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Heidi Klum Has a Low EQ

Heidi Klum is Making It Easier To Hate Her

B

Y ALL RIGHTS, HEIDI KLUM SHOULD AUTOMATICALLY BE GRANTED MEMBERSHIP to the Britney Celebrity Defense League now that she's publicly invited the Popped Tart to break out of house arrest and come join her happy home. As some of you know, Crabby has been keeping score on who in La La Land has thrown a few words of support in the direction of Britney Spears. Now Heidi has announced she is ready to take on refashioning Brit as another of her projects. The little lost starlet is invited to come join the warm embrace of the gorgeous goddess, her husband Seal and their three wee babes in their Beverly Hills mansion. Which seems that Heidi should be a shoo-in for the BCDL. But Crabby says... not so fast.

Klum says that Britney "can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months." Which sounds like an extended lovefest. Until she adds, "I would help set her straight." And don't we all just love to be held in judgment by those who claim to want to help? Isn't that why we all left the church? After hearing that invite, I'm sure Britney is ready to jump right into those sinewy, Germanic, open arms.

Then the top model displays her claws again: "I am sorry when a young person gets thrown so off track. She has, of course, lived an extremely wild life."

Now I don't know Brit, but I do know something about EQ, or emotional quotient. (And no, Crabby is not claiming to actually have a high EQ, just to know about what one sounds like.) When you're down and out and dirty, you want the sympathy and support of someone who knows what the view is like from the bottom. You want reassurances from someone who's climbed out of the muck, into a shower and back to some kind of normalcy. So, Heidi, unless you divulge that you've sobbed while crawling on your knees, high on Cosmos, and maybe a line or two of coke, suffering heartbreak and the worst case of acne that La La Land has ever seen, I really don't think Brit wants to hear from you. I know I don't. Better to call in Robert Downey Jr., everybody's favorite recovered druggie, and a mindbending actor to boot, no pun intended. And, please, please, no matter what happens, let's all keep Courtney Love away from Brit, can we?

Posted February 19, 2008




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