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TRANSFORMED

Brian Gets His Girl

Breaking Millions Of Hearts, Megan Fox Gets Married

By Elizabeth C.

THOSE MUFFLED CRIES EMANATING FROM AMERICA'S BEDROOMS THIS MORNING? Pubescent boys awaking to the news that fantasy conquest Megan Fox is officially off the market.

TMZ reports that the screen siren with the potty mouth made it official with longtime beau Brian Austin Green while vacationing in Hawaii. The couple met on the set of TV's Hope And Faith in 2004. "It was very hush hush.

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June 29, 2010

PROMISES PROMISES

Brian & Megan

Mega Hot Megan Fox Re-Ups Promise To Marry Long Time Beau

By Madi S.

Madi S.MEGAN FOX, THE TRANSFORMERS VIXEN, IS ENGAGED FOR A SECOND TIME TO THE SAME GUY.

The sultry sex symbol, who says she's slept with only two men, is betrothed once again to Brian Austin Green. The love birds were vacationing in Hawaii on June 1 when he put a ring on Megan's finger. But the starlet says marriage has been the plan all along.

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June 19, 2010

ALTER EGOS

Credit: <i>Rolling Stone</i> Credit: <i>Rolling Stone</i>

Twins Separated At Birth? John Mayer Is Male Equivalent of Megan Fox

By Elizabeth C.

I'M READING THE MUCH BALLYHOOED PLAYBOY INTERVIEW WITH SELF-PROFESSED "douche-bag" John Mayer when I have an "a ha moment". And no I'm not goosing myself while reading how John jerks off as the filmtracks of his past loves play over and over in his mind.

I'm talking about an eureka instant when insight strikes: this charm John Mayer is the male version of loose lips Megan Fox.

Aren't these faux sophisticates just opposite sides of the same coin? Hot conquests who hated school, suffer from Tourette's and insipidly blather on about whatever wisp of a thought that flits through their minds.

John, for instance, happily prattles on about seeing 300 cunts before even hopping out of bed, while Megan brags how she's a total slob, pinches loafs and doesn't flush.

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February 11, 2010

SHE'S INSATIABLE

And For Her Next Trick: Megan Eats Her Dates In Upcoming Campy Horror Flick

By Nicki R Nicki R.

ARE YOU SICK OF MEGAN FOX YET?

No, of course not! To all the men who drolled over her in Transformers, prepare yourself for her latest role in Diablo Cody's Jennifer's Body.

Fox plays a sexy, possessed cheerleader that begins to feed off of the boys in her high school -- first seducing them to get close, and then eating them. Fox says she's worked closely to show off her filthly side in the film. Huh, you mean there's more?

"You better put on your sexy shoes for this movie,'' Foxy said at last month's ComicCon. "There's a relationship that happens, between my character and Amanda's character. There's a hint of a Lesbian relationship that happens. There's a girl on girl kiss. I feel like it's an homage to that, but also we poke fun at how common that is in horror movies."

Surely the casting of (pre-nose jobbed?) Megan Fox should fill a few seats at the theaters.

And if Megan's mere presence isn't enough to get you there, keep this in mind: a nude Megan Fox wears only pasties in one scene, and there's a lusty, girl-on-girl kiss between Megan and co-star Amanda Seyfried.

The movie sounds like mashup of Heathers and Lost Boys, but has a near naked Megan Fox showing off her amazing acting chops.

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August 04, 2009

AN EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT

Cate Shares Her Secrets With Megan

Megan Fox Gets Career Advice From A Bonafide Star

By Crabby Staff

ONE OF THE MAVENS AT GO FUG YOURSELF, THAT CALM AT THE CENTER OF THE WEB'S EVERY FASHION STORM, WAS LUCKY enough to overhear a conversation between regal stage queen Cate Blanchett and the amateur Megan Fox.

We wouldn't believe the depth that transpired if we hadn't read it ourselves. So to give credit where credit's due, here's the tete a tete in its entirety as eavesdropped by GFY.

CATE BLANCHETT: No, see? I wear this color foundation because it matches the rest of my skin.

MEGAN FOX: Uh-huh.

CATE: No, truly. It blends. It blends IN. I look one uniform color, right? It appears natural. Your face is like an entirely different color than the rest of you, don't you see? It all ends at the middle of your…well, your Adam's apple area. There's a line there that oughtn't be there, I'm afraid. In fact, if I may give you some advice…may I, Megan?

MEGAN: Uh. I can't actually even believe you're speaking to me at all. So, yeah. Yes. You can. Please.

CATE: Well, it's rude to ignore ones seatmate. Anyway, what I was going tell you is that acting and make-up should both seem natural. Effortless. Do you understand what I'm telling you?

