My World Is Crumbling! -- Not. Chris Crocker Quits YouTube
HRIS CROCKER RELEASED A FINAL "GOODBYE" VIDEO ON YouTube, THE SITE THAT launched him from small town girl to “household name.” (Read: household joke).
In the video (which I have replayed about fifteen times with hopes of diagnosing whatever the fuck social and psychological issues he has), Crocker reveals that he decided to delete his account because the site is ashamed of their most popular user and the “self-declared face of YouTube.”
Whenever I pop over to YouTube I usually stay comfortably away from Crocker's giant library of personality porn, and I have only seen the most famous, “Leave Britney Alone” video! (Which, coincidentally, I mistook for a reenactment of that famous scene from Saved By The Bell where Jesse breaks down after becoming addicted to caffeine pills). Every time he speaks I watch in horror through the cracks between my fingers just like I would passing a car wreck. (Or, more accurately, a clown-car pile-up but with more wigs and makeup.)
Crocker used his last YouTube vlog to announce his new website mschriscrocker.com where he will carry on his treasured legacy and “finally let [his] tranny-ass hair down.”
While I shutter at the idea, I feel the shenanigans will lose momentum without YouTube (because he’s the type of pseudo-celebrity that you give in to watching because they just won’t go away (see: Carmen Electra). Crocker's a phenom, but YouTube is a revolution. Chris Crocker is a funny face to brand, but then so were the Geico Cavemen. Basketball was still big when Michael Jordan went to baseball, and we presume coke dealers didn’t suffer when Amy Winehouse when to rehab.
My advice to Crocker: remember where you came from and don’t try and outdo your maker. (That didn’t even work in “I, Robot”). Before this tranny ass, YouTube had the waterskiing squirrel. Now that he’s leaving, thousands of gay boys across America are poised to fill his red sparkly heels and he will likely fade into reality TVland, or the club-hosting world of ex-pseudo-stardom.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who will comment periodically at CrabbyGolightly.com on fashion and advertising. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
Posted August 7, 2008
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