Miley Cyrus is Disney's Contracted Virgin
ISNEY'S LATEST CASH COW SAYS, "I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand.”
The statement wasn’t another stereotypical song lyric (just yet), but in fact Miley Cyrus’ explanation of why she’s abstaining until marriage.
Since The Jonas Brothers made the same declaration a while back, I am forced to ask myself: is this TMI part of the "packaged" formula?
The tradition of teen stars (not “Girls Gone Wild,” but mall-rats with uneven facial hair) publicly talking about the sex they aren’t having has been around at least since the hay day of Britney Spears. Remember when she rattled on about abstinence five years before she wound up barefoot, pregnant and bald at a gas station bathroom? And then -- Oops! She did it again -- and a baby second popped out?
Miley is just the latest in a long line of teen stars with publicly-declared sexless agendas and there is one common denominator: they’re all signed with Disney. The company (who is so successful because of their ability to keep us in a dream world) knows that these empty promises appeal to America’s parents who are appeased by the pander and then say, "Yes, you can buy the Miley Cyrus CD because she swears off sex." Never mind Hannah Montana's skeezy outfits (because that’s how it is when you're a rock 'n roll teenager.)
Professed abstinence may be marketing 101, but the odds of it being true are about equal to putting a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in front of Gary Busey & asking him not to drink it. Sure he’ll say okay, but the second you leave, Busey's hitting the sauce.
There's a steep learning curve during teen years, and the inevitable experimentation ought not to be discussed in a hefty business contract. It's with mistakes that you find out who you really are. Amy Winehouse didn’t plan to be drug addicted & toothless when she was 12, but shit happens. God knows she’d be down & out with a Disney contract right about now.
So I say to Miley: Have your clumsy, awkward teenage sex before you hit 18 and end up making up for lost time, barefoot, in a gas station bathroom.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who will comment periodically at CrabbyGolightly on fashion and advertising. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
Posted August 1, 2008
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