WAYWARD

Mad Men Monday: The Gypsy & The Hobo

By Miz J

CLEARY, THIS SEASON IT'S ALL ABOUT DON.

BUT FIRST ABOUT ME. I started tonight off with a delicious glass of wine. Swigging in anticipation, I may have had too much, but that's okay. It worked in nicely with the whole poor-me plot that the writers are working tonight on all fronts.

Don has chosen to continue this affair with Suzanne, Sally's teacher. And with Betty off to Gene's house to begin the process of selling it, he's got free reign to do what he wants, including taking off for a long weekend of extra credit.

Of course, Betty's still got all this rage bottled up from her discovery during last week's episode, and she consults the family lawyer in confidence about it, much to her brother's chagrin. Is it me, or does that guy just escalate every tiny little thing into a world war?

She packs it all up and comes home early, and you'd expect that Don would get caught here, since he's stopped in at the house for a minute to pack a few shirts.

"Stay here," he wisely tells Suzanne, and she crouches down below the passenger side door so that she doesn't look guilty as hell or anything.

Betty is home, and she is PISSED. So Don tries to smooth it out by saying he has a client dinner and just stopped home to feed the dog and get a few shirts (not that far from the truth, and yet, worlds away). Betty doesn't give a fuck where he's supposed to be, though, and I slur into my wine glass, "Yoush go, gurl." Because she wanted ANSWERS, dammit, and she got 'em. Don told her his whole sordid history (minus all the adultery, because you have to play to your audience).

The whole time they're hashing this out, I keep thinking, "Is that teacher chick STILL in the CAR?" She totally was. She waited like, hours before walking away, which makes the whole thing that much more pathetic. It's like some teenage puppy love thing where she thinks she's the only one who "gets" him. Sorry, girl, but that's Betty's spiel, so unless you're bringing something new to the table, you're getting written out of the plot.

At Sterling Cooper, Roger's old flame has come to him for help. Her brand of dog food had been lambasted in a Clark Gable film, and now no one will feed the horse meat laden entree to their dogs (even though horse meat, in 1963, was a staple in any top-of-the-line dog food brand). Since this sort of thing is terribly boring to everyone involved (especially us viewers), she convinces Roger to take her out for old times' sake. She's a recent widow, and is clearly looking to rekindle something with an uninterested Roger. He's so smitten with Jane that he passes up the opportunity and pisses off a client -- something that can get a lesser man whose title ISN'T on the door, like Sal, canned.

But Roger has the power to hire and fire both employees and clients, so it isn't surprising to see both the client come around and an ass-kicker like Joan to call, looking for references and/or work.

Unbeknownst to everyone because of Joan's cool façade, Greg's been so unhappy that it’s all rubbing off on her. As Greg’s moping gets worse, Joan eventually gets so mad that she slaps him upside the (perfectly combed, Ken doll-esque) head with a vase. Personally, I wish Don had kept a vase in his office -- using it in this way during her rape would have been more advisable.

Regardless, Greg eventually apologizes and tells Joan he's come up with the perfect solution: he'll join the Army as a surgeon. I actually stopped guzzling Riesling for a few minutes to utter "Aw, CRAP." Which was the right reaction, judging from the look on Joan’s face -- a crestfallen, impossible-to-hide FROWN.

And since nearly everyone is frowning again this week, I’m gonna go recharge with another glass of Riesling. And why not? It works for these guys.

Miz J, who works in advertising, is a regular contributor and resident expert on all things Mad Men at Crabby Golightly.