BRADD PITT ADMITS HE WANTS TO MARRY LONG-TIME GIRLFRIEND Angelina Jolie soon despite once declaring the couple would not wed until gay marriage is legalized in the US.
In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Pitt says making that final commitment means a lot to his brood of six.
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DO TWO SEPARATE RUMORS ABOUT GEORGE CLOONEY NOT LIKING ANGELINA JOLIE ADD UP TO ACCURATE?
Gossip Cop reports that Us Weekly is prepping a story claiming Hollywood hearthrob George Clooney doesn't like the lady love of his bro Brad Pitt. Clooney, who bagged a Golden Globes for his performance in Descendants, reportedly thinks Angelina Jolie is "boring and not great company" and "can be mean to people."
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IF YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD TIME INVOLVES SWEAT, PUKE AND EAR-SHATTERING MUSIC, here's one for ya.
Chris D'Arienzo's adapted Broadway Rock Of Ages hits theaters next summer but today we got a peek at the promised mayhem in the new trailer.
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ALONG WITH YOUR HEFTY SERVING OF L-TRPTOPHAN-LACED TURKEY comes three widely praised family flicks this Thanksgiving holiday.
Getting the biggest box office buzz is Jason Segal's lovingly produced The Muppets, which has critics gushing sentimentally about the movie's feel-good theme.
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THE HAIRS ON THE NECKS OF COLLECTIVE HOLLYWOOD are quaking: Ricky Gervais is back!
The comic who cuts just below the stratum corneum returns to host his third consecutive Golden Globes Awards on Jan. 15, 2012.
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SHE WAS ONCE CONSIDERED THE FAIREST IN THE LAND, but Julia Roberts has never been revered for her acting chops.
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THE TRAILER FOR SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN HAS HIT AND THERE'S NOTHING Disneyana about this grim world.
Charlize Theron looks creeptastic as the vain Queen threatened by the blooming beauty of Snow White.
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THE FLICK THAT CONNECTED JENNIFER ANISTON WITH Justin Thereaux is set to hit the big screen in February, but the first sneak peak of Wanderlust hit the web Thursday and it looks promising.
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FINGERS ARE POINTING BETWEEN LOS ANGELES COPS AND MEMBERS OF THE CROWD THAT AMASSED WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR THE PREMIERE OF Electric Daisy Carnival Experience.
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NEW SHIT HAS COME TO LIGHT: The bungalow used to shoot the cult hit The Big Lebowski has hit the market.
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POP PRINCESS KATY PERRY appears Sunday night at the premiere of the Smurfs in 3D which opens this weekend.
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FINALLY, A WATCHABLE Jennifer Aniston movie. After years of seeing America's Sweetheart being typecast as the lovable romantic comedy leading lady, she's found a role that will give her the credit she's always deserved: playing the bad guy.
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The ghosts of the Cold War live on -- at least in Tommy Cruise's latest iteration of Mission Impossible, this one subtitled "Ghost Protocol."
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HERE'S A BARE-CHESTED TOM CRUISE LOOKING WHAT THE KIDDIES CALL 'BEAST' -- AND THAT'S A GOOD THING -- in the upcoming screen remake of Broadway's Rock Of Ages.
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SEXY KIM CATTRALL BEMOANS HOLLYWOOD'S LACK OF INTEREST IN WOMEN OVER 50 BUT SHE'S keeping a sense of humor about it.
"Directors here aren't interested in us,'' the former chief Sex In The City tart tells PopEater. " We have to go out there and make them for ourselves which is what I did with Monica Velour.
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CROWDS RUSHED THE THEATERS THIS WEEKEND TO SEE THE WOLF PACK GO WILD WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF STUPID.
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MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HIS SURNAME COULD PASS FOR PROFANITY that Zack Galifianakis calls cursing "the new hackiness."
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THERE'S A NEW MUPPETS MOVIE COMING! For those who like their love stories with a twinge of beast.
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WHICH REVIEWERS BECAME BELIEBERS AFTER CHECKING OUT JUSTIN'S JUST-RELEASED NEVER SAY NEVER? Let's recap.
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AMERICA'S FAIREST OF THEM ALL CIRCA 1990 HAS SIGNED ON TO STAR AS THE EVIL WITCH IN SNOW WHITE.
Julia Roberts will star in Tarsem Singh's reiteration of the Brothers Grimm's fable on tap to begin shooting late April.
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HE SAID HE WARNED THEM, AND BY FOUR MINUTES IN TO THE 68TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS, those in charge of booking Ricky Gervais as emcee were no doubt second-guessing their decision. The British comic wasted no time slicing and dicing Hollywood's biggest stars with an incisor-edged wit that deflated the self-congratulatory air from the room -- but also likely riveted viewers.
Check out And The Winner Is...Ricky Gervais!"
Hollywood Hair-Raising: Ricky Gervais Is Back Hosting Golden Globes
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DAVID THOMSON HAS CONTRIVED A CLEVER WAY TO CAPTALIZE ON 35 YEARS AS FILM CRITIC: he's published the new New Biographical Dictionary Of Film in which he succinctly slices and dices Hollywood's biggest names with a poetic plunge of his pen(knife).
Released in its fifth edition on October 26, Thomson's classic has been hailed as "one of the most absurdly ambitious literary achievements of our time," a "mad and magnificent opus," "the greatest bathroom book ever written."
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THE PROMOTIONAL POSTER FOR MEL GIBSON'S UPCOMING FLICK The Beaver gives a wink wink to Mel's documented dementia toward Oksana Grigorieva.
"Hello, this person is under the care of a prescription puppet. Please, treat him as you normally would, but address yourself to the puppet."
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IT'S ALMOST HALLOWEEN. TIME TO GET YOUR SCARY ON.
One of the most obvious ways we do that is by watching horror flicks. Sounds easy, right? But there are some things you ought to know before you subject yourself to fright night. Here are my 10 essential lessons for surviving fright night.
10: Root for the good person. The bitch, the jerk, and everyone alike won't make it to the end.
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PROVING THEY ARE MORE FOCUSED ON THEMSELVES THAN THE MAN who made oversharing possible, the majority of Facebook's 500 million users stayed home this weekend rather than see a flick about Mark Zuckerberg.
Aaron Sorkin's The Social Network collected a respectable $23 million at the box office but the haul was less than expected.
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BACK WHEN CANDACE BERGEN IGNITED NATIONAL DEBATE WHEN her TV character opted to have a baby alone, I thought Murphy Brown too cavalierly promoted the idea of single motherhood.
I knew moms who chose that path, and I could see the wrenching costs to them. The ones I knew eked out modest l existences to feed and clothe their child, and at the end of the day, they were often too exhausted to do anything more than microwave dinner and put the kid to bed.
And didn't that child deserve a dad, deserve the right to fit the "family mold" -- mom, dad and baby?
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IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT VIXEN ANGELINA JOLIE'S SALT WILL HAVE AN EXPLOSIVE DEBUT WEEKEND, and it won't be because of all the recent Angie stories with bland pronouncements about her family.
She'll have Andrew Morton's spicy new unauthorizied biography and leaked S&M pics from her deviant days to thank.
Read Thirst-Inspiring: Angelina In Salt Trailer.
Angelina Keeps Yanking Our Chain About Retiring.
Brangelina Cling To The Fairytale That Is Them.
Scientists Confirm It: Angelina Is A Trollop.
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LATELY I'VE NOTICED MORE MOVIES doing a really good job with casting. The A-Team with Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Bradley Cooper as Face is a good example, as is the entire cast of Christopher Nolan's latest epic Inception (which, if you haven't seen yet, should make you feel bad about yourself.)
For a while, good casting seemed to be on the way out, replaced by hiring someone popular with the younger set. With the exception of a few choice movies, these actors always play the same character.
