Would all of Harpo Studios go mute as well, communicating only with raised eyebrows and Twitter messages? Would her show take on a whole new format, Quiet Contemplation Hour with Oprah Winfrey? I don’t know, I think Oprah would prefer death to not being able to hear herself talk. She's made a lot of money being fat and loud.


Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie sell a hell of a lot of magazines and the only thing that sells more mags than their international adoption brigade is rumors of the super couple splitting up. This week In Touch reports "Brad Takes The Kids." No, he did not abscond with their two oldest to another country. He hasn't moved out of any of the number of houses the couple share with their brood. He took Pax and Maddox up to Niagra Falls with his parents for a wet ride on the Maid of the Mist.

The magazine reports that being the primary care giver for their six kids while Angelina is shooting her latest movie is taking its toll on Pitt. Six kids is a lot for anyone to handle. But Brad and Angelina have all the help in the world. And if years of mega-stardom and having the paparazzi flashbulbs trained on his every move haven't driven him completely insane I really doubt that a few weeks keeping his kids is going to be the death of him.

To be fair, for someone who has said on a number of occasions that her family is her first priority, Angie sure does keep herself busy on movie sets. If Brad had put his career on hold to play Mr. Mom I might be able to see how he could be upset. But the IMD (Internet Movie Database) lists 12 projects that Pitt has in development so I'm sure that a month from now we’ll be hearing reports that Angie is leaving Brad for the exact same reason.

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OK! lures the readers with hottie hunks on the cover. OK, I guess “hottie” is a relative term because John Mayer is not what I would call “hot,” I don’t really care if Jennifer Aniston thought he was a wonderland. He looks greasy to me.

#1 on the A-List Guy List is Mr. Sparkly Vampire himself, Robert Pattinson, so I guess the tweens are still the ones with all of the disposable income. Fellow New Moon-er Taylor Lautner is also on the list and then there are a bunch of old dudes. Entourage’s Adrian Grenier is on here and reportedly loves looking at himself. If I had such pretty eyes, I probably would too. Clooney, of course (blah blah blah looks for a regular girl blah blah) and Idris Elba, who is new to the A list (go watch The Wire right now!) and is pretty frakin hot, and British so he’s got the accent to go with the looks.

Simon Cowell, Ryan Seacrest and David Cook are all on the list which is bullshit. Does anyone think any of those guys are hot? Do people still watch American Idol?

Shia LaBeouf closes out the list and he’s cute. But every time he opens his mouth he sounds like a douchebag and that is a total turn off. He’s also young enough (at 22) to still want “fun girls to hang out with.” So I guess I should take apart my secret shrine because my idea of fun is watching episodes of Freaks and Geeks with a large pizza.


Reggie Bush must have a lot of pull over at Life & Style because his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, is on their cover in a bikini. I’ve never watched her show so I don’t know if she has some redeeming social value that I am not aware of but most of her assets are on display in this 100% unretouched photo shoot. Besides the cover there are only three photos of her by the pool and then some photos of other female celebrities talking about their cellulite. Fascinating, do go on Tyra.

Kim’s got a new workout video for sale and I know my body has problems but my butt ain’t one of them and if I’m actually going to work out it’s not going to be so I can get an ass like a Kardashian. Be proud of your genetics ladies, that’s fine, just keep ‘em out of my pool.

Vegas is a gambler who always loses money on craps. She spends her time in Chicago with her husband, two cats and various artistic endeavors which are beginning to take up way too much space in her house and hard drive. Visit her blog at
jensaysanything.blogspot.com.