encounter was horrifying. Alex tells her she should mind her own business. LuAnn thinks Alex should have at least called to apologize and asks her who made her God.
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THEY HAD LET HIM STAY UP LATE TO PLAY WITH THE BIG KIDS, but now it's bedtime for Aaron Kelly.
The 17-year-old Pennsylvanian was eliminated from American Idol, leaving only four contestants remaining in the chase for the Idol prize. Increasingly the final showdown appears to be stacking up between Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze, who stepped under the hot spotlight this week with a persuasive performance of Sinatra's That's Life.
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SINCE THERE'S VERY LITTLE PRIVACY IN THE REALITY SHOW WORLD, BETHENNY finds her pregnancy "outed" by the ugly and cruel Perez Hilton. That is such bullshit. I don't care who you are, everybody should be able to let their pregnancy news out in their own time. And especially at Bethenny's age. She wanted to wait the traditional three months. Just cruel and ugly.
The Countess arrives at Sonja's townhouse to chat about the upcoming charity party. I think I've got a girl crush on Sonja.
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T ONIGHT THE FINAL CONTESTANTS TRIED ON BIG SHOES and were left wobbling.
With the help of Harry Connick, Jr., the five remaining contestants borrowed from the songbook of silk-throated Frank Sinatra and the collective result was less than thrilling. As the finale approaches, we've yet to see any of the finalists dazzle consistently. Tonight was no different.
Taking stage first was 17-year-old Aaron Kelly singing Fly Me to the Moon. For someone who is only five when Sinatra died, Aaron did a good job bringing back that classic swingin' vibe.
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THE ADDITION OF SONYA MAKES THE OPENING APPLE-HOLDING MONTAGE LOOK CROWDED. SOMEBODY'S GOT TO GO.
I won't even go into Jill's vet visit to her condo. I just hate looking at that place which she evidently thinks is the height of fashionable New York abodes. Not my style AT ALL. I can't even describe it's awfullness. So I let it distract me while Jill, the vet, the vet's assistant and a random Jill friend scurried around picking up poop from her yappy little dog.
So let's move on to Alex and Bethenny's chat at Alex's Brooklyn townhouse. Bethany tells us that Alex is an "unconditional" friend and it's a relief have her to confide in. She shows her the ring and Alex does the squeal. Talk about the height of decorating, her new kitchen is so fucking fab, I love it. It's everything Jill's overly-decorated cupcake of a condo is not: clean, cool and comfortable.
Alex is genuinely happy for her and touched that she's among the first to know about the engagement. They toast water glasses and eat salads.
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WITH A STANDING OVATION FROM THE AUDIENCE, A HUG FROM SIMON, and with her family fighting back tears, Siobhan Magnus got the ceremonious boot from American Idol Wednesday night.
When the results were announced, the Hyannis, Mass. lass was left standing center stage with Big Mike and Casey James, who both squeaked by to survive another day. Ryan praised Siobhan's "independent spirit, laser focus, incredible work ethic," and Randy forecasted a "major career" for her.
Shania's Idol: A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock 'N Roll.
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WITH JUST SIX CONTESTANTS LEFT, SHANIA TWAIN arrives to mentor these wannabes on serving their country. With one notable exception, she proves deft at manipulating them to up their game.
Starting the show, Lee sings You're Still the One. I support Lee because he's a Chicago local like myself and he's a damn good singer.
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LET'S GET THIS EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAAAAAA STARTED!
"I'm still here -- the story of Juju," Raven purrs. All three dolls -- razor-edged Raven, the other Tyra and sultry Jujubee -- are in shock that Juju's still around after having to lipsync for her life three times.
Raven cattily asks her to wash Tatty's parting message off the mirror. "She was your friend," Tyra meows, "and you sent her home."
Ru greets the best of the best in a she-mail but it's Santino and Meryl who enter the work room to announce the final challenge. They say Ru's getting ready for a music video of her theme song, Don't Be Jealous Of My Boogie in which the dolls will co-star.
For the final showdown, they'll also have to act in a short, Dynasty-inspired scene with Ru. And, with the help of stylist Robert Verdi, create an 80s-style power bitch look, also for the video. Shoulder pads, anyone?
Since the 80s are their inspiration, choreographer Brian enters with a mustache, high side ponytail, skirt and heels to whip them into shape. They call him a fierce little white man. Tyra covers a yawn which shows us how interested she is in it all. They practice falling gracefully after being hit in the face, then learn how to walk and shove. Yes, I said walk and shove. They marvel at growing up to be in a RuPaul video. It's something just beyond their wildest dreams.
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JUST LIKE LAST SEASON'S ADAM LAMBERT, Crystal Bowersox has become a bonafide sensation even before this year's American Idol winner is crowned. Her song Holy Toledo, a soulful plea for spiritual redemption, is already making the Idol airplay chart, placing it at 90 on the Mediabased-powered chart, according to USA Today.
Yet unlike Lambert who grabbed the spotlight with his glitter-glam-rock-shock antics, Bowersox could show up in a paper sack and steal the headlines.
That's because unlike Lambert's affected stage theatrics, Bowersox shines from within. In addition to being a talented musician, her main instrument -- her voice --- cracks with emotion and honesty.
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CRYSTAL BOWERSOX' S ACHINGLY RAW PERFORMANCE THIS WEEK HAS MTV READERS TOUTING IT AS THE BEST Idol performance ever, beating out Carrie Underwood's Alone, Fantasia Barrino's Summertime and David Cook's Billie Jean.
Momma Bowersox's heartwringing rendition of People Get Ready beat out 11 other "iconic" performances for the "best performance" title.
Yet some Idol fans were aggrieved that performances by Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Jennifer Hudson were left off the ballot so the website is reissuing the unscientific "poll." If you want to vote, head over there today.
Does it really matter? Regardless of who came before her, Bowersox delivered a piercingly raw and honest performance Tuesday night that won't be forgotten soon.
People get ready, indeed.
AMERICA SAT THROUGH TWO HOURS AND 25 MINUTES OF SINGING AND SOLICITATIONS before saying ta ta to Tim Urban, the sparkly boy who never stopped smiling despite being the brunt of the joke.
Ultimately, Tim's shiny aura and pinup boy appeal couldn't carry him and he was sent packing, leaving just 6 contestants to battle for the American Idol title.
Seriously, though, can it be long before he's back, maybe deliverying a doo wop on Glee, or strutting his stuff on Dancing With The Stars? I think not.
Hollywood's bound to come knocking on the door of the boy with the megawatt smile and the blooming Q rating. Keep watching.
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MENTOR ALICIA KEYS IS THIS WEEK'S INSPIRATION ON AMERICA IDOL as she tries to put the seven finalists in touch with their holy spirits. In preparation for Idol Gives Back airing tomorrow night, the singers have to not only inspire votes but also viewers to open their pocketbooks and wallets. The night builds to a wrenching performance by the undisputed breakout of the season, Crystal Bowersox.
But first up is Casey singing Fleetwood Mac's Don't Stop. It's becoming increasingly clear that Casey's more eye candy than sweets for the ears.
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DO NOT CALL THEM LOSERS! They are winners in life!
They're wee babes who beat out thousands out to compete in one of America's highest rated TV shows.
Andrew Garcia, 24, and Katie Stevens, 17, may have been cut from the American Idol, but, who cares? Katie isn't even out of high school yet! It would have been wrong for her to win this thing.
And who knows what'll happen to them in the future? Maybe they'll get married – maybe even to each other! -- and have babies, you know, maybe take the kids on the road! Create the next Jackson 5, or um, better, the Osmond Brothers.
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OMG, put-upon Tatty makes the mistake of saying she thought Pandora was the best lip syncer last week, that her eyes were always drawn to her in the contest. She draws a sidelong glance from Jujubee, who beat Pandora last week. I think Tatty'll pay for that little remark.
The mini challenge this week -- they're all given the same black dress to style and accessorize in 30 minutes with no cutting or gluing allowed. Everyone starts bustling around. With no time for make-up they laugh at themselves in wigs with bare faces, and they do look odd.
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ELVIS IS ALIVE!
AMERICAN IDOL revisits the music of rock's pompadoured, pelvis-thrusting king. And who better to mentor the remaining wannabes than rock's reigning pompadoured and pelvis-thrusting idol, Adam Glambert.
And even though I personally find comparing Adam to Elvis blasphemous, he speaks from first-hand experience when he tells Mike Lynche to "be bigger" or Crystal to turn up the sound or Katie to get tougher. And so even though he doesn't come close to filling Elvis' blue suede shoes, Adam's honesty delivers for his peers.
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THE LIST OF GROWNUPS ON THIS SHOW IS GETTING SLIMMER -- WE'RE DOWN TO JUST Bethany, Alex and Simon. I'm finding it harder to be interested in the constant squabbles. The drama's been racheted up exactly like the last season of the OC Housewives.
This coming out of Jill's mouth made me spit out my coffee:
"We were told, in no uncertain terms -- and I wouldn't say it's affected me, but it's affected some of the other girls -- that if they didn't bring it on, they wouldn't be holding an apple," says Jill, referring to the promotional shot where each Housewife is holding an apple to represent the Big Apple."
Are you kidding me? Being on this show is the cherry on Jill's Manhattan cake and I think this entire thing with Bethany is producer-inspired. Anyway, on with the show.
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AFTER AMERICANS' CASTED 132 MILLION VOTES, Big Mike and Tats Andrew landed at the bottom of the Idol pack.
Neither father honored The Beatles to America's liking, but Mike netted the least amount of votes. Before departing, Biggie knocked it out of the park with Kate Bush's This Woman's Work.
Simon tells him: "The frustating thing is, Michael, is we all wish you did something like that last night."
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THE FINAL NINE IDOL CONTESTANTS last night put their spin on John Lennon and Paul McCartney's bold psychedelic rock songs. Did these wannabes live up to that greatness? Here's the wrap up:
Aaron Kelly kicks off the night singing The Long and Winding Road. Aaron didn't deliver the wow. Randy said he likes his tone but not the arrangement. Ellen said he took on too much and made it a "long and winding song." Kara said he's been delivering good performances but needs to step up to great. Simon said it was old-fashioned and boring.
Up next, Katie Stevens sings Let it Be. After landing at the bottom during the past 2 weeks, Katie finally picks up her game. Randy calls it her best performance EVER. Ellen said it was the perfect example of changing a song without disrespecting it. Kara said she's blossoming on stage and says she delivered vocally. Simon said she got it right.
Tattooed Andrew Garcia sings Can't Buy Me Love. I love the performance because I love Andrew, but the judges weren't on the same page. Randy calls it "corny" but passable. Ellen says it was the perfect song for him and she loved it. Kara said she wanted to love but that she didn't see anything new from him. Simon thought that the band overshadowed him and that the performance was corny.
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"DIDI, IT'S BAD NEWS, SWEETHEART. WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU, SORRY."
And with those words, Simon sealed the fate of Idol contestant Didi Benami who received the fewest votes.
Didi's uneven encore of Rhiannon wasn't enough to convince the judges she was worth saving so she's going home. Too bad for Didi and I'll miss her. Would we have liked her more if she hadn't always cried?
Now Tim Urban's become the Sanjaya Malakar of this season. He isn't competely awful but it's a mystery how he's lasted this long.
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LAST NIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL, THE 10 FINALISTS TRY TO DELIVER THE RHYTHM AND THE SOUL WITH mentoring from seductive songster Usher.
First up is Siobhan Magnus singing Chaka Kahn's Through the Fire. Her performance feels more like "easy listening" than the R&B edge I know she has in her. She was good but I wasn't sold. Randy said it was all over the place and it wasn't her best performance. Ellen said she was a little off but she loves that she was the one to open the show. Kara says some parts weren't strong but that she delivers every week. Simon compared her to singing while being out of breath. Siobhan seemed very upset by the criticism but, who are we kidding, she's going to make it another week.
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FIVE DOLLS LEFT. Who will be America's Next Drag SupaStar?
It seems Jessica Wild is sorely missed by everyone but me. And everyone but me is pissed that Tatty's still around.
The theme tonight is mothers, or old men or babies. The mini challenge is to match the 12 queens with their baby pictures in an allotted time. Everyone does well. Tatty, Morgan and Juju were just the cutest little ones. Tatty wins the baby face mini challenge.
The main challenge? Turning men into Golden Girls. In walk five nondescript guys with various occupations -- and all over 50. Ru says the girls must transform these silver daddies into drag mommas -- and don't hold back.
Tatty picks first and she's definitely using strategy: she chooses the man Raven calls "the pretty one" for herself. She gives Juju the pudgy one, Raven gets the balding guy with the full beard and mustache (LOL).
Read Lessons In Bitch Literacy: A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap here.
Read Bad Gay Glam Rock: A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap here.
Read Of Snatch & Preparation H: A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap here.
Read Welcome To The 'Ho Down': A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap here.
Read Sweet Gherkins! Slap Me With A Cutlet! A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap here.
Read Snip & Tuck: RuPaul's Drag Race Returns here.
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THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT? HA! I'm a war correspondent chronicling the battles.
Kelly's doing Playboy and everybody's atwitter. We see the Countess chatting with her daughter about it and it seems LuAnn would doff her clothes in a New York minute if Playboy called her. Then we're at dinner with Kelly and her daughters to hear their reactions. They take it in stride, with the youngest quipping that Kelly's doing it to "to entertain people with your weirdness." So I am not alone. I love you Teddy.
Bethany has gone from entrepreneur/author to lecturer and advocates sex in lieu of food. With that diet we could all be in Playboy. Meanwhile new nemesis Jill's sweet husband Bobby gets good news regarding a bout with thyroid cancer. The doctor gives him a good bill of health and she cries. And for a moment Bethany is forgotten.
We attend Kelly's Playboy shoot and find out that until you're invited to pose for the mag you're not truly a beautiful woman. O…K.
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AFTER HER DISASTROUS TUESDAY IDOL PERFORMANCE, IT WAS AGAINST ALL ODDS THAT PAIGE WOULD BE BACK NEXT WEEK. Sure enough, you sent her packing Wednesday.
Her cut comes after her painful rendition of Phil Collins' Against All Odds which left Randy Dawg stumbling for words and Ellen complimenting for not falling off her heels. Kara and Simon just gave it to her straight: she was awful. Ouch!
It didn't matter how bad the other singers were, Paige had to go. No one was surprised Wednesday and the judges seemed relieved that they won't have to hear her sing anymore.
And, of course, then there were 10: Lee, Tim, Aaron, Crystal, Big Mike, Andrew, Katie, Casey, Didi and Siobhan, all of whom will be part of the American Idol Tour.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings at home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
NOT SURE WHAT KIND OF EXPLOSION I WAS EXPECTING, BUT THE APPEARANCE OF NEW America's Next Top Model judge André Leon Talley was kinda… meh.
Oh yes, he's fabulous in his trademark silk caftans, sitting regally with mixed gray fauxhawk and pursed lips. And Tyra tells the girls if they wanna really be on top, they need to impress him.
And I do love his colorful language. He calls one girl a "woodland fantasy nymph," and says another looks like a courtesan. She, of course, has no idea what he means. The girls are so young. He sees lyricism in a photo that all the other judges hate. He says he would hang it in his "salon."
Of course André Leon Talley has a salon while the rest of us spout our best ideas in "living rooms."
He introduces us to the term "dreckitude," meaning the chick's a wreck.
His praise of the despised hated photo saves a crying contestant from elimination and I hope she's grateful. He says she harkens back to Naomi Sims; She cries even more. He gets astonished and calls things gauche. The other poor guest judges, designer Rachel Roy and hairdresser Sally Hershberger, were left in the dust.
OK, maybe no so meh after all; he just played it cool.
SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.
AMERICAN IDOL'S THEME THIS WEEK: NO. 1 HITS ON Billboard's Hot 100 list. Only the top 10 singers go on the summer's official Idol tour so it's time for them to bring it. Simon reminds them this is not the night to get sent packing.
The contestants' get a shock when they're introduced to mentor, country teen rocker Miley Cyrus, whose wit is evident as she guides them with song choices and arrangements. Who knew?
First up is local favorite Lee. He sings The Box Top's The Letter. I'm not familiar with the original song it doesn't matter; Lee is funky and lively. Randy said he knocked it out. Ellen calls it fantastic. Kara said he raised the bar for himself and he's finally owning the stage. Simon thought he sounded good but his performance and bouncing around was corny.
Paige sings my favorite Phil Collins' song Against All Odds. Poor Paige is offkey and pitchy. Randy calls it terrible. Ellen said she looked nice. Kara says it's the performance of the season. Ouch! Simon says she's in trouble.
Tim sings Queen's A Little Crazy Thing Called Love, and finally finds his comfort spot on the stage. He sings and dances like he's Elvis. Very smooth. The crowd screams for more.
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WELL, OUR GIRL SAHARA/SHEREE IS GONE, and Juju realizes she's still here by a lock of her wig.
The queens talk about being tormented as youngsters for being gay, a common theme in the workroom. Pandora surprises everyone when she tells the group she once attempted suicide. How sad. She was tormented mercilessly but she's happy with herself now.
SheMail arrives and Ru reads to them from a book titled Drag Fun with Dick and Jane, then asks them what their stories are. She enters the workroom in a shiny black suit with matching fedora and tells the dolls they'll be "reading" each other, which means "Let the insults fly, bitches!" The library is open.
Tyra's first and really gives it to each one of the dolls, while Tatty tells us it's not her scene and she fails miserably. Raven says Tatty is all about it when she's not up in front of Ru.
Read the full post here.
THIS WEEK'S THEME ON American Idol is the Rolling Stones, and the entire field of 12 packs less wallop than the steelcut rock n' rollers to whom the night is owed. So who roled best with the theme and who just rolled over? Here's the recap:
Big Mike singing Miss You is the first up, delivering a lively if not great performance.
Read the full post here.
ON BRAVO'S WATCH WHAT HAPPENS, we found out that NeNe Leakes thinks Kim is gay for payday. And she and Jill insist that Big Poppa is still very much in the picture.
THE OH-SO-LONELY Countess LuAnn has been palling around with a much younger boyfriend and acting badly at parties. She's also sharing her etiquette tips over at OK magazine.
SOME RANDOM GUY NAMED GEORGE PAGE is suing Bravo for airing clips of him speed-dating Sheree. You can see a clip of the date on TMZ. Does he really think anyone has any real interest in that clip? Does he? Really?
STILL NEED PROOF THAT these women weren't friends before the show? An interview with Lynne Curtin on Show Tracker.
AND GREAT NEWS AT Entertainment Weekly.com. Bravo announces the return of The Fashion Show and Tabitha's Salon Takeover along with 5 new shows including a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Also in development is a reality show that follows So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Mia Michaels. So awesome.
SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.
RAVEN LAMENTS THE LOSS OF MORGAN BUT WHAT SHE REALLY FEELS IS, hey, one mo ho down. Tyra's thinking about the bad blood that still runs between her and Tatty when Ru's She-Mail announces a rock and roll night.
Ru enters the workroom in black cycle gear. The mini-challenge: styling a wig into rock chick hair in 30 minutes. Tatty's worried and Juju wants to win her first challenge. Lots of teasing and gluing and 29 minutes later we see the most horrible creations known to man in hair. Tyra, who seems to know nothing before the advent of Beyoncé, calls hers Sasha Fierce. Sigh. And Raven rocks a rocker mom. Tatty says her girl got completely trashed and her wig definitely is. Ru says Sahara's is too subtle, and Pandora's is Mustang Sally.
Jessica used some green hair and says hers is modeled on Jem. Ah, no.
Juju begins her story by telling Ru her girl was shopping for deli meats when Ru stops her and asks when she lost control of her wig. And the winner: Pandora with her less ugly hot mess, I guess.
For the main challenge the he-ladies will transform themselves into hot rocker chicks using their own drag. Ru commands them to take it up to 11.
Read the full post here.
THE NEW SEASON OF THE NEW YORK HOUSEWIVES BEGINS WHERE THEIR O.C. SISTERS LEFT OFF -- with a girls trip gone bad.
Ramona rents a yacht and invited all her girlfiends out. Alex, Jill and LuAnn attend and Alex is shocked at Ramona's warm welcome after all the shit talking she does about her. Everyone's having drinks and fun when LuAnn brings up a remark she overhead from Mario. It seems he called her "Countless." Which really is kinda true since she now is Count less. Since it really isn't the time or place for it Ramona goes off and accuses her of being rude and wanting to ruin her outing. Jill jumps in, Ramona feels attacked and flees to go cry and hang out inside with her other "real" girlfriends. The trip ends with hugs and champagne but hurt feelings remain.
From her reaction, Bethenny told Jill the worst thing she's ever heard: "You need to get a hobby."
Read the full post here.
BOO AND BOO HOO!
Americans' sent home four performers last night and it's night's like these that makes you think the vote is rigged.
First to go is Katelyn Epperly. I was happy to see her go since she hasn't wowed me this year. Apparently the judges are looking for people with "wow" factors and Katelyn doesn't have it.
Then Todrick Hall gets the boot. I thought he did a great job and he moved the audience. But I guess he didn't "wow" America and wasn't memorable enough to get votes.
Then Alex "Mullet" Lambert gets cut -- but still not the one he needs!
Read the full post here.
AS IF WE HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH, BRAVO SERVES UP ANOTHER DOSE OF BATHOS WITH BACK-TO-BACK "Reunion" shows of the O.C.'s Housewives. Didn't the season just end?
Of course, we can never see enough squabbling between husband and wife (Tamra and Simon), mother and daughter (Lynne and Alexa), friend and spouse (Vicki and Simon). So we get to see it all again!!
And there's never enough time to illustrate how slippery slimey Slade Smiley actually is. (Try saying that five times!)
We discover that Gretchenis singing now as well as producing a makeup line. I heard a little bit of her song. Meh. She brought Vicki's jaw to the ground when she tells us she bought Jo's music catalog. Yes, Jo of Jo and Slime. Of course, I'm sure she was urged on by Slime; how else would she know it was available?
Read the full post here.
THE BOYS ROCKED HARDER LAST NIGHT ON American Idol, with "Big Mike" Lynche closing the show with a performance that made Kara cry and turned the judges' orgasmic.
But first up is Chicagoan Lee Dewyze who sings Owl City's Fireflies and sets the bar high for the night. Randy says it's a strange song choice but that Lee made it his own. Ellen likes that he made it rock.
Read the full post here.
STAR IN THE MAKING CRYSTAL BOWERSOX BROKE THROUGH THE CATERWAULING to emerge as the one to beat in this season's American Idol.
Powerhouse Bowersox blew away the competition although some glimmers of light still flickered fromLilyly Scott and Siobhan Magnus. And Simon's already declared her the "one to beat'' for the crown.
Tonight's AI was a showdown between the eight remaining girls vying to make it to the finals. As the show opens, host Ryan Seacrest stresses that everything's riding on the night's performances. The jitters should be over, nerves left aside -- it's time for the girls to bring it or go home.
So did they bring it? Here's the breakdown:
Read the full post here.
YEA, YA'LL! Martha Wash is in the house.
This week, some of the queens are missing Sonique and others definitely are not. To them, it's just one mo' ho down.
The mini-challenge this week is a rap party. Oh, no, wrap. As in gift wrap. They have to gift wrap a box with one condition being they have to borrow something from someone else. Time's up in a snap, with no real drama, and Ru has a lot of fun with the word "box." "May I see your box?," she says seductively, as only Ru can.
Of course our fabulous queens turn out some amazing creations in a short time. Juju's is scented! Ru chooses Raven's black, dark and sparkly raven-topped box as the winner. They hate her.
Read the full post here.
BETTY! BETTY! BETTY!
It's all over but the shoutin': Betty White confirmed to People that she will indeed guest host NBC's Saturday night comedy staple. "I don't know why or how," she says of the grassroots campaign for her to get the gig, "but it's been wonderful."
Chalk a win up for the Internets, who ignited a groundswell of support on Facebook for the comedy maven to appear on the show. The idea was borne after White appeared in a Snickers commercial that aired during the Super Bowl.
When I first visited the page, the number of supporters was 10,000. Then 331,000. Then 400,000. And just minutes ago, the number was just shy of 485,000.
Internet chatter says that because White is 88-year-old, other SNL ladies of comedy Molly Shannon, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler could shoulder some of the load, but Lorne Michaels has denied that claim.
SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes on TV, America's favorite snack food.
IA couple of wild and crazy guys headlined the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, turning Hollywood's most glamorous night into a comedy roast.
Steven Martin and Alec Baldwin cracked wise and threw zingers at many of the night's nominees. They joked that Woody Harrelson was high, George Clooney was mopey and that Hollywood was full of Jews, then mocked the "stunning visuals" of James Cameron's Avatar. (Is it me, or did Clooney throw daggers with his eyes?)
Read the full post here.
THE SNAPS ARE ARRIVING AND the votes for the winners and losers of the red carpet are in. (And I cast them all!!)