Jay Baruchel is the whiny, awkward nerd (How to Train Your Dragon, She's Out Of Your League, The Sorcerer's Apprentice).
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BOMBS EXPLODED IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO OVER the weekend, upending streets and cars and sending pedestrians running for their lives.
Not to worry, just the magic of moviemaking as Michael Bay's Transformers 3 is filmed.
Set crews created elaborate scenes of apocalyptic destruction. The noise from the explosions and gunfire rattled windows at a nearby Corner Bakery; signs posted around the shoot's informed passersby to "not be alarmed." Fans flocked to the scene to be able to get a look at Shia LeBeouf and new young thang Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as they battled invisible robots.
Filming will take place through August 1, according to the Chicago Tribune, which is covering the movie-making closer than a city council meeting.
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THE TRAILER FROM THE UPCOMING UNAUTHORIZED BIOPIC OF FACEBOOK FOUNDER Mark Zuckerberg has hit the 'net.
Like an aged snapshot, the stylized two-and-a-half minute tease for The Social Network makes life's events more poignant than you remember. And it wastes no time framing Zuckerberg as a conniving opportunist with an outsized ego.
"I need to do something substantial in order to get attention of the clubs," says Jesse Eisenberg, in the role of Zuckerberg. "Because they're exclusive and fun and they lead to a better life."
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A HERO IS A HERO, BUT EVERYBODY LOVES A GOOD VILLAIN, as proved by Despicable Me taking a bite out of Twilight's vampires at the box office. The animated flick grossed $56.4 million its opening weekend, toppling Eclipse to number two with $31.8 million.
And let me tell you how happy I am to see a main character in an animated film motivated whose sole motive is to be a gigantic tosser to everybody around him. Gru, played marvelously by Steven Carell, is the perfect a-hole. He's a super-villainy jerk for no reason and loves being one. For the entire first half of the movie, I was dying as every scene seemed to top the last in laughs and dickheadedness. Gru, to be frank, is my new role model.
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TOM CRUISE PROBABLY RECRUITED A COUPLE HUNDRED NEW CONVERTS TO SCIENTOLOGY WITH HIS spankin' dance party with J.Lo at last night's MTV Movie Awards.
America has a complicated relationship with Tom, who dominated at the box office for two decades with hits like Top Gun, Risky Business, Rain Man and Jerry MacGuire. But that relationship soured after his carefully crafted public image began to crack.
He dissed Brooke Shields for using anti-depressants to treat postpartum depression, then dissed Matt Lauer as being "glib" when he questioned his comments. The country then delivered a counterpunch, morphing Tom's declaration of love for Katie Holmes on Oprah's couch into a favorite Internet meme.
On top of all this, Cruise's role as figurehead for the spooky Church of Scientology is a perpetual public relations mine field.
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CONSPIRACY THEORISTS (i.e. me) are speculating about the curious timing of the just-released topless snaps of the radioactively hot Mega Fox.
Megan's publicly pouting over the pics, taken while she played an angelic circus freak in Passion Play with Mickey Rourke. But isn't their appearance the perfect ruse to distract from the brouhaha over who quit whom -- Megan or the Hitleresque director Michael Bay?
"It was her decision not to return,'' the starlet's mouthpiece told People. "She wishes the franchise the best."
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THERE'S SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY AT THE BOX OFFICE THIS SUMMER -- action flicks, romantic comedies, dramas and adventures.
The season unofficially opens today with the arrival of superhero flick Iron Man2, cast with A-listers Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow and Micky Rourke. The producers hope to break the $158 million opening weekend record set by The Dark Knight two years ago. Does it help that Don Cheadle and Scarlett Johansson are part of the cast?
If you like sword-fighting studs who champion common folk and dames in distress, Robin Hood is the movie for you. And helping to woo the female audience is Russell Crowe, trying to recapture that Gladiator magic in Ridley Scott's latest box offering.
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THE THING ABOUT ANGELINA JOLIE STARRING IN SPY THRILLERS? It's not a stretch to think that she's capable of conspiring to kill the president, shooting someone in the head, jumping on speeding 18-wheelers, walking on highrise ledges, dropping bombs and then taking a nookie break.
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"I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"
Sound familiar? There's a reason the AFI put Network's famous quote on their top 100 movie quotes list. But this begs the question: what's happened to our sense of urgency?
In these economic hard times, and when our country's at war in two countries, why aren't people getting mad?
Sure, people are irritated by the present state of things and they'll complain (myself included). But where's the outrage? What happened to not taking it anymore?
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ESQUIRE delivers a premature obituary on Roger Ebert, one of journalism's foremost film critics.
Cancer has taken away his jaw and his ability to speak, but he remains a persistent force in criticism as he continues to write.
The mag's piece is a lovely if slightly overwrought look at the man and the legend. Ebert was the first journalist to earn the Pulitzer Prize for film criticism. As a writer myself, I can only dare to achieve the kind of status or loyalty that Ebert has won with his insightful writing. But this isn't about me.
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THE WALL STREET JOURNAL has an obit tucked inside today's pages on Felice Quinto, 80, interloper to the stars.
Quinto, who died in January, was a paparazzo before the word was even coined by director Federico Fellini in the 1960 film La Dolce Vita.
Born in Italy, Quinto sped through Rome's streets via moped during the 50s snapping pics of European jetsetters and royalty. Once he so angered celebrity Anita Ekberg by following her home that she shot him with an arrow.
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THE RAZZLE DAZZLE OF THE OSCARS IS ALMOST UPON US. But first up: the Razzies, a celebration of the year's worst films and performances.
This year's 30th annual Golden Raspberry Awards will take place March 6th, one day before the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. And while Oscar's nominees will be out later today, beating them to the punch is the Razzies' nominees for the worst of 2009.
This year at least one name's expected to top both lists: Sandra Bullock is earning rave reviews for her turn in The Blind Side, but she stunk up the screen in All About Steve and is a Razzie nominee for "Worst Actress."
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AVATAR IS BREAKING BOX OFFICE RECORDS and receiving critical acclaim as it cleans in the early awards season. But with success comes controversy. While many people are debating the movie's "real" message -- is it racist? against religion? pro-socialist? -- the anti-smoking lobby fumes about Sigourney Weaver's character's nasty little habit.
Contending that onscreen smoking negatively influences children, the organization Smoke Free Movies bought two full-page ads in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter excoriating the industry for giving the tobacco industry free advertising in James Cameron's blockbuster.
The group contends on its website that that "390,000 kids recruited to smoke each year by the smoking they see on screen are worth $4 billion in lifetime sales to the tobacco companies."
While I'm not a smoker and am no fan of the habit, my personal opinion is smoking can serve a very direct purpose in a movie.
What if smoking is crucial to a story's character? What if the cancer sticks are integral to a film's period?
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IT WAS EASY TO SEE WHY ROBERT DOWNEY JR. ONCE HAD A SUBSTANCE PROBLEM AT Sunday's Golden Globes: Hollywood's most likeable habituae was a mass of jangly, manic energy while giving his acceptance speech for best actor in Sherlock Holmes.
"If you start playing violins, I will tear this joint apart," were the first words out of Downey's mouth, and we were afraid he might be serious.
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ALAS, ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD CAN'T BUY GOOD BONE STRUCTURE AND TASTE. Lucky for her, Isabel Lucas has both in buckets.
You can spend all day looking at the Best Dressed lists from last night's Golden Globes and not come up with anything or anyone who beats Lucas' timeless elegance. Fingers crossed that she doesn't starve herself to achieve it.
Lucas' guaranteed herself a spot in the pantheon of fashion when she wore this sleek cream gown by Chanel with gold and black trim.
But we'll give points to Christina Aquilera for her dress, Courtney Cox for her fresh take on classic, and Jennifer Garner for her fitting flash.
