And the slap down between Tamra and Gretchen was to be expected. Lynne really is naive if she thought those two would be able to maintain any sense of decorum in a room together. It was a total pit bull bloody time. Tamra to Gretchen: You're a gold digging whore who has a dildo (with a cord!) up your vajayjay on the internet and licks girls nipples. Gretchen to Tamra: You're a whore who is losing her house and believes everything she reads on the internet. It was hot.

So sides have been chosen and it's Vicki and Tamra vs. Gretchen and Lynne. And new housewife and Gretchen friend Alexis. Also thin, blonde and Orange County gorgeous, she's a stay at home mom married to an entrepreneur named Jim. Another threat to Tamra's self-crowning as the HOTTEST Housewife. Lynne, you have to stop hanging with these women. You are just not in their league. Looks-wise or brain-wise.

We get Alexis' backstory and find out that the couples priorities are God, marriage, children. Then we see Gretchen attending a party at their restaurant.

Later we see Alexis and Jim having dinner with Tamra and Simon. Hmmmm… So it seems Gretchen previously knew Alexis through charity work and Simon knew Jim through business. Small world, Orange County.

Tamra and Simon's marriage is doing badly and, at dinner, Tamra envies the closeness of Alexis and Jim. Worry about money puts a strain on any relationship, and the Barneys' are worried.

Jeanna pulls a Mary J. Blige and says that "no more drama" is the reason she's decided to leave the show. But I think it's because her income is declining and she actually has to worry about money like the rest of us. She just can't roll with the likes of Vicki anymore. It’s funny that Lauri, once so poor she had to work for Vicki, left the show with a loaded husband and Jeana leaves alone and kinda broke. Thank God she has her plucky daughter Kara. She's so sensible she’ll be a great rock for Jeanna to depend on in the future. She says she's tired of the drama and I believe that but …

We shall see how long Vicki and Tamra remains best friends after Tamra has to downsize. Vicki doesn't like downsizing, in her own life or in her friends. She did not like Jeanna asking her for money and she didn't give her any. And she also moved her real estate from Jeanna to another company. Not nice at all but it you could see that coming every since the Frankie incident.

She mentions in a voiceover that she thinks Tamra should stop exercising and being so concerned with her looks and get a damn job. She's already had to fire her household help! But she doesn't tell her that to her face.

Also appalling to her is why her husband left an outstanding job as a top-selling car salesman to sell tequila (or is it vodka?).

Vicki and her mom and daughter in Italy. Vicki over-packing, her daughter looking uncomfortable as usual and her complaining mother. Vicki woo-hooing in the night. Boring.

The other housewives bemoan Vicki's 15 hour a day work schedule but she seems to be the only one still enjoying life.

And I've tried to avoid it because it makes me gag but this season also sees the return of slimy Slade Smiley. On his third Housewife, the greaseball is now all over Gretchen. And she likes it. Ugh. What is wrong with that girl? It seems she met Slade through dead fiancé Jeff and so, the gods and stars aligned and, like, it must have been meant to be.

No, no, no, no. It does not mean that. He's just some guy you met through Jeff who's a loser and from what the Internets say is a deadbeat dad so maybe he needs the face time for a payment from Bravo. He will tell you anything you want to hear. So stop all the love talk, don't let him have his vasectomy reversed and for God's sake don't marry him. I hope she gets tired of him or gets out more to meet someone else. I cannot watch him all season.

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes frequently on TV, America's favorite snack food.