Standout of the night: Inglourious Basterds star Diane Kruger looking beguiling in a cream and black ruffled gown. I don't care what the Fugly girls say, she gets my vote.
Rachel McAdams shimmers in muted blue and violet sleeveless gown with flowing skirt. Her lack of jewelry punctuated her and the gown's beauty.
Meryl Streep looks stately in a simple white gown. Queen Latifa looked a long way from Newark, N.J. in a stunning satin mauve dress that had one baubled silver sleeve.
Kathryn Bigelow looked like a winner in a sleek gray silver gown dress. And Kate Winslet as usual gets high marks for her shimmering silver gown and eyepopping bling.
And so now I crown them winners of the red carpet!
EVERYONE'S PREPARING FOR THE ANNUAL END OF SHOOTING, ER, end of summer party.
While dressing, Tamra tells us she's stayed out of the drama this season. (Liar!) Simon critiques her wardrobe choices, pronouncing one dress fit for a twenty-year-old, while mananaging at the same time to trash her friends. Vicki critiques her kid's wardrobe in the limo and dreads seeing Alexis.
In their limo, Tamra and Simon continue to argue about Vicki's influence on their marriage. He still insists that Vicki's changed Tamra and Tamra still insists she hasn't. He thinks Tamra's not treating him with respect. The talk then turns to their lack of money, uh oh, a bad detour. It ends when she calls him an asshole, says fuck you and asks for a divorce.
Read the full post here.
OUT OF ALL THE PITCHY, OVER-THE-TOP PERFORMANCES, WHICH FOUR ARE OUT?
I'm sad to say that two of my Chicago boys, John Park and Jermaine Sellers got the boot. But I still have homeboy Lee Dewyze of Mount Prospect, Ill. to cheer for.
Read the full post here.
IDOL WANNABE CRYSTAL BOWERSOX MADE A REMARKABLE RECOVERY FROM WHATEVER MADE HER SICK YESTERDAY.
Crystal belted out "Long As I Can See The Light by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Randy said she was hot. Ellen said she was pure, raw, natural talent and she was glad she was here today. Kara said she recovered from last week. Simon said he had underestimated her from last week and he compared her to a serious artist.
Haeley Vaughn was up next with an awful rendition of Miley Cyrus' The Climb. She has a big voice but she muffles her singing. Randy said he wasn't feeling it. Ellen said there was no feeling there. Simon said it was a complete and utter mess.
Lacey Brown softened Sixpence None The Richer's Kiss Me. Lacey's performance gave me the chills! Randy thought it was like hearing karaoke and she didn't do anything special. Ellen thought she was adorable. Kara warned she has to step it up, while Simon said she better than last week but still wasn't memorable.
Katie Stevens sang Corinne Bailey's Put Your Records On. I thought Katie was good but like Simon says, "I'm not going to remember this." Randy said she should tackle things more challenging. Ellen wants to see her sing "younger" songs. Kara was frustrated and thought Katie wasn't pulling the audience in. But Simon said she's safe for another week.
Didi Benami, one of my favorites, sang Bill Wither's Lean on Me/. I thought Didi brought a refreshing sound to the song but the judges did not see things my way. Randy didn't like her choice and Ellen agreed. Kara dismissed is not good, and Simon said she sounded like a cat. I booed him.
Michelle Delamor sang Creed's Arms Wide Open. I thought she was extremely pitchy. It hurt my ears. Randy thought her outfit was dope but she didn't do enough with the song. Kara said it was her favorite performance of Michelle's ever!
Read the full post here.
THE GIRLS WERE SUPPOSED TO PERFORM, BUT Crystal Bowersox's early morning hospital trip forces the schedule to be arranged. She's out for the night, and the girls will go later. Which means the guys go first, and this year they're better anyway. Read the full post here. "Big Mike" Lynche starts the night off right with James Brown's This is a Man's World." Mike's soulful, sexy rendition lights up the crowd.
My Chicago boy John Park sang John Mayer's Gravity. John did better than last week but he's still not great. It also doesn't help that he chose a song from a douchebag. Randy says he needs to spice things up. Kara says it was way better than last week but that he lacks "connection" with the audience.
VICKI'S HOME IN HER BEAUTIFUL COTO BACKYARD ENTERTAINING, OF ALL PEOPLE, JEANNA.
They chat about the San Francisco weekend, Tamra's betrayal and Brianna's illness. And while Jeanna frequently nods in sympathy, she tells us that Vicki probably deserved the treatment she received. That she hasn't always been a best friend to her over the years and "sometimes you get what you give."
Remember Vicki kinda dropped her once her financial circumstances changed for the worse and wouldn't lend her money. She once again bemoans the loss of fun.
Alexis takes her mom to the plastic surgeon's office -- a "before" surgery example if I’ve ever seen one. Alexis tells us all about her previous surgeries and how wonderful they were. At first her mom only wants a brow lift. After the surgeon goes over her face she ends up ready to spend 13 grand for all kinds of stuff for "rejuvenation."
Read the full post here.
TENSIONS ARE HIGH WHEN THE FIRST ELIMINATIONS OF AMERICAN IDOL'S ninth season are announced. The night's results were tallied after 24 million votes were cast.
Sent packing first is Janell Wheeler who had sung Heart's What About Love. I was certain Janelle would be safe for one more week; I was very wrong and disappointed.
Up next is shocking red-haired Allison Iraheta who sings Scars, the second single off her debut album Just Like You. The 17-year-old fan fav jokes on stage that she feels like she's about to be eliminated. "I'm just glad I'm not in their shoes right now."
Read the full post here.
NOW'S THE GUYS' TURN TO STEP UP TO THE SPOTLIGHT AND SHOW OFF THEIR SINGING CHOPS.
Keeping with the theme of hits from the Billboard charts, the top 12 guys sing their favorites.
Todrick Hall started the show with former A.I. winner Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone. Todrick sang well, but he couldn't live up to Kelly.
Read the full post here.
THE TOP 24 CONTESTANTS have been chosen and now the real contest begins.
Last night's show started off with a lot of laughs, and what began as possible friction between Ellen and Simon turned out to be a big joke.
Ellen sits far away from Simon and claims he can't keep his hands off her. She shows a faux video of him putting his paws on her during Hollywood week. She may not be able to hold a tune, but Ellen sure delivers the laughs.
For the next three weeks, the top 24 will sing hits from Billboard's charts. Tonight though it's all about the ladies, and Simon predicts a girl's going to take it all this year.
First up is Paige Miles who sang Free's It's Alright Now.
Read the full post here.
WHEN I SAW THIS WEEK'S EPISODE WAS "SNATCH GAME," I wondered what kind of woo-woo Ru had up her sleeve. It wasn't anything like my dirty mind envisioned.
In fact, it didn't make sense at all. A novel way of saying 'celebrity impersonation.' Prizes are announced along with tonight's special judges -- Neicy Nash and Lisa Rinna.
That so Raven keeps pulling thru. Tyra said last week she wasn't the bitch of the group, she's "America's sweetheart."
Everyone's yawning as they walk into the workroom. Raven, on the chopping block two weeks in a row, hopes she isn't in the bottom a third time. She then deliberately wipes off Mystique's last message to the group written in red lipstick on a mirror. So film noir. There's a little spat between the dolls and Tatiana when they start talking smack about Mystique. She's so nice, still sticking up for her girl. Mystique is gone, stop hating.
Read the full post here.
THIS PIC PURPORTS TO SHOW CONAN O'BRIEN KISSING A NONHUMAN DOLPHIN WHILE ON VACATION.
We're not buying it, unless Conan's deal with the devil to look perpetually young was called off when he left NBC's employ.
We think this must be Conan's batty older uncle, you know, the one they keep in the attic. 'Cause unemployed talk show hosts in search of a gig don't let themselves go like this in the space of a month.
CLASSLESS TRASH.
That's what Vicki thinks of Alexis and I think she hits the nail on the head.
She's like a Bad Girl spouting off unnecessary shit all the time, getting pissed off over something, anything, every time they're in a group of women. These women who think they and they're lives are so perfect are such tightasses. So Alexis and Vicki? They'll have the conversation now.
Vicki is beet red. The work thing comes up first and Vicki is accused of being defensive. Yeah, she said that she and Don had to work but people say that. They took it way too seriously probably because they were drunk and the atmosphere was already poisoned. She is so red.
Tamra joins in the beatdown but says she's not attacking and Vicki should stand up for herself. Briana being there didn't matter. Alexis says all four women think Vicki doesn't realize offensive how she can be. Vicki says Alexis has a nerve to call her out like that, who the hell does she think she is, she doesn't know her and pretty much says it's between you and me, bitch.
Read the full post here.
I KNOW YOU'VE HAD THE CONVERSATION. I'VE HAD IT MANY TIMES.
Every time one of those stories pop up where a woman decides to marry a serial killer. "Is she crazy?" we ask. Maybe, maybe not.
If you're really wondering, check out the Investigation Discovery channel's Prison Wives, about women who'll probably never live with their Valentines.
Read the full post here.
JOHNNY WEIR TWIRLED AND TRIPLE-AXELED HIS WAY INTO SIXTH PLACE in the men's short figure skating program at the Vancouver Olympics last night.
Looking demure by his normal standards, the ingenue on ice sashayed in a plunging sheer and glittery black outfit accented with hot pink tassles. He danced to I Love You, I Hate You, and though some say that choice is a statement on the media, you could just as easily argue it's about Johnny's relationship with himself.
Read the full post here.
THIS WEEK'S THEME IS COUNTRY, YA'LL.
In the queens' workspace is a long picnic table with a checkered tablecloth. The girls gather around and Raven bitches that she didn't like being at the bottom last week and didn't cotton to having to lipsync for her life. Not. At. All.
Ru appears in cowboy hat and jeans, with the wildest, weirdest cowboy shirt I've seen since W was in office. This week's mini-challenge is Drag Survivor. The contestants are blindfolded and asked to judge what they put in their mouths. They have paddles on which is written either Chicken or WHAT??!! Ugh, I hate taste tests. First to get three points wins!
First course -- the answer is WHAT??!! It's not chicken but bull testicles. Let the screeching begin.
Second course -- the answer is WHAT??!! This tidbit is soy chicken.
Third course -- the answer is WHAT??!! Tyra thinks it's rat tail. No, Tyra, it's frogs legs. So uncouth. Or maybe I should say, "she so country."
There's a tie between Mystique, Pandora and Morgan. That means an eat-off --or a ho-down, if you will.
Read the full post here.
TAMRA BELIEVES THAT SIMON DOESN'T REALLY THINK SHE LOVES HIM so she's getting his name tattooed on her finger. She freaked the fuck out when her son Ryan got a tattoo and NOW realizes she's a bit hypocritical. It looks like it really hurts.
That's bullshit stupid. I don't know what it really proves. She thinks it proves they'll be together forever. I think it's the kiss of death.
Lynne blames the wine for her drunken outburst at Alexis's party when calls her to apologize. She says afterward everyone made up and everything is fine. She invites Alexis to her housewarming which she accepts.
Gretchen seeks advice from Vicki and goes to her office. She tells Vicki she admires her and needs her help. Vicki preens.
Read O.C.'s Real Housewife Lynne Gets Mommy Blues here.
Read Without A Hint Of Irony, O.C.'s Real Housewives Throw Plastics Party here.
Read the full post here.
THIS WEEK ON THE RACE WE WORK IN PAIRS making over six elegantly dressed Ru paul dolls into what Ru calls "girls that work hard for the money." Hmmm.
Since the girls' comprise an an uneven number, Ms. Mystique gets to work alone. It's amazing how, in a matter of minutes, they transform the dolls from class into trash. Most of the outfits have the asses exposed. The winners are Pandora and Sahara who called their transformation, "Shafreeforall."
For the main challenge Ru references her star turn in a vehicle named Starrbooty, which I confess has gotten by me. I found this description at Spike.com: "Supermodel goes undercover as a hooker to rescue her niece from an evil body parts broker." The trailer is a hoot and I recommend it highly. So my guess is that the chicks will be undercover hookers.
Read the full post here.
I LOVE BETTY WHITE AND HAVE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. My favorite of her characters was Sue Ann Nivens on the Mary Tyler Moore, show but she can do anything.
She's just turned 88 years old and is still a trouper as you could see from her recent Super Bowl ad.
Now there's a Facebook movement to get Saturday Night Live to have her host.
Read the full post here.
IT'S HOLLYWOOD WEEK ON AMERICAN IDOL. All the "I'm going to Hollywood!" kids finally get their chance to prove themselves again and win over the new judge singer/songwriter Ellen DeGeneres.
Wait, I mean, comedian/talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. (And no, dancing around in an American Express commercial doesn't give you a musical background.)
DeGeneres admits that she doesn't have a resume filled with music experience but she knows what it's like to stand on stage and to go all out in front of an audience.
As the final auditions begin, Randy remains chillaxed, Kara's the same open and honest person, Simon's his usual brute.
The newly seated Ellen delivers wit, humor and niceties to the table. Even when she's cruel she's kind.
"You frighten me,'' she told contestantSkiiboski, who paced the stage.
Read the full post here.
THINGS HAVE BEEN TENSE IN THE O.C. Let's catch up.
Lynne's totally blown away that deadbeat dad Slade Slimey questions her parenting. But let's face it, her parenting is questionable. Anyway, she haughtily calls him a "poseur." Hee hee. Both Frank and Lynne know they're too soft on their kids but they're too laid-back or lazy to deal with it. They've waited way too long to begin to discipline their children and now they're clueless. Both girls continue to give them their asses to kiss.
Alexis gets Tamra's side of the Tamra-Gretchen feud, the mean website she won't take down, the mistrust. Both women are willing to play nice in public but will never, never declare themselves friends. Slowly, slowly Alexis plays more of a role in both Tamra and Gretchen's lives. And therefore, my life.
Gretchen throws a 50's style Tupperware party which Alexis attends with hubby Jim.
Read the full post here.
SHE'S BAAAAACCCCK!
If you missed last year's debut of RuPaul's Drag Race it's time to fasten your seat belt and come on along for the ride of your life.
I love drag queens (and kings) in all their awesomeness and awfulness, and this new group of contestants share these qualities in equal measure.
We watch as they enter their workroom. Our first two contestants, Nicole Paige Brooks and Shangela, fancy themselves Southern belles. Then short-haired Raven, the name she uses when she's in tits and tights, comes in looking kinda hard. Jujubee is the token Asian. Sahara Davenport enters to the screams of Shangela and it turns out they went to college together.
Read the full post here.
BEYONCE'S SISTER SOLANGE TWEETED FOLLOWING HER BIG SISTER'S historic six Grammy-award cleanup.
Interpreted into the hip-hop equivalent, Solange basically said, "My sister is the shit, bitches, so get off Taylor Swift's titties."
Or to be literal, Beyonce's baby sis tweeted she was "having another Kanye rant moment."
Read the full post here.
THE 52ND ANNUAL GRAMMY'S OPENING "Fame Factory" proved apt metaphor as performers rolled out in assembly line perfunctoriness and left me hankering for a surprise.
Wearing gangrenous shoulder humps, Lady GaGa opened the show looking like Quasimodo leading the Festival of Fools. Joined by a soot-covered, glittered-spectacled Sir Elton John, the two legends performed a lackluster medley of his-and-her songs.
And is it me? Or did it seem that Lady G began her pop descent at the moment she exclaimed, "Take My Picture Hollywood! I want to be a star!"
Then Steven Colbert swept on stage in his faux persona, waved 'Hello Princess' to Taylor Swift, feigned familiarity to an indifferent Jay Z, and warned his teenaged daughter in the audience to stay away from Katy Perry.
Read the full post here.
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES SEEM TO BE TURNING DESPERATE.
Atlanta's Kim Zolciak has opened an eBay store she's calling Kim Z Couture Closet.
The shop's header features photos of Kim with the blingingest diamond-studded logo you've ever seen. For a mere $5K you can place your opening bid on Dolce & Gabana black dress detailed with diamonds. Or opt for a never-worn pink Christian Dior gown that is exactly like the one Cameron Diaz wore to the Academy Awards.
Read the full post here.
SINCE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHEESE IN THE HOUSE, I tuned in to the third installment of Frank the Entertainer… In A Basement Affair, a new VH1 show.
Frank Maresca, fairly handsome and dimpled, was a finalist on the second season of I Love New York. His claim to fame was giving New York's toes a sucking that, I guess, blew her mind.
Then the parents arrived. I don't remember the details of the confrontation but I'm sure it was ugly.
Read the full post here.
AND SO THE PAINFUL PUBLIC DISSOLUTION OF THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN CONAN O'BRIEN and longtime partner NBC comes to a poignant, heartbreaking end.
After slicing and dicing the network for weeks, a resigned Conan last night professed no hard feelings, and advised the kiddies to work hard and avoid cynicism.
"Please do not be cynical,'' an earnest Conan said. "I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
The once and future talk show host thanks his legions of fans who staged rallies, camped out in the rain and bled their support all over the Internet.
"This massive outpouring of support and passion, from so many people, has been overwhelming for me,'' he said, his voice cracking. "The rallies, the signs, all this goofy outrageous creativity on the internet …You made a sad situation joyous and inspirational."
And then he introduced Will Ferrell performing a faux funny Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird. Because even though this is supposed to be comedy, we're crushed that irreconcilable differences ended what we thought was a beautiful relationship.
Read the full post here.
AS NBC and Conan O'Brien continue their scorched-earth engagement, let's salute loyal doughboy Andy Richter.
The comic sidekick will do anything in the name of service. For instance, just last week Richter offered to immediately become addicted to drugs if TV executives requested.
"Whatever you got, I will take it," he pleaded to television brass.
"You got an award show no one wants to host? Voiceovers? Phones to answer? You want me on one of those celebrity rehab shows? You name the drug and I will get hooked on it tomorrow!" he joked.
That's classic Andy. Since 1993, Conan's human applause-o-meter has given buffoonery a good name.
Read the full post here.
WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT IVANA TRUMP LOOKS BETTER WITH HER CLOTHES OFF THAN ON.
I don't know if she's a certifiable GILF, but props to the 60-year-old Mrs. for being able to pose near naked next to a model on the reality show Celebrity Big Brother. Burning question: Is it real or is it liposuctioned?
Burning question number two: would you do her? Let us know!
IT WAS EASY TO SEE WHY ROBERT DOWNEY JR. ONCE HAD A SUBSTANCE PROBLEM AT Sunday's Golden Globes: Hollywood's most likeable habituae was a mass of jangly, manic energy while giving his acceptance speech for best actor in Sherlock Holmes.
"If you start playing violins, I will tear this joint apart," were the first words out of Downey's mouth, and we were afraid he might be serious.
Read the full post here.
AND SO ANOTHER YEAR OF IN-YOUR-FACE CRITICISM, laughable but true insults and, of course, great musical talent begins.
Paula's zany presence and occasionally scary verbal expressions maybe out of the picture, but American Idol goes on.
TV personality Ellen DeGeneres brings her comic flair and good-hearted nature to the table.
Returning judges Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi will be joined by this season by guest judges Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Kristin Chenoweth, Neil Patrick Harris, Joe Jonas, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry and Shania Twain.
As usual, the excitement begins with the journey through auditions and winds its way to the season's finals. Will this year be American Idol's swan song due to Cowell's announcement that he's moving on to host and produce his own show, The X Factor?
Tune in as the new season starts tonight, Jan. 12 8/7c, on Fox.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
I WATCHED ORANGE COUNTY HOUSEWIFE TAMRA BARNEY TEARFULLY TELL her mother that she and husband Simon were headed for divorce and she just didn't know what to do.
He doesn't like her friends, she can't do anything right, she's just not the person her wants her to be although she tries her hardest to be what he wants.
So Simon's had enough. According to RadarOnline.com he filed divorce papers on Jan. 7th; the couple separated four days earlier. Although Simon sites "irreconcilable differences," he also accuses her of being verbally abusive and committing acts of disloyalty and infidelity. Woo, there's been a lot more going on behind the scenes than we knew.
Read the full post here.
WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT NENE LEAKES AND KIM ZOLCIAK are asking for more money from Bravo to appear on season 3. That’s to be expected of divas.
But they should know that the Orange County franchise has been rolling right along with a constantly revolving cast. And Atlanta has already 86'd the Snows and replaced them with Kandi Burruss, which has made for a tense atmosphere and much more drama.
There’s a
poll on Black Voices asking if the two should be replaced.
Read the full post here.
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH COUPLES NOT TRAVELING APART?
It seems that before Vicki and Tamra's relationship goes bust because of their income disparities, a resort weekend will tear the two apart.
Girls' weekends are special. I organized one last fall with five friends. We talked and laughed, danced and took photos. We drank vodka shots and admired the sunset off the deck of our waterfront rental. It was wonderful and relaxing.
And since Vicki is in Ft. Lauderdale for a conference, she invites the other housewives to come along. Now if you don't travel without your spouse, Alexis and Tamra, then stay home. Don't bring your hubbies along and spoil the trip. But, no, the latter is what they do. Now, if I was Vicki I would've just cancelled the whole damn thing. I'd have no problem saying, "Oh well, another time, girls."
Instead Vicki insists to herself that things will be OK, she won't let the guys mess up her plans, she's gonna have a great weekend! Fuck that, she knew it was gonna be as messed up as it turned out to be.
Tamra brings the evil Simon, whom I used to like.
Read the full post here.
TODAY ON MAURY THE TOPIC GEEK TO GORGEOUS.
Former plain and/or overweight people who've lost the weight or gotten plastic surgery return to either taunt former tormentors or to make out with former secret crushes. Ugh.
There's this kid -- whose mom lost over 100 pounds but still dresses fat, blah, blah, blah -- to have a make-over.
Next thing I know out sashays NeNe. It was up to her to transform mom from desperate to diva. Well, well work those 15 minutes, girl. The rumor's abuzz that they may be up soon (and for fellow nemesis Kim too?), and that's fine with me.
Seeing NeNe seemed a sign that I should just woman up and try to watch another Atlanta Housewives "Lost Footage" episode.
The lost footage delivers more reunion runoff. We find out how short Lisa is and how tall NeNe is (5' 10"). Wow.
That NeNe wants to go down a size in inplants. Now we know why and how she doesn't wear/need a bra, the implants make them stand up. That's so pornstar.
Read the full post here.
EVEN BEFORE LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE AIRED, THE SECRET WAS OUT: POMPOUS MICHAEL HAD WON THE TITLE AS ''TOP CHEF.''
The younger V. brother was crowned after facing 12 elimination challenges, grueling criticism and lots of elbowing in the kitchens.
From the beginning I was on Team Kevin. His humble attitude and enchanting, mesmerizing beard had me rooting for him till the end. He just looked the part of 'chef.'
The chefs' mothers join the judges in tasting one course of the four-course challenge: fittingly, it's the favorite dish from each chefs' childhoods.
Poor Mommy Voltaggio not only had to show support to both sons, knowing one would be a loser, but she pleaded the 5th when asked "Who had the better dish?" A lifetime of such judicious mothering must be exhausting!
Read the full post here.
WTF IS GOING DOWN?
First Mrs. Claus gets caught doing the nasty with a Snowman, now Frosty's doling out porn to the kiddies who gave him life?
Someone take his hat off fast!
Seems this week that heroes and icons are dropping faster than a whore with a coke habit.
To paraphrase the immortal words of Chris Crocker: Leave Frosty alone!
(via Buzzfeed)
The final four are ready to compete in the first part of the finale.
It's been three months since the foursome have competed last in Vegas. They reunite at a train station in Nappa Valley, ready for their next destination in the challenge of Top Chef. A train pulls up and a very prego Padma emerges out to greet the chefs. I thought Padma was stunning to begin with but putting on weight and being bloated didn't changed that at all. Joining her was Michael Chiarello, an award winning chef and Food Network host.
For the very last Quickfire Challenge the chefs have to make a dish incorporating Nappa grapes. Since it's the last QF challenge, the prize is grand: the winner gets a Third Generation 2010 Prius. Everyone's eyes light up and Michael pictures himself driving it with his brother in the back seat.
The challenge is to not only make an excellent meal but to cook in a moving train. Kevin suffers from motion sickness and everyone is trying to balance themselves, cook and not cut or stab anyone.
Read the full post here.
YOU KNOW WE LIVE IN DARK DAYS when advertisers decide to paint Mrs. Claus as a murdering cheat.
Boost Mobile. So wrong.
(Via GAWKER.)
December 02, 2009
MICHAELE AND TAREQ SALAHI CANCELLED THEIR INTERVIEW WITH LARRY KING LIVE, apparently holding out for money like the sucking vultures that they are.
Aren't they the living example of the real Real Housewives of Any County U.S.A.? The fact that most of them are poseurs? Just some nouveau riche who use profanity in public, flaunt their many shoes and handbags and never neglect to tell you how much their yacht cost?
