That Vixen Barbie Is Threatening Islamic Standards, Faces Deportation Or Beheading (Little Do They Know That's What Routinely Happens in America)

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MERICA'S INSIDIOUS EXPORTATION OF BUSTY DOLLS AND UNEARTHLY SUPERHEROES HAS resulted in an edict handed down by an Iranian official declaring that Western toys are dangerous and must be banned from the Muslim country.

Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi sent a letter to Vice President Parviz Davoudi declaring that the toys were threatening the country's moral standards. "The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter ... as well as the irregular importation of unsanctioned computer games and movies, are all warning bells to the officials in the cultural arena," Najafabadi's letter said. He went on to say that the "personality and identity of the new generation and our children, as a result of unrestricted importation of toys, has been put at risk and caused irreparable damages."

As Barbie goes, so goes a nation? Is there really a threat that Muslim women will now shed their burkas or hijabs to reveal unnaturally high arches and missing peeholes. And if that were possible, wouldn't that be more "sex safe" than the real equipment?

To be honest, Crabby isn't a big fan of Barbie herself. She's always preferred Barbie's less glamorous younger sister Skipper, foretelling just how big of a square she would be. (Crabby, that is, not Skipper.) And there's no doubt that one of our biggest exports is sex; aren't we the best at recognizing the commercial possibilities of anything? So I say to Iran: Good luck in your jihad against Barbie, whom I agree is one trashy sorority sister.

But here's my thought: Why not create a whole new fashion toy industry making Barbie burkas? Turbans for Spidey? And you can tie tiny carpets together for Harry Potter's faux magic carpet rides. That might be your best hope against the Western tsunami soon to flood your world. Believe me, you have my sympathies.

Posted April 28, 2008




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