BUZZ ABBREVIATED

Tabloid Trash Talk

Emma Watson Grows Up, Misha Barton Falls Down, Brit Fears Sons' Death Threat

By Vegas Vegas

WELL PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE PEANUTS, WE'VE FINALLY GOT SOME CELEBRITIES STEPPING IT UP to get back in the tabloids.

The reign of reality show non-celebs and the endless, morbid Michael Jackson coverage may finally be drawing to a close.

Mischa Barton deserves special thanks for her complete meltdown earlier this month that landed her in the psych ward and gave all of the tabloids something to talk about besides the mess that is Jon and Kate Gosslin.

According to Us Magazine, the failure of her latest film Homecoming sent Misha into a downward spiral of self pity and out-of-control drug use.

While her rep denies reports of a three-day cocaine binge, that's what all the tabloids are alleging. Her puffy-faced pics with the story don't necessarily jive with her coke-head image but it definitely indicates that she's been over-indulging in something. She's come a long way from the freshfaced beauty who won everyone over in the O.C. And her extended stay in Thalians Mental Health Center has put her upcoming role in the new TV show, The Beautiful Life in jeopardy.

The National Enquirer reports that show producer Ashton Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore want to try and save Mischa with the power of Kabbalah.

According to the Enquirer, Ashton hand-picked Barton for the role in which she will play a washed up, aging super model. ("Aging?" She's not even thirty!) So he feels some responsibility towards her and to the studio for her promise of work.

Props to Emma Watson who, at the age of 19, is finally growing out of the awkward Hermione Granger nerd phase and has strut her stuff on recent red carpets looking like a smokin' hot movie star.

OK! and Us both feature two pages of photos of Emma rockin' some high end designer gear and making her Harry Potter co-star Rupert Grint look like a total dirt bag. (Jeez, Rup, get it together.) Or in Dan Radcliffe's case like a sodding fop.

Rumor has it Emma's off to Brown in the fall; The ladies of the Ivy League are going to have serious competition when Emma comes to town.

Star mag has eight pages of pictures of 20 celeb women who made the mistake of leaving their houses without make-up on. And I thank God for them as they reduced the mag's Gosslin coverage to just four pages! Without make up the women all look shockingly …normal. Well, except RuPaul, who just looks like a shockingly normal man when he's not all dolled up.

Hardly any of the women featured are over 40 and even those who are take exceptionally good care of themselves so there aren’t any real surprises here. Unless you thought Lady GaGa's eyelashes were naturally that overgrown.

And in the "Business As Usual" column there's a celebrity cat fight brewing between Salma Hayek and Jen Aniston, according to OK.

The Emmy voters snubbed Salma for her work on 30 Rock but instead gave a nod to Jen, provoking Selma to declare that the fix is in! Sources on Team Hayek seem to think that Jen only got the nomination "for the press." I’m not entirely sure what that means but get some clue from the accompanying sidebar on Jen's lingerie shopping spree.

Finally, while I am glad to see Britney back in the tabloids, I'm a little bit disappointed with the National Enquirer for relegating her beneath the story on Jon Gosslin's new girlfriend's drug habits. For shame! When Britney’s kids go into hiding because of death threats that is Front Page News! I don’t care if it happened in Sweden!

According to the Enquirer, someone called in a threat against the pop-star’s two toddlers at the hotel where she and her entourage were staying in Stockholm. Britney wanted to cancel her next show in Russia but was convinced that the show had to go on so let Baby-Daddy Kevin keep them safe while she flew to St. Petersburg.

I don't know if it was Sam Lufti or the Easter Bunny who called in the threat. I just want whoever to keep it up. The scarier things get for Brit the more face time she get in the tabloids, the closer we’ll be a frontpage show down between her and Jessica Simpson!

Now that she’s been dumped, again, Jess is bound to make controversy somewhere.

Bring it Jess, bring it!

Vegas is a gambler who always loses money on craps. She spends her time in Chicago with her husband, two cats and various artistic endeavors taking up way too much space in her house and hard drive. Visit her blog at jensaysanything.blogspot.com.