We were promised the lives of socialites when the series was first buzzed about. Real ladies who lunch exposing their inner lives. That faded fast as we saw that all we were exposed to were price tags and boob jobs of people we’d never heard of.
The Salahis have taken the famewhore game to a whole 'nother level though. Their situation is both scary (how do you get that close to the president uninvited) and awesome (they got to meet the president!).
Read the full post here.
JAY-Z SWAGGERED AND SHAKIRA SIZZLED, WHITNEY SURVIVED AND KELLY CLARKSON POURED THE SOUL.
The 37th Annual American Music Awards showcased the nation's melting pot of music Sunday night, and proved that being black is the new black with the sexiest, most foot-stompin' music delivered by the brothers and sisters.
The night's best performances belonged to Jay-Z as he delivered his anthem to New York's streets (sorry, critics, I'm not tired of it) and Shakira smoked and stirred during Give It Up To Me. And Kelly Clarkson proved yet again that she's the biggest talent to emerge from American Idol.
Timbaland, Nelly Furtano and new artist SoShy also got the audience stompin' with Morning After Dark.
Whitney Houston delivered an uneven but affecting rendition of Strength that got a standing ovation from a sympathetic audience. That woman has put herself through hell and she's got the wounds to prove it.
Rihanna's disturbia stage act was riveting even if her vocals weren't as fierce on Wait Your Turn and Hard.
Mary J. Blige and The Black Eyed Peas took their turns heating up the party.
The night's biggest disappointments were Lady GaGa and Adam Lambert.
Gaga's platinum cyborg act proved oddly unaffecting, while the campy Lambert delivered his pre-Idol pseudo shocking act.
Read the full post here.
THE BIGGEST FAMEWHORES IN HOLLYWOOD have written a book on -- ta da! -- how to be a fame whore! Because what other identifiable skills do Heid Montagi and Spencer Pratt have?
The titillating reality TV twosome are sharing their secrets on fame mongering in How To Be Famous: Our Guide To Looking The Part, Playing The Press and Becoming a Tabloid Picture.
In their latest devious calculation, Speidi teaches how to "increase your capacity for evil," feed the public's appetite for plastic surgery stories and and "outrageous behavior," and share the "secrets of celebrity couple math."
And in the opinion of this immodest couple, no one better personifies the game than the Jolie-Pitts.
"We'd love to sit down and discuss fame with them," Speidi, answering as one, told Playboy.com. "Consider this your formal invitation, Brangelina. Let's hang out sometime. We'll be SpeidiLina!"
Ha! That's hil-ar-i-ous, you kooky kids!
The duo also frets in mock horror about possibly offending Hollywood's reigning prom queen and king.
"We wouldn't want to piss them off. She might steal Spencer -- you know, because she steals people's husbands!" Bada bing. Bada boom.
We can practically hear the hiss of revulsion that Speidi's effrontery provokes in Angelina. "How dare they!," we feel certain she roars. "They're not worthy of our spit!"
Read the full post here.
TOP CHEF IS ALMOST COOKED FOR THE SEASON. All who's left is Eli, the Voltaggio brothers, Kevin, Jen and the undefeated champion, Robin!
The chefs head over to the fancy Venetian Hotel for the Quickfire Challenge. This week they make a breakfast in bed for Padma and guest judge Nigella Lawson.
First up: Robin and Eli. Robin scrambles against the clock to get her dish completed: a goat cheese, pineapple and blueberry blintz. After she's done, Mike V. angrily cleans up after her. As a professional and thegreatest chef in the world, he can't possibly work under such messy conditions.
As Mike begins to prepare his dish, Robin dares steps in his shadow and he snaps, "I'd rather you just be gone right now!"
Robin obliges and storms out of the kitchen. Is she gone forever? Not yet, but there's hope!
The other chefs present their dishes and the ladies discuss what they liked and didn't like.
And the winner is Eli for his fried egg reuben benedict with thousand island hollandaise sauce. Eli has the honor of having his recipe put in the Top Chef Quickfire Cookbook.
Then it's on to the Elimination Challenge, for which the chefs concoct a dish inspired by a Vegas Strip hotel. They draw knives with the names of different casinos and then head out to them for inspiration.
Almost everyone comes back with a dish in mind except for Eli whose task is serving Circus Circus on a plate. Eli sums the aging playground up perfectly: "It's as if you're in an art gallery and staring at a really sad velvet painting," he tells Kevin.
Read the full post here.
GOD, KANDI GIRL, I LOVE YOU.
Girlfriend came right on out and said that NeNe was different from last season (I told ya'll!). She used a word I really don't like to use with black folk -- "uppity" -- but that's the gist of it.
NeNe's smelling herself and Kandi got the scent.
NeNe, just because you send out "tweets" to famous folks and they may send one back out to you doesn't mean you're a celebrity.
Along with this great nugget, the second half of the Housewives reunion also gave us lots of really good clips. Like the wig-tugging scene outside of the restaurant, now featuring Michael Lohan, of all people.
Kim now finds it funny. Bizarre. But I did love the way NeNe kept calling him "Hey, Lindsay Lohan's daddy."
And stupid Kim being accused of canoodling with an unidentified man after that intense confrontation and denying it. How do these folks forget that they can't lie when there are cameras around? Roll tape and there she is… canoodling. Was it Poppa? I think so.
The high-heeled gays of Atlanta are showcased in all their glory. The women are jealous of their shoes. And they're probably also jealous that sometimes they're best part of the show. (I'm not going to ask again that Dwight Eubanks be given his own show, but I'd watch.)
Then, Dwight comes out in all his fop glory. He critiques the ladies while they silently hate his guts.
Evidently Kim doesn't find this funny cause she busts out that Dwight has had a penile implant and has also shown her before and after pictures. Say What!!!
He doesn't miss a beat as she relates that he also showed her his fishnet stockings and mesh undies. He placidly compares it to a breast implant (Take that, Kim). He's so fucking cool.
Read the full post here.
DID YOU GUYS GET THE PROMOTIONAL MEMO ABOUT THIS SEASON BEING THE SEXIEST YET?
Because it really had a lot LESS sex than the previous two, even with Betty ultimately running off with Henry and divorcing Don.
Yes, Betty is leaving Don, despite his protests that she's "not herself" or "needs a pil" or whatever. Granted, he does treat her like a wind-up toy, but she allowed it for so long. Who's to say Henry will treat her any differently once the initial spark wears off? I suppose we'll find out next season.
All we get tonight is more insight into how Don lost his father (a horse kicked that drunken jackass in the face, which is fitting, if you ask me), and how this divorce is really destroying Don emotionally. It's clear that he's become more of a family man, while Betty's becoming less interested in motherhood. In a heated exchange, Don tells Betty that the kids would be better off with him, which might be true, but frankly, living in the clubhouse out back like Glen did is probably a better bet than staying under Betty's careless, overmedicated wing.
Of course, the turmoil extends to Sterling Cooper. At a meeting with Hilton, Don learns that SC is up for sale again, only this time, so is its British holding company, PPL. Hilton tells Don that he'll be leaving the agency. Don is clearly okay with being relieved from working with demanding Connie, but he's also pissed that the agency is on the auction block again.
Read the full post here.
I DIDN'T KNOW THE PRACTICE OF GOING BLACKFACE WAS STILL UP FOR DEBATE in 2009. So let's review after four recent public displays.
First, French Vogue does a photo spread depicting supermodel Lara Stone in blackface.
Then four performers wear faux afros and paint their skin black in a mock performance of The Jackson 5 on an Australian variety show. Harry Connick, Jr., a judge on the show, verbally smacks the quintet saying they'd be banned if they had pulled that stunt in America.
Then Tyra Bank's America's Next Top Model dons its wannabes in different ethnic get ups.
Now comes the latest poor excuse for humor: Two Northwestern University students pull a Halloween trick by dressing up as African Americans.
For those who are too ignorant to know, performing in blackface was -- and is -- the outward manifestation of systemic racism, originally dating to the 19th century when white performers mocked and degaded blacks and perpetuated stereotypes associated with them.
Read the full post here.
OMG, DO I SMELL A LOVE RECONNECTION BETWEEN THE GOSSELINS?
First, Jonny boy declares he's sorry he catted around with every twentysomething he rubbed up against.
"That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off," Jon said during a made-for-TV confession. "And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it."
Then Kate rues about her shrewy ways when living with Jon.
"I was wrong to treat him that way,'' she said Monday on TLC."Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."
Aren't you picking up that whif of reconciliation?
Because don't we all know that saying sorry is the first step toward repairing a relationship? It's such a fundamental thing that even eHow has a six-step plan.
Number one? "Arrange a meeting, preferable private, to deliver your apology. It is better for both parties if you do not have an audience."
Oops, that's a problem. Someone needs to get the word to Jon and Kate! Take it offstage, you two.
Is that not lucrative enough? Then consider how financially barren your lives will be post reality TV and kiss up pronto. The production crews can be there within days!
Because you can only charge $20 a pop so long to air your putrid laundry, Jon. And once your show is off the air, Kate, no one's going to pay a whit's attention to your asymmetrical 'do.
JON AND KATE'S REALITY SHOW CONTINUES UNABATED ON TV AND THE WEB.
For an undisclosed fee, Jon will be chagrined at any made-for-web publicity event you want to pay him for.
Kate, sniff, sniff, is hurting deeply over the public spectacle her life has become. And she laments that her children are behaving badly from the strain.
As the house comes tumbling down, let's find the silver lining: the Gosselins are a growth industry in America's skeletor economy.
In addition to being the bread and butter, or wheat (Kate?) and chaff (Jon?) of America's infotainment media, contributing to Amazon's bottom line, the couple have spawned an entire market of "Gosselin" domain names; you know, the ones speculators set up for web clicks.
There's KateGosselin.com, JonGosselin.com, and, of course, TheGosselins.
There's the GosselinsWithoutPity, TheGosselinsWithoutPity.Blogspot.com, and the contrarian TheGosselinsDoNotNeedOurPity.BlogSpot.com
There's JonAndKatePlusEight.com, JonAndKatePlusEight.net and, duh, TLC's official website.
There's the oddly named SixGosselins, which conveniently lists Jon & Kate's contact info for "personal appearances/speaking engagements, media requests, endorsement deals, television/film opportunities."
And we can only guess how many -- "I beg your pardon" -- wayward visits that JohnGosselin gets. Or how many interruptions this blissfully happy-looking JonAndKate receive.
You can tell this Jon & Kate are very different from the other; they don't have their pretty site "monetized." How unAmerican!
OH, AM I EVER DEPRESSED.
Tonight was the "Kennedy got shot" episode. Unlike the Marilyn references earlier last season, this one carried some weight with EVERYONE on the show (and in the country at that time).
There was a black cloud hanging over everything, similar to the surreal hours and days immediately following 9/11. It's doubly sad that I have something to reference and can therefore understand the mindset of most people on that distant day.
Naturally, I drank a LOT tonight.
Things start off pretty much normal. Betty is still very icy toward Don for that whole lying-to-her-about-everything-even-his-first-goddamn-name thing. I mean, that's pretty understandable, so I'm more disappointed in Don than anything.
But here he is, trying to make amends by soothing baby Gene in the middle of the night. Pssh, whatevs, says Betty's reaction. She's just not moved by his too little, too late attempts to right things.
Meanwhile, Peggy is still seeing Duck, much to my surprise. He's convincing her to get out on her lunch break, which is good. She needs something other than this job to get her up in the morning, even if it is just old guy sex. Wow. Now I'm REALLY depressed now.
Read the full post here.
NENE'S HAIR WAS FIERCE, FOR ONCE. SHEREE was elegant, Lisa was Farrah Fawcett, Kandi was a little extreme and Kim was…Kim.
The first part of The Real Housewives of Atlanta's reunion show revealed the new nature of these beeeeeeeeeee=yotchs.
After the event planner explosion, the Kim hair pulling incident, the dissing of Lisa's clothing line, I think Sheree has finally exposed her secret. She doesn't have to call Pookie. She is Pookie. I liked her collection but after many seasons of Project Runway, I agree with Lisa that it wasn't cohesive. And the only reason the train ran on time was through the hard work of the cool Dwight. She's so lucky HE's a professional and didn't take her diva bait.
I almost threw up at the montage of Kim yelling and screaming about how hot she is. And she's a 34D?!? I don't know about that. Maybe it's her cantaloupe-shaped implants that make me think she's a lot bigger.
We learn she's going to keep drinking, smoking and wearing those damn synthetic wigs.
Kandi talks about her breakup with AJ. Although he and Mom made up, it seems the friction between them flared up again. Hence, their breakup. Maybe it was too hasty anyway, less than a year.
I fill up when she breaks down when relating the phone call with the bad news, then going to the hospital and seeing the body.
Read the full post here.
THE CHEFS HAVE RECOVERED FROM LAST WEEK''S THE BRUTAL EXPERIENCE OF Restaurant Wars and they are ready to face another day, cook another meal and one-up each other.
For the Quickfire Challenge, guest judge Paul Bartolotta will decide which chef makes the best revision of a classic TV dinner based on a TV show.
The shows are The Sopranos, M*a*s*h, Seasame Street, Cheers, The Flintstones, Gilligan's Island and Seinfeld.
Jen struggles with her Flinstones dish but then again she always struggles.
Mike I. has never laid eyes on a Seinfeld episode so he doesn't know to serve boxed "cereal" or scrambled "diner food." He serves a pretty plate that has nothing to do with the show.
Kevin and Bryan have the best dishes but Kevin wins the challenge with his Sopranos-inspired meatballs with polenta, roasted cauliflower and roasted pear dish. (Yum, pretend mobsters eat well!)
I'm certain Mike V. aches for his brother but is also glad that Bryan can't rub the win in his face with a victory dance.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs take over Craftsteak at MGM Grand.
The surprise guest for this challenge is the beautiful and talented Natalie Portman.
Natalie says she's a foodie, she's adventurous and oh yeah, she's a vegetarian.
You can hear the chefs' hearts break.
Read the full post here.
TOO AFRAID TO VENTURE OUT ON HALLOWEEN? Stay in for scary fun: host a Halloween TV night.
SyFy is running a Ghost Hunters marathon from 9am to 3am.
Or watch old school horror movies from 1930s to the 1970s on Turner Classic Movies. This year's lineup includes Cat People at 5:30pm (Eastern), Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde at 8:30pm and The Body Snatcher at 11:15pm.
AMC is my go-to channel during the Halloween season, whose offerings range from modern classic to cult. This year's lineup includes:
☠ Gene Wilder's Young Frankenstein at 7:30am;
☠ John Carpenter's Halloween at noon (followed by Halloween 4 and Halloween 5!);
and ☠ George Romero's Night Of The Living Dead at 6 and 8:15pm.
For family movies, watch ABC Family, which wraps up its 13 Days of Halloween with Hocus Pocus Wednesday (Oct. 28th), Scooby Doo movies Thursday and Friday, and Batman Returns on Halloween.
And to get you in the spirit, here's my 10 essential lessons for surviving horror movies.
10: Root for the good person. The bitch, the jerk, and everyone alike won't make it to the end.
9: Never forget that zombies must be killed by destroying the brain; vampires are killed by decapitation, sunlight or a stake in the heart; werewolves are done in by silver bullets or killing their human self. Ghosts should be handled by priests or paranormal experts. Monsters are tricky: some may have their own special way to be killed but the generally shooting them, setting them on fire, even stabbing them until they are a pile of mush should do the trick. Burn the remains.
8: It doesn't matter if you're in high school, college or if you're 50 years old. If you bully someone to the point of public humiliation, they'll snap and get revenge on you.
Read the full post here.
CLEARY, THIS SEASON IT'S ALL ABOUT DON.
BUT FIRST ABOUT ME. I started tonight off with a delicious glass of wine. Swigging in anticipation, I may have had too much, but that's okay. It worked in nicely with the whole poor-me plot that the writers are working tonight on all fronts.
Don has chosen to continue this affair with Suzanne, Sally's teacher. And with Betty off to Gene's house to begin the process of selling it, he's got free reign to do what he wants, including taking off for a long weekend of extra credit.
Of course, Betty's still got all this rage bottled up from her discovery during last week's episode, and she consults the family lawyer in confidence about it, much to her brother's chagrin. Is it me, or does that guy just escalate every tiny little thing into a world war?
She packs it all up and comes home early, and you'd expect that Don would get caught here, since he's stopped in at the house for a minute to pack a few shirts.
"Stay here," he wisely tells Suzanne, and she crouches down below the passenger side door so that she doesn't look guilty as hell or anything.
Betty is home, and she is PISSED. So Don tries to smooth it out by saying he has a client dinner and just stopped home to feed the dog and get a few shirts (not that far from the truth, and yet, worlds away). Betty doesn't give a fuck where he's supposed to be, though, and I slur into my wine glass, "Yoush go, gurl." Because she wanted ANSWERS, dammit, and she got 'em. Don told her his whole sordid history (minus all the adultery, because you have to play to your audience).
The whole time they're hashing this out, I keep thinking, "Is that teacher chick STILL in the CAR?" She totally was. She waited like, hours before walking away, which makes the whole thing that much more pathetic. It's like some teenage puppy love thing where she thinks she's the only one who "gets" him. Sorry, girl, but that's Betty's spiel, so unless you're bringing something new to the table, you're getting written out of the plot.
At Sterling Cooper, Roger's old flame has come to him for help. Her brand of dog food had been lambasted in a Clark Gable film, and now no one will feed the horse meat laden entree to their dogs (even though horse meat, in 1963, was a staple in any top-of-the-line dog food brand). Since this sort of thing is terribly boring to everyone involved (especially us viewers), she convinces Roger to take her out for old times' sake. She's a recent widow, and is clearly looking to rekindle something with an uninterested Roger. He's so smitten with Jane that he passes up the opportunity and pisses off a client -- something that can get a lesser man whose title ISN'T on the door, like Sal, canned.
Read the full post here.
TONIGHT IS HARDCORE FOODIES' DELIGHT: RESTAURANT WARS! Read the full post here.
Working in teams, the chefs create a mock restaurant for the judges. It's the most anticipated -- and heavily critiqued -- challenge of the season.
First off, the Quickfire challenge. Judge Rick Moonen tests the teams in a cook-off. Each chef must create one dish in 10 minute without speaking to one other. And to turn up the heat, the chefs not cooking wear blindfolds so they can't see what their teammate is doing.
The winners of this challenge: the Blue Team with Jennifer, Mike I., Laurine, and Kevin with a sablefish with sauteed mushrooms, shiitake broth and radish salad.
The Blue Team gets the option of winning a combined $10,000 or to "let it ride," awarding each team member 10 grand if they win the contest. They're in Vegas, baby, so they are smart and greedy and choose to let it ride!
The teams get together to discuss who's doing what. Mike V. tells brother Bryan V. knocked down his dessert choice.
The Red Team: The V bros., Eli and Robin chose the name "Revolt" for their restaurant. Which is dumb because suggesting your food is "revolting" doesn't make long lines out form out doors. Eli takes the reins in working front of the house to represent the restaurant.
October 22, 2009
SO BEFORE I DIVE INTO THE "BIG THING," LET'S TACKLE THE DETAILS. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Peggy and Paul are competing on damn near every account these days, mostly because, like your saucy Miz J, he can't pry himself away from the booze long enough to WRITE DOWN HIS GODDAMN IDEAS BEFORE HE FORGETS THEM.
Naturally, Peggy always solves everything on the fly, which makes Paul look, well, as unprepared as he actually is. So of course, because he's dipped in a very tangy douchebag sauce, he makes a mess of things. He rips into Peggy about how she should work on her stuff, and he on his.
But after a meeting with Don in which Paul has nothing and Peggy uses one of his uppity, Ivy League Philosophy 101 phrases to dig him out of the creative quagmire, he changes his tune.
Elsewhere, Sterling Cooper is about to celebrate its 40th anniversary, a bash that Bertram Cooper would prefer to avoid. After a phone call with the Brits in which Price is informed that they're planning on SELLING Sterling Cooper, Price is hard-pressed to make Cooper attend to keep up appearances. Eventually, he convinces Bertram to go by telling him that if he doesn't, people will think he's ill. Bertram shoots back: "Who told you I was vain?" Cooper acknowledges what most won't: everyone has a button, you just have to know where to find it and when to push it.
This rings especially true with Betty Draper, who is constantly either ignoring or is simply ignorant about Don's many affairs, particularly this recent one with Sally's teacher. After finding the key to Don's Magic Desk Drawer of Forbidden Secrets, Betty discovers the box containing bricks of cash…and Dick Whitman and the real Don Draper's lives. I'd be more interested in the bricks of cash, going on a shopping spree and buying six pairs of shoes, but when Betty comes across the real Don's divorce decree, the fires of hell itself are contained within her incredibly icy exterior.
Read the full post here.
Things got hot in the Top Chef kitchen. Eli let Robin know he's already got a mom and the Voltaggio brothers get feisty with each other.
First off, for the Quickfire Challenge, guest judge Charlie Palmer let everyone know that he had worked with the Bryan and Michael but that he would be completely impartial. Is that possible?
Tonight, the brothers not only have to compete with each other for the best dish this round but please their former employer. Their mission is to pair a dish incorporating Alexia snack foods.
Jen's pork chop was dry, Robin's dish pass Palmer's palate test, and Ash's ingredients combination was off. So it was Eli who won with his potato clam salad with fennel celery and white truffle sauce.
For the Elimination Challenge the chefs pull knifes with areas of pig named on each knife. For this challenge each chef must pair pig and pinot. I was hoping to learn what wine goes with bacon but nobody was planning on using everybody's favorite gateway meat, bacon. Snobs!
The chefs go shopping for their ingredients, then return home for rest and dinner. They didn't get much rest with Robin's yapping; she's getting on everyone's nerves. Eli tries cooking scallops and Robin thinks it should be a bigger platter and babbles on about the mess he's making. Eli wasn't going to let some old broad nag so announced to her, "You're not my mom! Cut it out!"
Eli went downstairs to eat with the rest of the chefs while Robin cleans upstairs whiling mumbling to herself. She's feeling the heat from the clique of "young kids."
On elimination day, the chefs are in the kitchen prepping for their dishes. The V brothers fight over Syrian wrap, Bryan snaps at Michael to hurry up, and Michael responds "shut the **ck up, go **ck yourself, I'm gonna take my time you ****." Bryan tells him he's a dick.
Read the full post here.
WHERE WAS PEGGY, WHERE WAS JOAN?
Last night's episode sucked even with a half bottle of wine in my system.
Without Joan, and hardly any Peggy, that means it's a sausage party, and the guys just aren't as intriguing. In fact, they're pretty hapless without these two around.
First off, Betty is carrying on this affair with Henry, the politician. She starts slowly by writing these flirty one-line letters and then he shows up unexpectedly at the house, arousing Carla's suspicions. So to distract Don, Betty throws this extravagant fundraiser at the house…and then Henry wisely doesn't show up. Angry, she goes to him, and he says that's the way it has to be because "you're married." To which Betty replies, "Oh." Right. That.
It's almost like Betty and Don are afterthoughts to each other. Sad. Especially since Don decides to start up with Sally's teacher again.
This show has become less about any actual Mad Men and more about whether Don or Betty is more promiscuous.
In the five minutes the writers could dedicate this week to Sterling Cooper, we see that Connie is still running Donnie through the ringer, calling him at all hours of the day and night to tell him about how Hilton Hotels will be on the moon someday.
Read the full post here.
IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE THE LAST Top Chef EPISODE WHICH GAVE ME TIME TO MOURN RON AND TO WONDER: What the hell is Robin still doing on TV?
Tonight's Quickfire Challenge is creating a dish for cookstr.com using three keywords chosen by a slot machine. Robin's three keywords are stressed, umami and Middle Eastern, so she made a dish with a lot of cumin and curry oil. Sorry Robin but according to host Padma, curry isn't considered "Middle Eastern" and guest judge Tyler Florence thought it was nothing specular.
The contestant who nailed all three keywords is Kevin. He made a char-grilled pork with Vietnamese herb salad based on stressed, hot, & spicy Asian.
With the option of getting immunity or taking 15 grand, Ash takes the dough. Smart move for Ash, even if he gets kicked off this week, he'll still have money to help wipe away his tears.
Instead of being told what the Elimination Challenge will be, the chefs were told just to go home. Could it be that they get a week off to sit back, enjoy a break from this intense competition? Of course not! These are grown-ups on Top Chef, not some kiddies on the Disney slowing production with pesky child-labor laws!
Returning home, the chefs find that their kitchen is overstocked with food, dinner plates, flower arrangements, and assorted cookware.
Padma emerges from the shadows to reveal that for the Elimination Challenge is throwing a dinner party for Macy's Culinary Council.
Read the full post here.
ABOUT THE ONLY TIME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY WHO THEY SEEM IS WHEN THEY'RE toddlers singing innocent songs.