MEGAN: Yes? And mine are…not?

CATE: See! Knowing is half the battle! Now, shall we relax and just talk about our pretty dresses?

MEGAN:You are so nice!

CATE: Well, I am a great actress.

We appreciate the generosity of Heather and Jessica at Go Fug Yourself for giving us permission to reprint in its entirely.

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HURTS SO GOOD

Seth Rogen Recounts His Golden Moment Getting Blown Off By Megan Fox

By Spencer S.

THE BEEATCH GOT AWAY, MAN!

Like, Megan Fox got all needy and everything and asked me to hang out, to help her through the heebie jeebies of appearing on national TV.

And, like, I was only happy to fucking help, man. I like needy bitches, dude. Especially when they cry. They make you feel all manly and powerful and puffed up inside.

So I hung out with her backstage thinking I was being cool, scoring points.

Check it out, man, I could have broken the bitch in half with one hand, she's so tiny, dude. I think her waist is the size of my ruler.

So you think the hot bitch would've given me a peck on the cheek! I couldn't even get 5 seconds of face time with the ho, man. And I had just done her a favor!

Ahh, what a laugh that was! It was a fuckin' scream, dude!! You should have seen it. One of the best moments of my life. I got blown off by Megan Fox!

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NOSES SUPPOSES

Megan before and after rhinoplasty

The "Bump" On Megan Fox's Road To Stardom Has Been Removed

By Crabby Golightly

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE NOSE THAT INFLUENCES THE FATE OF STAR POWER?

Why do ordinary humans transform into screen beauties with the help of a surgeon's scalpel?

The list of starlets and movie stars whose careers catapulted after their rhinoplasty is long and impressive.

Angelina Jolie, Demi Moore, Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Salma Hayek, Winona Ryder, Halle Berry, Winona Ryder, Tyra Banks -- even Kate Moss who was positively fugly as a teenager.

Megan Fox is just the latest superstarlet to advance her career with the help of rhinoplasty.

Once, she had a bump on her nose's bridge. Then -- poof! -- in a snap it disappeared. And just like magic, shortly afterward her star jettisoned to higher altitudes. Just once I'd like to see the names of plastic surgeons' attached to the famous faces they've sculpted.

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REIGNING QUEEN OF THE RED CARPET

Classic blackShimmering at Golden GlobesShowing leg at MTV Awards
A Siren in red'A siren in red'Bewitching in a slitted purple dress

Megan Foxy's Knock-Out Performances On The Red Carpet

By Crabby Golightly

SHE MAY BE YOUNG AND DUMB, but there is one place where Fox undisputably dominates: The Red Carpet.

It's not only because of her body's delicious terrain, but a keen aesthetic that leads her choose gowns which figuratively shoot flames off her flesh.

Then again, she'd probably dazzle in a potato sack. Yep, that's what I want to see: Fox in a potato sack. And now that I've said it, I'm sure some clever, cutting-edge magazine editor will steal the idea.

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MEGAN'S HORRORSCOPE

Credit: Astrotheme.com

Hot But Stupid? Blame It On Her Stars: Megan Fox's Astrological Chart

By Crabby GolightlyShe's A Star

IN OUR QUEST FOR ALL THINGS MEGAN, WE TURNED TO THE STARS TO DIVINE A LOOK THAT'S MORE THAN SKIN DEEP.

We used the free services of Alabe.com, and we skipped over the lumbering planets to focus on her chart's 'personal' aspects. Full out Megan Fox obsessives can order a 30-page analysis of her birth chart for $25, but for our purposes this insta-analysis will do nicely. Here goes:

LEO RISING

You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth, power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically, you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and bearing. Try not to be such a showoff!

SUN IN TAURUS

You are known for being patient, slow moving and careful -- you love to prolong and savor enjoyable times. You appreciate and need comfort, ease and warm surroundings. Be careful of a tendency to become placid and self-satisfied and to overeat (especially sweets). You require strenuous situations in order to grow and mature properly, even though you try to avoid them. Affectionate, even-tempered and slow to anger -- when you do become emotionally upset, you are also slow to forgive and time must pass before your calm returns. You demand real results from any situation -- abstractions are very difficult for you to comprehend. Very artistic, your hands love to mold and shape things. You portray an earthy, physical sexiness that others find quite seductive.

