POLITICS
Sarah Palin As VP: One Step Forward, Three Steps Back
THE LATEST AND MOST REVEALING NEWS ABOUT SARAH PALIN might just prove she's the worst choice for America right now, but the best choice for McCain’s campaign.
Bristol Palin reportedly plans to marry her baby’s father and make family dinners super awkward for years to come. The McCain campaign announced Monday the seventeen year-old daughter of Republican vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is five months pregnant.
Sarah Palin is an old school politician in a girl’s body. Her cocky, unwavering close-mindedness is directly proportional to the number of skeletons in her closet. A look at her impressively ass-backwards political history shows she doesn’t have a place in her heart for sissy, forward-thinking “trends” like equality or ecology. McCain’s unlikely candidate:
~ Is pro-life, even in circumstances of rape and incest (and wayward daughters).With all this said, I am glad to see that Palin has embraced at least one popular trend in America. Nothing says “I’m so 2008” like a knocked-up, underaged daughter.
~ Supports “abstinence only education,” which means when students ask about STD’s, the health teacher shrugs and mutters something about marriage. (It’s literally the opposite of “education,” which leads to the opposite of “abstinence.”)
~ Opposed gay marriage or health care for gay couples (which I guess is OK, because gays aren’t technically people.)
~ Opposes the legalization of marijuana (because Republicans are still having issues admitting they smoked their way through college.)
~ Supported Bush’s fight against terrorism (which I think means she supports the war in Iraq).
~ Has stated she doesn’t believe people caused global warming. (Really?)
~ Supports oil drilling in Alaska. (That makes sense, nature’s gay anyway.)
My first thought upon hearing about Palin’s nomination was literally “Is McCain fucking drunk?” He’s capitalizing on the push for a minority in office despite her obvious lack of qualifications.
This transparent attempt to keep up with the Jones made me think, “Well, there’s the nail in his coffin. Hello Obama.” But with the campaign’s new pregnant daughter scandal, I’m feeling that voters might give him a shot.
America has a soft-spot for the Cinderella story. Only four years ago George Bush was reelected, a decision Americans seemed to base on some unlikely fairy tale ending. Obama is the big man in town now (hipsters, gangsters, and Oprah in tow) and McCain, regardless of how slimy, is the underdog.
Obama and Clinton spent almost 18 months breaking stereotypes while McCain was the odd man out as a rich, white male. Now with three months to go, McCain’s campaign smartly jumps on the minority bandwagon to capitalize on the Democrats’ recent political success. It’s a timely tactic, but picking Palin after a long campaign of Obama and Clinton is equivalent to watching the Dukes of Hazard Movie instead of the original TV show.
Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who blogs at CrabbyGoLightly.com on culture, ads, and corporate monsters. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.
Posted September 3, 2008
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