I wanted to write something about Letterman's problem and Jon Gosselin's problem, but this video is so much prettier than their mugs. 
It's by Ella ja Aleksi, two Finnish kids who sing something akin to a Values billboard in rap. Okay, whatever. I found it via BoingBoing by way of Buzzfeed, and someone else will pick it up tomorrow. Because the web is one big pyramid scheme.
Speaking of schemes, Letterman's handling of the extortion plot against him has earned him effusive praise from fans, TV muckety-mucks, and psychological spitballers.
We've all known for a long time that Dave is an equal opportunity crank, so imaging his wife as long-suffering was always a given. We're also not surprised that an underling jumped when her filthy rich boss made a pass at her. Lucky for Stephanie Birkitt that she isn't overweight and Dave's not a politician. 
I also can't help but wonder what Jon Gosselin's past defenders think of him now that he's proven himself to be a limp turd.
We are always only part of who we say we are, and always more complicated than others think.
REALITY ENCROACHED ON THE SURREALITY TV SHOW, Real Housewives of Atlanta when Kandi Burruss' former beau died after being beaten outside an Atlanta strip club.
Ashley A.J. Jewell died at Atlanta's Piedmont Hospital Friday night after being injured outside Body Top, a club in Midtown Atlanta that he partly owned. Atlanta policed have charged club employee Fredrick Richardson with voluntary manslaughter.
Jewell's ex-girlfriend, R&B singler Kandi Burriss, is new to the Bravo series this season, with Jewell played a bit part as her fiance. What's not been revealed yet to the viewers is that the two were on "hiatus,'' as Kandi put it in an interview with Essence.
Read the full post here.
VERY LITTLE ACTUALLY HAPPENED AT STERLING COOPER LAST NIGHT, but a lot of stuff was going on outside its newly gilded (with English money) doors.
First off, Trudy should never leave Pete alone. Not for long, lazy stretches of summer. Not for a day with Peggy. She should probably just pipe into his office a recording of "Stop it, Peter" so she can rest easy.
The man is incapable of avoiding trouble. Although this time, Peggy's nowhere to be seen, since she's clearly still into Duck (or, rather, Duck is still into her, mainly in the mornings, which are apparently his favorite).
No, this time, Pete gets involved with his neighbor's German au pair, whom he meets near the garbage disposal, where she's weeping as she attempts to stuff a giant taffeta explosion down the chute. Turns out it's her boss's wife's very pricey Hermes dress, which she wore while whooping it up in their apartment. Pete offers to help, brings the dress in, and works with the store manager -- our unflappable heroine Joan -- to save the day.
After some small talk with a clearly-bummed-out-but- putting-on-a-brave-face Joan, Pete brings the dress back to the girl…and then gets completely wasted and bangs her. The neighbor finds out, confronts Pete man-to-man, and then there's this awkward moment with the au pair, her child charges, Pete and Trudy in the elevator. Trudy is, of course, totally clueless. Oh, PETER.
Since everyone else is conveniently "summering," tonight's story focuses mainly on the Drapers. Betty's still lobbying to stop that water tower from being built, and her admirer from the governor's office lends a helping hand to delay the whole thing. Naturally, though, he's doing it as a means to an end. That 'end' being sex with Betty. Which will never happen. He's just not her type. I mean, she knows his name. He's already too familiar.
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SILLY ME. I THOUGHT THAT NOTHING ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE COULD POSSIBLY JOLT ME OUT the leftover cupcake and sangria haze I was in. But I was wrong, people. Very, very wrong.
Last night's episode started at the end and then worked its way back around. The first thing I saw was Peggy asleep beside an unidentified male, and I thought to myself, 'Gee, this is really starting to develop into a pattern. I hope she's learned a thing or two about protection.'
How naive I am, even after three seasons of Peggy Olsen shenanigans. But more on that later.
Since we're only treated to a few telling snippets (Peggy at a hotel with a man; Betty lazily reclining on a chaise lounge; Don waking up on the floor of a dingy motel room with unexplained facial scars), attention to detail is imperative, and I'm already at a disadvantage having drank nearly a JUG of wine earlier in the day. I promise to do my drunken best, Mad Men and Women.
To start, Betty has joined the Junior League of Ossining, and her first task is to block the building of a water tower nearby. To help with the effort, she enlists the help of Henry Francis, the creepy guy she talked to at Roger's painfully stale country club party (you know, the one where he sang in black face and his fiancée Jane got sloshed? Yeah, that's the one). More on this as it develops, but it looks like Henry has designs on Betty, and he could give two shits about the water tower.
Roger's party, poor taste and all, yields a strong business connection for Don too. Conrad Hilton was the guy at the bar, as you may recall, and now he is doggedly pursuing Don's help, much to the delight of Bert, Roger and that British guy whose name I forget. However, while the relationship between Hilton and Draper remains a man-to-man sort of deal, the lawyers (and the agency) want Don to sign a very lucrative (and very binding) three year contract.
Read the full post here.
LOOKS LIKE Kim Zolciak is the breakout star of Real Housewives of Atlanta! At least, for this season.
Kim's new one-hit wonder is (Don't Be) Tardy For The Party and I have to admit it's as contagious as a veneral disease.
After bombing in the studio last season, I'm surprised girlfriend is still determined to be a singing sensation. Fellow housewife and real singer Kandi was one of the producers and it's really due to her that the number's on YouTube and iTunes.
I saw Kim sing the hook after an agonizing anxiety attack that left her crying on the couch. She amazed herself just doing that. I'm not sure if that's her on the rest of the lyrics or not. With Auto tune, who the hell can tell. It's just… a voice singing a catchy tune.
You know drama's on the menu 'cause NeNe Leakes was supposed to sing on the song as well. But after Kim got the courage to do her hooks she pretty much said, "Ahh, I don't think we need her." Uh-oh, NeNe's gonna be angrrry!
I'm also sure she's pissed with Kim's collaboration and close friendship with Kandi; her bloody fall at the "alter ego" portraits party, and now girlfriend's got a record out!
NeNe, now you in danger, girl. Of being outplayed.
Let's talk about Miss NeNe for a minute. She's gotten increasingly, uh, bougie this season.
Has that new short cut gone to her head? And calling Kandi ghetto? One thing I do know is that Kandi's hair is fierce, while NeNe's weave sometimes has a small crown of dark hair showing.
Roots? A yarmulke? What is that?
I don't think none of these sisters, or Kim, come from money. If they did they wouldn't be on this show. They are the nouveau riche, and NeNe is proof.
Please, NeNe, leave that role to Sheree. Whose fashion show is greatly awaited.
Don't be tardy for the party!
SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes frequently on TV, America's favorite snack food.
A COLLECTIVE GAG GURGLED ACROSS THE WEB TODAY AS READERS REACTED to MacKenzie Phillips' revelation that she had sex for 10 years with her father, John Phillips of the Mamas & the Papas.
The news provoked widespread jeers and sneers.
"If she could keep it a secret for 30 years,'' someone named Jill wrote on EW.com, "she could keep it for another 30."
"Phillips had an alleged long-term consensual sexual relationship with her father AS AN ADULT, which makes her just as screwed up as he was,'' spewed someone writing as TK. "There is a vast difference between therapeutically airing harmful secrets versus indiscriminately vomiting this distastefulness into yet another "tell all" book.
But an empathetic Jeff commented, "How long would your personal problems last if you were molested by your own father? This latest problem seems to explain the others. Check to see if you left your humanity under the sofa, when you get home tonight."
Oprah took a lot of heat for airing the vile claims the same day the book Phillips' new book was released. But to Catholics, fans of Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment and psychologists, the public confession is more understandable.
The "need to reveal embarrassing and disturbing secrets might be expected to exist in direct proportion to the importance that the experience …
has for the speaker or writer's personality as a whole,'' wrote E.J. Brill in is 1975 book, The Psychology of Confession. "This need finds expression in two ways: either in personal confidences to a trusted friend or as a written description.
"In the latter case, the memories involved have perhaps left the writer no peace until he got them out of his system." He goes on to say that confesson's catharsis is "the genesis of all literary confessions since
Saint Augustine's Confessions.
Read the full post here.
BUZZFEEDERS HAD A FIELD DAY THIS WEEK FEASTING ON CUD FROM THE FIRST OFFICIAL NATIONAL SINGLE COUGARS CONVENTION.
Mature ladies on the prowl recently met in Palo Alto, Ca., to celebrate their hunt for fresh, young meat. And isn't it funny that the group specifies 'single' in the name? Wouldn't want any Ashley Madison types showing up, now would we?
Al Gore's awesome website Current sent a correspondent to cover the proceedings and, frankly, we think he blurred the line between "objective bystander" and "reporter." Which we wouldn't have any other way.
What crosses our mind though: where was Courtney Cox? We think ABC missed the most awesome chance to reach the core audience of its new show Cougar Town, which premiers tonight at 9:30 tonight Eastern.
For the record, even if we never watch the show, the show's promos are worth viewing. Welcome back, Courtney!
TODAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY, SO I'm considering tonight's episode -- and its extra four minutes of debauchery -- a personal gift from Mr. Weiner, who was collecting his own presents over at the Emmy Awards.
As my birthday sangria flowed freely, I watched a nearly unbelievable story unfold. "Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency" is a great title, too, considering that Don's new English boss, Guy MacKendrick, walks into Sterling Cooper all proud of himself and then doesn't walk out due to a drunken freak accident involving a tractor.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning.
It's nearly the Fourth of July weekend, and everyone's mentally checked out until the Big Brits announce a surprise visit from the Board of Directors on the Third of July, an unofficial American holiday. Presentations, meetings and other snooze fests will be happening. Bert Cooper offers his opinion to Don that the Board is impressed with Don's work and may offer him a dual position in NYC and London. Naturally, his dreams of tea and crumpets are dashed when Guy MacKendrick is brought in as Don's new boss. It begins to sink in with our SC crowd, especially Roger Sterling (who is completely excluded from all these great new plans), that the Brits have taken over.
At the Drapers' suburban Shangri-La, Sally is not taking well to the new addition to the family. Betty tries super hard to change that…if by "super hard" I mean "buys her a Barbie doll and says that fairies helped Baby Gene pick it out for her." OH BETTY. How about dropping the ice queen routine and hugging this poor little girl? It's funny; Betty tells Don that Sally should "get over it," meaning the death of Grandpa Gene. But Betty is clearly still holding on to his memory herself. Don begins to reassure Sally and pay her more attention, which, THANK GOD.
Read the full post here.
IT'S ALMOST TIME TO FEEL SORRY FOR KANYE, BUT WE'RE NOT QUITE THERE YET.
We're having too much fun spoofing his on-stage grovel to hip hop's reigning queen Beyoncé at the expense of wispy, blow-on-her-and-she'll-fall-over Taylor Swift.
It's been hard for the web to aim at other moving targets since Kanye made himself the bullseye. We grew tired of trying to keep up with all the delicious snark, so we took the liberty of compiling what we think are the 10 best servings of snide. Number 10 is Kanye reminding Keyboard Cat that he wasn't the first YouTube sensation. And the countdown to number one:
9. Someone by the name of Vince Romanelli adapts Swift's You Belong To Me into a sweet slam at Kanye. As Buzzfeed's Jack Shepherd wrote, "It's the sweetest, most soft-hearted diss track I've ever heard in my life." This is as clean as snark gets while still making its point.
8. Kanye's apology sung with autotune. I'll give it an 8 because you can dance to it while dissing.
Read the full post here.
IT'S MIKE V.'S TURN TO REFLECT ON THE CHEFS REMAINING. HE FEELS LIKE A LOT OF TALENTED CHEFS HAVE BEEN SENT PACKING WHILE MEDIOCRE ONES LIKE ROBIN HAVE SURVIVED. And he's ever confident that he's one of the contest's best cooks.
Mattin is still fuming about being at the bottom of the French challenge last week. I'd be upset too if I were a French yet couldn't do well at French cooking. For shame!
For the Quickfire Challenge, guest judge Tim Love will decide who has the best dish using the ingredient cactus. Mike I. wins with his cactus and tuna ceviche with pipian dish. His reward is 15 grand but he gets no immunity. Tough luck, fella.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs have to make a high-end meal for two dozen cowboys. Their cooking stations will be at the ranch so they don't know what equipment will be available. The challenge is intended to show who can cook with the most creativity.
The chefs soon find out that the "ranch" is a campground, and the "kitchen" adds up to four 4 fire pits and a grill, some cast iron pans, and for their bathroom needs -- an outhouse. Hope somebody remembered the hand sanitizer!
And the winner is… third time winner Bryan for his roasted pork loin, corn polenta, dandelion greens and glazed rutabaga dish. Yum. I can taste it through the telly. Bryan gloats about winning more than his brother Mike V.
And for his raw ceviche, Mattin's gets told to pack his knives. Note to chefs: if Tom Colicchio spits out your food, you're probably going home.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO, KIM ZOLCIAK, real housewife of Atlanta with no husband, decides she wants to start a wig line.
She practically says, "Gosh, who wouldn't want to look like me." Maybe she did say that. Or maybe it was just that all her girlfriends want to look like her so she assumes that means everybody.
She promptly summons someone else to do all the work. That someone turns out to be none other than Atlanta hairstylist Derek J, leading proponent of men in heels. If you don't believe me check out the new high-heeled besties. (Please God let there be a garment under that black bag). From what I've seen Derek J's daily get-up consists of tight top, loose capris and 4 inch stilettos.
I shouldn't have been surprised to see Mr. J since flamboyant characters abound in that nighttime soap. 
The Housewives themselves seem to have gotten more over the top this season. And Derek did win the Bronner Bros. International Hair Show this year. And, and synergy and all that. But I want to tell you about the show where I first saw Derek J -- Tears, Shears and Beauty! Although I promised myself I'd continue to check for it, I forgot about the second season of this real life hair show. It's nothing like the funny but campy movies Hair Show and The Big Tease, It's more like Toddlers and Tiaras. Everyone has a great passion for hair, fashion, makeup, modeling and awards.
Read the full post here.
STOP THE BELLY-ACHING AND PASS THE DIAPIES. I need a bottle of powdered milk and a blankie to put these celebrities down for a nap; they need it.
Kanye West melts down again. This time it was at MTV's Video Music Awards at the expense of country singing sensation, Taylor Swift.
In a category that West couldn't even be nominated for -- Best Female Video -- he once again (a la the MTV Euro VMA's, the American Music Awards & the fabled Hurricane Katrina fundraiser) spazzed the f*ck out.
West interrupted fresh-faced Swift and stormed the stage to say: "Taylor, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!"
Huh? You interrupted a 19-year-old's first acceptance speech at the VMAs to throw a tantrum!? You little sissy. Like singer Katy Perry Twittered, "IT'S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN."
Read the full post here.
THE NIGHT'S BIG WINNERS: Beyoncé, for her bootylicious hip-snapping video Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), and the bizarre Lady GaGa, for best new artist after performing her own mock bloody death by paparazzi on stage.
The biggest loser: Kanye West, who interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for winning best female video.
"I'm sorry, but Beyoncé, had one of the best videos of all time," Kanye protested after grabbing the microphone from a stunned Swift's hands.
Kanye's arrogance set tempers flaring across the web and in the Radio City Music Hall, where the crowd booed him.
Shortly afterward, West was asked to leave, and photos caught him stone-faced, carrying a bottle of Hennessey, departing with girlfriend Amber Rose.
Kanye acted chagrinned after the show, writing on his blog, "I'm sooooo sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom."
He also wrote, "I'm sorry to my fans if I let you guys down!!!! I'm sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw."
Tune in 2mrw.
Meanwhile, Janet Jackson delivered a perfunctory performance during an unsentimental and effective video tribute to her brother Michael, whose larger than life image appeared on screen.
Madonna looked fierce as she delivered a eulogy in MJ's memory; but though her words were powerful, her delivery seemed practiced.
The classiest moment came when, after winning for video of the year, Beyoncé invited 17-year-old Swift back onstage to make her stolen acceptance speech.
Her hubby Jay-Z, joined by Alicia Keys capped the night with a rousing version of his ode to New York, Empire State of Mind.
Head on over to MTV.com for all the winners, and for copious coverage of the awards show.
WE'VE COME SO FAR SINCE THE SEASON THREE OPENER WITH DON STIRRING FRIGGIN' MILK FOR 10 MINUTES.
Tonight, it was time. As in, time for the baby to arrive. And a usually suave Don is all thumbs, even though this is baby #3. Looks like the pressure is mounting since Gene's death: Sally's outbursts have devolved to bad behavior, and Betty is having trouble expressing her own grief, which has manifested itself in some very strange ways (although I'm sure that the frequent shots of Demerol the nurses are pumping into her veins aren't helping).
Read the full post here.
ELLEN DEGENERES TAKES Paula Abdul's not-even-cold-yet seat in the new season of American Idol.
So Randy is the homeboy, Kara is the tough chick, and Simon is the brutally honest with a side of cruel. But what does Ellen bring to the table? Comedy? Do we need someone cracking jokes instead of giving constructive criticism?
"Beyond her incredible sense of humor and love of music, she brings with her an immense warmth and compassion that is almost palpable," said Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Idol executive producer and CEO of FremantleMedia North America.
Well, I'm funny and I love music. I should be a judge too!
Paula was the heart of the group. She didn't want to hurt feelings, always verbally painting a picture of how much she adored you. But she also knew what she was talking about musically. I'm not sure if DeGeneres' record companies lawsuit will give her much street cred in the music department.
It's too early to say how this will turn out, but already Paula has given her thumbs up on the hire. "I think Ellen will b a gr8 judge on Idol,'' she Twittered. "She is wildly funny, talented and I wish her the best of luck!"
That seemed to be the majority consensus among the Twitterati, 55 percent of 1,246 voters who declared "it's awesome!" in a Pigeon Poll.
Only 14 percent voted the news was "horrible!," with the second largest percentage -- 24 percent -- declaring they were taking a wait-and-see attitude.
When Kara started working on Idol, no one knew what her place would be, but she has earned her spot this year. But Ellen has big shoes to fill if she wants loyal Idol fans to trust her opinions and take her seriously. Come January 2010, we'll all be the judge of that.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
IT'S A NEW DAY AND THE CHEFS REFLECT ON what they have been through, what's ahead for them in the game.
Mike I. doesn't think he should have been on the bottom of the last challenge but he's going to outshine everyone. Robin
s nervous that the girls are getting kick off one-by-one and hopes she's not next.
For the Quickfire Challenge, guest judge Daniel Boulud will decide which chef has the best dish on making snails/escargot as the main protein. Jen says that whoever thinks snail looked good to eat must have been really f***ing hungry. For this challenge the winner will get $15K and immunity, and the loser gets an early exit! What a twist! Suddenly it's not about winning but trying not to lose.
The winner of the challenge: Kevin with his Escargot fricassee with mushrooms, brussels sprouts and candied bacon jam dish. And three in the bottom of the challenge were Jesse, Robin and Ashley. The girls get a final round before one's kicked out of the kitchen for good. The task: to make one final amuse-bouche to please the judges and win their way back into the game. After a bland tuna tartare with sorrel, gooseberries, fried quail egg and fried bread, Jesse packs her knives and goes.
Another female is gone and now it's time for the Elimination Challenge. The girls have to step it up or give up and just let the guys win.
The chefs drew knives with proteins and sauces written on them. The six chefs with the sauces must pair up with the six protein chefs to make a dish. Frenchy Mattin feels like the challenge was made just for him. But Bryan wins with a warm cured trout with deconstructed bearnaise dish.
And the losing teams are Hector and Ash and Mattin and Ashley. Oops, Mattin, I guess you're not French enough to impress judges with your oui oui French cooking.
And in the end, due to his lack of perfection when it came to cutting meat, Hector is told to pack his knives and go.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
FOR A LONG TIME, THE SPIKE CHANNEL wasn't programmed on my bedroom TV. Spike, ugh, it's like the Lifetime for men -- all babes and explosions.
Then came the promos for Surviving Disaster (Tuesdays at 10).
A work friend mentioned that he was looking forward to it. My kid asked if I was going to watch it. I was intrigued.
I doubt if I'll ever encounter an avalanche but I do fly in planes and I work in an office building -- just three of the series' disaster scenarios. Navy SEAL and intense cutie Cade Courtley narrates the show.
"Will you be a statistic or a survivor?," he intones at the beginning. "It's your choice."
Then a bit later he says, "I'm about to save your life." I choose survivor, Cade, I choose life.
Read the full post here.
DURING THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, I had the boozy company of a dear old friend who is not familiar with our favorite show. It was a drunken "stop, pause, rewind, explain" kind of experience. Let's rewind again.
Big changes are going down with Peggy. She's decided to move to Manhattan, away from her sister and mother. Her mom is unusually cruel about her decision, telling Peggy, "You'll get raped, you know." Oh, yeah, of course. Rape springs eternal.
Peggy posts an ad at Sterling Cooper looking for a roommate. That's mistake number one, Joan tells her later. Ken and Harry take it upon themselves to make the obligatory prank call at work. When they tell the secretary, pretending to be a potential roomie, tell Peggy: "…about the bathroom…I'll need some help with that," even I couldn't help but laugh, and I'm Peggy's biggest fan. I was happy that Joan helped her rewrite the ad, and find a real roomie who looks like real fun.
"I do have a couple of rules, though," she tells Peggy. "No sailors." My visiting friend started booing and hurling margarita salt at the screen. So we had to stop while she cooled off. "Have I become bitchy?" she asks me. "Um…well, working as a warden in a Navy prison in Germany *has* changed your attitude a smidge," I tell her. "But just a smidge." I refill her drink and switch back to the show.
Apparently, one of SC's clients, Horace Cook, Sr., has a son who is flush with trust fund money, and he wants to spend it building up an obscure sport called jai alai.
"It's going to be bigger than baseball," he tells them. I don't have a crystal ball, but I *am* from the future, and I can tell you that ain't gonna happen.
Of course, this kid is one of Pete's college buddies, and Pete pats himself on the back for bringing in a payday, but Don thinks they should run it past Mr. Cook first.
Even Mr. Cook seems skeptical about the whole thing, and is clearly regretting giving his son any money at all. "I've seen his plan -- it's gibberish." I wish rich people today had shame. Paris Hilton would never have had the level of fame that she has now if she were living in 1963. I guess some things really were better back then.
Meanwhile, when the director drops out of the ill-conceived Bye-Bye Birdie ripoff ad for Patio, Don puts Sal in charge. This is a big opportunity for Sal, and he's so excited that he's doing the mental jazz hands! right now. At home, though, things are not so exciting. His wife tries to get some action, and he just…doesn't seem interested. She presses to try and find out why, and he reveals that he hasn't been himself lately (no, not since that night with the bellhop at the hotel). He explains about the big opportunity and how this would open doors for him, since no one wants illustrations anymore. He then does the Bye-Bye Birdie number for her, and from the look on her face as he dances, she has figured out what's really wrong.
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TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF TOP CHEF OPENS WITH THE women reflecting on losing another team member.
Jennifer is pissy about not being in the top four of any of the challenges but she's ready to take the reins on a new day.
The night's Quickfire Challenge: The chefs have to create a dish featuring an outstanding potato dish for guest chef Mark Peel.
During some confusion, Preeti accidentally puts her asparagus in Ashely's boiling water. Ashely's snaps, "Don't put green vegetables in my water. Jesus Christ!"
Ashley boils while…boiling another pot of water. Jennifer thinks Ashely didn't react strongly enough.
Ashley has no reason to complain; she has one of the judge's favorite dish. But too bad for her, Jennifer's steamed mussels, yukon gold and blue potato with lemongrass potato sauce win the challenge.
Next up the Elimination Challenge: Preparing dinner for 300 Air Force Airmen. That's a tall order!
And, just to mix things up even more, the chefs don't know what equipment or cooking ingredients they'll have before reporting for duty.
Because the chefs must work together, they decide to break into teams of two per dish, per team.
Ron and Jesse get stuck working together because no one wants to work with the weaklings. Ouch.
The next morning the chefs learn that they have to work with canned goods and dry products. Typical military kitchen.
With small space and limited equipment, Ron and Jesse get edgy when stuck waiting to use the kettle to make their soup last.
Everyone gets their dishes done on time and serve the judges and Airmen their meals.
The winner of the challenge was Mike V. with his braised pork belly with soy-mustard sauce and peanuts dish. His brother won last week's elimination challenge and this week's his turn.
The two Mikes teamed up, but since Mike V. did the main dish, and Mike I. the salad, the latter had to join losing chefs Preeti and Laurine in the elimination.
After the judges gave Mike I. a hard time for making a subpar dish he didn't even want to do, then grilled Pretti and Laurine for making a favor-less pasta salad and just trying to "get by," in the end Preeti was told to pack her knives and go.
The girls lose another member, boosting the odds that a guy will win this season's Top Chef title.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
PEGGY'S PULLING NO PUNCHES. And neither is my Long Island iced tea…whoo. Need to ease up on the rum next time. Damn.