MOON IN LEO

You always want to be proud of yourself and will never do anything that will make yourself look bad. You need the respect and admiration of others and enjoy attracting attention to yourself. Everything you do tends to be self-emphasized and self-exaggerated. Very stubborn, willful and independent yourself, be sure to allow others who are close to you the similar right to "be themselves." Your need for love, affection and reassurance, and your tendency toward vanity, allow you to have your head easily turned by flattery. The more insecure you are, the more you tend to be a showoff. You love games and sports as a matter of fact, you would usually rather play than work. Be careful of a tendency to be snobbish and uppity -- it does not become you.

MERCURY IN TAURUS

This is proof that she's not the smartest bulb.

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MEGAN FOX EXTRA: MOUTH WIDE OPEN

Mouth Wide Open

Megan Fox's 10 Most Fearsome Quotes

By Crabby Golightly

LUCKY FOR US, MEGAN FOX HAS A MOUTH AND SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.

Which means her interviews are chock full of ribald soundbites and naughty confessions. Consuming them is like filling up on red hots -- they're spicy hot and devoid of nutrients, but sometimes you just gotta suck on 'em.

On this August 4th, when the men of publishing are swearing off their favorite snack food, we're providing Megan's choicest quotes for your consumption. Enjoy!

10.   "I actually went to Bible camp when I was 11. Bible camp is fucking awesome -- you sing songs about Jesus and then you do arts and crafts about Jesus. One night, I snuck out to meet the first boy I ever had a crush on. Each cabin had two counselors, so it was really difficult. I had the balls, but he was too chickenshit. After a couple of hours, I snuck back into bed and went back to sleep, very disappointed." -- Blender.com.

9.   "I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It's like, Oh, I'm sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I'm sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn't have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one's angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney…They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won't allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick." -- GQ.com.

8.  "Look, I'm not a lesbian -- I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl -- Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing." -- GQ.com

7.  "I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That's what our purpose is in this business. You're merchandised, you're a product. You're sold and it's based on sex. But that's okay. I think women should be empowered by that, not degraded." -- Entertainment Weekly.

6.   "As far as girls go, I have a really badass personality. I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation. So I'm not afraid to speak, and I think that's what people read as this überconfidence. I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it." -- Entertainment Weekly.

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STICKING UP FOR MEGAN, SORT OF

She's a scorcher

Fight The Power! Protesting The Boy Blackout Of Sultry Megan Fox

By Crabby Golightly

LET TODAY'S BOY BLACKOUT OF MEGAN FOX BE A LESSON FOR BIMBOS EVERYWHERE: This is what happens to hot girls who lazily rely on their tits and asses to amble through life.

The type of cads you attract? Beasts who beat their chests in public over their perceived prizes, then banish them when tired of the yapping. That is, until the next romp in the sack or another game of show-and-tell.

And while the silly little tool known as MEGA FOX professes to know what feminism is (Hint: It's not the equivalent of 'sleeping around'), we feel compelled to point out that the conspiracy to banish the Transformers' beauty today from men-centric websites is tantamount to kicking a girl out of bed who's just been jizzed all over.

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August 03, 2009

SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT

MEGAN FOX SPEAKS

She Has A Mouth And She's Not Afraid To Use It

By Crabby Staff

WE ARE SHOWING THIS TOTALLY GRATUITOUS VIDEO TODAY BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AND MEGAN FOX'S IN THE NEWS. And here's the bonus: You get to hear her talk!

It's shocking to hear a beautiful woman's voice when you only see her image on video and hear her through the printed word.

I remember hearing Princess Diana speak over the airwaves for the first time. I was like, oh my God, she speaks! I can't explain my very odd reaction; maybe she was supposed to stay a fairytale.

Megan's voice sounds just how you think a coquette would sound. Isn't she adorable?And she's a feminist too! She's got it all going for her.

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June 24, 2009

UNDERACHIEVER

Megan Fox

Megan Fox Gets Stupid Ugly, Proves She's No Angelina

By Crabby Staff

AS THE DAYS COUNT DOWN TO THE MUCH BALLYHOOED JUNE 24TH RELEASE OF Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the buzz is all about sexpot Megan Fox and whether she's the next Angelina.

There's the media created "war" between Fox and long-reigning vixen Jolie as the younger starlet is whispered to be Jolie's replacement in the Tomb Raider series.

There's side-by-side photographic comparisons of the two beauty A-listers.

There's even online guessing games comparing leggy red carpet styles -- all of which Fox dismisses in a recent Entertainment Weekly interview.

"Because I have tattoos and dark hair and I was in an action movie? That's as far as the similarities extend," she pooh-poohs. "I'm not the next anyone. I'm sure she has no idea who I am."

Then Megan lets her Freudian slip show by adding, "But if I were her, I'd be like, "Who the f--- is this little bulls--- brat who was in Transformers that's going to be the next me?"

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June 18, 2009