MO'NIQUE STOLE THE SPOTLIGHT AT THE 67TH GOLDEN GLOBES after winning for her turn as an abusive mother in the movie Precious that actress Helen Mirren called "raw poetry."
Mo'Nique, 42, swept onto the Beverly Hilton stage with Oprahesque confidence in a gold sleeveless gown.
"First, let me say thank you God for this amazing ride that you're allowing me to go on. And everybody kept asking me did I know my speech. And I said no I don't know what I'mma say because I don't want people to think that I just know that I done won something. So, no, I don't know."
But her delivery was better than this sounds!
"But I'm shaking and when I tell ya'll I am in the mist of my dream. And when I look into the eyes of the man that I stood next to at 14 years old. And I said to him one day we are going to be stars and he said, 'You first.' And we walked this red carpet together tonight. Sidney I love you more than you will ever know baby.
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FUNNYMAN Ricky Gervais starred in a role of his own making last night: Edward Scizzorsmouth.
In a room full of celebrities buffed to a glow, the British actor was all angles and sharp blades.
"Why oh why was The Invention of Lying not nominated? I don't know, I just don't know. Maybe the DVD will win an award," he said pulling it out from below the podium. "That's out Tuesday at Wal-mart. So go and buy that."
In addition to clumsily self-promoting his movie and television show, Gervais' broke a cardinal sin of comedy: he didn't play to the audience.
"I've had a little work done," he said after joking about the plastic surgery of the stars. "I've had cheek implants …and I've had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. And it is very tiny. But so are my hands so when I holding it it looks pretty big.
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TWO THINGS USHER EVERY YEAR TO A CLOSE: De rigueur "lists" and twinges over what might have been. HERE'S MY MASHUP OF THE TWO: The top overlooked film gems of the 2000s.
2000: Wonder Boys
This coming-of-age tale showcases excellent performances from Michael Douglas, Robert Downey, Jr. and then-newcomer Tobey Maguire. The film feels like a good book; totally satisfying and yet you're sad to see the characters go when it's over.
2001: Sexy Beast
This heist film is more of a character piece on a retired criminal who's dragged back into the game. Sir Ben Kingsley performance alone makes this film worth watching, but all performers in this film are phenomenal.
2002: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
George Clooney's directorial debut didn't receive much fanfare at the time, but this darkly comedic "biopic" of game show host Chuck Barris hosts a star-studded cast and plenty of laughs and intrigue along the way.
2003: Love Me if You Dare
This French film, starring Oscar winner Marion Cotillard, tells the story of a boy and a girl and the games they play with each other's hearts. This film may sound like a cliché but the surreal style bats it out of the park.
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THE NEW YORK TIMES' PUT IT SUCCINCTLY:
"Friday is expected to be a mob scene at the multiplex."
This Christmas Day debuts some of the most touted offerings of the upcoming movie awards season.
From the anticipated spectacle that is Nine, to the understated Up in the Air, to the nails-on-chalkboard shrieks of Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, today's releases promise something for everyone.
Nine's star-studded cast includes Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman, and Kate Hudson. Director Rob Marshall's musical adaptation of Fellini's 8½
, conceptually based on "an inside look at the movie world," is not exactly fresh.
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WHEN I FIRST HEARD THAT DISNEY WAS GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT A BLACK PRINCESS, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my mom during my dolly days.
I remember her always insisting that I have a doll that looked like me. But my whole thing as a 6-year-old was, "Look, I'm playing with a dolly. It doesn't matter to me."
Then I grew up, asked questions and began to understand why it was important: my mom didn't have dolls that looked like her while growing up. But as long as I've been alive there's always been at least one doll that had my complexion, even if it was often out of stock.
Fast forward to 2009 and the question becomes, what does that have to do with The Princess & The Frog, the Disney movie with a princess that looks like me? A lot.
While growing up, I never fantasized about being a princess: I was too busy wanting to be a wrestler.
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VVINCE VAUGHN AND KYLA WEBER SPLIT!
Well, maybe not yet. But soon. As soon as Vince curls up in his Snuggie with a cup of hot cocoa and this new book proposal floating around called A Thousand Years of Vince Vaughn.
It's the kind of life-changing read that Vince will soon be sucked into -- like quicksand -- forcing him to abandon his life-plans to pursue his true destiny.
Los Angeles dog-walker Edie Cortese, 39, describes her screenplay pitch in a recent interview.
"The manuscript is a fictionalized version of what transpired over six months or so in my walking in front of Vince's house everyday with the dogs and dreaming of him… and how I could meet him… and get his attention and hang."
Right there -- very difficult for Vince to resist Edie Cortese. But then: the love dart.
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TOO BAD I THINK 2012 IS CRAPTASTIC PLASTIC, because John Cusack may personally be my favorite actor. I'll see pretty much any movie as long as he's in it.
In a way, I have a bit of a man-crush on him. It was one of the few reasons I was willing to even watch 2012. I said to myself, as I read about the absurd story, "Hey, If John Cusack's in it -- it can't be that bad."
I was wrong; it can and it was.
So I've taken it upon myself, as punishment for putting my brain through that three hour pile of awful, to educate the world.
Read the full post here.
SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE? You spent $65 million on opening weekend to see this movie?
I guess Michael Caine was right: some people really do just like to watch the world burn.
2012, the newest in the disaster-porn filmography of Roland Emmerich, is about the world coming to an end because of a myth-come-to-life about the Mayan Calendar.
I don't know much about calendars, let alone Mayan ones, but if the world is going to end, I hope it's more interesting and less CGI filled than the movie representing it.
Emmerich finds a way to hide half-an-hour of story in three hours of computer generated disasters.
The story: John Cusack stars as a divorced dad who is trying to save his wife, kids and his wife's second husband as the world comes to an end. That's it.
Add unnecessary CGI, forgettable secondary cast members and you have the whole film.
I guess this movie was a natural progression for Emmerich though.
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AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT BRINGING PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIMEto the big screen would be a good idea. That was before I found out it would be a Disney movie produced by that guy who likes secret agent gerbils and starring a gay cowboy (not that there's anything wrong with that).
When I think of bad ass video game characters -- The Prince from PoP comes to mind, not Jake Gyllenhaal.
Casting him is like Max Payne where the badass female lead was played by notoriously un-badass Mila Kunis. Or as she's better known nowadays, that chick who plays Meg on Family Guy.
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TRUE CONFESSION! I have neither read nor watched anything from the Twight series. When I'm in the mood for blood sucking I read the business pages.
I've seen the breathless tabloid covers of pinup boy Robert Pattison and shrugged 'meh.'
I watched the hot tease between Rob and Kristen at the MTV Awards and thought 'production.'
Neither actor has raised my temp above 98.6 -- until Kristen starting spewing smart comments about fame and celebrity.
"It's so retarded," the actress tells Vanity Fair in its December issue. "We're characters in this comic book."
Now Kristen reiterates her disdain for the game during early promotion for the Nov. 20 release of New Moon.
"I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it," she told EW.com of her rumored romance with Robert.
Read the full post here.
TOO AFRAID TO VENTURE OUT ON HALLOWEEN? Stay in for scary fun: host a Halloween TV night.
SyFy is running a Ghost Hunters marathon from 9am to 3am.
Or watch old school horror movies from 1930s to the 1970s on Turner Classic Movies. This year's lineup includes Cat People at 5:30pm (Eastern), Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde at 8:30pm and The Body Snatcher at 11:15pm.
AMC is my go-to channel during the Halloween season, whose offerings range from modern classic to cult. This year's lineup includes:
☠ Gene Wilder's Young Frankenstein at 7:30am;
☠ John Carpenter's Halloween at noon (followed by Halloween 4 and Halloween 5!);
and ☠ George Romero's Night Of The Living Dead at 6 and 8:15pm.