It's Friday afternoon at Sterling Cooper, and our two newly-appointed Heads of Accounts need the creative team to stay over the weekend to dream up some new Bacardi campaigns. You know, while the two of them slither around at Roger Sterling's country club soiree, actually *drinking* Bacardis.
"They hate creative," Peggy complains, resigning herself to her fate.
The next day, Peggy, Smitty and Kinsey hunker down to try and figure something out. Smitty and Kinsey lock themselves in Kinsey's office, and soon enough they realize they have *no* ideas. It's at this point that they don't call upon Peggy, but Mary Jane. Kinsey's hipster ass calls up one of his rebel-without-a-cause Princeton buddies, who's slangin' dope instead of working a 9 to 5. Jeff sits in on the "creative session" and chides Kinsey for never calling. You know, it's just a dime bag, not a therapy session, guy. Leave your number and a "free sample," and I bet he'll start calling your ass all the time.
Elsewhere, Roger's grand country club party is going well. That is, if you love crashingly dull work functions where you have to look like you're having fun even though it's hot, you're uncomfortable and you don't want to talk about work on the weekend. But, hey, open bar! That'll cure what ails ya.
Read the full post here.
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ARE BRANCHING OUT ALL OVER, YA'LL!
Last weekend there was a performance of The Real Housewives of Philadelphia at the Actors Center in town. Ascribing personas from the most affluent parts of the city, five actresses, with audience help, improvised the hoity-toity Philly housewives' experience. (And, no, that is not an oxymoron.)
And who was that I saw while peeking at a monitor over Lawrence O'Donnell's right shoulder on Hardball one night? Why, NeNe Leakes chatting with Bravo's Andy Cohen. They're everywhere!
Last week's show opens with Lisa Wu in full-on makeup pretending to exercise with husband Ed. A call from her mom brings an invite for her and NeNe to come celebrate Granny's 92nd birthday in L.A.
Then we see dumb-as-rocks Kim doing nothing with her kids and their Nanny The nanny's helping with homework and Kim keeps butting in with wrong answers. It's not cute not to know what a "verb" is Kim.
Read the full post here.
ONLY IN WEEK TWO OF TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS, so we still don't know who's top-notch, who's lacking in the kitchen.
The Quickfire Challenge begins with steamy Todd English as the guest judge. The chefs must roll the dice and the number they land is how many ingredients they have to use in their dish. Clever.
Read the full post here.
ALRIGHT, SO EVEN IF I WEREN'T IN A BOOZY HAZE, last night's episode (and a new, larger 1.5 liter jug of sangria, on sale today only!) would still have left me all fucked up.
We start off with a shrill projection of Ann Margret singing Bye Bye Birdie. The men are eating this up, and Peggy is like the rest of us: grimacing and counting in her head the seconds until it's over. Of course, Sal is eating it up more for the Broadway musical styling and not for the busty blonde actress, but I digress.
Peggy is clearly not digging it, and has voiced her opinion. But this is what Pepsi wants for its new Diet Rite brand: a happy, bouncy girl that all the men want and all the women want to be.
Don makes this point to Peggy and tells her, "You're not an artist, Peggy. You solve problems." Well, how about the problem of Ann Margaret's shrill ass voice, Don? Can she solve that? PLEASE?
So ass-kickin' Peggy gets knocked down a, um, peg or two. For now.
Pete and Kinsey are working to secure the Madison Square Garden project. The groundbreaking is nearly two years away at this point, but the structure is going to be very modern and should rejuvenate NYC. The client is concerned about voices of protest. A grassroots movement wants to save Penn Station, but they have no power to do so. Kinsey wrongly sides with this group when speaking to the prospective client, which earns him a "commie" label. Heh. He's in the doghouse with Campbell, who's up against Cosgrove, who's this close to scoring that additional work from Pepsi…so you can imagine the pissy attitude on Campbell. He storms out of the conference room to sulk for the rest of the episode.
Mr. Price, the new big man on campus, calls Bert, Roger and Don down to discuss the loss, and see if Don can do some ass kissing to make things right. The best quote ever, in the history of forever, follows: "I don't want to walk down here every time we lose an account. It's an advertising agency. I'll wear out the carpet."
Read the full post here.
WE GOT A TASTE OF THIS SEASON'S COMPETING CHEFS LAST NIGHT ON THE PREMIER OF Top Chef Las Vegas.
At first I didn't know if I was watching Top Chef or L.A. Ink. Each year some of the contestants have a common bond. Last year two European chefs teamed together and the gay and lesbian chefs formed "Team Rainbow." This year, there are three chefs from Atlanta and another group could make up the "tattooed" team.
With the sizing up out of the way, the chefs go on to their first Quickfire Challenge, Mise En Place Relay Race. They chefs pick colored poker chips to form their teams. Robin is the only one to get a gold chip. This honor gives her the chance at immunity during the elimination round. Lucky girl.
Black Team: Mike, Ashley,Hector and Eli.
Blue Team: Jennifer C., Mattin, Jesse and Bryan.
Green Team: Laurine, Ash, Ron and Jen Z.. Red Team: Michael V, Eve, Eve and Preeti. For the race the teams of four must shuck 15 clams, peel 30 prawns, clean 5 lobsters and butcher two chops from a prime rib. This test is clearly for the benefit of TV.
Read the full post here.
BRAVO'S Top Chef returns tonight (Wed., Aug. 19th) with this season's contestants competing in Las Vegas.
Each episode the chefs compete in two challenges. In the "Quickfire Challenge" the chefs are given an hour or less to make a quick dish with certain requirements. In the "Elimination Challenge" the chefs must make a dish or several dishes based on a theme or special event. At the end of the meal the chef with the worst dish is sent packing with a brutal "pack up your knifes and go."
But the show serves up more than yummy meals and unsavory disasters. There's fights, blame games and even forbidden romances.
The show also brings celebrity judges to the feast, among them this season Wolfgang Puck, Natalie Portman, Penn & Teller, Tyler Florence and more.
Want to know more about the competitor before the show airs? Check out their bios on Bravo's Top Chef site.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
August 19, 2009
IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT, GENERALLY SPEAKING, WOMEN LIKE STRONG MEN WHO ARE BIG EARNERS. Sorry, feministas, it's a fact dictated by sociobiology.
Women also like it, generally, when their mates are capable of strategic thinking, sound judgment and bringing them to climax. Throw in some good looks, some height, and you got a baby maker in demand. Seems obvious, doesn't it?
Of course, there aren't enough of these alpha dream boats to go 'round, so women often settle for the dependable nice guy who takes out the trash and is easily led by the nose. It's not because they want to be the boss; they can't help but be it.
And so the couple -- let's say someone like Jon and Kate Gosselin -- get married and procreate, complicating their lives in ways they never could anticipate.
And though you love those wee ones more than life itself, the pathologies you never saw in your mate begin to emerge. But you're stuck; your burpy bundles of joy require love, feeding, burping, holding, clothing, innoculations, toys, training, diapers, formula, potty-training, teeth-brushing, ass-wiping, braces, summer camps and on and on and on. And if you've got eight of these bundles, military precision in the household becomes a necessity.
And so it's at this very point that wives find out just what their husbands are made of, and vice versa.
And when the "man" of the family requires nudging to do the simplest of tasks, needs detailed directions on what and what not to do, well then, that's when a woman became the bitch, begins nipping at his heels and baring pointy teeth. The man is emasculated, and the woman can't help it.
It's at that moment that the partner, the wrangler if you will, becomes a jagged edge in their side, a carpy who always wants things her way.
And so he begins to fantasize that things would be different with someone else. Someone younger, or maybe just closer to his emotional age, someone like -- oh, Hailey Glassman.
And for a little while, he deludes himself into thinking it was all her fault: she's the dragon lady who breathed fire and scorched all the manhood out of him. And he celebrates with abandon with his new catch.
Until ultimately, she too gives birth and realizes what a pissant of a man you really are.
HI CATS. SEASON THREE IS HERE, with limited commercial interruption, which if you ask me (and you kind of did) is totally counterintuitive.
This is a show about advertising. There should be ads, although not painfully terrible ones for the ShamWOW or Cash4Gold. If that's what AMC meant, then I'm on board.
Anyway, there I was, drink in hand, ready to get this show on the road, so many questions left unanswered from last season.
Imagine my unbridled excitement when I was greeted with 10 minutes of milk stirring from Dreamy Don. Seriously. Milk stirring. Oh, and further dramatization of his prostitute mother's seedy encounter with his father. So now we know how he ended up where he ended up, but we still don't know anything else!
I really wanted to know more about his situation with Betty, who is now fully pregnant. For all intents and purposes, it looks as though the Drapers are one big happy family again. But of course, appearances are supposed to be deceiving on this show.
So, since no one's getting any action at the Draper household, let's head to Gomorrah, also known as Sterling Cooper.
Layoffs are in full swing since the merger, and today they're letting go of the Head of Accounts, who leaves in a fit of rage that stuns the whole agency. I was especially amused by his "You can all go to hell" speech.
Read the full post here.
FOLLOWING LAST WEEK'S
RAUCOUS FIGHT between Sheree and her event coordinator, Anthony, this week's Housewives opens with the dime-store diva sharing her horror of his treatment of her with Tania.
Later, we see the duo at Sheree's kitchen table as she fondles a gun with distaste. But she's convinced by former armed forces member Tania to go a gun range where they totter around in skintight pants and high-high heels, and shoot out some frustrations.
Sheree's new house is isolated, so she feels she needs some heat to protect her family. Ok, Anthony, top executive party planner, mess with a sister NOW.
Lisa Wu and her hubby are taking over the "boring, happy couple" roles that got the Snows bounced. They chat, again, about his career and where it will take him, her jobs, the baby and more babies. They visit a fertility clinic and talk about having babies over 35. He concocts a romantic rosebud-strewn dinner that ends with a bubble bath and sex we don't get to see. Moving on.
Did you know Kim was never with Big Poppa for the money? So what does she do for money when she's said previously that he was basically supporting her? Selling wigs ain't gonna do it. Must be Bravo money that's doing it now. And, an assistant. Really?
And has she had her breasts done?
Read the full post here.
WELL, IT'S OVER. THAT WAS THE LONGEST LUCKIEST STREAK ON TV.
My 15 minutes lasted eight years! Andy Warhol never met a shiny, slurry-mouthed star like me before he coined that little phrase.
So, I spilled my secret. I told the world that I was washing my hands of American Idol. Those sharks aren't going to make me -- the only judge with an actual singing career -- sweat over a contract.
Plus, they totally dissed my demand to sing on every episode and have the Idol theme changed to my hit single Dance Like There's No Tomorrow. I was even willing to change my lyrics to Sing Like There's No Tomorrow, but the producers refused to deal. Piss off to them I say.
That's okay, I'll be dancing to a different tune in no time! I've got to keep my head held high!
Oh, when does the pharmacy open in the morning? I need my patch!
I can't believe that "milquetoast" phony Ryan Secrest tripled his salary and the producers offered me a paltry 30 percent raise! I had hit albums before plastic boy was even born. Who do they think they're dissing?
Read the full post here.
THE NANNY FOR STELLA AND LIAM ARE LEAVING. But the question remains -- is Candy coming?
Dean's still worried about the situation. He says Tori will always hold out hope that the relationship between her and her mom will someday be healed. And usually it's the kids that help that happen. If only Candy will come to see them.
Rain threatens baby Stella's outdoor party. And a grand affair it is, filled with dogs, horses, bugs and goats, dancing fairies, a photo booth, a bouncy house, face painters, cupcakes galore and a giant ladybug cake.
It seems as though it's happening at someone else's enormous house with a backyard the size of a small park. Tori can't believe the birthday girl is cranky. Most one-year-olds are cranky at big occasions, Tori, it's their nature, she'll be fine. Even Dean's cranky. The baby needed a bottle, maybe he does too.
Then, an appearance by awesome 80's designer Nolan Miller, who looks to be about 80 now. I've read that he designed Tori's Halloween costumes but he's best known as the created of the huge-shoulder, fur clad, ultra-rich look for the TV show Dynasty."
Meanwhile Tori runs around asking everyone if they think her mom will show. She's on pins and needles, this one. So stressed out she's stressing me. It's 10:20 and still no Candy.
Read the full post here.
AS PAULA ABDUL FANS BEGIN THEIR EMOTIONAL FLAILINGS OVER HER DEPARTURE FROM American Idol, we'll skip the initial stages of grieving (denial, anger, bargaining, depression) and go right to acceptance, but not before we hypothesize on the undoing of Paula.
In a name: Paula Goodspeed. To use a TMZism, 'memba her?'
Paula was the obsessive fan who decided to ruin Paula Abdul's day -- and now, life -- but committing suicide on her lawn. "It appears to be a suicide by overdose," an LA cop told Reuters at the time. …The family member relayed her psychiatric history including her Paula Abdul fixation."
In the days that followed, Paula blasted Idol producers for allowing Goodspeed to audition for the show's fifth season.
"She had been writing disturbing letters for 17 years, almost 18 years," Abdul, 46, told Barbara Walters in a December 2008 interview. "We had restraining orders at times.
Here verbatim from a People story:
"Abdul said that on the day of Goodspeed's audition, Idol producers told her they had found -- and were about to bring in -- a fan who was "crazy about" Paula. Abdul immediately objected. "I said, 'This girl is a stalker of mine. Please do not let her in.' Everyone knew. I was shaking." The producers overrode her protests, said Abdul, citing what they said would be the "entertainment value" of someone like Goodspeed -- despite the potential peril -- because it would "be fun for them to cause me stress."
After Goodspeed's crazy public sacrifice on Paula's lawn, the Idol judge told producers that they should have listened to her. When Baaabra asked her why she continued to stay on the show, Paula said, "Well, I'm under contract."
We're guessing that the producers of TV's top rated show don't like mirrors being held up to their faces. And they certainly don't want to share a bigger piece of the pie with someone who did. After all, who wants humanity to get in the way of good ratings?
TOGETHER THEY ARE THE SUGAR AND SPICE THAT MAKE American Idol tasty.
Sure, viewers like seeing the kiddies morph before their eyes in an effort to become superstars. But another big lure is the sexual tension between the mother figure Paula Abdul and the father figure Simon Cowell that keeps America guessing.
"We do fancy each other," Simon has reportedly slipped. The two have even confessed to sleeping together" but neither will say if they lit their fires.
On the hitmaker TV show, the two bicker, poke fun at each other and flirt like kids on the school playground.
"Paula's frustrating, she's annoying and I can't understand half of what she's talking about,'' Simon told TV Guide in April. "But there's incredible comfort between us. I think we're possibly secretly in love with each other."
So as Paula and Idol producers standoff in contract negotiations, is Simon prepared to go to the wall to keep his flame around?
"She'll be on the show,'' Simon says. "I don't get a lot of say. I've just made it clear that I want Paula on the show."
And what will happen to their love if Paula's contract isn't renewed? Will those smoldering flashes of love disappear from screen? Frankly, we can't see the boyish Kara Dioguardi as a satisfying substitute for Simon's alpha energy.
We are keeping our fingers crossed that the two get drunk, fall into bed and Simon declares his undying love -- even as he rolls his eyes at Paula's jibberish and Paula fingers his hair while she gently tells him he's a jackass.
Seriously producers, do you think this chemistry will work without Paula?
REALLY, WOULD ANYBODY BE SURPRISED TO FIND OUT THAT American Idol is rigged?
Former Idol semi-finalist Ju' Not Joyner claimed just that during an online chat and coined a new word to describe its contracts: "slavetracts."
"I met some cool folks but overall, it's a fixed thing if I ever saw one," Joyner said during an online conversation at AI Now. "The producers know who they want and they slant it to reflect that.
Read the full post here.
TSK, TSK, CANDY SPELLING. At 63, you should realize that the most important thing in life is family. Even if it isn't the truth that Tori was trying to be the bigger person and have you FINALLY meet your grandchildren. So what! Somebody's gotta take that role eventually.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Grandmom didn't meet Tori's kids after saying she would. She said Tori made "the agonizing decision" to invite her. It didn't seem agonizing to me and I think you're being a big, fat drama queen. Playing games at 63, shame.
I can totally see not having your first meeting with your grands on camera. But I'm sure if you communicated that to Tori she would agree in a minute. This entire situation is just too complicated and to this outsider -- too stupid to believe. I'd think it was for ratings if I didn't see the very real longing in your daughter's face. I think if I'm to perfect my status as Crabby's resident Tori Spelling fanpert (fan and expert? Ahaha) I'll have to read both Tori and Candy Spelling's books. I'll get right on that.
Meanwhile, the question in Tori and Dean TVland is still -- will she or won't she? Will Candy show up at baby Buggy's 1st birthday party?
Read the full post here.
WAS I EVER SO WHINY, DESPERATE OR NEEDY AS THESE CHICKS ON MORE TO LOVE? DEAR GOD, PLEASE TELL ME NO.
I almost didn't watch Fox's latest desperate love reality show because of its endless promotions, and a fear that it might hit too close to home. (Weight issues.)
So I watched between my fingers. And what I can say is that I won't be returning if every future weepy conversation is about how fat the contestants are, how they never date, envy their skinny friends, are the last to get picked, skipped the prom, oh, and did you know they're FAT. But love us anyway. Ay yi yi.
So these big but lovable girls emerge from the requisite limos in dresses all sparkly and satiny. Satin! The worse thing a big girl can wear!
Read the full post here.
WE AT CRABBY ARE AMONG THE LEGIONS waiting with bated breath for the new season of AMC's Mad Men.
Being the advertising geniuses that they are over at Sterling Cooper, they're creating buzz in advance of the August 16th premiere with a new Mad Men Yourself! web tool.
"Make your Facebook, Twitter, or iPhone reflect the look of "Mad Men's" iconic characters,"' the promo copy reads. "Users can select details from 'body type' and 'physical features' to 'clothing' and 'setting' to create an avatar that is truly a visual representation of themselves.
Crabby dressed herself in a vintage dark dress that both hugs and softens the wide curves. A martini's in one hand, a newspaper ever present in the other. But let's not kid ourselves: the avatar is sooo much more glamorous than the real person. But I can pretend, right?
FINALLY, A REAL HOUSEWIVES "LOST FOOTAGE" episode with heft, courtesy of those ladies of Atlanta.
We begin with footage of the bowling party at Lisa Hartwell's house. Damn, I would love to have my own bowling alley! Nothing new here though. Let's move along.
Long before NeNe Leakes wasn't on the guest list at Sheree Whitfield's birthday party, it seems Sheree couldn't get NeNe into a party and further dissed her by not answering her calls until she was on a plane (private, of course) out of town.
Miss "Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" Sheree calls it a total misunderstanding and thinks the first riff in their 7-year girl-friend-hood was the birthday thing.
Read the full post here.
I JUST WATCHED THE SHOW TODDLERS & TIARAS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND it was hard to keep my dinner down.
The TLC reality show's second season premiered Wednesday night and featured spray-tanned little girls and boys wearing more make-up than you'll see at a MAC counter being judged on beauty, personality and costumes.
Read the full post here.
SHE'S THE YING TO SIMON'S YANG, THE SALT TO HIS PEPPER, the mother to his father act on American Idol.
So when Paula Abdul threatened that their eight-year marriage was on the brink, it didn't take long for her little children to react on Twitter.
"Paula is the sweetest soul. She loves her fans and we love her more!! #KeepPaula #KeepPaula #KeepPaula #KeepPaula #KeepPaula,'' wrote Twitterer Kimberly Thurau.
To which Paula wrote back, "You are such a sweetheart- thank you for all of the love you send my way- you make me smile!!"
Abdul's manager David Sonenberg, told the Los Angeles Times that he has no new contract from "Idol" producers, set to start August 6 for broadcast in January 2010.
The big cheese, Simon Cowell, said publicly yesterday that "I've just made it clear that I want Paula on the show."
The contract impasse comes days after host Ryan Seacrest received a $45 million deal to continue with the show for the next three years.
FANS ARE FLOCKING TO THE AMERICAN IDOL SUMMER TOUR NOW UNDERWAY, bUT Kara DioGuardi's co-written song, No Boundaries, has hit a bump.
This year's reigning Idol Kris Allen was bestowed the honor of singing the song on tour, which opened July 5 in Portland.
Allen's rendition of No Boundaries has since about 280,000 downloads, but the song was dropped from the set list after only three stops due to its tepid response from the crowds.
Read the full post here.
DANIELLE, DON'T YOU REALIZE THERE'S NO DRAMA IN the life of a true princess! Your TV cohorts are princesses and you, my dear, are trouble with a capital T that rhymes with "P" and that stands for "Prostitution."
You're Shirley MacClaine in Sweet Charity, always looking for the happy ending but somehow mucking it up. So put upon, so innocent. But if there's a bad choice to be made you're first in line.
I understand how these women feel about having someone like you in their lives. I don't have any friends who've been in prison, much less for prostitution, kidnapping, possession.
The two New Jersey Housewives' reunion shows were mainly rehashes with a dash of spice, the best part being the end when Caroline broke down, called Danielle garbage, and said she would never be her friend.
Theories abound on this one. One is that Danielle gave Dina's ex-husband some kind of information that almost caused Dina to lose Lexi in a custody battle. Another is that she hit on Caroline's son. Whatever, it must have been pretty bad but why would Caroline go on this show with her if she's such slime?
Read the full post here.
WE ALL AGREE THAT MICHAEL JACKSON WAS A MUSICAL GENIUS. But did you know that he did not invent the Moonwalk?
That dance phenomenon was first done as the Backslide by none other than Jeffrey G. Daniel of the 70's group Shalamar. Or so he claims. That little gem, along with other untold tales of certain R & B musical artists rivalries, travels, travails, money disputes and all manner of ugly turmoil totally captivate on TVOne's Unsung."
The series (Sundays, 8 p.m.) is done in a Behind The Music documentary style, with appearances by the artists themselves relating their ups and downs. I missed the Melba Moore episode but caught up with Shalamar (A Night To Remember, The Second Time Around) members Daniel, Jodie Whatley and Howard Hewitt.
I knew Jody Whatley was doing well having seen here in a few episodes of Bravo's Workout. And the other members are faring fine as well. All were upfront about their triumphs, mistakes and indiscretions.
Last week the sad tale of the real Dreamgirl, Florence Ballard was told. If you were grooving to the Supremes back then or saw the play-turned-movie Dreamgirls, you know the story. It's being repeated to this day. Girl group turned into featured singer with backups, girl with real talent pushed back for girl with the pop sound.
I'm disappointed that I missed the first season. That first season featured Phyllis Hyman, DeBarge, Donny Hathaway and The Clark Sisters. An upcoming episode will be on the short life of singer Minnie Ripperton, the mother of Saturday Night Live's Maya Rudolph and known for her 5 ½ octave range. This is a fascinating and eye-opening behind-the-scene series on the talented but somewhat lost souls of soul.
Read the full post here.
OH, CRUEL FATE! The fairytale has turned into a nightmare.
You grant an ordinary couple their deepest wish: to create little children in their own images.
You deliver in spades, bestowing not one, not two, not three, but four, five, six, seven, EIGHT CHILDREN!
Multiply $10,867 times four, times eight and you get $347,744, the projected college costs in today's dollars for all kids at a instate public college.
That's assuming they'll make it to college, that you'll have enough formula and diapers and clothing and time to deliver them to adulthood whole.
Through some freak luck, TV producers are looking for parents of "multiples" births. You are a decently presentable couple living in small-town America, a "relatable" couple as producers like to say. You discover that they'll pay you to go on TV -- astronomical amounts that you could only dream about actually making through real work. 
The deal is inked, and every stinky diaper, every burp, every frustration is fed to the world.
Fast forward five years later and the cracks in your relationship are gaping holes. Now you're tabloid fodder and -- suprise! -- your husband is caught publicly sneaking around with a younger woman. Then some paparazzi catches you spanking a wee one, and you become the mean ugly witch in the story.
Now comes the dreaded D word and -- oh no! -- hiatus for your reality TV show. Seems it all has become a little too real for the television cameras.
Will Jon move to New York? Where will Kate live? Will they be able to keep their expensive house, the lux lifestyle, the help? And who will clothe, feed, discipline the children?
We checked the housing market in case the Gosselins are forced to downsize. Haven't they heard what happens when couples divorce?
HEARTS ARE BREAKING OVER JON & KATE'S CONFIRMED SPLIT, and Twitter is where the mourners went last night seeking solace.
"Jon & Kate'' became the "trending topic" before the night was out.
Sentiments were spilling onto the site 140 characters rapidfire. In between the five hours I slept, more than 4,000 Twitterers had shared their insights in real time, and often sans punctuation and correct spelling. A sampling:
diegocan: Jon and Kate fill for divorce on national television.
cayers131: Gee, Jon & Kate, who could have imagined that putting your personal life on TV would cause problems? In other news, water is wet."
