THE BEEATCH GOT AWAY, MAN!

Like, Megan Fox got all needy and everything and asked me to hang out, to help her through the heebie jeebies of appearing on national TV.

And, like, I was only happy to fucking help, man. I like needy bitches, dude. Especially when they cry. They make you feel all manly and powerful and puffed up inside.

So I hung out with her backstage thinking I was being cool, scoring points.

Check it out, man, I could have broken the bitch in half with one hand, she's so tiny, dude. I think her waist is the size of my ruler.

So you think the hot bitch would've given me a peck on the cheek! I couldn't even get 5 seconds of face time with the ho, man. And I had just done her a favor!

Ahh, what a laugh that was! It was a fuckin' scream, dude!! You should have seen it. One of the best moments of my life. I got blown off by Megan Fox!