For family movies, watch ABC Family, which wraps up its 13 Days of Halloween with Hocus Pocus Wednesday (Oct. 28th), Scooby Doo movies Thursday and Friday, and Batman Returns on Halloween.
And to get you in the spirit, here's my 10 essential lessons for surviving horror movies.
10: Root for the good person. The bitch, the jerk, and everyone alike won't make it to the end.
9: Never forget that zombies must be killed by destroying the brain; vampires are killed by decapitation, sunlight or a stake in the heart; werewolves are done in by silver bullets or killing their human self. Ghosts should be handled by priests or paranormal experts. Monsters are tricky: some may have their own special way to be killed but the generally shooting them, setting them on fire, even stabbing them until they are a pile of mush should do the trick. Burn the remains.
8: It doesn't matter if you're in high school, college or if you're 50 years old. If you bully someone to the point of public humiliation, they'll snap and get revenge on you.
Read the full post here.
"THE NIGHT MAX WORE HIS WOLF SUIT AND MADE MISCHIEF OF ONE KIND AND ANOTHER," HE CAUGHT HIS MOTHER KISSING AND RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
And so we're off on an epic adventure in Spike Jonze's adaptation of Maurice Sendak's beloved storybook, Where The Wild Things Are.
Turns out the wild things are on an island a night's sail away from Max's home. And they're big, hairy, petty, grumbling, hungry beasts who like to rumble in the jungle.
And so when Max shows up one dark night, they don't know whether to eat him or crown him king. But Max, played by an Oregon boy named Max Records, shows them that he is just as unpredictable as they are when he goes on an impressive romp.
"I like the way you destroy stuff,"' says the monster Carol, Max's dangerously scary alter ego on the island. "There's a spark to your technique."
You can say the same thing about director Jonze, whose make-believe land has the shadowy otherworldly terrain of a child's subconscious. Here, you can meet your monsters, climb trees, run wild, howl loudly, explore freely, and yet still be afraid of the dark. The film wonderfully manifests the terror and loneliness of being an 8-year-old on the precipice of separation.
"This is all yours,'' monster Carol, played by actor James Gandolfini, tells Max. "You're the owner of this world."
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HERE'S A MARKETING PLAN: HOLD A SNEAK PREVIEW OF AN UPCOMING MOVIE, TURN ON THE CAMERAS INSIDE THE THEATER AND CAPTURE AUDIENCE REACTION TO THE HORROR HAPPENING ON SCREEN.
The embedded comment cautions, "One of the scariest movies you will ever see. Do Not See It Alone!" Oh those Hollywood types know how to create a buzz, no?
Just check out the "official" trailer for the upcoming horror movie that's being touted as this decade's Blair Witch Project and which opened nationwide yesterday to limited release.
We caution the crowd: this is a gimmick, this is only a gimmick, albeit one that works pretty well.
IT TOOK ALL OF FOUR YEARS FOR THE OBSCURE, LIMITED-EDITION comic The Surrogates to make it to the big screen. The futuristic crime drama starring Bruce Willis, based on the 2005 comic by Robert Venditti, explores the fictional future when humans use remote-controlled surrogates to avoid interacting with each other.
While Venditti has received critical acclaim, I can think of at least three other comics that deserve to make it to theaters. Here's my list in case anybody in Hollywood is reading:
•Fables by Bill Willingham is one of the most imaginative fantasy worlds I've ever read. Forced to livein exile in New York because their own worlds have been overtaken by an evil empire, the characters in Fables are forced to eternally hide their true identities.
The series follows some of the biggest names in fairy tales as they adapt to their new lives in Fabletown; The Big Bad Wolf becomes Bigby Wolf, sardonic private detective; Snow White works as the mayor's go-to administrative aide; the Count of Monte Cristo owns a fencing academy, and yada yada.
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I WAS EXCITED. I HAD HEARD GREAT THINGS like "best movie of the year," that this film would transcend sci-fi and rocket into the stratosphere. Then I went to see it. I was punk'd.
District 9 is different, it's interesting, but that doesn't make it a great movie.
Reminiscent of Cloverfield, the flick delivers its story in "mockumentary" format, building to the reveal just what the hell's happened to the main character, Wilkus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley).
de Merwer works for an agency, MNC, that has been contracted to move the aliens (did I mention there were aliens?) to a less-populated area to keep them out of mischievious contact with the humans. The spacelings arrived in Johannesburg 20 years ago and have since been housed in a government-sanctioned shanty-town. The locals call the aliens "prawns" because of their sea-like facial features, a nickname the out-of-towners abhor.
Read the full post here.
SO THE MOVIE ORPHAN IS PROVOKING PROTESTS FROM ADOPTION GROUPS who fear it may frighten potential adoptive parents.
Come on people! There's a housing slump too and I don't hear anybody blaming it on fearful would-be buyers watching
The Haunting in Connecticut.
"The movie Orphan does no favors for the boys and girls who share its name," Jedd Medefind, president of the Christian Alliance for Orphans, tells The Christian Post. "It seems to suggest that orphans are damaged goods and that adoption could destroy your life. With all the challenges they already face, orphans deserve better."
I saw Orphan this weekend, and let me reassure Mr. Medefind that he's wasting his breath. The movie's provocative "twist" is laughably ridiculous.
Read the full post here.
REMEMBER EPISODE ONE OF THE ORIGINAL TRANSFORMERS cartoon? It had poor animation, lousy sound, and shoddy voicework: two of the three reasons why Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is bad.
South Park's Matt Stone and Trey Parker said it best: "Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?" A quick look at his Rotten Tomatoes profile shows that he currently scores a 7% (out of 100%). That's damn awful.
Read the full post here.
COMIC LARRY DAVID TEAMS up with Woody Allen in the upcoming movie,
Whatever Works, about a misanthropic New Yorker who literally stumbles over love.
The film's take home message? "Anyway you can, filch a little happiness."
BEFORE I GET THIS REVIEW UNDERWAY, let me confirm a few things. Read the full post here.
One -- I am not a Trekkie. Amazingly, I had never seen an episode of Star Trek or any of the 10 previous movies until about two years ago.
Not because I didn't want to; I just never really had the time to learn about the universe and all it entailed.
Two -- I am not a fan of J.J. Abrams. I find him to be completely overrated.
At least, until today.
Star Trek is the definition of hit-or-miss franchise, the best in my view being Star Trek 2: The Wraith of Khan, Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock and and Star Trek 4: The Journey Home.
In the latest, the series travels back to the early years of James Tiberius Kirk to reveal his rise to the rank of captain of the Starship Enterprise.
Fear not though, all of the regulars are here: Spock, Uhura, Sulu, McCoy, Chekov and "Beam Me Up!" Scotty.
This flick memorializes the start of their beautiful relationship.
And the movie is friggen amazing, a high definition, techicolor trip to deep space.
May 08, 2009
MY LATEST ADDICTION-INDUCING VIDEO subscription is to TheOnion.com.
While I could sit for hours (literally) laughing my balls off (not literally) at the news videos, one caught my eye in terms of timeliness.
The topic? The new Star Trek film, which opened yesterday around the country. The premise? Real Trek-fans are disappointed that the new film is "fun" and "watchable."
Read the full post here.
EXQUISITE STAGECRAFT, IMPECCABLE PACING, DISCIPLINED EDITING, EARNEST WRITING AND HUGH JACKMAN's charm all combined to make the Academy the biggest winner of the 81st Academy Awards Sunday night.
There were few if any surprises among the winners of Oscar's top prizes.
As expected, Kate Winslet won Best Actress for The Reader and the late Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor for Dark Knight. His parents and sister "proudly" accepted the award "on behalf of your beautiful [daughter] Matilda."
Slumdog Millionaire dominated the night, taking home eight awards including the year's Best Picture award.
