THOSE DARN KIDS
Favorite Celebu-Spawn Of The YouTube Crowd
SOME OF THE MOST MEMORABLE -- AND MOST QUOTED -- YouTube videos in my household are ones featuring little kids. Watching these videos can make a person want to either: A) spawn a litter and home-school them; or (B) put his/her nuts on the chopping block (hypothetically, of course).
Here's a countdown of my absolutely favorite videos.
No. 9: Baby Watches Too Many “Ninja Warrior” Marathons OnDemand I don't believe that this baby exists.
No. 8: Warning: These Links Will Make Your Ovaries Quiver. I only recently realized that videos of babies laughing comprise a sizeable sector of Youtube. We have raspy redheads in high chairs, off-balance babes, little Theo who loves the Wii, and Ethan, who is absolutely enamored by ripping paper. My favorite moment is 35 seconds in, when he acts like it is the very first piece of paper he has ever ripped, and at 1 min 7 sec, when he makes the most adorable face, as if to say “You son of bitch, you know that I can’t help but laugh manically and topple over when you hand me that paper…”
No. 7: I’m Just Buzzed. If I’m not mistaken, little Pearl is played by the daughter of the guy opposite Will Ferrell in this video short. They wanted to take advantage of her macaw-like age, her ability to repeat words and not retain them. Although this is pre-meditated, it doesn’t make it any less awesome.
No. 6: The Eyebrows Say It All. This is one that I play over and over, and then send to friends having bad days. There is just no freakin’ way this kid won’t make you smile. He was on the Tyra show and she patronized the shit out of him, but he was hilarious as he discussed his overwhelming popularity.
No. 5: How Can You Give an Evil Eye with a Drumstick in Your Hand?. Much like the Ninja Baby, I doubt this kid is real.
No. 4: Betrer, betrer, betrer, AAHHH!! I’m so impressed, really. Not only is this tiny little guy singing and (sort of) playing guitar, but he’s doing it in English. And in a diaper! What a rock star prodigy!.
No. 3: He Was Injured... I wish this kid was my offspring. He’s just so emphatic, serious, concerned. “You know what he dee-id?! He kicked him in the penis.”
No. 2: It’s Just Self-Defense. This three-year-old girl fears no monster. She doesn’t need kickboxing classes, nor does she participate in Tae Bo on VHS. If the monsters “come out of the movie,” she’ll kick their motherfuckin’ ask.
And the No. 1 video is: CHAWWW-LEEEEE! At a whopping 80,274,617 views, I’m pretty sure that Charlie Bit Me-Again! can be considered a YouTube classic. Please view this video at least five times, paying close attention to Henry, the older brother, and the faces and sounds he makes.
Soon you too will be yelping the telltale “Ouch, Charlie, OWWWW! That really hurt!” (in a British accent, of course) each time you stub your toe, get a paper-cut, pluck your eyebrows, burn your tongue on coffee, have an ingrown hair, hit your funny bone, have your seatbelt lock up, pop a zit, have an itch, use undiluted Listerine for a full 30 seconds...
Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com.Permalink
Posted February 11, 2009
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