Ashley2004: Im just so UPSET about Jon and Kate!
CouponPro: @mitchenglish siding with John. After all, who could live with Kate. Too bad for the kids, but he's done his Time.
Ben_AlperOLOB: The split-up of Jon & Kate raises a very important question: Should couples stay together for the sake of the ratings?
christiemont: Jon and Kate: Easy decision. each of them gets 4 kids. Sounds simple enough to me!
pfauzia: so it's gonna be Jon MINUS Kate plus 8?? why Gosselin couple, why?? http://bit.ly/h9uua
SweetDommi: RT @davidlpatrick @cecilyjamelia Sad abt Jon & Kate. I'd be pissed if I had 8 babies.Trust that we'd stay married til the bitter END! *amen*
bassgoddess: @foxandfriends Jon & Kate show should be cancelled, but TLC is making too much money off them ..... so more misery .... don't tune in !!
JuStMeAgAiN2009: @SpacedHaitian dont hate on jon and kate. i love them and their kids are too cute. i have watched them since the beginning
mbclarkie: So funny!!! RT: I think the last episode of "Jon and Kate" should be their children eating them. (via @dpressman)
christiemont: Jon and Kate: Easy decision. each of them gets 4 kids. Sounds simple enough to me!
SaraDuane: I don't usually swear in my Twitter stream, but the actions of some people warrant it sometimes: Fuck Jon & Kate - I feel sorry for their +8
chirpme: @WillsAndSnyder Guess the Gosslin got caught up in the money, fame and notoriety. Stand by as Kate has a breakdown. Who would blame her
RuthBerry: I just cancelled my TiVo season pass for Jon & Kate + 8. So sad. I cannot watch the train wreck. Poor babies. :-(
Applefritt3r:Going to Lancaster abd feeling bad for Jon and Kate and thier 8. Media needs to stop medling. I am talking to you TMZ
thejoelstein: Call me a dreamer, but I think a ninth kid could save that marriage
g_literati: Is there any marriage/relationship that survived reality TV? Jon & Kate was no exception...
hhbarnes:So are they going to change the name of the show to "Jon OR Kate plus 8"?
hugheskevin: My generation had Carol Brady. This one has Kate Gosselin. I feel sorry for all of you
troygoldman:doesn't want to pick sides with Jon&Kate. But I will if it will get them off my television.
CatWhelan:not sure what it was but the whole time i was watching jon&kate last night i wanted to punch jon in the face
JessMily: i wonder if Dr Phil will try to stick his big nose in Jon and Kate life to get some ratings http://bit.ly/zULoj
fuggirls:You know what, Jon and Kate? You're BOTH repellent and I wish I'd never heard of you. -- H
ohmyalex:Oh, Masters of Child Exploitation, Jon and Kate, why are you on the cover of every tabloid? When did reality tv become gossip worthy?
Had enough? It goes on like this for hours!
We now know that America does indeed care about divorce, especially when it's televised.
ROCKY PATERRA, 17, OF PITTSBURGH, ARRIVED IN CHICAGO SATURDAY HOPING THAT HIS THIRD TIME AUDITIONING FOR American Idol is the charm.
Paterra, accompanied by his mom and two friends, left home at 6:30 am and drove 450 miles to compete against thousands in Monday's Idol auditions at the United Center in Chicago's West Loop. "I heard it was crazy," said a security guard sweating under the hot afternoon sun outside the United Center.
Registration is open 24 hours until 5 a.m. Monday when contestants begin arriving for auditions. Many registrants were exclaiming their excitement on American Idol's comment board.
Paterra, an Upper St. Clair High School senior who soloed with composer Marvin Hamlisch as a child, hopes to break through to the second round of auditions this year. Last year he tried out at New Jersey's Meadowlands auditions, where he was asked to sing three times.
"He called another guy over to listen to me," Rocky recalled of the producer. The two exchanged whispers, then Rocky was summarily dismissed. "It was not a good moment,'' he said, confessing that it hurt to watch the last Idol auditions .
This year is different, he said.
Read the full post here.
TALK ABOUT HOUSEWHORES OF NEW JERSEY. Fuck up my dinner party, bitch, and your ass is mine. I can talk about "swallowing," sore vages and bubbie jobs but you keep your sordid skeletons in that skeletal body of yours. And Teresa is right. But Danielle still walked into the lion's den clothed in a meat thong.
Despite the obvious set-up of the table-tossing finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the emotions were real. Especially on the faces of Danielle's beautiful daughters.
If she learns nothing else after watching this episode I hope that it's her daughters are not her girlfriends. If she wants girlfriends go out and get some. You can ask your kids if you should wear your hair up or down but don't show them "eye-popping" photos, if your daughters' eye-popping at your modeling photos was any indication. Or promise them that your one-night-stands will still keep in touch. That's creepy.
I see box covers calling women whores everyday in my job so I really don't like to add to the situation. But…more than the "PROSTITUTION WHORE!" epitaph Teresa laid into Danielle, I'd also like to add "SELFISH ATTENTION WHORE!"
Read the full post here.
I LIVE WITH SOMEONE FROM 16 MILE, A SHORT EIGHT MILES NORTH OF WHERE EMINEM GREW UP, and he surprised me this morning.
"What did they do to Eminem?," he asked. Spilling out in the sentences that followed were phrases like, "That was so wrong!," to "That demands retribution!," and "He's a rapper! You can't do that! He can't take that!" And even this! "He should be ready to do some time."
The "that," of course, was the stunt pulled during Sunday night's MTV Movie Awards when provocateur Sacha Baron Cohen alighted on Marshall Mathers head ass first.
The web was atwitter as to whether or not Eminem was in on the gag.
If it turns out that he had no clue, it also means means that producer Mark Burnett is a cunning conniver.
Just days before the show, Burnett said of Eminem, "I've never met him, I look forward to it. I'm a street guy from East London, he's a street guy," he said. "He just wants to do his thing, so we should give him the canvas to do his thing. We're just blessed to have him here — we're very grateful. I'm a huge Eminem fan, huge. To have him come back and do this in a big venue is exciting. And whatever happens is gonna happen." Crabby adds the emphasis here.
Sure Eminem has dished out his dose of venom, but the anger comes from a real place: he is the product of poverty and a fucked-up upbringing. He turned that anger into poetry delivered rat-tat-tat to music, becoming one of the most influential musicians of his time.
I have no doubt that Em can be a total dickhead. But do you diss him minutes after he brings his much-anticipated music to your TV show?
According to TV Guide's
Matt Mitovich, 'Bruno's landing on Eminem was a "prearranged stunt. There's no way it was an accident," an industry insider tells the magazine. "You don't let two stars collide without a detailed plan."
Sure, Sacha Baron Cohen's a riot, a brilliant actor best known for punking the public. And I can't wait to catch his upcoming turn as Abby Hoffman in a Steven Spielberg movie about the Chicago Seven. That is, if this latest gag is indeed a hoax and he gets to see the day. WTF?
BARE ASSES, GIZZ JOKES, INVITATIONS TO FART AND SWOONING OVER VAMPIRES were the stars of Sunday night's MTV music awards.
The highlights: an angel-winged Sacha Baron Cohen in character landed bare-assed in Eminem's lap, leaving him huffing and puffing and storming out of the show. And the vampire flick Twight took home five plastic popcorn awards, including one for best kiss that led actor Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart to feign a leadup to the film's kiss.
The tight, two-hour show opened with Saturday Night Live's Andy Sandberg as shit-covered slumdog who lusts after a droopy eyed vampire, strips naked for a bath with a woman only to be teleported onto the U.S.S. Enterprise and ultimately arrive in the back of Justin Timberlake's stretch limo naked. Sandberg climbs naked over Timberlake to get out of the car. "Not working!" "Not working!" shouts Timberlake in mock horror. "Your penis looks like Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas," Timberlake says.
The scene set the tone for the rest of the night, with SNL's Dick In A Box, and Gizz In My Pants a running joke.
After the mock montage opened, Sandberg welcomed the audience to "the only award show that's on TV tonight!" and then laid a few ground rules.
"Rule no 1: It's cool to fart here,"' he said, singling out Leighton Meester for permission. Rule no. 2: Keep your speeches short or face getting cut off by the keyboard cat.
Read the full post here.
SPECULATING ABOUT THE SEXUAL PREFERENCE OF ADAM LAMBERT HAS BEEN a favorite pastime among America's blathering classes ever since he ascended to stardom on American Idol.
Among the evidence feeding the chatter are pictures on the web of Adam with a presumed boyfriend, flamboyant poses of him in drag, and his generally fantastic use of glitter, makeup and eyeliner.
Now ABC reports that Idol judge Kara DioGuardi told the ladies of The View that Adam was "always openly out."
Inquisitr surely made that point back in February when it headlined a piece, "Is American Idol's Adam Lambert Gay? Is there really any question?"
Adam himself crowed to People this week, "It's a really, really cool thing…to be able to show people that you can be yourself, and you should be proud of yourself, and you should own who you are and what you're about, and never make apologies for it." To which some responded that he was using "ambiguous double-speak that's usually reserved for politicians in crisis-management mode."
But here's the deal: Adam is clearly comfortable in his own skin, maybe even likes the line blurred. He doesn't seemed burdened by his sexuality. Why are we so obsessed with it?
Maybe it takes courage to say "I'm gay"; but maybe he's already said that to the people who matter most to him. Perhaps he's known it so long that he thinks it's irrelevant to conversations with strangers.
Just recently two well-known actors who've been in the spotlight for decades -- David Hyde Pierce and Kelly McGillis -- have made public announcements about their sexuality.
Pierce announced yesterday on The View that he was "quietly married" last October to his partner of 24 years, Brian Hargrove.
And McGillis, the sexy love interest of Tom Cruise in Top Gun in February revealed that she is gay.
"I tried really hard not to be who I am. I tried super hard," she said yesterday on People.com. "It was a difficult journey for me to come to terms and be whole and happy with who I am."
From afar, that journey doesn't seem to have been as difficult for Lambert. I could be wrong, but I feel certain about this: He'll tell us when he's ready, and that is as it should be.
I'M SITTING ON THE COUCH WAITING TO HEAR ADAM LAMBERT'S NAME CALLED.
The glam rocker with the powerful stage presence has always been the judges' favorite, yet he never did anything for me as a singer. He could yowl with the best rock stars, but his voice lacked range and emotional depth.
Sure he was the ultimate showman; eyeshadow and liner, leather gloves and boots one week, slicked back and tailored suit the next.
And he oozed boy energy, even if all those screaming girls would be forever wanting. He frequently stole the show with stage dramatics that sometimes spilled over into camp. But he seemed to be Simon's pet Idol wannabe, and as usual, where the powerful goes so goes the press.
But there lurking in the pack was Kris Allen, the underdog, the dark horse. He was more boyish, more innocent, less threatening.
He showed up every week wearing a crooked smile, sneakers, just barely-there face fuzz and his aw-shucks charm.
He did not command the spotlight in the same way Adam did. But his performances had more vocal range, and every one was more soulful, more emotionally honest.
Over 100 million votes poured in since Tuesday night's face-off, and I nearly fell off the couch when it was Kris Allen's name -- not Adam's -- announced as 2009's American Idol winner.
Thank you America, you got it right!
The two-hour finale was a star-studded musical festival in its own right with performances by 13 former top Idols, David Cooke, Queen Latifah, Jason Mraz, Keith Urban, Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas, Cyndi Lauper, Lionel Richie, KISS, Carlos Santana, Steve Martin and Rod Stewart. But Kris Allen delivered last night's best performance when he sang No Boundaries at the show's end.
It's been a great season and I can't wait to see what horrible auditions and talented singers the next season brings us in January!
Read the full post here.
TONIGHT WAS THE FINAL ROUND BETWEEN ADAM LAMBERT AND KRIS ALLEN for American Idol 2009.
It's been a long journey for both of this guys, but on the eve of their last performances, both men were feeling confident. "For me, I don't feel too much pressure right now. We've made it,'' Kris Allen said during a press conference Tuesday. "I do feel like we've accomplished exactly what we wanted to accomplish. It's not a competition anymore. We're going to go out there and have a good show."
Adam Lambert ranked his jitters at about a "five… I'll get more nervous right before." Allen ranked his nerves at at about "five or six," and likely bumping up to 10 by showtime.
So how did they do tonight?
Each guy performed three songs: their favorite performance of the season, a song chosen by the show's creator, Simon Fuller and the song No Boundaries co-written by Kara Dioguardi.
Round One: Adam kicks off the show with an encore performance of Mad World. I think this was a great choice, especially since a lot of people missed this performance the first time due to the show going over schedule. I can't say that this performance was as effective to me as it was the first time. Maybe it's missing something or maybe I'm just over it. Randy said "A for Adam." Kara said he rocked it again tonight. Paula said she was unbelievably proud of him and he should bask in it. Simon said maybe it was his long coat or the dry ice but he thought it was a bit over-theatrical.
Hey Simon, it's better than Adam in drag!
Kris' personal pick is "Ain't no Sunshine" on piano and he was a knock-out, both intense and passionate. For me, round one goes to Kris! Randy said it was one of his best performances ever on the stage. Kara agrees, she said if you aren't be moved by a Kris Allen performance, something is wrong with you. He creates an intimate bond with everyone in the audience. Paula sputtered something about how he awakens the spirit in all of us by "Allen-izing" all the songs he sings. Simon said honestly when Kris was announced last week, he thought American got it wrong, but after that performance, he takes it all back.
Read the full post here.
DEAR KELLY KILLOREN BENSIMON:
They really beat up on you on the two Real Housewives of New York reunion shows. But you deserved it. The sniping at you came after an entire season of built up rage at your antics. Bethenny is not the only person to have a problem with you, I do too.
Acting the part of a cockeyed optimist, an attitude that comes with privilege, you seemed so inauthentic… No, stop. I'm not a cast member, I can say it -- PHONY -- this entire season. And you were always chronically late to boot. Not the way to make a good first impression. Many are calling for this to be your last season.
Just because it seems you, and you alone, can command a lane of New York traffic for your daily run that doesn't make you invincible. That's TV.
Read the full post here.
LAST NIGHT WAS INTENSE ON American Idol. But I didn't have to watch the whole hour to know that it was Kris Allen versus Danny Gokey for the finish.
Kris put on a good show Tuesday night but Danny has never been in the bottom three.
A total of 88 million votes were cast, and only a million votes separated Kris from Danny. And the results are…Kris Allen is in finals!
The dark horse prevails and next week he'll be running against front-runner Adam.
Is there any mystery left? I'm 99.99 percent sure that Adam Lambert's going to win the show; even Simon showed his hand Tuesday.
But maybe I'm wrong. I felt the same way about David Archuleta and I still haven't gotten over the fact that he lost.
Next week's two-part finale starts Tuesday with the winner announced on Wednesday. Who will you vote for?
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
ICAN'T AFFORD CABLE OR THE TIME-WASTING IT PROMOTES. So I only vaguely knew about Jon & Kate Plus Eight because someone had mentioned it on CrabbyGolightly.
Then recently I was at a friend's house and there they were on the flat-screen: This oddly-matched couple accompanying eight children to a ride on Thomas The Tank Engine. Jon seemed like the ninth child. Kate appeared a bit "pitchy" as the kiddies like to say.
Read the full post here.
TONIGHT WAS THE 300TH EPISODE OF AMERICAN IDOL DURING WHICH three of the most amazing singers competed to be in the finale next week.
Each singers had two rounds: the first was a song picked by the judges; the second the singer got to pick for himself. Some choices were great some were not but overall, the trio turned in mostly great performances.
Danny Gokey kicked off the night by singing Paula's choice of Terence Trent D'arby's Dance Little Sister. Danny didn't know the song and it showed. I wanted Danny to wow me or work for his votes but he did neither.
Randy said he had a lot of energy and it was dope. (But then, so much is to Randy; dude, you've got to find another favorite word.) Kara didn't like his dancing and she didn't know if she would remember this performance tomorrow. Paula said he was a fantastic job and Simon thought the dancing was desperate but that vocally he delivered.
Round Two: Danny picked Joe Cocker's You Are So Beautiful, and he sang it beautifully. Randy said he had mad vocals. Kara said it was stunning.
Read the full post here.
GIRL POWER'S OVER!
Tonight was another surprising elimination on American Idol. I was certain that the bottom two vote-getters would be the non-rockers Danny Gokey and Kris Allen. But to my surprise, Kris was the first to be called safe.
Adam Lambert was next to be called off the ledge, leaving Danny and Allison Iraheta on the plank.
I was about to turn off my TV and call it a night. I was sure that Danny was going home with his ear-shattering performance last night. And Allison is a natural rockin' chick.
But, America, you did me wrong. Allison was voted off! And it didn't even matter that No Doubt's Gwen Stefani rocked the house out with her anthem to girl power, Just a Girl.
I thought Allison would go the distance against Adam. But no, the last of the girls is gone, leave three guys standing.
"I know -- I know -- that I'm going to be playing you on the radio real soon," Ryan Seacrest told Allison as he bid goodbye.
Read the full post here.
I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL! Read the full post here.
Tonight's
Tonight's show started off with Ryan Seacrest announcing there was an accident on the set so the rockers didn't get much time to prepare before air time.
With the pressure on, here's how the night played out:
Also, feel free to skip Paula's commentary as Anderson Cooper does while watching the show. (And he's supposed to be an unbiased newsman!)
Adam Lambert started the show with his first performance of Led Zepplin's Whole Lot of Love. I wasn't feeling the love.
May 05, 2009
WAS THIS A JOKE? Last night's American Idol's elimination ritual shocked -- and probably appalled -- some viewers.
As Allison Iraheta and Danny Gokey stood on one side with Matt Giraud and Kris Allen on the other, Adam Lambert was asked to choose his expected company.
But when Adam went to stand with Allison and Danny, Ryan Seacrest directed him to stand with the night's bottom dwellers Kris and Matt!
That's right folks, Adam Lambert was among the lowest vote-getters this week!
Ryan quickly relieved Kris to safety and the audience was left to guess who would go. Of course that person was Matt. How Adam got to be in the bottom, I don't know but he certainly wasn't going home tonight.
Matt was saved once before but now his time was up.
Things heat up now that we're down to the final four. Next week will be rock week with guest mentor Slash.
I know Allison and Adam will roll right with that theme, but can Danny and Kris handle it? Can't wait to find out!!
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
TONIGHT THE FINAL FIVE WERE CHALLENGED WITH EVOKING THE SWINGING STYLE OF THE RAT PACK.
When think of Rat Pack music, I think Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. I wonder if the kids can pull off such crooning, and if this week's mentor Jamie Foxx can help them add the soul and heart to the swing.
Kris Allen sang Sinatra's The Way You Look Tonight. I thought Kris did a great job but he didn't any of his own flair to the song. Randy thought it was his best performance to date, Kara said he was the dark horse in this competition, Paula thought he was impeccable and Simon thought he played it safe. I think Kris will be safe tomorrow.
Allison Iraheta delivered soul to Someone To Watch Over Me. Allison handed in an amazing performance and I think she owned the stage. Randy said she was the bomb, Paula thought she was alluring and tender, but Simon thought her performance was great but that she may be in trouble. I think Allison is going to go far on this show, and if she does end up on the bottom tomorrow, she's not going anywhere!
Matt Giraud sang My Funny Valentine well. I think this genre of music suits his style. Randy thought it was pitchy and gave it a 6 out of 10. Kara didn't feel an emotional connection, Paula did and Simon disagrees.…with Randy! He said Matt was believable and "brilliant,'' and he could tell that he loved the music. Is there a chance Matt could be in the bottom tomorrow?
Danny Gokey sang Come Rain or Shine. Danny brought a jazz feel to the song and he had a powerful, strong finish. Randy loved it, Kara said he had "swag," Paula said he was stellar, and Simon said he was outstanding. Danny's safe for now.
Adam Lambert wrapped up the show by rocking out Feeling Good. This song is one of my favorites and Adam blew me away. Randy said he was in the zone, Kara said he was shockingly good, Paula said better than good, and Simon can tell that he wants to win because he steps it up every week. Adam is going straight to the top.
I thought everyone tonight was pretty good and I haven't a clue who's going to be sent packing tomorrow. What do you think?
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
THEY WASTED NO TIME REVEALING THE FINAL THREE CONTESTANTS ON TONIGHT'S AMERICAN IDOL.
Lil Rounds's time was finally up! Hooray!
I have nothing personal again Lil, but she wasn't putting out the past few weeks, and ultimately her lack of artistry lost her standing in the race.
Also at the bottom of the vote pile was Anoop, which was expected and…Allison! What?
I would have bet money that Matt would be the one face extinction this week but apparently America disagreed with me.
So who went home? Tthe good week/bad week Anoop or the powerhouse rocker Allison?
Goodbye Anoop, you will be missed!
Just five Idols left!
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. Check out her blog, Hey, Look Behind You!
DISCO, UGH!
I have never been a fan of disco music. It died for a reason!
But this was a good opportunity to see the contestants in a new (black?) light. I figured if any of the contestants can actually make me want to boogie, then they really have what it takes to become an American Idol.
Lil Rounds started the show with Chaka Khan's I'm Every Woman. She tried her hardest to liven up the crowd, but alas she was flat and boring. Randy said she got the party started but she didn't show what kind of vocal control she had. Kara said she was waiting for her to do something like Chaka, yet she could have waited longer. And Simon thinks this will be her last week. I've said this many weeks before and I'm hoping this will be the week that Lil Rounds goes home.
Kris Allen turned Donna Summer's She Works Hard for the Money into an amazing modern, hip song. Kara tried to talk over the cheers by telling him that he took a huge risk with that arrangement and it paid off. Paula said he had a classy Santana feel, then rambled on about shopping in the woman's department. Oh Paula. Simon said it was original, well thought out and NOT karaoke. And Randy said he was ready for the big time. I think Kris is safe.
Read the full post here.
IDOL HISTORY!
Tonight's American Idol is one for the TV trivia books!I After many weeks of competition and many sayonaras to singers, the "save" was finally used!
Tonight's bottom three were no strangers to that dark side of the room away from the safe contestants. Anoop Desai, Lil Rounds and Matt Giraud faced the wait together to see who was packing for home.
Anoop was the first to be spared from the drawn out moment of truth. But then it was time for Lil and Matt to meet their fates.
Yes, once again I was tricked and Lil Rounds was spared! That means I have to listen to her sing again…
another week. Damn!
As is typical, Simon toyed with emotions by telling Matt his performance was not as good as the night's before. But good news anyway!
Matt broke down and cried like a baby; the audience went wild.
Now the "save" is no longer in play, Matt gets another week, and please let Lil Rounds just go home already!
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at
nickiret@hotmail.com.
April 15, 2009
RULE CHANGE! BECAUSE THE SHOW WENT LONG LAST WEEK, making those who rely on their Tivo to miss ADAM LAMBERT'S dazzling performance, Simon announced that only two judges will review each singer. He also claimed that the girls talked too much last week!
But no word from him on the latest rumors that he would leave the show after his contract was up. But let's be honest, every year there is always the same rumor.
I remember during season six Simon said that if contestant Sanjaya Malakar won, he would quit. That never happened, but Simon is complaining about his schedule, but that's to worry about on another day.
Tonight's visiting mentor was the pulsating pop director Quentin Tarantino but I can't see that it had an impact on anyone other than Anoop.
The show kicked off with Allison Iraheta singing Areosmith's Don't Want to Miss a Thing from the movie Armageddon. Personally, I never liked the song and Allison's performance didn't make me like it anymore. Paula said she possessed the same "sauce" as Adam and she was remarkable and talented. Simon said she was BBQ sauce and she was the girls' only hope this season. Allison is safe this week.
Anoop Desai sang Bryan Adam's Everything I Do, I Do it For You from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Quentin told Anoop he should "rough up" the song and he gave it an exciting edge. Randy thought he did a good job and Kara said he found his place and added his soul to it. Anoop was in the bottom last week but I think he'll be ok tomorrow.
Adam Lambert rocked out Steppenwolf's Born to Be Wild from the movie Easy Rider. His performance was typical Adam, so nothing really stood out for me. Paula told him he dared "to dance the path of greatness." Paula, you so crazy. And Simon said he was vocally incredible but on the downside it was like watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So true. But Adam's still the golden boy so he's safe.
Matt Giraud sang another Bryan Adam's song, Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman from the movie Don Juan DeMarco. I didn't like his performance and thought he was a bit pitchy. Randy agreed and said he "fell down" in some places. Kara said he had soul but he took out the core melody. Matt may be in the bottom tomorrow.
Danny Gokey sang Endless Love. I love Danny and loved his performance, but it may not be good enough. Paula wasn't sure about the beginning but she thought he pulled it together. Simon said he was bored but he congratulated Gokey on picking something personal and emotional. I want Danny to be safe but he could be in the bottom. Either way, I know Danny isn't going home this week.