Penelope Cruz won Best Support Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
The only suspense was who would take home the trophy for Best Actor, considered a toss-up between Mickey Rourke as a defeated boxer trying to resurrect his career, and Sean Penn starring as San Francisco AIDS activist who is slain.
Penn took the prize and gave the most passionate, entertaining and engaging acceptance speech of the night. He also generously singled out Rourke for special praise as a courageous artist who "despite a sensitivity [that]...has brought enormous challenge, Mickey Rourke rises again, and he is my brother."
Read the full post here.
AMERE 48 HOURS BEFORE THE 81ST OSCARS HIT THE AIRWAVES, WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE MACHINATIONS GOING ON PROBABLY MERE MILES APART IN THE BOUDOIRS OF SUPERSTARS JENNIFER ANISTON AND ANGELINA JOLIE.
Aniston is purportedly preparing to come face-to-face with husband-stealer Jolie at a Beverly Hills Oscar eve party tonight with boy toy John Mayer in tow.
If past performance is any indication, odds are that one of the women will be a no-show.
But it will be harder for the enemies to avoid the inevitable stares at Sunday's Academy Awards, where Jennifer is scheduled to present an award, while Angelina is the long-shot to win best actress for her role in Changeling.
We predict that Angelina will wear her usual monochromatic gown, all the better to show off her pouty painted lips. Jen will wear something slightly less glamorous, more modern, and in a brighter color.
Jen's beau Mayer told the website PopSugar: "It's my first Oscars. And it's my first being an Oscar boyfriend."
Sunday night's performance will be the greatest challenge of each woman's career.
Jen has to look blissfully unrattled by the appearance of nemesis Angelina and Brad Pitt, the fading golden boy with whom she first shared the title as Hollywood's reigning couple.
For her part, Angelina might rethink any pre-set Botox appointments as she will have to convince that she actually feels joy for the winner of the Best Actress Award.
Read the full post here.
OSCAR TIME IS ALWAYS A TIME OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE joy for me. While other people take days off to spend holidays with their families, I take time off to watch the consistently over-scheduled Academy Awards.
I sit and yell at the screen as actors who clearly deserve the award are denied them for silly reasons beyond my or anyone else's understanding.
When it comes time to choose who is going to win, I made a list of rules to follow. So without further ado, here are my calls as to who's going to take home the little naked man-statues this year.
Best Actor: Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler
Why: Because he deserves it, dammit. He was fantastic and much like Heath Ledger as the Joker, no one knew how great of a performance he was really going to give. The only reason he might not win? Brad Pitt is Alpha man in La La Land.
Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight
Why: Because you don't nominate a dead guy and then don't give it to him -- that's just a dick move.
Best Actress: Meryl Streep For Doubt
Why: As much as I'd like to give it to Anne Hathaway, the most beautiful actress working in Hollywood today, Doubt is the only movie listed that actually deserves Oscar.
Read the full post here.
By Natalie Melendez
MICKEY ROURKE'S THE WRESTLER IS A DOWN-AND-OUT TALE OF A HAS-BEEN BOXER TRYING TO CLIMB his way back to the top.
The general premise is strikingly similar to the Rocky series, Rocky Balboa. But whereas Rocky lives a middle-class existence, owns a restaurant and cashes in on his residual glory, the main character in The Wrestler is a colossal mess of a man, just barely able to afford the rent on his trailer.
And who better to play The Ram than that marvel of hopelesssness and shame, Mickey Rourke.
While many reviewers have pegged The Wrestler as Rourke’s “comeback” film, Rourke has in fact been acting fairly consistently since he caught his first big break in Barry Levinson’s Diner (1982) alongside Kevin Bacon.
It was in Levinson’s film that Rourke displayed an untamed quality compelling critics to label him the next Marlon Brando.
Rourke, like Brando, exuded a calculating, sly, pensive edge hidden beneath an almost angelically beautiful and boyish exterior. He was a walking contradiction, a character whom with one glance could read your game plan and beat you at it.
After proving his acting chops in such movies as Angel Heart, and Rumble Fish, it looked like Rourke was destined for leading-man stardom, but something derailed along the way. Word circulated that Rouke was “difficult.”
Alan Parker, director of Angel Heart, said that "working with Mickey is a nightmare. He is very dangerous on the set because you never know what he is going to do."
Yet offers continued to come in for lead roles in Beverly Hills Cop,The Untouchable, Rain Man and Silence of the Lambs. Rourke rejected them all, opting for more risky roles in films such as 9 ½ Weeks and Wild Orchid.
Rourke turned his back on Hollywood's vision for him. Half resentful of his fame and half in love with it, Mickey “quit” Hollywood in 1991 to pursue boxing, a sport he claimed to have grown up doing. He was no longer a viable option for leading man status, and any chance he had for substantial roles seemed to disappear.
Still, he never disappeared entirely. Most recently he was Kiera Knightley’s mentor in Domino, and the deformed misfit-villain, Marv, in Sin City. But the The Wrestler makes even more perfect use of his battered face, now beaten and bloated, the byproduct of boxing and too many reconstructive procedures. And yet, in context of the film and its subject matter, it’s a face of pure poetry.
Read the full post on Mickey Rourke here.
Natalie Melendez is a work in progress. Currently she resides in an undisclosed mountainous California location, where she spends her time studying, writing and roasting chestnuts by the fire. You can email her here..
By Marc Sakol
HERE'S A FEW CAPSULED REVIEWS TO HELP DECIDE WHICH MOVIE TO SEE THIS WEEKEND.
Bride Wars
Starring Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Kristen Johnson, Bryan Greenberg, Candice Bergen. Directed by Gary Winick.
Lazy is a good way to describe this movie; the writer's were lazy, the actor's were lazy and the director was lazy. It feels like everyone involved just phoned it in.
The movie delivers cheap jokes, insipid sight gags and a thin plot. It's clear that this movie was nothing more than a studio trying to cash "chick flick" phenomena.
The movie follows the story of two very beautiful women (Hudson and Hathaway) who play best friends who plan to have their weddings at the same place on different days. But a snafu leads to both weddings being booked for the same day, and one has to change their plans. Hijinks ensue as each woman tries to get the other to change their wedding date; hijinks perhaps, but no hilarity here.
The main problem with this movie is that it took a concept made popular on TV's (Bridezillas) and then tried to make a movie out of it.
Overall: This movie is awful -- but the studio gets what it wants: a lock on the female audience. If it was up to me, It would toss it in the trash with the rest of the floor popcorn.
Read reviews on Revolutionary Road and The Unborn here!
Marc Sakol understands the kindness in strangers, which is why he abandons hope of actually getting to know people. He spends his time falling head first into video games, watching every movie ever made and writing for his blog Sarcasm Not Included.
By Marc Sakol
Here's the low-down on some recently released movies.
Gran Torino
Starring Clint Eastwood, Christopher Carley, Bee Vang, Ahney Her, Geraldine Hughes, Dreama Walker. Directed by Clint Eastwood.
Dirty Harry is back. At least, that's how Gran Torino looks to me with the familiar mix of action, black humor and some "thought-provoking" moments.
It's never a question of whether Eastwood is going to deliver in a movie -- he almost always brings his A-game. Now one of Hollywood's elder statesman, he's one of its best actors and directors.
It's clear that in Gran Torino, Eastwood borrowed some ideas from Million Dollar Baby. Here, his character Walt is a leering loner surrounded by strangers who threaten his comfort zone and his racial stereotypes. It's a character that Eastwood inhabits effortlessly, so I won't complain. Yet Torino doesn't live up to Eastwood's epic dramas of the last few years, despite its surprising end twists.
Summary: Worth $15 for a ticket and popcorn on a Saturday night, but don't expect Clint to keep Oscar company next year.
Read the full post here.
Marc Sakol understands the kindness in strangers, which is why he abandons hope of actually getting to know people. He spends his time falling head first into video games, watching every movie ever made and writing for his blog Sarcasm Not Included.
