I'm Off The Fence: Count Me On 'Team Aniston'
WE UNDERSTAND THAT SOMETIMES A MAN, OR A WOMAN, FALLS OUT OF LOVE WITH THEIR SPOUSE, MEETS ANOTHER WHOM THEY FEEL IS THEIR 'SOULMATE,' AND DECIDES TO DUMP THE FIRST BRIDE AND GET ON WITH THEIR LIVES.
At first, Crabby fell into the camp that thought Brad Pitt wasn't wrong to jettison his "best friend" Jennifer Aniston in exchange for dark angel Angelina Jolie, rumored to have teased Brad mercilessly on the set of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." He took his time deciding whether to ditch the wife, with BFF Courtney Cox and hubby David Arquette admitting that Pitt resisted the temptation as long as he could.
But it's been more than three years since Pitt called it quits then hooked up with the ho Angelina Jolie. And Crabby is using the word figuratively not literally. But am I the only one who thinks that these two narciccus are out of control? Collecting babies like they're puppies? Cavorting around the world with children in tow? Selling baby pictures for $14 million? Posing for dollars in the current People magazine? Does the word "over-exposed" mean anything to these two? Does the word 'decorum' hold any meaning for this gypsy woman? Or is the world one big mirror through which they can arouse themselves?
I've got to lay most of the blame at the feet of Ang. Brad, for god sake's, has proposed to nearly every single woman he's ever dated, among them Juliette Lewis and Gwynneth Paltrow. Does the phrase P-whipped ring a bell?
We are thrilled, overjoyed, orgasmic (cause isn't that how they want us to be?) that the world now has improved DNA through the blessed births of Shiloh, Vivienne and Knox. Now, Brad, Angelina, go away, will you? Please?
And a special aside to Jennifer: forget the ring, get on John Mayer's stick and cook up a baby. Mayer's a tall cutie and you can make a beautiful baby. And when the Jolie-Pitt kids start getting arrested for driving drunk at 14, you'll thank your lucky stars that God blessed you with normalcy.
Posted August 4, 2008
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