Kris Allen sang Falling Slowly from the movie Once. I thought this performance was the best of the night. Kris was gentle and tender. Randy said he never caught on to it and he thought it was pitchy from note one. Boo Randy! Kara was my girl, she said it was one of his best performance. Kris BETTER BE safe tomorrow! Or else, I don't know, I'll throw a shoe at the TV.
During the last few weeks the last performance has always been the best, but that streak ended tonight. Lil Rounds sang Bette Midler's The Rose. Again, Lil was lacking something. She was flat and dry and showed no heart! Paula thought it was beautiful, but Simon told her straight up that she was getting this completely wrong. She had nice moments but had no excuses anymore and was not an artist. Lil snapped back saying she was trying to be an artist and put an R&B feel to it.
Uh huh the show's out of time.
I want to say that not only will Lil be in the bottom three but maybe this time she will be eliminated this time. Though, haven't I said this before?
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at nickiret@hotmail.com.
IS ONE OF MY WORST NIGHTMARES GOING TO OCCUR?
Is Slade Smiley going to come back on Bravo's
It seems sexy Gretchen, whose fiance died in September, is dating said Mr. Smiley. Ugh. How could she?
Didn't she see how when Jo left him for a minute, he immediately hooked up with gold digging Laurie? Didn't she see how he followed Jo to Los Angeles to "manage" her career, then ended up in another reality show as her pimp?
And how, when she made a brief appearance on last season's Housewives she had this haircut.
Gretchen, he's evil!!
And I thought she was the nice girl. Even though it seems she was getting sugar from someone other than her sugar daddy, I was willing to give girlfriend the benefit of the doubt.
Now I wonder: more famewhore than I thought?
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
April 14, 2009
THERE'S THIS BOOK CALLED 'DOT IN THE UNVERSE' PUBLISHED A FEW YEARS BACK ABOUT THIS DOTTY BRITISH LADY whose life path takes her on a very strange trip, and who is the "object of contempt." The New York Times' went so far as to headline its review as "calling a speck a speck."
The character Dot popped into my mind as I viewed the viral video of the schlumpy middle-aged woman with bushy eyebrows who blew the minds of Brits when she opened her thin lips and let rip a tear-inducing version of Les Miserables' I Dream The Dream.
Susan Boyle is a 47-year-old spinster who's never been kissed and lives somewhere in England with her pussycat Pebbles. When she walked out on the stage, the guffaws were audible, but the joke ultimately was on those who snickered.
"I am so thrilled because I know that everybody was against you,'' said judge Amanda Holden. "I honestly think that we were all being cynical, and I think that was the biggest wakeup call. And I just want to say that it was a complete privilege listening to that."
Miss Boyle says she began singing as an escape from bullies.
Her dropped aplomb on the audience reminds that we ought not count anyone out of life's game, and that we all have the potential to surprise (if not sing that song the way she did).
Because when we connect the dots don't we add up to whole?
L
IL ROUNDS STAYS?
Tonight I was certain that Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre would be on the bottom and I would have bet money that Lil would be on her way home. I'm I glad I didn't lose my money!
Tonight's bottom three were those two and my dear noop Desai.
Lil Rounds was the first to be relieved from the group. Image my shock to know she would stay another week.
Then moments later we found out that Scott's time was up. Considering that he was one of the weakest contestants this season, I wasn't surprised. But the judges seemed torn about sending him packing.
It was time for Scott to sing again for a chance to be saved and he croaked out an unimpressive version of Survivor's The Search is Over than he sang the night before. Was he trying to tell us something through his choice?
IN the end, Simon said two of the judges would vote to save him, but the larger question was whether he was among the best contestants. Obviously that answer was no.
Though Paula sat there with tears in her eyes, Simon sent Scott home.
With seven contestants remaining, will Lil step up her game? Or will her be up next week?
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at
nickiret@hotmail.com.
TONIGHT THE FINAL 8 AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANTS sang songs from the year they were born.
I'm not sure if I'm just having an off musical day or almost all of these singers weren't good at all. I loved all of these song choices but I did not love the singers' take on them.
Danny Gokey covered Mickey Gilley's Stand By Me. At first, I didn't recognize the song. It started off weird and I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Randy didn't like his arrangement. Kara thought it was unique. Simon said the beginning was good, the middle was lazy and the ending was terrific so overall amazing. I think Danny is safe this week.
Kris Allen sang Don Henley's All She Wants to Do is Dance. I thought Kris did an amazing job last week. I was touched by his performance but this week, I was unmoved. Kara said it was like "jazz funk homework," and Simon thought it was boring and forgettable. Sorry Allen but I agree. I think Kris is too great overall to be in the bottom three but if he does end up there, I know he's not going home.
Lil Rounds mumbled Tina Turner's version of What's Love Got to Do with It. Lil performance was like sand paper. It was rough and hard to follow, and the judges showed no mercy. Paula said she was a brilliant vocalist but that only gets you so far. Simon said they don't need a second or third rate Tina Turner and she wasn't making an impact. Kara said she is not making that leap from singer to an artist. Yikes. I thought Lil was going to cry. She's going to be in the bottom three for sure.
Read the full post here.
WHOA, whoa. Whatsa goin on? I've been haphazardly watching Celebrity Apprentice this season. I missed the Dennis Rodman meltdown but saw the firing.
These people, these celebrities. They diss each other in such disarming ways. I guess that's so they can stay friends, cause all celebrities are friends with all the other celebrities, right? At least it seems that way to me.
They all loved Dennis but knew he had a drinking problem and was an all around maniac from the git go. I'm astounded he lasted this long.
Then this week The Donald says he didn't realize that he had a problem. Donald, please. You knew he would be ratings gold or you wouldn't have invited him.
Read the full post here.
MEGAN JOY DIDN'T CARE if the judges didn't like he… and Simon didn't care that she was going home.
Of the 36 million votes cast Tuesday night, Megan Joy, Allison Iraheta and Anoop Desai scored the fewest.
It was obvious that Megan knew she was going home and didn't care.
Had the contest become joyless? Or maybe she just wanted to go home to her child.
Either way, she was not given the option to be saved. She had a bit of a snooby attitude when she stated that she didn't care if no one liked her singing. So in return, Simon told her so he didn't care about saving her. "Megan, with the greatest respect, when you said that you don't care, nor do we… This is your swan song. Enjoy it."
She sang Bob Marley's Turn Your Lights Down Low one last shaky time then thanked everyone.
Only 8 more Idols to go!
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at
nickiret@hotmail.com.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN A FAN OF COUNTRY MUSIC OR THE OLDIES SO hearing those genres on American Idol never thrills me, but of course I watch it anyway. Thankfully this week, we get a great mix of genres. This week's theme is "popular songs downloaded" from iTunes, which means the kids sang any style they wanted.
So how did they do this week with such a free range of songs to choose from?
Anoop Desai sang Usher's Caught Up. I like Anoop, I want him to be a finalist. But he did not win me over with this song. I felt he was stale and a bit lifeless. Randy felt that this was not the right song for him, Kara said it seemed like "frat guys dared you to sing Usher." Simon hit it dead on when he said it was a "complete and utter mess" and he came over as a "wannabe." Ouch. Can Anoop survive another week? I hope so.
Megan Joy sang Bob Marley's Turn Your Lights Down Low. I personally thought that Megan was sultry and brought a touch of feminine soul to the song. The judges did not feel the same. Kara was the first to say that she felt that Megan was in trouble. The audience booed with disagreement. Simon said the song was boring and all the things they liked about her were disappearing. Don't worry Megan, I think you'll be ok this week.
Read the full post here.
MICHAEL SARVER wasn't too proud to beg for salvation after scoring at the bottom with Matt Giraud. Sorry Michael, begging won't get you saved on this show.
Michael was eliminated last night and Simon wasn't going to sugar coat it. As he sang for the option to be saved, Paula and Kara danced along and Simon and Randy talked intensely behind them.
After his performance everyone waited while the judges huddled. I was nervously
thinking they would save him to secretly spite me, but thankfully Simon told Michael he was going home.
With the judges' save included in this season's mix, I'm dying to see who it will be used on. With the competition down to nine people, I can guess who's going to go home. But I haven't a clue who's going to win it!
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at nickiret@hotmail.com.
IIT'S MOTOWN WEEK ON American Idol and there are only ten hopeful contestants left. How did they do this with Smokey Robinson as their guide? Here's the recap.
Matt Giraud sings Let's Get it On. The judges thought he was over all good. Paula loved his "sexy cool vibe" and Simon states that he's a "front runner." I really enjoyed Matt's performance and I don't think he is going anywhere this week.
Kris Allen sings How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You. Kara felt like he hit his mark and did everything right. Paula felt like he was growing by the week. I thought he was good, and I would like to see what else he brings to the show in the following weeks.
Read the full post here.
I'M NOT A BIG REALITY TV WATCHER, BUT I DO LOVE SEEING PEOPLE GET THEIR SHIT HANDED TO THEM. And I love food.
Thus, Gordon Ramsey is the guy for me. He conveniently combines both sadism and gastronomy in one tasty sitting.
For those of you not privy to the big blonde British bastard, let me introduce you to him here. This comes from an episode of Kitchen Nightmares, a show that attempts to "turn restaurants around."
This particular episode features a belligerent French chef in California who rejects every bit of Ramsay's direction. (Though Ramsay nixes the fried onions on top of a filet, which sounds diabetically DELICIOUS to me.)
The chef's pantry was a shit-hole, covered in dust and hosting a flourishing collection of mold. The funniest part about this clip, which captures Ramsay's boiling point, is when the flustered chef refuses to clean it!
And inevitably, of course, the Brit's bellowing ballistics inspire a YouTube parody.
Read the full post here.
WHO KNEW SHORT CHICKS WERE SO FEISTY?
They're probably not that short to you or me, but Tyra Banks looks down on them, literally.
So instead of talking about how short a certain contestant is, Tyra deemed that they be rounded up together for America's Next Top Model where this season's affliction is Model Munchkinism, or wannabes who stand no taller than 5 feet 7 inches.
And they came, 10,000 of them.
Some slept outside on the sidewalk overnight for a chance at beauty. There were barricades around them, and rumor has it that if you stepped out, you were out for good. Bathroom access had to be a problem.
Read the full post here.
NO TIME THIS MORNING TO REVIEW AMERICAN IDOL'S cast of wannabes who all frankly sound same as it ever was.
I'm taking the easy way today and presenting you with a clip from The Jon Stewart Show that is worth its weight in gold, or at least deserves some sort of whistleblowing award. Doesn't the government have some program where those who uncover criminal collusion reap the reward? Jon Stewart deserves some of that loot.
At the very least he deserves our gratitude for aiming point blank at media that is part of this country's problem and not the solution.
I KNOW I'VE SAID that the OC Housewives bore me.
Not anymore.
This season was way juicier than past ones thanks to the addition of the glamorous "gold-digger" Gretchen and the weepy, airhead Lynne. And the reunion show -- OFF THE HOOK.
I have always liked Gretchen while Housewives' Vicki and Tamra have loathed her from the getgo. Gretchen brings them presents; they bitch about it. Her boyfriend gives her a motorcycle; they bitch again. Both are insanely jealous of her looks, her sweet personality and no-care sex appeal.
Can I be candid here? She has everything they lack PLUS an old, rich, dying boyfriend, the trifecta. And she has it naturally, with no plastic filler.
Also: no children, no high-pressure job, just youth, beauty and the freedom to do as she pleases. And they hate her for it.
These two plastics operate on the Coto de Caza principle that big-boobed + blonde = beautiful. NOT. Neither one is as attractive or as hot as she thinks.
Read the full post here.
THE OSCARS ARE OVER AND, color me confused, but why Hugh Jackman?
If they were really strapped for someone to host, why not go back to Billy Crystal? I'm sure Steven Colbert would have cleared his schedule; same goes for John Stewart.
Jackman's Broadway delivery of the jokes felt forced most of the time, and the ones that did work really weren't that funny. His opening skit paled compared to past years' video montage, and his tribute to musicals seemed only intended to pad out the ceremonies.
Then there were the presenters. Did anyone else think that having five presenters for the best actor/actress/supportings categories was a bit... too much? It felt like an awards dinner at a Little League game: "You're all winners, so just cause you don't take home the biggest trophy don't think you're not totally awesome."
Read the full post here.
LET US FOCUS ON THE BIG RED RUG.
Because honestly, the Oscars are cool and all, but they run a little bit too long and are usually pretty predictable. (Seriously, was Slumdog Millionaire not going to win Best Picture and Heath not going to win Best Supporting?) The Red Carpet, however, is the opposite of predictable, and that's the way I like it.
So I found something on YouTube that caught the good, the bad and the ugly from this year's show.
The reel begins with Penelope Cruz a woman about whom I can never quite make up my mind. Is she stunning, or does she look like a duck? Anyway, her dress was beautiful, like something I’d want to pour into a cup of coffee. It bordered on wedding-gown-chic, but I think Michelle Obama's Inauguration ball dress paved the way for that trend.
Next is Kate Winslet one of my Hollywood girl-crushes for sure. And while I am usually not crazy about black on top of another color, I was diggin’ it. Her updo screamed glamorous. I only wish the paparazzi would quit bossing her around in this clip.
And now for some totally bizarre shit: Brad Pitt—lookin' fly as hell—and Angelina Jolie likewise. Exhibit A: Angelina's odd choice of earrings. I mean, I like them, I really do. But with black? Call me crazy, and I know she's a flipping goddess and all, but something seems off. And Exhibit B: The way that the paps requested that Brad move away from her for a photo opp? It just is really obnoxious to me for some reason.
Read the full post here.
SO I BOUGHT A DELICIOUS, SMOOTH RIESLING to help me through tonight's episode, which was a bad idea. This meant that at the end, I had to start the episode over again to get the precious little details I missed while my face was buried in the glass – and that meant a scathing reminder that these hookers were mere blocks from my everyday routine. Which made me drink more. Which helps you to understand why this review is so fucked up. Apologies in advance.
Anyway, these hos get on the bus to depart from Chi-town within the first five minutes of the show. Thankfully, now they're St. Louis's problem. Heh, take THAT, St. Louis. That's what you get for…I don't know…having an Arch.
Read the full post here.
IMove over, Miss Tyra Banks, THE ULTIMATE supermodel is back in town.
I’v been waiting patiently for this weeks' debut RuPaul’s Drag Race and it was everything I’d hoped for.
While I love a "bad girls" show – especially the bad girls editions of Cops and America’s Most Wanted -- I’m a little sick and tired of the cheap tricks who try to win the affections of some aging star by being whorish. I’m over the chicks who aren’t really bad girls - just stupid, nasty and ignorant (I’m looking at you Oxygen).
So who rides into my barren bad-girl world than drag artist extraordinaire RuPaul, accompanied by nine contestants ready to drag race.
Let’s start with their names cause queens ain’t called Bertha.
There’s Jade, Rebecca Glasscock, Ongina, Bebe Zahara Benet, Nina Flowers, Akashia, Tammy Brown, Shannel and Victoria Parker (whose real name is Victor! Victor/Victoria - get it?)
The ladies' sport very different styles, from the buxom and demure Victoria, to the sultry Shannel, to the fantastical theatrics of Nina Flowers.
There’s barely time for the contestants to get acquainted before in walks RuPaul - out of drag. The queens swoon even though he dressed in a black pinstriped suit with a pink tie, very nerdy black-rimmed glasses and bulbous bald head. I almost didn't recognize him. Am I the only one?
He praises the beauty of the contestants and promises the show will be "Hotter than Tyra wearing a fat suit in July." O SNAP!.
Read the full post here.
I'M GOING TO BE FRANK. I HATE REALITY TV.
I love to hate it because it's shameful to love. It is a futile passion best enjoyed behind closed doors, much like an éclair.
When I got engaged almost a year ago, of course I was very excited. But I didn't know the inevitability of wedding shows, perhaps the most humiliating sub-genre of reality TV.
To date, I think I have seen them all -- Platinum Weddings, Bridezillas, Rich Bride Poor Bride, Bulging Brides, and Martha Stewart's Weddings Show.
Each is fascinating enough, I suppose. Rich Bride Poor Bride has given me budgeting tips and Bridezillas gives me stunning examples of what not to be. Martha Stewart, in all her tempestuous glory, has sterling do-it-yourself suggestions.
But, in the midst of the cake toppers and bouquets, Country Music Television's My Big Redneck Wedding is by far the most compellingly bizarre wedding show I've witnessed. I can't get enough of it; I confess that I succumb to viewing reruns online.
The nuptials of Melissa and Bradley, from Van Wert County, Ohio (a location embarrassingly close to my hometown of Fort Wayne, Indiana), is especially trash-worthy TV.
There was the mud-jousting and pig-chasing, the pudding-filled diapers and the bed of a pick-up truck standing in as a wedding altar.
Bradley wore a wife beater with a bowtie and buttons drawn in black marker. His handwritten vows had desperate echoes of Snoop Dogg.
Melissa's first draft of vows (read: demands) included sex "wherever, whenever I say" and "wiping my ass when I can't reach it." Immediately following the ceremony, a buxom Melissa tore off her dress to reveal her own wife beater and some really, really low-riding cut-offs. Did I mention that Tom Arnold provides "comedic" narration to the show? Really, it's sickening.
Of all the wedding shows I've consumed, BRNW takes the horse-shit-shaped cake. (Note: see Anna and Carl's wedding from Season 1, Episode 1.)
I think I'm in danger of having all this 'klass' rub off.
Because while I may not spend my first married night in a Winnebago with "Honeymoon Sweet" painted on it, I haven't dismissed the possibility of a Harley-Davidson-riding preacher.
Sophia Ulmer is a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat, Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com.
IGOT THE BIGGEST KICK OUT OF ROCK OF LOVE BUS tonight because the roaming skank mobiles were headed to my toddlin' town.
“Off to Chicago!” the postcard from Bret (I know, I didn’t think he could read or write, either!) announced.
Of course, we see the road signs and maps that point to the Windy City, but then we see them pull up to the Horseshoe Casino. My brother, in town visiting, did one of those head-cocked-to-the-side things and looked up for an answer, as there are currently no casinos in the city.
We arrived at the same conclusion: they’re actually in HAMMOND, which is in INDIANA, which is a whole other STATE. It is NOT CHICAGO AT ALL. Probably because, as scummy as our government is here, they know that these broads are much more toxic to the public, and didn’t allow Bret’s white trash menagerie in to entertain the masses at the local ampitheaters.
Tonight’s episode revolved around the booze-soaked Horseshoe show, which the girls worked as roadies. They show up to the unfinished set in some of the skimpiest sleazewear possible. And I’m just shaking my damn head, because tits are popping out of shirts, cameras are being mooned and Penthouse Pets are busting their moneymakers on the edges of the stage.
Read the full story here.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J
ALRIGHT, BEFORE I GET TO LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE, can we talk about Bret Michaels shilling for Time Life collections? Seriously, once you start hawking the greatest hits from the 80s hardest rockers, you would think that you are too old/washed up for groupies.
But I overestimate women. The Love Bus is proof, and this time the ladies (I’m using THAT word loosely here) hit the road for Champaign, IL.
Here the challenge is a variation of the Stroller Derby game from the second season, except this time it’s on ice, it’s a lot more violent, and tit implants are popped like so many day-old birthday balloons. The winners of this challenge get to spend an enchanting evening at Big Al's strip club with Bret, competing for his affections with other women who lose valuable tips when they do. So you can bet that the inside of that place looks and smells like a porn shoot. That might be why Bunny Boiler is having such a good time, in spite of her rambling proclamations of being done with porn, yada, yada, yada. I like how she’s gone from “doing porn” in the first episode to "being a producer/director of porn" in the third. Now, I’ve been saying there’s something off about this chick since the beginning, but it seems to finally be dawning on Bret, who ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, folks.
The chicks start picking on Bunny Boiler for stealing used socks (really, don’t make me get into the details, it’s completely stupid) until Melissa gets caught talking shit about Bret to her boyfriend on the phone. Someone please explain why you’d go on Rock of Love and try to be Bret’s one and only, complaining about the competition…and then have a boyfriend back home. I think the peroxide and leaking silicone are fucking with her mentals.
Other notable (and I use THAT term loosely too) moments: Maria breaks the record for usage of the phrase "retired model." Does she DO anything else on this show? And furthermore, is anyone familiar with ANY of her alleged portfolio? Yawn, what a waste of airtime.
Ashlee thinks she’s cute, but has anyone else noticed that the bitch looks like a beat-down Juliette Lewis?
Naturally, the two that made for the most interesting TV are gone, with Bret ditching Bunny Boiler and berating Melissa for criticizing him and having a man. Wait. Weren’t you just using your date with her and TWO OTHER GIRLS as an excuse to ogle STILL MORE GIRLS? This guy is such a douche!
Clearly, VH1 and Michaels were at least clever enough to pick women who won’t pick up on that fact.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.
By Nicki R
IF YOU PUT A FEW DRINKS IN ME, THROW ME IN A KARAOKE BAR, I'D be belting out Livin' on a Prayer within the hour. But no matter how many Coronas I downed, I would never be smashed enough to audition for American Idol.
As Idol opens its eighth season tonight, take pity on the innocents who flee the audition room sobbing or cursing because the judges didn’t like their vocal stylings.
Every season it’s the same thing: a pretty girl butchering a Mariah Carey song; some guy overdressed to compensate for his lack of vocal range; a wannabe country crooner.
What these misguided risk-takers have in common is that someone once told them they were great singers. So they took a chance at fame, only to find themselves mocked before a televised audience by the ruthless Simon Cowell.
This season, Idol producers are tweaking the show that has dipped in ratings by adding a new judge -- songwriter and producer Kara DioGuardi.
And then there's the promise of spending less time exploiting bad singers, a presumed consequence of the suicide of Paula Goodspeed, an Idol reject and obsessed Paula Abdul fan who overdosed in her car outside of Abdul's home in November. Abdul has publicly lashed out at Idol's producers for allowing the obsessed Goodspeed to audition.
In an interview with TV reporters last month, Cowell disingenuously deflected suggestions that the judges' withering criticism played any role in Goodspeed's suicide. "I have thought long and hard about this,'' he told USA Today. "I think we will continue in the way we've always done it. In the main, we've tried to have a sense of humor over the whole process. You assume everyone who enters American Idol kind of knows the score. If you're not great, you're going to get criticism."
It will be interesting to see if Cowell becomes more self conscious of his harsh commentary this year and how well the show adapts to its new twists.
But here’s my advice to would-be singers who want to take that stage: Take vocal lessons, perform at open mic nights, and karaoke while you’re sober -- anything to get an honest assessment before stepping into the national spotlight. Because not every one who checks into Hotel California gets to be an American Idol.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at nickiret@hotmail.com.
By Miz J
LET''S TAKE 20 SKANKS WITH ALCOHOL PROBLEMS and put them on the road in a bus to see what happens. If you’ll recall, last summer, what happened was that one of the crew members on this mobile fuckfest slammed into another car on I-57 in Illinois and killed two 19-year-old women.
No word on whether Bret tried to resuscitate them with what we can only guess is an STD-infected tongue. He did ask VH1 to halt production on the show, though…you know, for a few days or whatever.
However, since he’s not one to bow out (he reserves that for relationships that might actually lead him somewhere besides the free clinic), Michaels is back in full swing, and this time, it’s 10 times nastier, skankier and more disgusting than anything we’ve previously seen.
In all frankness, I wonder sometimes if Bret Michaels just pops penicillin daily to keep the nasty fully contained. Is there, like, a battle raging inside this tormented soul? A battle, say, of his white blood cells against the sharp-fanged offspring of Gonorrhea? God – no, scratch that – SATAN only knows.
I won’t even get into the petty shit, because neither you guys nor I have the time or energy. What I will address from the first episode is the shot heard ‘round the world. I speak, of course, of the *ahem* coochie shot. Holy shit, Gia. You actually managed to disgust Bret Michaels.
Read the full story here!
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J
By Nicki R
EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS, I've endured two hours of sweaty workouts, calorie counting, bland snacks, physical challenges, and lots of drama. All while sitting on my ass, eating millions of calories worth of take-out and watching The Biggest Loser.
Tonight, in the season finale of “The Biggest Loser,” we finally see who among four previous fatties wins the $250,000 pot.
After 12 weeks of exercising, dieting, vomiting, crying, whining and back-stabbing, the four finalists vying for the title are husband-and-wife team Ed and Heba, Vicky The Vicious, and Michelle The Meek.
This sixth season of Biggest Loser started with eight teams squaring off -- four husband/wife teams and four parents paired with their grown children.
Heba, Ed and Vicky are all that is left of the Blue Team led by Bob Harper, the lovable, soft-guy trainer. Michelle is the last one standing from Team Black, led by Jillian Michaels, the balls-to-the-walls, “I want you to sweat and piss blood!” trainer. Heba and Ed both made it to week four, when Ed was kicked off. Their team lost the least amount of weight and someone had to go. Ed pleaded that his wife be allowed to stay. You could almost hear Heba’s whip cracking as he made his plea. Wish granted, Ed! You get to go home. That is, until week eight, when previously kicked-off players got a second chance at the game. Whoever takes 1,000 steps first wins!