By Marc Sakol
Arundown on some just-opened flicks.
Marley and Me
Starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Eric Dane, Alan Arkin. Directed by David Frankel.
In the words of everyone's favorite fishheaded admiral, "IT'S A TRAP!" I'm warning you now -- this is not a happy, fun dog movie. This film is guaranteed to leave your little one in a puddle of tears as you're walking out the theater.
OK, so Marley is an adorable dog that causes all sorts of mayhem. That's the entire plot. It's simple and easy and would have made for a decently good dog-comedy. Unfortunately, the movie hits and misses when it comes to the jokes.
Dramatically, Marley doesn't do much except die. The best thing I can say is that the Wilson and Arkin are great and it's good to see Aniston on the big screen. I just wish they were in a better movie.
Summary: Don't take impressionable little kids or you may scar them for life. Sort of like what Bambi did to my generation.
Bedtime Stories
Starring Adam Sandler, Keri Russell, and Courteney Cox. Directed by Adam Shankman.
Adam Sandler has come a long way from his days as retarded screw-up (see: Billy Madison). If anyone had asked me back when Happy Gilmore came out if I could ever see Sandler doing a Disney movie, I would have laughed and then slapped them, probably with some sort of fish.
But now we have Bedtime Stories, about an uncle who tells stories to his niece and nephew which then come true upon waking. It's a decent kids film, with enough color and movement to keep the little ones entertained, and enough plot to keep the tweens engaged.
Summary: Sandler has proven once again shown that you can basically throw him into any "white guy" role and watch him pull it off. This movie is a pretty good placeholder for Sandler fans while they wait for next years Funny People. A better choice for the little ones than Marley & Me.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Taraji P. Henson and Tilda Swinton. Directed by David Fincher.
I won't lie: I'm a huge David Fincher fan. Seven is easily in my top five favorite movies. Fight Club? Not so much, but that's another story. Anyway, you've been forewarned that I'm going to go overboard on my praise.
Benjamin Button is one of those really... interesting films. You hear the plotline and you think "WTF?" A movie about a person born as an 80-year old man and then ages backwards sounds just a bit too oddball for John Q. Public. Not to mention that it clocks in at just under three hours.
Don't let those facts scare you away from the movie though. Fincher proves once again that he is a great storyteller. The movie draws you in so well that you don't even notice the time passing.
Brad Pitt again shows how fantastic of an actor he really is. I hear a lot of people that they won't even bother with a Pitt movie just because he's in it; that makes me cringe. Just because he's in the celeb mags doesn't mean he isn't worth the screen time. You can hate him for his good looks and talent while watching this movie.
Summary: This flick is fun and original and worth the ticket price.
Marc Sakol understands the kindness in strangers, which is why he abandons hope of actually getting to know people. He spends his time falling head first into video games, watching every movie ever made and writing for his blog Sarcasm Not Included.
By Crabby Golightly
I NEVER THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD COME THAT I WOULD THINK JENNIFER ANISTON WAS PRETTIER THAN BRAD PITT. Today is that day.
Is anyone else as sick of seeing Brad's puffy face as I am? Over-saturation is a real phenomenon and Brangelina has reached its tipping point.
Apparently America agrees to some degree, because it awarded Jen the Christmas box office with her sentimental flick Marley & Me written by former Philadelphia Inquirer columnist John Grogan. (Full disclosure: the Inky was once hallowed grounds to Crabby when she was a wee cub long before Grogan showed up.)
Jen's movie scored $50.7 million since opening Christmas Day, while Brad Pitt's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button earned a modest (my word, not the critics), $26.9 million over the four-day weekend.
Personally I'm hoping that this year Brangelina does what Angelina promises and fades into our memories.
By Jason Wilfong 
I'M GOING TO COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT: the Dark Knight sucks.
Saying this in Chicago where the film was shot may be tantamount to committing suicide. The Dark Knight was released on DVD this week and I am sure that it will be a huge holiday seller, but to that I say, “Bah Humbug.” Avoid it if you can.
Let me tell you why.
Reason number one: The casting is weak.
Christian Bale as Batman? I don't get his appeal. If you want some stiff and robotic in the suit, why not hire Al Gore?
By now we all know that Heath Ledger plays the Joker , Batman's most over-used villain. Heath -- and here comes the heresy -- brought nothing new to the role. Just because you get to see a dead man’s face on screen is no reason to rush out to buy the DVD.
Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Two Face . This was not a completely awful choice, but neither was his performance enough to carry the movie.
Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox -- it's hard not to hate him in this role. Nothing in his performance convinced me that he was a tech guru.
Michael Caine as the accommodating Alfred hands in a serviceable performance but he doesn’t shine.
Gary Oldman as Jim Gordon. This was the only casting decision they got right, while Maggie Gyllenhaal as Rachel Dawes was likeable enough.
Reason Number Two: Too Many Villains.
There are three villains in this movie. Why?
The Scarecrow flops in and out of the flick, Harvey Two Face shows up, and then of course, there’s the Joker. Why do movie companies feel the need to have more than one villian in a movie? The overpopulation of bad guys is a cheap gimmick that dilutes the cohesiveness of the storyline.
Reason Number Three: Timing in at 2 hours 30 minutes, the movie is too long and confusing.
The brief appearance of the Scarecrow makes him gratitutious, Harvey Two Face was underused, and the Joker was more psychotic than scary. And for all the slick marketing I was underwhelmed by the movie.
There has been some jive talk about this movie winning Oscars. If they do it would be a pity Oscar over Heath Ledger's accidental overdose.
For my money, that isn’t a good enough reason to award an Oscar or buy this new release.
Jason Wilfong of Chicago believes he has unrecognized genius. He also loves sports, comic books and good music.
By MzEll 
MY MOM'S FASCINATION WITH the television series DARK SHADOWS transferred to me in utero.
While growing up, I fed that appetite for blood with volumes by R.L. Stine and Anne Rice, and today I encourage that propensity in my wee ones: Their favorite Halloween book is Vunce Upon A Time.
But nothing has sucked the air from my lungs like Twilight, Stephanie Meyer’s vampire series that reaches the big screen tomorrow.
Twilight has people of all ages breathlessly awaiting their chance for a ticket. With the release date so close to Thanksgiving, I’ll be salivating over Edward Cullen while simultaneously preparing to stuff turkey, a paradox to be sure: the mythical Cullen is a "vampire vegetarian" who only feasts on nonhuman beasts.
But even though the Cullen clan doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving in our customary fashion, their sense of family is very much in tact. The moralistic Cullens have been perfectly cast: Ashley Greene, is the spitting image of Stephanie Meyer’s description of the dark-haired, prophetic, tinkerbell Alice.
Kellen Lutz, whom author Meyer fought to have cast as Emmett, captures the burly bear-of-a-guy character depicted throughout the saga. Jackson Rathbone appears as Jasper, whose beauty releases forbidden squeals from inside me.
Read more! Click here.
MzEll is a stay-at-home mom who writes, reads, knits, and tries to maintain sanity on a regular basis. You can read her blog at Cookiemonks.
By Nathan Israileff 
LIFE GOES FLACCID FOR SETH ROGAN'S ZACK when he breaks the bank with his impulse purchase of the “Fleshlight."
Of course, we all know that Zack and Miri Make A Porno is Kevin Smith’s new comedy starring Rogan and Elizabeth Banks as lifelong friends who’ve hit hard times and decide their ticket out is to make a porn flick.
The platonic roommates’ financial fix grows even harder after Zack impulsively purchases the “male masturbator” that you too can have for just $59.95 from Amazon. But $60 is a lot of bank when you’re running on empty.
