SUMMER HIATUS

Mad Men Monday: Souvenir

By Miz J

VERY LITTLE ACTUALLY HAPPENED AT STERLING COOPER LAST NIGHT, but a lot of stuff was going on outside its newly gilded (with English money) doors.

First off, Trudy should never leave Pete alone. Not for long, lazy stretches of summer. Not for a day with Peggy. She should probably just pipe into his office a recording of "Stop it, Peter" so she can rest easy.

The man is incapable of avoiding trouble. Although this time, Peggy's nowhere to be seen, since she's clearly still into Duck (or, rather, Duck is still into her, mainly in the mornings, which are apparently his favorite).

No, this time, Pete gets involved with his neighbor's German au pair, whom he meets near the garbage disposal, where she's weeping as she attempts to stuff a giant taffeta explosion down the chute. Turns out it's her boss's wife's very pricey Hermes dress, which she wore while whooping it up in their apartment. Pete offers to help, brings the dress in, and works with the store manager -- our unflappable heroine Joan -- to save the day.

After some small talk with a clearly-bummed-out-but- putting-on-a-brave-face Joan, Pete brings the dress back to the girl…and then gets completely wasted and bangs her. The neighbor finds out, confronts Pete man-to-man, and then there's this awkward moment with the au pair, her child charges, Pete and Trudy in the elevator. Trudy is, of course, totally clueless. Oh, PETER.

Since everyone else is conveniently "summering," tonight's story focuses mainly on the Drapers. Betty's still lobbying to stop that water tower from being built, and her admirer from the governor's office lends a helping hand to delay the whole thing. Naturally, though, he's doing it as a means to an end. That 'end' being sex with Betty. Which will never happen. He's just not her type. I mean, she knows his name. He's already too familiar.

It was doomed from the moment they shook hands and he was all, "Hi, I'm…"

As Don continues to court Conrad Hilton (I refuse to call him Connie; sounds like another dead-end affair of Don's), one of Don's tasks is to meet Conrad in Italy (geez, poor guy, tough job, boo-hoo, etc.) and Betty decides at the last minute to tag along. Italy is a wonderful experience for Betty. She speaks the language fluently and has a great time getting pampered while Don schmoozes his newest client. Too bad the trip is such a short one. After two nights of what seems to be a rekindled romance, the swoony Mr. and Mrs. Draper return to Ossining -- and a mess of problems.

First, Sally's aggression levels are off the charts. This girl is a tiny, blonde version of Attila the Hun, beating the crap out of both her little brother and the boys she likes. I'd say she sounds like good people, but it takes a LOT of booze to get me to really highlight my Irish heritage.

Then, Francine informs Betty that the water tower project is back on, and they've lost the fight. Betty realizes right about here (January Jones is such a good actress that if you pause your DVR as Francine is delivering the news, you can pinpoint the EXACT second just by looking at her face) that she hates the town, their friends and their house. She bitterly relays this news to Don…and then the credits roll.

I am so depressed right now that there isn’t enough booze in the world to make me smile. Or highlight my Irish heritage.

Miz J, who works in advertising, is a regular contributor and resident expert on all things Mad Men at Crabby Golightly. Check out her blog at Miz J