At Last, 'Bitter' Has Its HeyDay
FINALLY, SOUR, RESIGNED PEOPLE ALL ACROSS PENNSYLVANIA WILL HAVE THEIR DAY OF RECKONING. The slapfest between the junior Senator from Illinois and the junior Senator from New York reaches its apex today in Pennsylvania's rich, contrarian soil. Today's highly anticipated brawl is billed as potentially a knock-out fight. I say may the best bitch win.
Crabby, a bitter, native Pennsylvanian, suspects that those who are betting on a KO will lose: I'm waging Billary wins with an 8 to 12 percent margin. But I'll happily eat crow if I'm wrong; crow is a constant on the bitter's menu.
Because 'bitter' is the name of today's game, Crabby has scoured the web looking for all things jaded to entertain the hard-hearted. Here's a sampling of misery to keep you company until the primary results are in.
Bitter Voters For Barack Obama. They are not angry at Obama for pointing his finger at the problem; they are angry at the world, or maybe just Hillary. Even has a "voices of the bitter" link.
Bitter Americans. Great header with the tagline: "Damn right I'm bitter." Who knew that Obama was tapping into a special interest?
Dear Bitter Guy. Advice for the love-lorn from "Mr. Bitter Guy" who promises to "solve your relationship problems & life's anxieties." Just don't take his advice.
bitterwaitress. The head server here swears she only blogs for the free chow. Can you imagine how bitter she must be after nearly 10 years of kvetching about bad tippers? Gives me the chills just thinking about it. (By the way, congrats!)
Bitter Old Maid In Brooklyn. Her motto? "Sweet is a treat, but bitter is better." She invites all comers to "share the bile!"
Bitter Tonic. Promises "comedy, satire, humor, funny videos and other ways to dull the pain." Apply the salve!
Old Bitter Balls. Only for the most bitter among us. Joyfully dark, sour, nasty, gross, probably should avoid at all cost. Blogger describes himself as "vile," advises wearing "depends when reading." Click at your own risk. I'm probably going to spend time in purgatory just listing this site to satify my ''bitter'' urges.
The Bitterest Pill. Okay, this guy Dan Klass is really pathetic. Describes himself as "failed actor/former comedian/shut-in." Can't win at Chutes & Ladders! Cheer him up with a visit.
Bitter Bierce. Suffering from "early-onset curmudgeon." He can't be all bad: his favorite music includes the likes of Duke Ellington and Van Morrison. Perhaps merely depressive?
Bitter Cup of Joe. Seems more like "Forlorn in the Kitchen," but what do I know?
The Bitter Stickgirl. It's a dram-edy in cartoon. Go figure.
Bitter Purl. A bitter knitter? Isn't this an oxymoron? Advertises "now with 10 percent more bitterness." So sad.
The Bitter Blog. How anyone who claims to have never had a pimple can be bitter, I'll never know. I guess bitter comes in a shapes and sizes!
Bitter Betty Blogs. She's the crafty type; don't buy into her "bitter" hype.
I Pretty Much Hate Everything. Self-proclaimed misanthrope, but don't believe a word of it. Her optimism is palpable through the moniter.
Bittersweet Me. Touts "dodgy sex and personal anguish found here." Two key ingredients found in bitter.
Bitter Too. Apparently created to capitalize on Obama's verbal miscue. Reading it will convince you that you are already part of the "bitter" vote.
Had enough? Me too. But let's remember: you don't need to hail from Pennsylvania; bitter is a state of mind.
Posted April 22, 2008
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