Look who’s back! It’s Ed.
Read the complete post here.
Nicki R. is a Southern girl living in the big city of Chicago. She loves quiet evenings a home watching horror films with her dogs Jezebelle and Zombie. She can be reached at nickiret@hotmail.com.
By Miz J
OH, TILA TEQUILA, YOU CRAZY LITTLE SLUT, surely your fifteen minutes MUST be up by now. Because what ELSE can you POSSIBLY do to distract from the fact that you have no discernable talent?
You’ve already had your MTV reality show/farce, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila, during which you entertained suitors of both sexes to advance your bisexual plotline.
You’ve already been caught making out with the two “it” Z-listers of the moment, Justin Long (a.k.a. "The Mac Guy") and Courtenay Semal (she of the Yahoo! dynasty.) You’ve already actually TRIED the rock band thing (it didn’t exactly work out). You’ve been the Asian Cyber Girl of the Month (whatever that means).
Now you’re releasing a solo album, allegedly dubbed I Have Tourettes. And starting a new reality series in which we get to follow you around while you, I don’t know, brush your teeth and pick up your dry-cleaning?
You've got your ''niche'' market: the one million friends on MySpace who want to see you naked on the Internet. And that’s the saddest part of it all.
So go ahead, people. Have your shot of Tequila. Just make sure you purge properly when you’re finished – into a trash can.
Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.
SexyChattyCatty contributed to this item.
By SexyChattyCatty
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ARE SO ‘HO’ HUM. I prefer the Real Housewives, particularly the captivating sistahs of Atlanta, rumored land of milk and honey for upwardly-mobile blacks. Even though they can still be a bevy of backstabbing be-yoches, at least they’re not as insane as those “Of Love” chicks.
Sheree, DeShawn, Kim, Lisa and, my personal favorite, NeNe. I covet their frequent spa treatments even more than the gated houses, personal makeup artists and chefs. Scratch that, I’ve always vowed that if I got to live large a personal chef would be my first hire.
Read the full post here.
By Benjamin Bradshaw B. 
SO LARRY BIRKHEAD CONFIRMS RUMORS ABOUT FILMING HIS OWN REALITY SHOW set to premiere on E! in 2009. The show will focus on his life as a courageous single dad, strong businessman, and inspirational home-school teacher to his 18-year-old nephew Justin.
Birkhead won Anna Nicole Smith’s golden baby in the 2007 “Celebrity Maury” scandal and was lucky enough to be painted the underdog amidst a cartoonish cast of paternity possibilities. The conniving lawyer/lover/dealer Howard K. Stern, the giant token body guard, and Zsa Zsa Gabor’s big, wacky, yelling, German husband carried on like characters on a celeb-reality dating show before Birkhead ultimately claimed his prize.
Larry’s career as a paparazzo, shameless affection for Access Hollywood interviews, and carefully frosted tips should have all been warning signs.
The rest of the Anna Nicole circus has slowly shuffled back into the woodwork (read: trailer parks of America), but Birkhead has spent the last year and a half attempting to spin his accidental “baby daddy” image into that of an inspirational Danny Tanner story.
He’s finally ready to move out of the deceased Smith’s house to a “child-friendly” residence where he can live peacefully and thrust his unassuming daughter-cum-meal ticket into the spotlight like her mother.
If not likeable, I can at least say he’s persistent. When life gave Larry lemons, he made lemonade. So what if his ex-lover killed herself on a pill binge during an unfulfilling life in the spotlight? He gets another shot at fame with daughter Dannielynn.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
By MzEll
TY PENNINGTON, A GUY'S GO-TO-HANDYMAN, has definitely been Trading Spaces.
Instead of building fantastical homes for TV wannabees, he now pitches – get this -- baby formula, specifically Similac’s SimplePac.
Ty Pennington’s got milk! Yet while I’ll give you that dads feed babies, too, Ty Pennington has no children. So do we really need a “design expert” to revamp a can of formula?
In a word, no. The tone of both the video and print ads, as seen in Parents magazine for the Similac SimplePac is condescending. We’re supposed to believe that a childless man is surrounded by mothers bested by canned formula? Thus far in my experience, it’s pretty easy to measure out two spoonfuls of dried powder with a premeasured plastic cup. Or is Ty so good at getting the job done on deadline that he has tips on mixing up formula fast before an infant wails?
The ad’s funniest image is when the mothers-cum-groupies crowd Ty as he explains the stay-put scoop. The so-called mothers appearing in the spots seem dimwitted with their faux “a-ha” moments over snapping lids and firm grips. Honestly, Similac, could you have made motherhood seem more mundane and ridiculous?
Pennington actually does have a design degree, and worked as a carpenter before his stints on Trading Spaces and Extreme Home Makeover. But that doesn’t give him street cred to revolutionize baby formula bottles, and last I checked, baby formula seem an unlikely product to sell with sex appeal.
Ironically, the bottles that first popped into my head when seeing Pennington in these spots were those that led to his arrest last year for DUI. I know Ty's apologized sincerely and has paid his dues, but the ads are evidence of Similac’s opaque condescension toward women.
MzEll is a stay-at-home mom who writes, reads, knits, and tries to maintain sanity on a regular basis. You can read her blog at Cookiemonks.
THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN IS GETTING EVERYBODY'S HACKLES UP, EVEN THE LADIES OF THE VIEW.
Full disclosure: I've never watched a complete episode of The View. I will not wear that one. But the firestorms that erupt between the five hosts sometimes break through the headlines, and so I got to see Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd's "passionate" exchange about Barack Obama's eyebrow-raising ties and John McCain's disloyalty to his first wife. My reaction? "Wow! A real conversation on TV!"
The sentiments expressed by Hasselbeck and Shepherd are spilling out all over America, so why shouldn't they raise the same questions? It does a nation good to clear the air.
The media acts as though America is divided into two camps: liberal or conservative, racists or not, but the truth is far more complicated, nuanced and ephemeral.
The only comment out of line was Joy Behar's flippant remark, "You're listening to Sean Hannity too much!" after Elisabeth rightly pointed out the Democrats' hand in bolstering up a shaky Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.
That was below the belt, Joy. And, FYI, brush up on your facts.
Even the Washington Post, a media outlet with some of the best liberal cred, reported the Dems' involvement as fact. So does Tina Brown's latest media creation, The Daily Beast, which labeled Congressional Dems as "enablers" in the country's finacial fiasco.
So here's my plea to the ladies, as well as to the nation. Can you stop ganging up on Elisabeth? There's a whole lot of people like her out there, even in Barack territory, except they only say privately what Hasselbeck said publicly.
Geesh, used to be Republicans were the vicious bomb-throwers who thrilled at sowing contempt. This campaign the Dems' have borrowed a page from that playbook. Can we bring some civility back to the debate?
By SexyChattyCatty
ALTHOUGH BRAVO DISAPPOINTED ME WITH THE drivel that is Date My Ex, I am still a submissive to their dom. How can I stay away from the awesomeness that is Tabatha Coffey?
Tabatha was a contestant on the first season of Bravo’s Sheer Genius. Although she didn’t win the title, she did win “fan favorite” and a little Bravo bonus of 10 large.
In Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Tabby follows in the footsteps of fellow Brits Gordon Ramsey and Peter Ishkans. Ramsey (my personal favorite, yum) makes over restaurants on his BBC and Fox shows Kitchen Nightmares, and showcases his own restaurant on The F Word. Ishkhans remakes coffee shops, pet shops and, I guess, any business that needs his particular brand of rehab.
Tabatha sticks to hair salons.
Tabatha is one of those women who has developed her own style. She’s reminiscent of Anne Robinson of Weakest Link fame. She has a more pixiesh white-blond hairstyle but she has the same affection for dressing in all black (with touches of white). Bravo put her in a neon red top for her promo commercial and it just seemed wrong. Wrong, Bravo! Let Tabatha be Tabatha! I admire people who create their own style of dress. I hope to do it myself one day.
Since the words “warm and cuddly” are not in her vernacular, Tabby terrifies every owner and staff person she meets. And she’s not afraid of using her own “F” word when needed. One stylist calls her an “animal.” That’s a bit harsh.
Like Ramsey, she’s strict and stern but also educates and encourages. She certainly brings the drama but isn't that what we want in our reality stars? I think she’s great and most of the stylists end up thinking that as well. I can't wait for Season 2.
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
By Benjamin Bradshaw B.
HUGH HEFNER'S THREE GIRLFRIENDS FROM The Girls Next Door are moving out of the Playboy Mansion, an insider told Scandalist. The news suggests America’s oldest sugar daddy has either run out of charm or his Viagra prescription.
Holly Madison, Hef’s number one girlfriend (we presume she's in charge of colonics?) is moving out to date “Mindfreak” star Criss Angel. The magician (who’s a notch creepier than David Copperfield and three notches cheesier than Nickleback) has previously been linked to other “hot but stupid” celebrities like Pamela Anderson and Cameron Diaz. Madison’s obvious economic downgrade trades free living and all-day topless water sliding for more time spent shopping for hair products and Affliction skull T-shirts.
Both Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt are reportedly moving out to focus on their careers (read: be naked other places). If we’re lucky this means some VH1 reality game shows, a heavily-edited memoir (with lots of pictures), and maybe a line of clear heels exclusively for Steve and Barry’s.
The inside source says Hef is already looking for replacements to mend his broken heart (and provide more intellectual discourse). I’m hoping he takes the opportunity to do this “Donald Trump style” and cash in on a reality TV girlfriend search. Until then, America’s most eligible elder is back on the market and looking for some broke, 20-year-olds with low self esteem who don’t mind having sex for free room and board.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
By Benjamin Bradshaw B.
THE VMA'S BROUGHT IT TO YOU "OLD SCHOOL" 1997 style this year with Britney, Christina, Kid Rock, and leather bodysuits. England’s Russell Brand made his American TV debut with just enough PrObama cheers and Jonas Brothers virginity jokes to remind us it’s 2008.
I'll spare you the detailed recap (because MTV will put their five year “NEXT” marathon on hold for the next week to replay the VMAs ad nauseam) and instead present this abbreviated list of VMA "Shit Worth Referencing" to provide you with just enough blather to converse with any 16-year-old:
Britney Spears wins her first prestigious VMA after sixteen losses.
Britney actually won all three categories she was nominated in, which clearly means she’s made it after all. She didn’t really have the “Best Pop Video” or the “Video of the Year,” but MTV owed her one for not saying anything about last year’s poor performance during rehearsal. After years of hit records and number one singles, I’m glad the network finally came to their senses and awarded her most poignant work.
MTV News’ Kurt Loder hasn’t died yet.
The tragically hip VMA correspondent hasn’t gotten a real job after 20 years, and it’s only right that MTV was nice enough to cover his “Hair Club for Men” fees. If Anderson Cooper had an equally ambiguous older brother going through a late-life crisis, it would be Kurt Loder. While other VJ’s might come and go (and become D-List actors or host bad late night shows), Kurt Loder isn’t calling it quits ‘til he can no longer shimmy into skinny jeans for work.
Russell Brand is funny like a drunk uncle who embarrasses you in front of friends.
He has the hair of Amy Winehouse with the charm of Courtney Love. The offensive English comedian (who has been to rehab for sex addiction among other things) filled his American TV debut with repeated virginity jokes about the Jonas Brothers who were clearly unamused. Brand also got political, endorsing Obama, calling George Bush a “retarded cowboy fella,” and joking about the unfortunate luck of Bristol Palin’s boyfriend.
Christina Aguilera is slutty again.
Aguilera performed “Genie in a Bottle” in all leather, realigning the stars and settling back into her image as the skeezy opposition to Britney. Her latest reinvention performance also previewed a new song about being a “superbitch” and asymmetrical bangs, putting her at a middle ground between her transvestite prostitute in the Lady Marmalade video and the ass-less chaps look of Dirrty.
Kid Rock is still creepy and overrated.
Bringing the night’s throwback theme together, Kid Rock performed in a track suit, drinking out of a plastic cup with a napkin wrapped around it. While Britney and Christina might have changed up their images in the last ten years, Kid Rock showed he’ll always be the go-to guy for shitty rap-rock and scraggly facial hair. The original K-Fed rides again.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
GLAAD president Neil Giuliano praises America's Next Top Model for the inclusion of a transgendered contestant for the upcoming 11th season. This is a first for the show that has only previously exploited natural women for television ratings.
The CW announced that Tyra Banks's model search (read: girls that are remotely pretty and some who are kind of ugly that haven't been on another reality competition yet) will include Isis as a twist. Previous twists have been less controversial, including a blind girl, one with Asperger's syndrome, and a few "plus sizers."
I welcome Isis after 10 seasons of a tired formula that only changes when the judging panel is downgraded. The drama plays out:
~ The impressionable models have petty fights in a house that is literally filled to the brim with misty photos of Tyra Banks.The inclusion of Isis has earned the show praise from Giuliano who told US Weekly that he "applaud[s] Tyra Banks and The CW for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible," but I'm not so easily pleased. Giuliano's theory holds true in the right surroundings, but it isn't for any competition that had Janice Dickinson making judgment calls. A reality TV show won't offer the transgendered community historical visibility, but it will offer a lump sum of money at the expense of dignity.
~ One girl refuses to get naked or covered with zoo animals, or both, for which she is eliminated.
~ Tyra has bad hair at the elimination ceremony.
~ After such a rewarding experience the models cry, Tyra cries, and they fade into oblivion (which includes occasional appearances on The Tyra Banks Show).
By Danielle Cadet
As far as this junk-TV junkie can tell, the only thing saving Bravo’s “Date My Ex: Jo and Slade” is Myia Ingoldsby’s hair.
Though I am repulsed by Jo De La Rosa’s shallowness and Slade Smiley’s control issues, I confess that watching the show is like gorging myself on cotton candy: I always feel sticky afterwards. I haven’t heard the word “douche-bag” (compliments of Jo’s Ari Gold-esque suitor David while describing Slade) since high school, and I have to admit it put me on a nostalgia trip.
And then there’s Myia Ingoldsby, Jo’s so called “best friend,” a.k.a. random girl who just happens to be British, poised, and available enough to host her “friend’s” dating show.
Although I can’t help but wonder where the hell she came from, Ingoldsby does have one redeeming factor -- her hair. According to fashion handbook Elle, Myia’s thick cut bangs are one of fall 2008’s top 10 “it hairstyles.” (Or is this some bored editorial writer's idea of a practical joke on the public?)
Her locks are also bleached enough for her to fit in with the best of LA’s “real fake” blonde, tan, and big-breasted women. You never really know how her hair will be styled when she steps onto the screen: pin straight, curly, bun, braids? But you can always count on her signature thick bangs that barely reveal her eyes.
Do I smell “spin-off”? Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Danielle Cadet is a student at the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University who likes to write about fashion and pop culture catastrophes.
By SexyChattyCatty
There was a lot of crying these past few days in the SCC den.
Bernie Mac is dead.
Only 50 years old, Bernie was a brilliant comedian and actor, and now he's gone. 
Josh Allen won the title of America’s Favorite Dancer! For me it was a foregone conclusion since I could see right from the start that he is freakin’ AWESOME. 
By SexyChattyCatty
CONFESSION TIME! I LIKE...TORI SPELLING. There, I said it and I feel the lightness that comes with dumping secrets.
The doe-eyed star, going into the second season of her reality show, "Tori And Dean, Home Sweet Hollywood," has always been a favorite of mine.
I was thinking about this while looking at "Death of a Cheerleader," on Lifetime this weekend. (Okay, maybe I should keep some secrets.) And I never miss a showing of "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger," the "funniest bad" movie in creation. What is it about Tori that makes me feel like we could be friends in real life?
I am as far away from being a thin, blonde, rich young starlet as cheese is to the moon. But although Tori was raised a child of extreme privilege, I have the feeling that it has never really affected her. Maybe it's the way she treats her nanny; maybe it was how funny she was in her short-lived show, NoTorious; maybe it's her nose.
She only spent a short time as a nightclub hellraiser with pal Shannon Doherty. And her only real scandal has been dating her husband Dean McDermott while they were both still married, then supposedly getting cut out of her father's will: she was reportedly left only $800,000 of the Spelling millions.
Was it the insecurity she showed when her husband had a hot, young scuba instructor? She's the only woman I've heard admit that since she stole her husband away from someone else it could also happen to her. I was blown away that a Hollywood starlet could realize this.
They seem to struggle, she and Dean. It seems she's always struggled, first to get out from under the Spelling name. Then, to prove she could act. Now by teaming up with another B actor and putting every bump and bruise out there for all to see.
Thanks for keeping it real, Tori. I'm cheering for ya.
SexyChattyCatty comments periodically at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
495 PRODUCTIONS, THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COPY-CAT DATING SHOW A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (who will officially top my “List of People Ruining America” after George W. Bush leaves office) posted a casting call recently on www.ShotAtLoveCasting.com.
By Benjamin Bradshaw B.
Tim Gunn, America’s Gay grandpa, made zip, as in $0 during his first season as Project Runway’s “mentor”, the show’s executive producer Harvey Weinstein revealed last week in court wranglings over the show's sudden move from Bravo to Lifetime.
And what did Gunn make the second season? $2,500 per episode, which barely covers costs after he updates his gray suit collection. It’s a good thing Gunn was savvy enough to profit off a book, a show, a deal as the chief creative officer for Liz Claiborne, and a catch phrase (which even Charo will tell you can coast a one trick pony for decades).
But to agree to the series on a “pro bono” basis just makes him that much more of a likeable, genuine father-figure just putting in his volunteer hours for the less fashion-fortunate. Tim Gunn is the Bill Cosby of 2008 minus the jello.
While the revelation gives Gunn points for likeability, it gives Weinstein et al. “dirt bag mogul points.” The Weinsteins are the wealthy citrus tycoons to Gunn’s underpaid migrant worker. The show is moving from Bravo to (the less gay and more middle-aged)Lifetime now and Tim Gunn is along for the ride.
I predict two things: One, Gunn will receive a ridiculous and “accidentally revealed” paycheck increase. Two, Gunn will be there until season 16 on his deathbed even if he’s the last original face, pumping out his catchphrase but with less sass and more bathroom breaks (a la William Shatner).
Moving to Lifetime is a step down, but America’s gayest (as in happy!) grandpa will likely “make it work” until the show finally fizzles and is re-re-located to the E!
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising who blogs at CrabbyGolightly.com on fashion, trends and advertising. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
By SexyChattyCatty
HEY BRAVO, I CONFESS I'M ADDICTED TO YOUR SHOWS LIKE AN ''INTERVENTION'' SUBJECT.
I teared up when I heard that Project Runway was leaving for Lifetime. I shamefully admit that I'm even looking forward to the next season of Top Design! So why, why did you have to poison the field with “Date My Ex?”
By Crabby Golightly
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CONTINUES TO ENRAPTURE ME. Some of my YouTube favorites are the show's auditions. This year’s contestants are crackling and I would hate to be a judge. I love seeing break-dancers do the Tango and contemporary dancers from Kansas stomping a hip-hop routine as if they lived on 125th Street. I have my favs, but I'm not rooting out loud cause I tend to jinx competitors (see the Phillies, Sixers, Flyers). But I will be there every Wednesday night at 10.
And, people, it’s time to cut or be cut. The second season of Bravo’s Shear Genius has started and so far it's off to a good start.
These shows seem to always telegraph the person who’s going home next. First you'll hear them harrumphing how great they are in their interview snippets and how they're going to win. Then, poof, gone, haha.
The contestants’ first challenge was to cut hair BLINDFOLDED. The models had on safety glasses but they weren't the ones in danger. All the cuts looked wacked to me.
The second challenge of the episode was the show's real winner. The contestants had to update the cartoon hairstyles of celluloid celebrities such as Wilma Flintstone, Judy Jetson, Betty Boop and Marge Simpson. It was great!
There were two updates of each style. The contemporary "Wilma" won and rightly so, for the hair color was extraordinary and the styling was so Stone Age circa 2008. Just fab. I can just hear Fred purring approval. One of the Betty Boop updates was also to die for. See the photos here and judge for yourself.
EXCUSE ME WHILE I YAWN. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, but I could care less which David wins American Idol. Crooner David Archetta creeps me out with his swarmy sweetness. Faux rocker David Cook is passing.
While last year's competition generated an online betting site -- complete with prizes -- at the office, this year the Idol buzz has lost to crabbing about $4 gallon gas. The judges say the talent gets better every year but they lie to keep their jobs. Though Carrie Underwood is tearing up the charts, two recent Idols, Reuben Studdard and Taylor Hicks, have been dropped by their record companies.
I’ve now joined the rabble who watch for the wacky audition hijinks and flee when the “talent show” begins. Frankly, Idol sounds like a broken record. Who knew that Idol, which gave us the undeniable and uncategorizable talent known as Kelly Clarkson, would reach its high note during its first season? The producers at Idol haven't learned life's fundamental truth: that in order to survive you need to evolve.
Which brings me to this: The so-called "full figured" Whitney Thompson won Top Model! Of course that means believing that a size '10' is full-figured. And her title is tinged with scandal. Rumor runs that Ms. Whitney was scouted and asked to put on pounds to be this year’s “plus-size” model. Check out a much thinner Whitney here.
While this doesn’t mean chunky will always outsell sans fat, it’s a huge accomplishment in Tyraland, where models wear size "0." Out of gratitude, I won't make fun of the "Tyra mail” that came on cards featuring Tyra as Mona Lisa. Her ego is getting as big as her patron saint’s, Oprah. And frankly, the world would run out of resources trying to feed the voracious appetites of two Oprahs.
SexyChattyCatty comments periodically at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
It's 12:30 on a Saturday afternoon. I decide to snack on a bit of televised junk food before running weekend errands. Channel surfing brings me to Oxygen's Snapped. I really love these half-hour stories of desperate lovers with no recourse but murder out of love-gone-wrong. Are these people truly evil or just driven to crime? Is the series a "how-to" for those who flirt with doing in their own toxic partner?
BUT...I can say that I'm already wringing my hands over the possibility of the first "Celebrity Editon." Can you imagine? The public could finally find out all sorts of truths about their heroes. The first one I'd put on the stand is the First Lady of TV, Oprah, and I'd tell her to bring that diary she always mentions that presages her next, great "dream come true," the most recent being a May 1992 entry about owning her own network. Can we see that, 'O' great one? Then we talk to her protege, Dr. Phil, and find out what he really intended when he visited Britney during her brief incarceration in the nut house. And was Oprah really mad at you for the visit?
But, oh, there's plenty more to explore. I'd ask Tom Cruise, 'Is Suri the human hybrid baby born with the alien sperm donors from the Church of Scientology?'
Let's get Baaabra Walters up there and find out what she really told The Donald about Rosie before she quit.
We'd ask Britney Spearsto reveal if she is really in cahoots with the paps. And we'll ask beau, Adnan Ghalib,' Is Brit your meal ticket?'
And of course inquiring minds will demand to know of Tracey Edmonds, Eddie Murphy's faux bride, "Didn't you already know he was a jerk before your make-pretend wedding?
Finally, we could force Sylvester Stallone out of denial when we'd ask him: Did you really think what the world needed was another Rambo picture?
Let me know when that show comes on, and I'll be front and center at the Tube.
Now the better-known, and probably wiser, gossips at Jezebel have taken Kate to task for criticizing the movie only after cashing her $300,000 paycheck she received for the movie. Come on girls, why does Katherine have to be the sole beacon of integrity in Hollywood? La La Land is a land of mirrors that only reflects back the chimera it produces. And we all know that pictures, video, press releases, and even the news, do too lie. In fact, during a brief foray into TVland, Crabby learned nothing was true but that saps are the only ones left thinking that honesty matters.
So Katherine is supposed to have, what, challenged Apatow to rewrite the script? And that would have gotten her, um, serving waffles somewhere on Hollywood Boulevard? As Jezebel pointed out in an earlier essay, the movie was painful for most women to watch. Not the least because the scenario the character finds herself in, pregnant after a HUGE promotion that most TV wannabees lust for. But because any on-air talent for E! is liable to be self-centered, egotistical, vain, anorexic, and wouldn't be caught dead with the twit she ends up with. And yes I am generalizing.
The most unlikely of scenarios would be that such a desperado would give all her dreams up for...an unplanned baby with a loser. Apatow's movie is clearly written from a boy's vantage point: Even an average Joe can be loved by a hot chick who can look pass the love handles to their hidden charms. Yea, right. Knocked Up was in essence a fairy tale for boys. Cinderfella finds his Princess. Only in Hollywood does a story like this end up happily-ever-after. Katherine works in Hollywood. Why should she be held to a different standard?
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