Fast forward to these losers’ high school reunion where Miri works like a pitbull in lipstick to get laid by a former crush. What she doesn’t know is the former jock is the lover of a hardcore gay porn star whom Zack chats up. Then --flash and inspiration! Zack thinks if this fuck can make porn, surely anyone can. The confluence of desperation and inspiration lead he and Miri to decide to make a dick flick.
What ensues is some of the most offensive and memorable moments in recent cinema, including an important PSA about the contraindications of anal sex and constipation.
The film is hysterical! It’s offensive! It’s rude! I give it eight penises out of 10. But before you make any purchases, remember the cautionary words straight from Zack's mouth: the Fleshlight feels like "fucking a flashlight."
Nathan Israileff is a sarcastic, cynical, loveable provocateur who lives in HelLA.
By SexyChattyCatty
EVEN THE LOS ANGELES TIMES IS LIFTING ITS SKIRT: PORN HAS BEEN DEEMED MAINSTREAM BY LA LA LAND'S INSTITUTIONAL SCOLD.
I told the editor of this virtual rag this news months ago, but as usual, nobody makes a move in the media without print's version of a blue-haired giving the nod. If Crabby had just listened, she would have printed this months ago when I first sent it. (A closet prude, perhaps?)
So, as I was saying, porn is slowly creeping into the mainstream.
The evidence? First, there's porn star Katie Morgan making an appearance in Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make a Porno, about two friends hard up for cash deciding to make a skin flick.
Up next: 20-year-old Sasha Grey who made her hard-core skin debut at 18. She's set to star in Steven Soderbergh's upcoming, The Girlfriend Experience, the tale of a $10,000-a-night call girl.
And, taking a detour back to the small screen, I was watching Next last year when I saw a familiar face. (Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit, but it’s one of my guilty pleasures.) You know, MTV's show that allows a dater to choose among five contestants holed up (no pun intended) in a tour bus? One by one they enter, and if the date doesn’t go well, or if first impressions are not up to snuff, the serial dater yells, "Next!" And the next victim, er, “datee” comes out. It’s pretty ruthless. I love it.
Anyway, on the lesbian segment up pops porn star extraordinaire Anna Cruz. (Remember, I know this because work at the porn palace.)
Now I’ve seen more of Anna’s body and bodily functions than I care to tell, but I knew that face even clothed. I was flabbergasted. Couldn’t wait to get to work and tell the boss (who had a good chuckle over it while still lamenting the fact that his kids would soon outgrow Nickelodeon and graduate to MTV. )
And, over at Oxygen, the Janice Dickinson Agency has hired the beefcake boyride named Martin Richie, a.k.a York Hubbard. He is deaf and a porn regular. I’m not sure why Janice has kept him on: He’s okay, but not exactly like the hunka hunka perfect specimens that she usually hires. Call me cynical, but I wonder if the deaf angle is the key.
Last season Dickinson had on a woman who cut herself. Maybe she’s taking a clue from her friend, mogul Tyra Banks, who always seems to have someone in her ANTM bunch with an affliction, be it blindness, Asberger’s disease or just “plus size.” Which, I guess, is considered a disease in the modeling world. Even looking at pretty people gets old and the only twist left is 'dirty.'
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
By SexyChattyCatty
SETH ROGAN LOVES PORN.
The “Knocked Up” actor revealed recently that he watches "tons of porn. The Internet speeds have evolved directly with my sexual drive."
Of course he’s not alone.
The 26-year-old is the prime demographic of the industry: the age at which we (And I say 'we' cause I'm in the biz) describe male porn actors as “average.” As opposed to “mature,” which is over 40.
Rogan’s doing publicity for a new Kevin Smith movie titled Zack and Miri Make a Porno, described as a romantic comedy with a lot of skin. Rogan said he accepted the gig "almost...purely based on the title." It won’t be as raunchy as most of the stuff I’ve seen at work but I guess it’ll be more skin than a HBO serial. Or maybe not. HBO shows a hell of a lot of skin. And a lot of the kinky stuff I knew before working at the porn palace I learned from HBO. But I digress.
The movie’s premise – a down on their luck couple decide to make a porno for extra cash. Simple as that. But is it really that simple to make a porn flick? Ya know, I think it is. While there is a lot of slickly produced porn starring professionals such as Belladonna, Rocco Siffreddi and newcomers like sisters Ava and Mia Rose, there is also a huge amateur market. And who makes those amateurs films? People just like you. Well, like you but a lot more into sex.
You’d be amazed at the folks who are willing to take their clothes off for the camera and say “Ohhh, baby.” And distribute it. Never knowing really where it’s gonna end up. As in nudist clubs, these “actors” are all shapes, sizes and races. I’m not saying they make a lot of money. Some probably just enough to make another film. So you have to be a certain kind of person to commit to a amateur porn project.
There's this one guy, let’s call him the Asian gangster. Cause that’s what he looks like, ill-fitting pinstripe suits and all. But then, he’s a producer. He’s in jail now, on something totally unrelated, but every two weeks he hand-delivered his product to us. He doesn’t live very far away from the office. I think he walked because I never saw him get into a car. The amount he makes, if this is his only income, wouldn’t support a car anyway. He specializes in college porn. Young dudes and dudettes, barely past 18 (FYI, Hustler has a trademark on the phase “barely legal”) in what look like small dorm rooms with just enough room for a bed. The films are a bit grainy and a smidge cloudy but clearly porn.
One woman has enticed all of her girlfriends to make movies. They all have breasts -- so big they can sit with them plopped on a table like large, twin dinner plates.
Another woman lives in D.C., attends porn shows all over the world and goes by one name. She’s a gorgeous blond cougar who doesn’t seem to have a day job. All of her correspondence to us is on hotel stationary. She has one movie up on our site. She must have a “financier,” and that's a euphemism.
We had a co-worker who crowed day and night that he was in a gay porn that was coming out soon. He was good looking, great body, a little crazy but we kinda believed him. Well, he got fired. And then his movie came into our office. And we watched it, about seven of us, all huddled around one computer screen. He was a bit “stiff” but then it was his first movie. How awkward is it to see your former co-worker naked and having sex with a bunch of guys? VERY.
But it wasn’t awkward at all when he came to visit us at the neighborhood lounge one Friday night. We welcomed him home, then he beat everyone at Ms. Pac-Man. He’s a guy of many talents and seems poised for success.
Homegrown Video” crowned the granddaddy of amateur by Penthouse mag, has more than 700 movies in it’s amateur series. Real amateurs. People you probably won’t see again because they take their little bit of money and run. But there is always someone else to take their place, someone who can sidle up to you and say, 'Hey, I was in a porn movie.'
And don’t think I haven’t thought about doing it myself. We talk about it all the time at lunch. But then we look at each other and picture us naked and, nah, it just wouldn’t work.
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food. Originally published September 10, 2008.
By SexyChattyCatty
SETH ROGAN LOVES PORN.
The “Knocked Up” actor revealed recently that he watches "tons of porn. The Internet speeds have evolved directly with my sexual drive."
Of course he’s not alone.
The 26-year-old is the prime demographic of the industry: the age at which we (And I say 'we' cause I'm in the biz) describe male porn actors as “average.” As opposed to “mature,” which is over 40.
Rogan’s doing publicity for a new Kevin Smith movie titled Zack and Miri Make a Porno, described as a romantic comedy with a lot of skin. Rogan said he accepted the gig "almost...purely based on the title." It won’t be as raunchy as most of the stuff I’ve seen at work but I guess it’ll be more skin than a HBO serial. Or maybe not. HBO shows a hell of a lot of skin. And a lot of the kinky stuff I knew before working at the porn palace I learned from HBO. But I digress.
The movie’s premise – a down on their luck couple decide to make a porno for extra cash. Simple as that. But is it really that simple to make a porn flick? Ya know, I think it is. While there is a lot of slickly produced porn starring professionals such as Belladonna, Rocco Siffreddi and newcomers like sisters Ava and Mia Rose, there is also a huge amateur market. And who makes those amateurs films? People just like you. Well, like you but a lot more into sex.
You’d be amazed at the folks who are willing to take their clothes off for the camera and say “Ohhh, baby.” And distribute it. Never knowing really where it’s gonna end up. As in nudist clubs, these “actors” are all shapes, sizes and races. I’m not saying they make a lot of money. Some probably just enough to make another film. So you have to be a certain kind of person to commit to a amateur porn project.
There's this one guy, let’s call him the Asian gangster. Cause that’s what he looks like, ill-fitting pinstripe suits and all. But then, he’s a producer. He’s in jail now, on something totally unrelated, but every two weeks he hand-delivered his product to us. He doesn’t live very far away from the office. I think he walked because I never saw him get into a car. The amount he makes, if this is his only income, wouldn’t support a car anyway. He specializes in college porn. Young dudes and dudettes, barely past 18 (FYI, Hustler has a trademark on the phase “barely legal”) in what look like small dorm rooms with just enough room for a bed. The films are a bit grainy and a smidge cloudy but clearly porn.
One woman has enticed all of her girlfriends to make movies. They all have breasts -- so big they can sit with them plopped on a table like large, twin dinner plates.
Another woman lives in D.C., attends porn shows all over the world and goes by one name. She’s a gorgeous blond cougar who doesn’t seem to have a day job. All of her correspondence to us is on hotel stationary. She has one movie up on our site. She must have a “financier,” and that's a euphemism.
We had a co-worker who crowed day and night that he was in a gay porn that was coming out soon. He was good looking, great body, a little crazy but we kinda believed him. Well, he got fired. And then his movie came into our office. And we watched it, about seven of us, all huddled around one computer screen. He was a bit “stiff” but then it was his first movie. How awkward is it to see your former co-worker naked and having sex with a bunch of guys? VERY.
But it wasn’t awkward at all when he came to visit us at the neighborhood lounge one Friday night. We welcomed him home, then he beat everyone at Ms. Pac-Man. He’s a guy of many talents and seems poised for success.
Homegrown Video crowned the granddaddy of amateur by Penthouse mag, has more than 700 movies in it’s amateur series. Real amateurs. People you probably won’t see again because they take their little bit of money and run. But there is always someone else to take their place, someone who can sidle up to you and say, 'Hey, I was in a porn movie.'
And don’t think I haven’t thought about doing it myself. We talk about it all the time at lunch. But then we look at each other and picture us naked and, nah, it just wouldn’t work.
SexyChattyCatty comments at CrabbyGolightly.com on TV, America's favorite snack food.
By M-Tron
OLIVER STONE IS TRYING MY PATIENCE.
You can only eat McDonald’s so many times before you throw up all over yourself. And you can only sit through so many awful movies before you become desensitized to cinema that’s actually important.
What lingering indigestion I had from 2007’s onslaught of cinematic greasy spoons was turned into a full-blown ulcer when spring 2008’s Chinese buffet rolled into town. M. Night Shyamalan served up my first piping hot mouthful of processed gray animal matter with The Happening, which I washed down with a melting Oreo McFlurry disguised as the Saw V theatrical trailer. And now comes Stone's W.
I have abandoned all hope.
Before even thinking about W, it is necessary to divide Oliver Stone’s career into two parts: respectable and not important.
His notable films Platoon, JFK, Natural Born Killers, and Nixon are from Stone’s halcyon days. While I can’t seem to rewatch any of these, they’re not altogether unpleasant; though historically inaccurate, there’s sick pleasure in being in the courtroom as Kevin Costner guides us through the grainy Zapruder footage. You want those sneaky government bastards to pay, because for all his bringing the world this much closer to Armageddon, deep down we all liked Jack Kennedy, damnit.
With Nixon – which I actually haven’t seen – you have a figure so vile that the movie writes itself. Add Anthony Hopkins and it’s not really surprising when you’re thanking the Oscar committee for a fifteenth nomination of your cinematic achievements.
In 1996, with his career firmly established, Stone could have gazed back at the Age of Respectability with pride, content with his considerable talent as a writer and director. But he didn’t. And now we’re dealing with his mess. Leaving credibility and good taste behind, Stone dove head first into the many mistakes that marked his Age of Unimportance. 1997’s U Turn, which I rented as a kid because the trailer promised a then-attractive Jennifer Lopez in a steamy love scene with Sean Penn – retrospectively a disgusting, even unholy coupling – was forgettable at best. Besides a grizzled Nick Nolte playing himself, there was little to take away from the dull tumbleweed thriller.
Then Stone decided to try his hand at a sports movie, and what we got was 1999’s Any Given Sunday. Though by no means as bad as what lay ahead, half of this film is Al Pacino screaming blitz formations into his boom mic. The other half is Jamie Foxx trying to act. None of it is important.
Going into hiding for five years, Stone reemerged with his Frankenstein monster, 2004’s Alexander. Lasting three hours, Alexander the “Final Unrated Cut,” is what you’d expect if the History Channel decided to make an overwrought six part miniseries for non-humanities majors.
But you can’t give up on the guy who brought us Platoon for Christ’s sake. Not yet, anyway. I was willing to forgive flops like U Turn and moneymakers like Alexander because Stone was a comparatively respectable man. At a time when Bruckheimer, Bay and Emmerich reigned supreme for fueling idiots with overblown summer blockbusters, Stone stood as the old guard; a knight-errant fallen from grace, but noble nonetheless.
World Trade Center destroyed that image. Shattering the glass floor separating the miserable second half of Oliver Stone's career from oblivion, this crass recreation of September 11, 2001 plunged him forever into the murky depths of worthless genre pieces; he landed in the layer of hell just above the creators of Disaster Movie and Bum Fights. The tag line says it all: "Glorifies that which is best in the American spirit." It's telling that Nicolas Cage and his gang of back lot B-actors running wide-eyed through smoldering CGI rubble for two hours exemplifies the best of our cultural values. In terms of disregard for basic human dignity, World Trade Center is only slightly better than an episode of True Life.
World Trade Center marked the end of Stage II, Stone's laughably bad phase, and announced with thundering cannons his dangerous penultimate demise. But it would take something even more disgustingly self important to complete the transformation into UltimoStone. Something so stupid that its component parts were not included in the mathematical set of all possible combinations of cosmic matter. Something so absurdly over the top that it became sentient and perceived its own embarrassing existence. It would take something like Oliver Stone's final testament, W, to see him through to his full-throttle, straight to the fucking moon endgame.
M-Tron writes regularly about movies at Manpants. Among his favorite films are Bottle Rocket, Saving Private Ryan, and The Big Lebowski .
And speaking of the Spears sisters, (aren't we all, all the time, 24/7, in sickness and in health, till death due us part?) amid the flurry of breathless coverage about Jamie being with child, there is a growing drumbeat for her to marry the baby's presumed father, Casey Aldridge. Here's a plea to tabloid editors, the Religious Right, presidential candidates and any other interest group with a platform: STOP!!!!
When the baby arrives, she or he will be be beautiful, the tabs will be orgasmic over have another celebrity baby to snap, the Religious Right can crow about the virtues of giving birth over abortion. It will be a beautiful story (that is, until the hypervigilant paps spot Jamie not supporting the baby's neck correctly. For shame!) So why spoil this potentially decent outcome with a sure-fire bad outcome? A marriage between two teenagers in Hollywood has a shorter shelf life than a jar of mayonnaise. Can we stop the push for that twist to the story? Jamie and the suspected sperm donor will be paying their indiscretion for the rest of their lives. Why compound the problem by forcing them into marriage? Instead, why not encourage Jamie and Casey to promise to love, honor and commit to being good parents together. Isn't that the best ending we could wish for any unplanned newborn?.
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